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116 Best Dad Jokes – The only list you’ll ever need!

116 Best Dad Jokes – The only list you’ll ever need!

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Cringeworthy dad jokes are part of what being a dad is all about.

And one of the best things about becoming a father is that you finally gain legal access to the world’s stash of dad jokes.

Actually, the universal union of fatherhood has opened the doors recently on dad jokes, allowing all those without kids to enjoy the fun, too.

So, whether you’re just getting your dad card or your years (or lifetimes) away from one, we’ve collected the best jokes around so you can truly fly your dorky dad/dude flag high!

Contents

9 Best Dad Jokes

When you’re looking for the all-time greatest dad joke groaners, you can’t do better than this list. These dad jokes do it all. They’re awkward, they’re uncomfortable, and they’re laugh-out-loud hysterical.

Here are the 9 best dad jokes:

1. What did the policeman say to his belly button

Groan-worthy play on words at its best.

Show Answer

Answer

You’re under a vest!

2. A man just attacked me with cheese and milk!

Really make a meal out of that “dairy” at the end.

Show Answer

Answer

How dairy.

3. Why don’t eggs tell jokes

Try not to start laughing before the end of your own joke here.

Show Answer

Answer

They’d crack each other up.

4. How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying

For those dads holding their infants.

Show Answer

Answer

You rocket!

5. What kind of music is a balloon scared of?

No better joke for changing the radio station exists.

Show Answer

Answer

Pop music.

6. Why did the baker stop making doughnuts?

A perfect joke for your morning pastry.

Show Answer

Answer

>He got tired of the hole thing!

7. I had a pile of RAM, but I can’t quite recall where I put it.

For those dads hip to that computer lingo!

Show Answer

Answer

I must’ve lost my memory.

8. Why do seagulls fly over the ocean?

The best joke to ruin a lovely moment staring at the beauty of the sea.

Show Answer

Answer

Because if they flew over the bay we’d call them bagels!

9. What has four wheels and flies?

We can guarantee every toddler will love this one. The rest of the world…not so much.

Show Answer

Answer

A garbage truck!

10 Funniest Dad Jokes Ever

The reason dad jokes are so popular is that, despite their silliness, they’re genuinely pretty funny. Let’s get right to the jokes that also fit on the funniest jokes ever list. These jokes absolutely kill, even when they’re absolutely awkward.

Here are 10 funniest dad jokes ever:

10. Why did the coffee call the police?

Pour that one out over breakfast sometime.

Show Answer

Answer

Because it got mugged.

11. My wife says I’m the cheapest man in the world.

A great bit of banter…right before asking if someone else can cover the check.

Show Answer

Answer

I’m not buying it.

12. Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long?

Anatomical, mathematical, hysterical.

Show Answer

Answer

Because then it would be a foot.

13. Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?

You’ll need the right accent to pull that one off.

Show Answer

Answer

He pasta way!

14. The Tower of Pisa was trying hard to remain politically neutral but,

A great political joke to break up some political tension at the dinner table.

Show Answer

Answer

it was leaning too far right!

15. Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

A joke so old the dinosaurs were embarrassed by it.

Show Answer

Answer

Because the chicken joke wasn’t invented yet.

16. What sound do porcupines make when they kiss

A cute and chuckle-worthy joke to share with a girlfriend.

Show Answer

Answer

Ouch!

17. Why was the math book sad?

Any math-phone will be a fan of this one.

Show Answer

Answer

Because it had so many problems.

18. Why can’t cats work on the computer?

The internet has taught us that cat jokes are always great.

Show Answer

Answer

They get too distracted chasing the mouse around.

19. How do you impress a baker when you’re taking his daughter on a date?

Behold the perfection of the wonderfully painful dad joke.

Show Answer

Answer

Bring her flours.

10 Corny Dad Jokes

If you charted all jokes on a Venn diagram, you’d find that dad jokes and corny jokes just about overlap a hundred percent. In other words, if you’re looking for great ones, the cornier you can get, the better. And guys, we’ve got all the best corny ones right here.

Here are 10 corny dad jokes:

20. Want to hear a joke about construction?

A masterful, corny dad joke that really reverses expectations.

Show Answer

Answer

I’m still working on it.

21. I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro.

Make sure to mug to the crowd after this howler.

Show Answer

Answer

It’s a total rip-off.

22. Why did the old man fall in the well?

Accurately reported, pure corn story, right here.

Show Answer

Answer

Because he couldn’t see that well!

23. Why was the king only a foot tall?

For those dads who are also elementary school teachers.

Show Answer

Answer

He was a ruler.

24. I once had a dream I was floating in an ocean of orange soda.

Soda-related humor always kills.

Show Answer

Answer

It was more of a Fanta sea.

25. I gave all my dead batteries away today…

A great response to, “what did you do today?”

Show Answer

Answer

Free of charge.

26. Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?

The math—and the joke—really add up!

Show Answer

Answer

They already 8!

27. What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A joke for all those dad bands out there.

Show Answer

Answer

A Flat Major.

28. Why did the girl fall in love with the robber?

A corny pick up line to get a date…but it can work!

Show Answer

Answer

Because he stole her heart.

29. Will glass coffins be a success?

Morbid and corny all in one dad joke!

Show Answer

Answer

That remains to be seen.

11 Knock Knock Dad Jokes

Is there any kind of joke for a dad than knock knock jokes? We’ve put together some real classic knock knock dad jokes here, so you can amuse yourself, embarrass your kids, and get chuckles from onlookers.

Here are 11 knock-knock dad jokes: 

30. Knock knock. Who’s there? Orange. Orange who?

Perhaps the all-time classic.

Show Answer

Answer

Orange you glad I’m here?

31. Knock knock. Who’s there? Woo. Woo who?

Try that out with someone in a grouchy mood.

Show Answer

Answer

Don’t get so excited, it’s just a joke.

32. Knock knock. Who’s there? Annie. Annie Who?

Sing the punchline for extra cringeworthy affect.

Show Answer

Answer

Annie thing you can do, I can do better.

33. Knock knock. Who’s there? Cher. Cher who?

A knock knock for when you actually knock knock on someone’s door.

Show Answer

Answer

Cher would be nice if you opened the door!

34. Knock knock. Who’s there? I love. I love who?

A flirty dad joke to break the ice.

Show Answer

Answer

I don’t know, you tell me!

35. Knock knock. Who’s there? Value. Value who?

A charms knock knock for your crush.

Show Answer

Answer

Value be my valentine?

36. Knock knock. Who’s there? Madam. Madam who?

A bit French, a bit vulgar, and all kinds of dad joke funny.

Show Answer

Answer

Madam foot got caught in the door!

37. Knock knock. Who’s there? Frank. Frank who?

They won’t know whether to groan or hug you.

Show Answer

Answer

Frank you for being my friend.

38. Knock knock. Who’s there? Cash. Cash who?

A nutty knock knock if there ever was on.

Show Answer

Answer

I knew you were nuts!

39. Knock knock. Who’s there? Cereal. Cereal who?

Start a friendship off on the right dad joke foot.

Show Answer

Answer

Cereal pleasure to meet you!

40. Knock knock. Who’s there? Owls say. Owls say who?

Teach a little biology with your dad joke!

Show Answer

Answer

Yes, they do.

10 Cheesy Dad Jokes

If dads could live solely on cheese, they would. Whether it’s cheese on everything they eat or the cheese in their jokes, dads absolutely thrive on the stuff. So season your dad joke catalogue with a few of these cheesy jokes.

Here are 10 cheesy dad jokes:

41. Why do melons have weddings?

A great cheesy joke when you’re in the fruit aisle.

Show Answer

Answer

Because they cantaloupe!

42. What’s brown and sticky?

Would you like some riddle with that cheese?

Show Answer

Answer

A stick.

43. Our wedding was so beautiful,

Deploy after you grow bored discussing the wedding.

Show Answer

Answer

even the cake was in tiers!

44. What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of a computer?

In space, everyone can hear your cheesy jokes.

Show Answer

Answer

The space bar.

45. What did one toilet say to the other toilet?

Listeners will need to wash their hands after hearing that one.

Show Answer

Answer

You look flushed.

46. What do lawyers wear to court?

It’s the only appropriate attire!

Show Answer

Answer

Lawsuits!

47. Where did Noah keep his bees?

Biblically amusing.

Show Answer

Answer

In the Ark hives.

48. Where do polar bears vote?

They’re a very pole-itically active species.

Show Answer

Answer

The North Poll.

49. Someone threw cheese at me.

A cheesy joke about cheese, un-bree-lievable.

Show Answer

Answer

Real mature.

50. What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the courtroom?

Let’s be honest, this joke plain stinks.

Show Answer

Answer

Odor in the court.

8 “What Do You Call” Dad Jokes

One of the best kind of jokes are the fairly straightforward what do you call jokes. Throw out the question, let people ponder it, and then hit them with these quick, perfect, shamefully ridiculous punchlines.

Here are 8 “What Do You Call” dad jokes:

51. What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter?

What an irreverent irrelephant joke!

Show Answer

Answer

An irrelephant

52. What do you call bears with no ears?

A bit of spelling humor for the grammarians out there.

Show Answer

Answer

A B.

53. What do you call a factory that sells passable products?

At least it’s getting a passing grade!

Show Answer

Answer

A satisfactory!

54. What do you call a sheep with no legs?

This one’s a bit more creative than just an easy pun.

Show Answer

Answer

A cloud.

55. What do you call a boy named Lee that no one talks to?

Poor old Lee, now the target of your humor.

Show Answer

Answer

Lone-lee.

56. What do you call a pile of cats?

This joke delivers the cutest mental image.

Show Answer

Answer

A meow-tain.

57. What do you call an alligator in a vest?

Well…of course you would.

Show Answer

Answer

An Investigator.

58. What do you call the heavy breathing someone makes while trying to hold a yoga pose?

So that’s what those are…

Show Answer

Answer

Yoga pants.

59. What do you call a bear with no socks on?

I wouldn’t call him that to his face, though.

Show Answer

Answer

Bare-foot.

58. What do you call a man who spent all summer at the beach?

Hope he used a lot of sunscreen.

Show Answer

Answer

A Tangent.

13 Dad Dog Jokes

Dogs may be man’s best friend in general, but we all know they’re particularly fond of being dad’s best friend. Which is why we can be confident they won’t take any offense at a few harmless dad dog jokes that can be real howlers.

Here are 13 dad dog jokes:

59. I saw a crying dog.

They do seem particularly melancholy canines.

Show Answer

Answer

It was a chihuahua.

60. What did the dog say to the tree?

So that’s why they say it!

Show Answer

Answer

Bark.

61. Why aren’t dogs good dancers?

A little insight into why your dog lacks rhythm.

Show Answer

Answer

They have two left feet.

62. Why did the dog win the storytelling contest?

Amazing improvement when the dog couldn’t even spell in the joke above!

Show Answer

Answer

It knew how to paws for dramatic effect.

63. What did the cat say to the dog?

That’s a rather flirtatious feline.

Show Answer

Answer

Check meow-t!

64. Why did the labor commission flag the dog company?

How double-dog-dare they.

Show Answer

Answer

It hounded its employees.

65. What does the dog day before eating?

Of course he does, he’s well-bred.

Show Answer

Answer

Bone appetit!

66. Why do dogs float in water?

Such good bouys, oh yes they are!

Show Answer

Answer

Because they’re good buoys.

67. What is the dog’s favorite pizza?

Honestly, they’ll eat anything, but the joke’s solid regardless.

Show Answer

Answer

Pupperoni.

68. What is the dog’s favorite breakfast? Pooched eggs.

What a tail wagging good joke.

Show Answer

Answer

69. What kind of dogs like car racing? Lap dogs.

Your friends will lap this one up.

Show Answer

Answer

70. What bone will a dog never eat?

Eh, give them a chance, and they may surprise you on this one.

Show Answer

Answer

A trombone.

71. What is the quietest kind of a dog?

Also, the most delicious kind of puppy.

Show Answer

Answer

A hush puppy.

9 Witty Dad Jokes

There’s an assumption that dad jokes are always simple and lazy. That ignores the fact that developing a good pun is actually pretty hard work. Some dad jokes can actually also be witty jokes. Just pick a few of these to inject some wit into your dad conversation.

Here are 9 witty dad jokes:

72. SERVER: “Sorry about your wait.”

A great tension breaker at a busy restaurant.

Show Answer

Answer

DAD: “Are you saying I’m fat?”

73. What did the chemist say when he found two new isotopes of Helium?

Periodic table humor for those who already have great chemistry.

Show Answer

Answer

HeHe.

74. My friend’s bakery burned down last night.

A delicious little joke, this.

Show Answer

Answer

Now his business is toast.

75. I tell dad jokes but I have no kids

A fun pun in French: merveilleux.

Show Answer

Answer

I’m a faux pa!

76. What do you do with a dead chemist

This joke tests just how well the listener knows their elements.

Show Answer

Answer

Barium.

77. What does the dentist of the year get?

He ought to see a dentist about that…

Show Answer

Answer

A little plaque.

78. What did the mother molecule say to the child molecule?

This one is an atom-atic hit.

Show Answer

Answer

I’ve got my ion you!

79. What word is always spelled wrong in the Dictionary?

It’s true. Look it up.

Show Answer

Answer

Wrong.

80. Why aren’t koalas actual bears?

Zoological humor is always the life of the party.

Show Answer

Answer

The don’t meet the koalafications.

8 Stupid Dad Jokes

Let’s be honest, the whole charm of these is that they’re just a little stupid. They can be witty and hysterical, but there’s something so silly about them at the same time. So, lean into that fact with some stupid jokes that really split people’s sides.

Here are 8 stupid dad jokes

81. What’s a foot long and slippery?

This joke goes better in pairs.

Show Answer

Answer

A slipper.

82. What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?

That, and a unending, burning desire for conquest of the 100 Acre Wood.

Show Answer

Answer

Same middle name.

83. When a woman is giving birth,

We wouldn’t recommend telling that to her at the time, though.

Show Answer

Answer

she is literally kidding.

84. Why are chefs so mean?

Wait till you see what the do to the carrots.

Show Answer

Answer

They beat eggs and whip cream.

85. Dad, can you put my shoes on?

A dad joke so stupid…almost every dad has employed it multiple times.

Show Answer

Answer

No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.

86. Why doesn’t Pac-Man use Twitter?

He also really hates being ghosted.

Show Answer

Answer

He doesn’t like being followed.

87. What’s easy to get into but hard to get out of?

Funny, and also, sneakily wise…particularly for a stupid joke.

Show Answer

Answer

Trouble.

88. I’ve got a phobia of over-engineered buildings

Give everyone a minute to work this one out.

Show Answer

Answer

it’s a complex complex complex.

89. What did Al Gore play on his guitar?

A deep cut from the early 2000s.

Show Answer

Answer

An Algorithm.

9 Thanksgiving Dad Jokes

Thanksgiving is the time when families come together across great distances to roll their eyes at the dad jokes Dad has collected over the whole year. Just pepper the family with these Thanksgiving jokes over pumpkin pie.

Here are 9 Thanksgiving dad jokes:

90. What did the mama turkey say to her naughty son?

A dad joke best served with the first course.

Show Answer

Answer

If your papa could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy.

91. What was the turkey suspected of?

Looks like it suffered a pretty harsh sentence.

Show Answer

Answer

Fowl play.

92. What always comes at the end of Thanksgiving?

Way to catch out those poor spellers in the family, Dad!

Show Answer

Answer

The letter G.

93. A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store for Thanksgiving Day, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”

A long dad joke to unwind over dinner.

Show Answer

Answer

“No, ma’am. They’re dead.”

94. What do you call a turkey on the day after Thanksgiving?

…at least for this year.

Show Answer

Answer

Lucky.

95. Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building?

A test to see who can think on their feet while sitting on their bums.

Show Answer

Answer

Yes, of course! A building can’t jump at all.

96. What do you call a running turkey?

A bit of quick-witted humor for the family.

Show Answer

Answer

Fast food.

97. What was the pumpkin’s favorite sport

Although it can get messy pretty quickly.

Show Answer

Answer

Squash.

98. Why was the Thanksgiving dinner so expensive?

Show Answer

Answer

It had 24 carrots.

9 Christmas Dad Jokes

‘Tis the season for dad to enjoy a bit of eggnog and test out his standup routine on a captive audience. These Christmas jokes inspire with a season of the wonder and magic of Christmas. But don’t worry, they’re just as bad as the jokes that come the rest of the year.

Here are 9 Christmas dad jokes:

99. What is a Christmas tree’s favorite candy?

The family will pine for the jokes to end.

Show Answer

Answer

Ornamints.

100. What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa?

They’ll fear these jokes will never end.

Show Answer

Answer

A Clausterphobic.

101. What do you call a snowman with a six pack?

What a dad joke buff you’ll prove yourself with this one.

Show Answer

Answer

An abdominal snowman.

102. What do snowmen call their offspring?

A dad joke that really is cool.

Show Answer

Answer

Chill-dren.

103. What do fish sing during winter?

Listeners will wish they could sink your dad joke passion after this groaner.

Show Answer

Answer

Christmas corals.

104. Why do Mummies like Christmas so much?!

It’s mummy bling to them.

Show Answer

Answer

Because of all the wrapping

105. What’s Santa’s favorite snack food?

Makes you wonder why he always demands cookies then…

Show Answer

Answer

Crisp Pringles.

106. What do you call a broke Santa?

Sleigh maintenance is more expensive than you might imagine.

Show Answer

Answer

Saint Nickel-less.

107. What falls but never gets hurt?

Perfect to share over a Christmas blizzard.

Show Answer

Answer

Snow.

9 Bad Dad Jokes

For most, dad jokes really are synonymous with bad jokes. After all, that’s most of the fun. The jokes are so bad, they’re absolutely hysterical. So, give everyone the gift of awful jokes by sharing all these bad dad jokes all year ’round.

Here are 9 bad dad jokes:

108. Why couldn’t the bike stand-up by itself?

It may have been a bit rusty before that last ride.

Show Answer

Answer

It was two tired.

109. This graveyard looks overcrowded.

You can’t say Dad’s wrong there.

Show Answer

Answer

People must be dying to get in there.

110. Can February March?

A joke that can be told all year.

Show Answer

Answer

No, but April May!

111. Why are libraries so strict?

Tell this one quietly…you know the rules.

Show Answer

Answer

Because they have to go by the book!

112. What’s the slipperiest country?

Of course it is, being right next to Turkey.

Show Answer

Answer

Greece.

113. Do you feel cold?

It’s undeniable that he’s right…at least about the angle.

Show Answer

Answer

Then go to the corner, there’s 90 degrees.

114. How does a train eat?

They’ll ride you out on a rail for this one.

Show Answer

Answer

It goes chew-chew.

115. What do you call a city powered by electricity?

It’s right there in the name!

Show Answer

Answer

An Electri-city!

116. Why can’t Cinderella play soccer?

Also very bad at keeping hold of her footwear.

Show Answer

Answer

Because she’s always running away from the ball.

How To Pick The Best Dad Joke

There’s an art to picking and telling jokes. They may seem simple, but getting to the humor underneath the corniness is all about following your instincts to pick the right joke and deploy it at the right moment. To make sure your jokes are a hit, just follow these 5 steps.

Here is how to pick the best dad joke:

1. Embrace Your Inner Dad-ness

The proper response to a dad joke is to groan and moan about how awful the joke teller is at humor. Just lean into the embarrassment and awkwardness of the joke. That’s where the real fun is for everyone.

2. Know the Moment

They are great at the dinner table, with old friends, and with some good natured colleagues. There are plenty of times they aren’t appropriate. Consider when you’re telling the joke and tailor your joke choices to the location.

3. Read the Room

Dad jokes can thrive on seeming out of touch, including being a bit too un-P.C. Some people love that, others won’t like it a bit. Make sure the people you tell the jokes to are receptive. If they love it, tell more, if not, drop them.

4. A Few Go a Long Way

You don’t want to spend a whole evening telling these. You’ll wear out the patience even of those who like them. Pick a few you really like, and use them at the beginning of the conversation or in moments of transition between conversation topics.

5. But Always Have Backups

That said, make sure you’ve got a lot of backups. The only thing that really kills the dad joke is if you’ve told it a hundred times already. So, keep refreshing your stockpile to get the best reactions.

Downloadable and Printable List of Best Dad Jokes

Here’s a downloadable list of best dad Jokes ( right click the Image and select Save Image As):

More Awesome Jokes

If you’ve exhausted the patience of friends and family over your dad lines, not to worry, we’ve got plenty of different kinds of jokes for you to serve up in every situation.

  1. Looking for some energetic humor to share over a cup of Joe? Try out these coffee jokes to really perk everyone up.
  2. Roast one of the least loved professions in the world by sharing lawyer jokes that really court favor with the masses.
  3. Break up the office monotony with office jokes that really help people manage their busy hours in a more amused fashion.

In Conclusion

The best jokes are good jokes in their own right, they’re just told in a way that makes them more fun because they’re so cheesy. The dad jokes we’ve covered above manage to work on their own and still allow everyone to roll their eyes in good fun.

With such a wealth of dad jokes, all you have to do is pick the ones you love and start building up that corny dad reputation.

About The Author

Jasper is our expert conversationalist and wordsmith. He loves coming up with questions, jokes, and topics designed to create natural conversation. His work has been featured on Marriage.com, iHeart Media, Elite Daily, and The Urban List. Jasper lives in Georgia with his new bride.

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