Kirsty | Mar 4, 2020 | 0
143 What Do You Call Jokes – Spark fun conversations.
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What do you call jokes are simply the best jokes because they draw your audience in with a leading question, so you can wack them over their unsuspecting heads with a spectacular wisecrack.
This brand of comedy is so approachable that you can use it in any occasion.
Living in a world without humor is like living in a world without ice cream. You might be able to survive, but we never want to find out what a sad world without ice cream looks like.
That’s precisely why you need these jokes.
If you’re ready for some gut-wrenching what do you call jokes, you might as well dive right into the best of them. We dug through our joke archives to fish out the best jokes we could find.
Here are the 8 best what do you call jokes:
1. What do you call a horse that can’t lose a race? Sherbet.
A great joke for when you’re in the betting mood.
2. What do you call a group of unorganized cats? Catastrophe!
Cat people go bananas for this gag.
3. What do you call a Spanish man who has lost his car? Carlos!
4. What do you call a bookworm who gets eaten by a cannibal? Reader’s Digest!
5. What do you call a pig that knows karate? Pork chop!
A pig doing karate? You just can’t go wrong with a good animal joke.
6. What do you call a gangsta snowman? A froze-ty.
7. What do you call two people who robs clothes shops? A pair of knickers!
8. What do you call a seagull that flies over the bay? A bagel.
Sometimes, being just kind of silly isn’t enough. That’s when you need to whip out these super corny jokes from your reserves. Have you ever been watching your nieces or nephews for too many hours and found yourself in a cataclysmic downward spiral speeding head first into a class 5 meltdown?
Fear not, mon frere. That’s where corny jokes, and maybe a sugary snack, come to the rescue.
Here are 9 corny what do you call jokes:
9. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator!
A clever quip for any crowd.
10. What do you call a droid that takes the long way around? R2 detour.
Save this wisecrack for the next time your partner takes a circuitous route.
11. What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs? A condescending con descending!
12. What do you call a pretty ghost? BOOtiful!
13. What do you call a ghost’s true love? His ghoul-friend.
14. What do you call a row of rabbits hopping away? A receding hare line!
15. What do you call a duck that gets all A’s? A wise quacker.
Keep the little ones laughing with silly jokes like this one.
16. What do you call two birds in love? Tweethearts!
17. What do you call a magic owl? Hoodini!
Have you ever been forced to socialize with folks you’re not really interested in? Well, these witty what do you call jokes could be your saving grace. If you’re looking for a way out of the doldrums, don’t worry because we have a solution.
And no, it doesn’t involve you climbing out the bathroom window to escape. Though, that could work, and we’ll call it, Plan B. But Plan A is to whip up the energy with some witty jokes that everyone will enjoy.
Not only will you not have to risk getting stuck in the bathroom window like whinney the poo, but you might actually make some new friends.
Here are 10 witty what do you call jokes:
18. What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Who said the produce department has to be boring?
19. What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
20. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
A funny food joke AND an animal joke wrapped into one? Perfect.
21. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A bear with poor dental hygiene.
22. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging on the wall? Art
23. What do you call a polite cheese maker? Curd-eous
24. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel
Okay, this one’s just plain funny.
25. What do you call a fistfight at noon? A box lunch.
26. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in your fireplace? Bernie.
27. What do you call a discount sauna? A steam sale
We saved these funniest what do you call jokes ever for you, so you can dig them out the next time you’re chilling with friends. Not to be wasted on an unappreciative crowd, the downright funniest jokes ever are best shared over snacks and beer.
Here are 9 funniest what do you call jokes ever:
28. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese!
Use this one at every party for the rest of your life. It’ll never get old.
29. What do you call Batman when he skips church? Christian Bale.
30. What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion!
31. What do you call a dog that can tell time? A watch dog!
32. What do you call a dog who goes to the beach in the summer? A hot dog.
A classic hot dog joke fit for every summer BBQ.
33. What do you call a man with a shovel? Doug.
34. What do you call someone with no body and no nose?Nobody knows!
35. What do you call the horse that lives next door? Your neighbor!
36. What do you call a dinosaur that can’t see? A do-you-think-he-saw-us.
A what do you call joke that’s so silly it’s guaranteed to get a chuckle.
Cheesy jokes are notoriously rib-tickling funny. They’re a whole genre of giggles that’s guaranteed to bring smiles to faces and make your life feel complete.
We searched high and low for the cheesiest jokes we could find. And when we found them, we kept digging for even cheesier ones.
Here are 7 cheesy what do you call jokes:
37. What do you call a cow with THREE legs? Tri tip.
Another funny one for the dinner table.
38. What do you call four bullfighters standing in quicksand? Quattro Sinko
39. What do you call a deer with no eyes? No-eye-deer
40. What do you call a bunch of white guys sitting on a bench? The NBA.
A fantastic one for the next time you’re watching the game with the guys.
41. What do you call a man with a jack on his head? Jack!
42. What do you call a man with a map on his head? Miles.
43. What do you call a fly in your butter? A butterfly!
This what do you call joke it so obvious that everyone will laugh.
Here’s a news flash. Stupid jokes are really, really funny. It’s like they fell right off the end of the dumb, dumb spectrum into a bucket of hilarity.
Not convinced? See for yourself
Here are 10 stupid what do you call jokes:
44. What do you call a dog with no legs? Call him whatever you want, he’s not coming.
If you have the right audience, this joke will get folks crying with laughter.
45. What do you call a dumb bunny? A hare brain.
46. What do you call the sound a dog makes when it’s choking on a piece of its owner’s jewelry? A diamond in the ruff.
47. What do you call a monkey that loves potato chips? A chipmonk.
48. What do you call the heavy breathing someone makes while trying to hold a yoga pose? Yoga pants.
The only thing funnier than a fart in a yoga class is a good yoga joke.
49. What do you call a lonely cheese? Provolone.
50. What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa? A Clausterphobic.
51. What do you call a dead fly? A flew.
The perfect joke to end a dramatic battle with a fly swatter.
52. What do you call a gal with no arms and legs in the skillet? Patty
53. What do you call a fish with two knees? A “two-knee” fish.
So you have canine’s on your mind, and you like to live with a healthy daily dose of humor. These dog jokes are exactly what you need to cheerfully pass the time at the dog park or the vet’s office.
Here are 9 what do you call dog jokes:
54. What do you call an old dog? Grandpaw!
An easy one that all dog lovers will enjoy.
55. What do you call a black Eskimo dog? A dusky husky!
A dog joke with a rhyming punch line? Yes, please.
56. What do you call a sad pup? A mellon collie.
57. What do you call a dog that likes to dig up artifacts? Barkeologist!
58. What do you call someone who loves dogs? A pug addict!
59. What do you call a dog that licks an electrical socket? Sparky.
Shock your friends with this smart dog joke.
60. What do you call a dog with a Rolex? A watch dog.
61. What do you call a pug that is undercover? Indognito
62. What do you call a dog that can use the toilet? A “poo-dle”
Politics can be confusing, but one things for sure. They make darn good fodder for the comedy scene; always have and always will. And that’s why our what do you call jokes article wouldn’t be complete without some knee slapping political jokes.
Here are 6 political what do you call jokes:
63. What do you call a Russian procrastinator? Putinoff.
Because poking fun at Russian may never get old.
64. What do you call a pro gamer that tests politics simulator games? Pro-tester.
Gamers will love this what do you call joke.
65. What do you call ticks in an open relationship? Poli-tics
66. What do you call disabled people that follow politics? A special interest group.
67. What do you call a basement full of Conservatives? A whine cellar.
The perfect one-liner for the more progressive crowd.
68. What do you call an honest man in the Oval Office? A: Lost.
Science can be too serious with climate change and dissecting frogs and such. That’s why it’s crucial to have a few good science jokes up your sleeve. It’s the perfect fix for when folks start taking life too seriously.
Here are 8 what do you call science jokes:
69. What do you call a microbiologist that has traveled to every country in the world? A man of many cultures.
70. What do you call a clown who’s in jail? A silicon.
A silly con and a clown in jail? This one’s just too good to waste.
71. What do you call a wheel made of iron? A ferrous wheel.
72. What do you call a swim team made up of girls named Jennifer? Hydrogens!
A clever quip that all the science geeks will enjoy.
73. What do you call a Catholic church service that is very, very important?A. Critical mass.
74. What do you call Iron blowing in the wind? Febreeze.
Because Fe is the symbol for iron. Don’t worry, your science friends will get it.
75. What do you call the leader of a biology gang? A: The nucleus
76. What do you call it when a geologist has to work on a Friday night? Gin and tectonics.
What better time to keep the mood light and full of laughs than the holidays? Keep your family chuckling all Christmas long with these hilarious Christmas jokes.
Here are 7 Christmas what do you call jokes:
77. What do you call a snowman with a six pack? An abdominal snowman.
A killer snowman joke to entertain with some eggnog by the fire.
78. What do you call Santa’s helpers? Subordinate Clauses.
79. What do you call an obnoxious reindeer? RUDEolph.
Keep the holiday cheer going with this silly reindeer joke.
80. What do you call an elf who sings? A wrapper!
81. What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus.
A good one for those grinchy non-believers.
82. What do you call a bankrupt Santa? Saint Nickel-less.
83. What do you call an outlaw who steals gift wrapping from the rich to give to the poor? Ribbon Hood.
Guess what? Math geeks love to laugh, too. And with these whimsical numbers (that was a pun), the math jokes never stop coming.
Here are 8 what do you call math jokes:
84. What do you call a number that just can’t keep still. A roamin’ numeral.
85. What do you call a math tool that supports farming vehicle rights? Protractor.
86. What do you call dudes who love math? Algebros.
If your audience enjoys algebra, they’ll love this math crack.
87. What do you call a man who spent all summer at the beach? A tangent.
A geometry joke for the analytical folk.
88. What do you call the number 7 and the number 3 when they go out on a date? The odd couple.
89. What do you call a teapot of boiling water on top of mount Everest? A high-pot-in-use.
90. What do you call a crushed angle? A Rectangle (wrecked angle)
91. What do you call people who like tractors? Protractors
Math teacher? Or better yet, substitute math teacher? You need this one.
Ever have a computer that just doesn’t want to work for you? Maybe it curses you with the black screen of death, or maybe it likes to freeze mid typing. Well, don’t cry about it. Instead, laugh about it with these sure-to-make-you-chuckle computer jokes.
Here are 9 what do you call computer jokes:
92. What do you call a program that identifies spa treatments? Facial recognition!
93. What do you call a computer program that writes a blues song about climate change? An Al-Gore-rhythm!
Here’s an ingenious knee-slapper that somehow combines computers, music, and Al Gore.
94. What do you call a computer floating in the ocean? A Dell rolling in the deep.
The Dell and Adele computer jokes are just too good to pass up.
95. What do you call a computer that sings? A Dell.
96. What do you call a woman you married off the internet? Wife-I.
97. What do you call a country with slow internet speeds? America Online.
This one might date you a bit, but it’s sure to land on the right age group.
98. What do you call an iPhone that isn’t kidding? Dead Siri-ous.
99. What do you call an egg that is in a computer too much? An egg head.
100. What do you call a series of FDIV instructions on a Pentium? A: Successive approximations.
If you are or ever were in the military, you fully understand how important it is to have a great sense of humor. Or maybe you’re a civilian with some jarhead buddies that you could use a hand fitting in with a little easier.
Try out these ear-wide grinning military jokes that every military branch from the Navy to the Marines will appreciate.
Here are 8 what do you call military jokes:
101. What Do You Call a Marine with an Open Head Wound? Ajar head.
Veterans and enlisted folks alike can’t get enough of these military jokes.
102. What do you call a soldier who decides to devote himself to animals? A VETERANarian
103. What Do You Call a Snail Aboard a Ship? A snailer.
104. What Do You Call a Soldier Who Survived Mustard Gas and Pepper Spray? A Seasoned Veteran
105. What do you call a young army? Infantry.
106. What Do You Call a Marine with an IQ of 160? A platoon!
A low IQ joke probably best left for the actual marines to joke about.
107. What do you call a soldier who is nervous in battle and wields a long weapon? Shakespeare
108. What do you call autistic soldiers? Special forces
Another zinger sure to get a decent late-night chuckle in the barracks.
Overly caffeinated coffee people are an innately quirky bunch. Maybe they’re brains are wired a little differently, or maybe they’re just plain wired from all the espresso. Who knows? But with these yuck-yuckety-yuck-worthy coffee jokes, they’ll never have to stop buzzing.
Here are 9 what do you call coffee jokes:
109. What do you call sad coffee? Depresso.
For that overworked barista that’s been up since 4am making frothy lattes.
110. What do you call a Jewish Mr. Coffee machine? A He Brew
111. What do you call someone who steals coffee? A MUG-ger.
112. What do you call a cow who’s just given birth? De-calf-inated.
113. What do you call it when cafe customers joke about their coffee? A brewhaha.
Keep sippin’ and keep giggling with this brew-tastic punch line.
114. What do you call a baby calf that’s lost his head? A: De-calf
115. What do you call Java that won’t stop brewing? A: Stand your ground coffee.
116. What do you call a happy coffee? A happiccino.
Cause sometimes the line at the coffee shop could use a little pick me up.
117. What do you call the first level of a coffee factory? The ground floor.
Lawyers are just too easy to poke fun at. They certainly have a bad rap. And while we’re not here to argue whether or not they deserve all the shaming, we’re definitely here to make as much fun of them as possible with these stinging lawyer jokes.
Here are 10 what do you call lawyer jokes:
118. What do you call a lawyer that becomes a priest? A father in law.
What kind of joke ties together lawyers and priesthood? This one does.
119. What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention? The caterer.
120. What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100? Your Honor.
A little tongue-in-cheek with a big laugh out loud if you will?
121. What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement? Not enough cement.
122. What do you call a block of cement containing ten lawyers? A waste of cement.
123. What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator.
124. What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start!
125. What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers? Skeet.
Try this fun and silly setup with an aggressive punch line at your next hearing.
126. What do you call an honest lawyer? An oxymoron.
127. What do you call a person who assists a criminal in breaking the law before the criminal gets arrested?An accomplice. If so, what do you call a person who assists a criminal in breaking the law after the criminal gets arrested? A lawyer.
What’s funnier than a group of dirty, thieving, sea-faring, salty, rum-slugging gangsters who live on a boat together and say funny things that nobody else understands? Nothing’s more funny than pirates, especially the pirate jokes they sling around the deck while they’re swashbuckling.
Here are 11 what do you call pirate jokes:
128. What do you call a pirate with two eyes, two hands and two legs? A beginner.
Why are jokes about people missing body parts so entertaining? Maybe some questions are best left unanswered.
129. What do you call it when a pirate has chronic sleeping problems? Restless Peg Syndrome
Don’t keep yourself up at night trying to make this one any funnier. It’s already perfect.
130. What do you call a sail with only two corners? “I haven’t got a clew!”
131. What do you call a pirate without an eyepatch? Eye Eye Captain
A classic pirate joke fit to cure the worst case of scurvy.
132. What do you call a happy pirate? A jolly roger!
133. What do you call a male pirate who identifies as a female pirate? Transgendaarrrr!
134. What do you call a pirate that skips class? Captain Hooky!
Save this one for your next boat fishing excursion with the guys.
135. What do you call a pirate’s hairstyle? A crew cut!
Looking for some truly bad what do you call jokes to liven up your next road trip? You need these extremely bad jokes because they’re so bad they’re absurdly entertaining.
Here are 9 bad what do you call jokes:
136. What do you call a ghostly reindeer? Cari-boo!
Work this one into a game of peak-a-boo, and you’re a sure hit.
137. What do you call it when ants run away together? Antelope
138. What do you call a poor ant? A peasant
139. What do you call a ruler, protractor and a compass all hanging out together? Weapons of math instruction.
Another great zinger for the teachers to break the ice or just reset the mood.
140. What do you call an ant who likes to be alone? An independant
141. What do you call a Frenchman in sandals? Philippe Philoppe.
Have fun with this beach-worthy rib-tickler.
142. What do you call an ant from overseas? Important
143. What do you call Santa’s brothers and sisters? Relative clauses.
Not all kinds of jokes are going to work all the time for all different people. And with so many different categories of what do you call jokes to choose from, where’s a clever jokester to start?
Follow these how to steps to make sure you’re on the funny track to hilarity and not off the rails heading towards social disaster.
Here is how to pick the best what do you call jokes:
1. Make Sure to Have Fun
The best zingers and one-liners generate most of their impact from the way they’re delivered.
And the best way to make a good joke land is to truly enjoy telling it. If you’re having fun, your audience is much more likely to get on board and have fun with you.
Make sure to pick a category of jokes that works for you, and the rest will come naturally.
2. Know Your Audience
A room full of devout nuns probably isn’t the best opportunity to whip out some killer church jokes.
But a quiet intermission at a baby’s christening surrounded by family and weekend warrior worshipers might be the perfect audience for some mildly fun, tongue-in-cheek blasphemy.
3. Drop the Mic
Last but not least, one of the most important rules in landing jokes is to never wait around for approval. Your audience is either going to get it or they’re not. They’re either going to have a sense of humor, or they won’t. Haters are gonna hate, so don’t give them any more attention than they deserve.
If you pay attention to the first two steps and do your due diligence, the rest is on the crowd.
Downloadable List of What Do You Call Jokes
Here is a downloadable list of What Do You Call Jokes (right click the image and select Save Image As…):
More Great Jokes
Ready for even more great jokes to keep the energy up no matter what the occasion?
Check out some more great jokes that will never leave you bored.
- We overheard these delicious nerd jokes during an astronomy club potluck, and they’re hilarious.
- Never let the fun die on turkey day with these clever thanksgiving jokes.
- Since we’re terrified of sharks, we found these rib-tickling shark jokes to make them seem less scary.
- Ready to be the coolest guy in the office with these fantastic office jokes?
- The next time you’re at church, you won’t have to pass the time pretending to read the Bible with these borderline blasphemous church jokes.
A life without humor is just too darn sad to imagine, and that’ why we absolutely need an exhaustive library of silly what do you call jokes.Use these jokes whenever life’s traffic jams or waiting rooms dare to drag down your fantastic mood, and never let grumpy stick-in-the-mud people ruin your day.
The next time you feel the fun times waning or you sense a buzzkill in your midst, break out a few classic what do you call jokes to lift life back to the fun zone.