Seth | Oct 7, 2019 | 0
367 Best Corny Jokes – The only list you’ll need.
When it comes to jokes, corny jokes are the best.
They can make your audience’s eye roll in frustration or make them exhale sharply out of their nose, but deep down they know that corny jokes are the best.
From corny dog jokes to corny dad jokes that are so bad they are good, there are so many great jokes to choose from.
But when you are trying to find the best corny jokes, where do you look? Don’t worry, we have you covered with our list of the best corny jokes ever!
When you want to make someone really laugh, you need the best corny jokes. That’s why we have put together this amazing list of the best corny jokes to help you become the life of the party.
Here are the 13 best corny jokes:
1. I’m so good at sleeping. I can do it with my eyes closed.
2. Which two letters in the alphabet are always jealous? NV.
3. What do the movies Titanic and The Sixth Sense have in common? Icy dead people.
4. Could you please call me a taxi? Alright, you’re a taxi!
5. I invented a new word. Plagiarism.
And we’re off with a winner. This joke is sure to make everyone roll their eyes and laugh all at the same time.
6. What sound does a nut make when it sneezes? Cashew!
7. What goes up and down but does not move? Stairs.
8. Why was the broom late? It over swept!
9. I wonder why the frisbee was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
10. Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.
Only to be used with people who have an incredibly dark sense of humor, this joke is so dark it’s kinda funny.
11. Why do chickens sit on eggs? Because they don’t have chairs.
12. What is the difference between a bird and a fly?
13. What kind of bagel can fly? A plain bagel!
Here are 16 corny Dad jokes:
14. Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands.
Dad’s normally tell bedtime stories but a joke about the best bedtime story hero? Count me in!
15. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? They lactose.
16. What did the Buddhist ask the hot dog vendor? “Make me one with everything.”
17. Why did Adele cross the road? To say hello from the other side!
18. What’s blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint.
19. I asked my Mom if I was ugly. She said, “I told you not to call me Mom in front of people.”
20. How Long is a Chinese man’s name? No, it actually is.
21. Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That’s just how I roll.
22. Does your dog bite? Nope. Oh, so how do you feed him?
23. I got fired from my job as a taxi driver. It turns out my customers didn’t like it when I tried to go the extra mile.
24. When is a joke a dad joke? When it’s apparent!
This one might take your audience a little time to catch onto. But once that punch line lands, it is hilarious.
25. Thank you student loans for getting me through college. I don’t think I can ever repay you.
26. Every single morning I get hit by the same bike. It’s a vicious cycle.
27. How many lips does a flower have? Tu-lips.
28. How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
29. Why can’t you trust the king of the jungle? Because he’s always lion.
Knock knock jokes have been told for what seems to be forever. But it doesn’t matter if you are 10 or 110, knock knock jokes are always a winner.
Here are 14 corny knock knock jokes:
30. Knock knock. Who’s there? To. To who? To whom!
For those of you who love being grammatically correct, this one is for you.
31. Knock knock. Who’s there? Cow says. Cow says who? No, it says moo.
32. Knock knock. Who’s there? Robin. Robin who? Robin you, now hand over the cash.
33. Knock knock. Who’s there? Etch. Etch who? Bless you, friend.
This joke is sweet and mannerly. Just the way I like my corny jokes.
34. Knock knock. Who’s there? I smell mop. I smell mop who? Ew.
35. Knock knock. Who’s there? Candice. Candice who? Candice door open, or what?
36. Knock knock. Who’s there? Bully! Bully who? Bully Jean is not my lover.
37. Knock knock. Who’s there? Barbara! Barbara who? Barbara black sheep have you any wool?
38. Knock knock. Who’s there? Wendy! Wendy who? Wendy wind blows de cradle will fall.
39. Knock knock. Who’s there? Adore. Adore who? Adore is between us. Open up!
40. Knock knock. Who’s there? Avenue. Avenue who? Avenue knocked on this door before?
41. Knock knock. Who’s there? Ben. Ben who? Ben knocking on this door all morning, let me in!
42. Knock knock. Who’s there? Ferdie! Ferdie who? Ferdie last time open this door!
43. Knock knock. Who’s there? Irish. Irish who? Irish you a nice day.
While math may not be for everyone, you can’t deny that maths jokes are hilarious! From decimals to algebra, math jokes are as smart as they are funny.
Here are 14 corny math jokes:
44. To the mathematicians who thought of the idea of zero, thanks for nothing!
45. Not all math puns are bad. Just sum.
46. What is the official animal of Pi Day? The pi-thon.
47. Why couldn’t the angle get a loan? His parents wouldn’t cosine.
This one is particularly funny for anyone who has ever had to apply for a loan.
48. Why did the Romans think algebra was so easy? They knew X was always 10!
49. Why can’t the number 4 get into the nightclub? Because he is 2 square.
50. What did one decimal say to the other? Did you get my point?
51. What do you get if you cross a math teacher and a clock? Arithma-ticks!
52. Who invented the Round Table? Sir Cumference.
Who knew mixing trigonometry and Medieval mythology could make such a great joke?
53. There are 10 types of mathematicians. Those who know binary and those who don’t.
54. What is a mathematician’s favorite season? Sum-mer.
55. Do you know what seems odd? Numbers that aren’t divisible by 2.
56. How can you make seven even? Take away the “S”.
57. What are ten things you can always count on? Your fingers.
Sometimes a corny joke has to be really stupid to be funny. When you are telling stupid jokes, you really need to leave feeling of embarrassment at the door.
Here are 7 corny yet stupid jokes:
58. What did the guitar say to the musician? “Pick on someone your own size!”
59. A limbo champion walks into a bar. They are disqualified.
60. Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny.
61. Why are rivers always rich? Because they have two banks.
62. I used to have two kidneys. Then I grew up. Now I have two adult knees.
This joke is both kid friendly and easy enough for a child to understand. It’s fun for all the family!
63. I went to buy camouflage trousers but I couldn’t find any.
64. Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last long if you’re fat.
65. People who like trance music are very persistent. They don’t techno for an answer.
66. I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said: “Are you two an item?
67. An escalator can never break. They only become stairs.
As jokes go, this one is more thought provoking than it is funny.
68. I’m a big fan of whiteboards. I find them quite re-markable.
69. I’m reading a horror story in Braille. Something bad is about to happen… I can feel it.
70. Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
71. Where do cows go for entertainment? To the moo-vies!
Birthdays are already really fun but do you know what makes them even better? Birthday jokes! These jokes are great for any birthday party.
Here are 14 corny birthday jokes:
72. Is it getting warmer here or is it all the candles on your birthday cake?
73. I asked my mother where I have been born when she told me in a hospital. I responded: “Mom was I ill?”
74. Looking 50 is great! If you’re 60.
75. Honey, you really don’t have to do the dishes on your birthday. Do it tomorrow.
76. What do you say to a kangaroo on its birthday? Hoppy Birthday.
If you have a kid in your life that loves kangaroos, this one is the one for you.
77. I like birthdays but I think too many can kill you.
78. I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.
79. The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
80. “Were any famous men born on your birthday?” “No, only little babies.”
81. When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.
Beware of using this joke in the middle of a conversation. It may actually sound like a proper statement.
82. You are so old, the candles on your birthday cake raised the earth’s temperature by 3 degrees.
83. How do pickles celebrate their birthdays? They relish the moment.
84. The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
85. Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.
When it comes to telling corny jokes, old people jokes are the best. From joking about growing old to false teeth, these old people jokes will make everyone laugh.
Here are 12 corny old people jokes:
86. You know you’re old when you and your teeth don’t sleep together.
87. You know you’re getting old when you have more candles on your cake than friends at your birthday party.
88. When my granddad was 65, he started running a mile a day to keep fit. He’s now 70 and we have mo idea where he is.
89. When I was a boy, the Dead Sea was only sick.
90. I want to die peacefully in my sleep as my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
Dark humor isn’t for everyone. But this joke might be.
91. The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
92. You know you are old when there is nothing left to learn the hard way.
93. You know you are old when people tell you how good you look.
94. You know, you get that tattoo of barbed wire when you’re 18, but by the time you’re 80, it’s a picket fence.
95. You know you’re getting old when you go to an antique auction and three people bid on you.
Both funny and weirdly complimentary, this joke is really funny.
96. How are stars like false teeth? They both come out at night!
97. At age 70, my grandfather bought his first riding lawnmower.
Dogs are mans best friend, but their antics are great for coming up with great dog jokes.
Here are 15 corny dog jokes:
98. What do dogs eat at the movie theaters? Pupcorn.
99. Why do dogs like sandpaper? Because they’re ruff.
Some jokes are specifically made for kids, and this is one of them.
100. How do dog catchers get paid? By the pound!
101. He’s not a bad dog. He’s just a little ruff around the edges.
102. What do you get when you cross a dog and a calculator? A friend you can count on.
103. What do you call a large dog that meditates? Aware wolf.
104. What do dogs do after they finish obedience school? They get their masters.
Who’s a smart boy? This dog is and the joke is pretty hilarious too.
105. Why did the dog breeder go to the dentist? Because one of his canines was loose.
106. Have you had a bad day? Just pug-get about it.
107. What dog will laugh at any joke? A Chi-ha-ha.
108. What’s a dog’s favorite drink at Starbucks? A pugkin spiced latte
109. What did the dog say to his wife? You are so pawfect, I will love you furever.
110. What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside? A petticoat.
111. “We’re eating dinner soon. Don’t fill up on homework.” —Dog mom
There is no other type of joke that is as funny as a one liner. Except maybe for the best one liner jokes that are especially corny.
Here are 18 corny but best one liner jokes:
112. I was playing chess with my friend and he said, ‘Let’s make this interesting.’ So we stopped playing chess.
113. Did you hear about the semi-colon that broke the law? He was given two consecutive sentences.
For all the English-lovers out there, this one goes out to you!
114. Have you played the updated kids’ game? I Spy With My Little Eye . . . Phone.
115. So what if I don’t know what “Armageddon” means? It’s not the end of the world.
116. My girlfriend broke up with me so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back.
117. A guy rushed past me at the post office to deliver 25 different letters. He skipped the Q.
118. My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline; she hit the roof.
119. How did I escape Iraq? Iran.
120. My nickname at school was Scarface. I was really good at knitting.
121. I just found out I’m colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.
122. If you cut off your left arm… Then your right arm will be left.
123. The dinner I was cooking for my family was going to be a surprise but the fire trucks ruined it.
If you are a terrible cook, don’t use this joke. Because someone might actually believe you.
124. My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that…
125. Why don’t developers carry guns? They have troubleshooting.
126. As the judge sentenced me to death, I tried to offer him a high five. But he left me hanging.
127. What kind of music do planets like? Neptunes.
128. I just called the paranoia hotline. A guy answered, “How did you get this number?!”
129. Improve your memory by doing unforgettable things.
Some jokes are classics. From knock knock jokes to cheesy jokes, walks into a bar jokes are the definite King of jokes.
Here are 15 corny walks into a bar jokes:
130. A robot walks into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve robots.” The robot replies, “Oh, but someday you will.”
131.Two dragons walk into a bar. The first one says, “It sure is hot in here.”His friend snaps back, “Shut your mouth!”
132. A guy walks into a bar carrying jumper cables. The bartender says, “Hey pal, don’t start anything in here.”
133. Four fonts walk into a bar. The bar man says: “Please get out, We don’t want your type in here.
134. An elf, a man, and a wizard walk into a bar. The hobbit laughs as he walks under it.
When you need a Lord of The Rings joke, this one is for you.
135. A perfectionist walked into a bar…apparently, the bar wasn’t set high enough.
136. A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says: “Sorry, we don’t serve food in here.
137. Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.
138. A Roman walks into a bar, hold up two fingers, and says, “Five beers please.”
139. Five guys walk into a bar. You think one of them would’ve seen it.
Oh those silly guys! This joke nearly has you feeling sorry for those guys.
140. A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a door. And a staircase.
141. Two husbands walk into a bar. The first one says, “My wife is an angel. ” The second one says, “You’re lucky! Mine is still alive.”
142. A hamburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’m sorry. We don’t serve food here.”
143. E-flat walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve minors.”
144. A bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here.” A time traveler walks into a bar.
Military jokes are hilarious. Especially if they are super corny. These jokes are a combination of rule-breaking and corniness that will have everyone laughing.
Here are 13 corny military jokes:
145. What does a soldier write with? A weapen.
The image of a soldier writing with a tiny pen is sure to have everyone laughing.
146. Did You Hear about the Accident at the Army Base? A tank ran over a box of popcorn and killed two colonels.
147. How do you know if there is a Navy SEAL at the bar? Don’t worry, he’ll tell you.
148. Which Month Do Soldiers Hate? March!
149. The Sergeant-Major growled at the young soldier: “I didn’t see you at camouflage training this morning.” “Thank you very much, sir.”
And just like that young soldier, the laughter to this joke can come straight out of blue.
150. Have You Heard about the Karate Champion Who Joined the Military? He nearly killed himself the first time he saluted!
151. Where do military people get all their shoes from? Boot Camp.
152. What do you call the leader of a trash army? General Waste.
153. Why did the computer technician get kicked out of the army? He had troubleshooting.
154. Where Do Rabbits Learn to Fly? In the hare force!
A joke that is funny and cute? Sign me up!
155. When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. That’s why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.
156. What plant grows in a soldier’s garden? Ambush.
157. What do you call a gun loaded with ammo? A ri-full.
Everyone loves coffee. And what is better than coffee I hear you ask? That’s right, corny coffee jokes!
Here are 12 corny coffee jokes:
158. What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion. I asked for coffee.
Sarcastic and a bit sassy, this joke is funny straight off the bat.
159. How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
160. Why don’t snakes drink coffee? Because it makes them ‘viperactive’.
161. What is the best Beatles song? Latte Be!
Warning! If you tell this joke, there is a chance that people will involuntarily start singing “Let It Be”. You have been warned.
162. What do you get when you pour coffee into a black hole? Hyperspace.
163. What do you call the first level of a coffee factory? The ground floor.
With clever wordplay and perfect performance, this joke could be brilliant.
164. How does Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
165. What did the coffee say to the other? Where you bean all my life?
Who knew bean jokes could be so smooth?
166. What do you call a couple of coffee bullies? Mean beans.
167. What’s Dracula’s favourite type of coffee? Decoffinated.
168. How do I take my coffee? Very seriously.
Tell this joke with an added bit of drama and a raised eyebrow and you’ll have a joke that will have people laughing for ages!
169. Would you like your coffee black? What other colors do you have?
Whether you are telling jokes to lawyers or a room full of people who have never hired a lawyer, lawyer jokes are always funny.
Here are some of the best corny lawyer jokes:
170. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? The lawyer charges more.
171. What did the lawyer name his daughter? Sue!
172. Nothing comes easy in life. Even Santa comes with a clause.
Sometimes jokes just have to get real you know?
173. What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer? A father in law!
174. What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention? The caterer.
175. What’s the difference between an accountant and a lawyer? Accountants know they’re boring.
176. A criminal lawyer is a redundancy.
177. Why don’t snakes bite lawyers? Professional courtesy.
An insult and a joke all rolled into one? This joke is on another level.
178. What do you call 15 lawyers buried up to their necks in sand? Not enough sand.
179. How does an attorney sleep? First, he lies on one side, and then on the other.
180. What’s the difference between a lawyer and God? God doesn’t think he’s a lawyer.
181. When do you know a lawyer is telling the truth? When his lips are shut.
Offices are so funny, they even made a TV show about them. So it’s a safe bet that when you tell office jokes, you will have every Pam, Jim and Michael in your office laughing.
Here are 12 corny office jokes:
182. Why did the employee get fired from the calendar factory? He took a day off.
183. I refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job, but when I got home, all the signs were there.
184. I quit my job at the helium gas factory. I refused to be talked to in that tone of voice!
185. How do construction workers party? They raise the roof.
186. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station…
This one is great for work parties, once your boss isn’t around to hear it.
187. The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.
188. I used to work in the office at a stationery firm but I quit. I felt it wasn’t going anywhere.
189. I gave up my seat to a blind person on the bus. And that’s how I lost my job as a bus driver.
190. Coworker: Do you ever think about work at home? Me: I don’t even think about work at work!
191. Being an astronaut is funny. It’s the only job where you get fired before you start work.
192. If an accountant’s spouse cannot sleep, what is the best cure? Ask the accountant to talk about their work.
193. The closest a person ever comes to perfection is when he fills out a job application form.
Harsh but true, this joke will definitely make the job hunters in your group laugh, or cry. It really depends.
From the Old Testament to Revelations, religion can sometimes be boring. So why not add some humor and tell some church jokes?
Here are 15 corny church jokes:
194. Jesus Christ walks into a bar. He orders a water.
195. How do we know Peter was a rich fisherman? By his net income.
196. Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible? When Joseph served in Pharaoh’s court.
197. And God said to John, come forth and you shall be granted eternal life. But John came fifth and won a toaster.
In the Bible, they never said it was a competition!
198. At what time of day was Adam created? A little before Eve.
199. Who’s the patron saint of poverty? St. Nickeless.
200. Need an ark? I noah guy.
201. What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth? Ruthless.
202. Why are there so many old people in Church? They’re cramming for the final.
Nothing says corny joke quite like this dark revelation.
203. Who was the fastest runner in the race?
204. Adam. He was first in the human race.
205. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
206. If Mary had Jesus, and Jesus was a little lamb. Does that mean Mary had a little lamb?
207. What’s the best way to study the Bible? You Luke into it.
208. Why is it necessary to be quiet in church? Because people are sleeping.
If you have ever fallen asleep at church, you know that this joke is both funny and true.
Do you know what is better than bringing cheese to a party? Bringing cheesy jokes to a party, obviously!
Here are 14 corny and cheesy jokes:
209. What did the toilet tell the other toilet? You look flushed.
Talking toilets? What’s not funny about some toilet humor?
210. Why was the strawberry crying? His mom and dad were in a jam.
211. Which is the longest word in the dictionary? Smile. There is a mile between S and E.
212. What did the hat say to the other? You stay here, I’ll go on ahead.
What could be funnier than a talking hat?
213. What pet makes the loudest noise? A trumpet!
214. What did the janitor say when he got out of the closet? Supplies!
215. What did the hamburger name his daughter? Patty.
216. What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad.
217. What do you call a bear in the rain?… A Drizzley Bear!!!
218. How many Mexican guys does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just Juan.
219. What cheese can you use to hide a horse? MASCARPONE!
If you use this with a group of kids, you are guaranteed laughs!
220. What do you call four Mexicans in quicksand? Quatro Sinko.
221. How did the Italian chef die? He pasta way.
222. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Doorbell repairman.
Hilarious jokes are great but sometimes the most subtle jokes are the funniest. That’s when you need some witty jokes up your sleeve.
Here are 14 corny but witty jokes:
223. Heard about that new band called 1023 MB? They haven’t had any gigs yet.
For all you computer technicians, this one is for you!
224. How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce “unionized.”
225. What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do at night? He stays up wondering if there really is a dog.
226. A Buddhist monk approaches a burger food-truck and says “make me one with everything.”
227. What did the DNA say to the other DNA? “Do these genes make me look fat?”
228. David lost his ID. He now answers to Dav.
This one is so corny, it is hard not to laugh.
229. Helium walks into a bar, the bartender says “We don’t serve noble gases in here.” Helium doesn’t react.
If you ever find yourself at a science convention, this one will help your comedy career take off!
230. As I said before, I never repeat myself.
231. I would make another chemistry joke but all good ones ARGON!
232. I was going to say a witty, hilarious and intelligent joke about time-traveling but you guys didn’t like it.ityy
233. I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium got together and I was like..OMg.
And they said learning the periodic table in school would help you. Help you understand this joke more like!
234. How do you know when a woman is about to say something intelligent? She starts her sentence with “A man once told me”
235. Why did Charlotte Bronte make it easier to breathe? She created Eyre.
When you find an audience that loves English literature, this joke is the perfect one to tell.
236. Your mother is so classless, she could be a Marxist utopia.
While some people hate corny jokes, it’s hard to deny that some jokes are the funniest jokes ever.
Here are 14 corny funniest jokes ever:
237. Be polite to every idiot you meet. He could be your boss tomorrow.
When jokes are funny and possibly true, it makes them even more hilarious!
238. Important note from a car manual: Backing rapidly at a tree significantly reduces your trunk space.
239. What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down? It gets toad away.
240. What do you get if you crossbreed a cute Easter rabbit with an insect? Bugs Bunny.
241. Genie: What is your final wish? Me: I wish I were you! Genue: Weurd but alrught.
242. My girlfriend got sick to her stomach when I told her I put ginger in our curry. She loved that cat.
Oh! With a turn like that, it is hard not to laugh!
243. My girlfriend says that I am snoopy. But OK, maybe she meant it differently when she wrote it in her diary.
244. Today I went for a walk with a beautiful girl. Then she noticed me so we went for a run.
245. Do not go to the bathroom in a dream. It’s a trap!
246. Do you know what DNA stands for? National Dyslexic Association.
247. If you understand English, press 1. If you do not understand English, press 2.
Or you could be the person in the audience that screams back, “But I don’t understand English”. The heckling to this joke might just be funnier than the joke itself.
248. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
249. If alcohol influences short-term memory, what does alcohol do?
250. If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do elves get? Mistle-toes.
When you combine Christmas and a joke, do you know what you get? A guaranteed corny joke!
Here’s a joke for you. What are the best type of jokes? What do you call jokes! Get it? No? Ok, well here are some better jokes that are sure to get your friends laughing.
Here are 13 corny what do you call jokes:
251. What do you call a walking nun? A Rome-ing Catholic.
Tell this joke with a few jazz hands and a hand clap for extra effect.
252. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
253. What do you call a factory that sells passable products? A satisfactory!
254. What do you call a loan from a bison? A BUFFA-LOAN.
255. What do you call a swim team made up of girls named Jennifer? HydroJens!
256. What do you call an old snowman? Water.
Both sad and funny, this joke will get people to laugh and cry in equal measure.
257. What do you call someone who immigrated to Sweden? Artificial Swedener.
258. What do you call a spy frog? James Pond
259. What do you call a track meet for cross-dressers? A drag race.
260. What do you call horses that come out at night? Night mares.
261. What do you call a rich elf? Welfy.
There is nothing quite like having to put an English accent on to really make a punch line work.
262. What do you call artificial spaghetti? A mock-aroni!
263. What do you call a doctor with 8 hands? A doctopus.
New Year’s a time for reflecting on the year that has passed and the time yet to come. And sometimes it’s just a great time to tell New Years jokes.
Here are 14 corny New Year’s jokes:
264. My New Years resolution is 1080p.
265. My resolution was to read more so I put the subtitles on my tv.
Well, I guess, that’s one why to do it.
266. My wife still hasn’t told me what my New Year’s resolutions are.
267. Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up for New Year.
268. Middle age is when you’re forced to.
269. What’s a cow’s favorite holiday? Moo Year’s Day.
270. I remember last year like it was yesterday.
As the most used joke around New Year’s Day, this joke never gets old!
271. Where is New Years Eve so Mathematical? Times Square!
272. What does a Ghost say on January 1st? Happy BOO year!
273. What did the cheerleaders say on New Year’s Day? Happy New Cheer!
274. What did Stephen like to be called on December 31st? New Year’s Steve.
275. What’s the problem with jogging on New Year’s Eve? The ice falls out of your drinks.
276. Usually, my main goal at a New Year’s party is to remember who I came with.
277. My New Year’s resolution is to take all the Christmas lights down by Easter.
There is a strange part of Thanksgiving where all the food is gone and your Dad is asleep on the couch. All you need to liven up the party is a few Thanksgiving jokes.
Here are 16 corny thanksgiving jokes:
278. One turkey to the another: Do you think there is life after Thanksgiving?
279. What’s the universal key to a lovely Thanksgiving? The turkey.
280. What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
281. If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his grave-y!
282. What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving? The family dog’s nose.
283. What does a Pilgrim call his friends. Pal-grims.
284. What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving? Traditionally, the letter G.
Stating the obvious has been the backbone of great joke, and this one is no different.
285. How many cooks does it take to stuff a turkey? Only one, but you really have to squeeze them in.
286. Why did the Pilgrim die in the car crash? Because he didn’t buckle up.
287. What’s the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
288. What does a turkey drink from? A gobble-t.
289. I only have pies for you.
When it comes to corny jokes, this one is kinda sweet. It also makes me want pie.
290. What do you call a running turkey? Fast food.
291. What’s blue and covered in feathers? A turkey holding its breath.
292. “What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
293. Why did they let the turkey join the band? Because he had his own drumsticks.
Christmas is a time for family and friends and gathering around a fire. When you are getting cozy, these Christmas jokes are sure to make everyone fall around laughing.
Here are 13 corny Christmas jokes:
294. What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
295. Why does Santa have three gardens? So he can ‘ho ho ho’!
296. What did Santa ask Rudolph about the weather? Is it going to rain dear?!
297. What do you call a three-legged donkey? A wonky donkey!
298. Which football team did the baby Jesus support? Manger-ster United!
299. What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk? Jingle Smells!
If all the children in your group are holding their noses, you know you are onto a winner.
300. Why is everyone so thirsty at the north pole? No well, no well!
301. What do you get if you cross a Christmas tree with an apple? A pineapple!
302. What do call Santa when he stops moving? Santa Pause!
303. Where do reindeer go dancing? A: Christmas balls!
304. What do you get if you cross mistletoe and a duck? A Christmas Quacker.
When it comes to corny jokes, you can’t beat the classics.
305. How many gifts can Santa squeeze in an empty stocking? One. It’s not empty after the first one.
306. What kind of a bike does Santa ride in his spare time? A Holly Davidson.
They say blondes have more fun but blonde jokes can sometimes drop flat depending on the crowd.
Here are 12 corny blonde jokes:
307. Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, “It’s dark in here isn’t it?” The other replied, “I don’t know; I can’t see.”
308. Why can’t a blonde dial 911? She can’t find the eleven.
309. What did the blonde say when she saw the Cheerios box? “Omg, donut seeds!”
You could say that the blonde is being silly, but really they are just dreamers.
310. What’s the difference between a smart blonde and a unicorn? Nothing, they’re both fictional characters.
311. How do you confuse a blonde? Give her a box of corn flakes and tell her it’s a jigsaw puzzle.
312. How do you keep a blonde busy? Write “flip” on both sides of a sheet of paper.
313. Why do blondes stare at orange juice containers for hours on end? Because they say “concentrate.”
314. What do blondes do when their laptop freezes? Microwave them!
315. Why’d the blonde get fired from the M&M factory? She kept throwing out all the W’s.
316. Because they go answer the door. Why can’t you tell blondes knock-knock jokes?
Telling jokes is hard, but making them as clever as this one is difficult.
317. A blonde and a brunette jump from a skyscraper. The brunette lands first. Why? The blonde got lost on the way.
318. How do you get a blonde to laugh at a joke on Saturday? Tell it to her on Tuesday.
Sharks. The King of the Ocean. They are not to be messed with. Well maybe a little bit, especially if you know great shark jokes.
Here are 15 corny shark jokes.
319. What do you call a solitary shark? A loan shark.
320. What did the shark get on his biology test? A sea-minus.
While some jokes are great told aloud, this one is definitely at its best when it’s sent in a message.
321. What is a shark’s favorite Bible story? Noah’s Shark.
322. What do sharks do when they have a big choice to make? Chews wisely.
323. How do you throw a shark out of a bar? You cast it out.
324. What did the shark tell his friend? Water you up to, mate?
325. How do sharks stay up all night? They drink jaw-va.
326. What does a shark eat for dinner? Whatever it wants!
327. I saw a singing shark once in the Choral Reef.
328. Where are sharks from? A: Finland.
329. What is a sharks favorite sci-fi show? Shark Trek.
330. What was the shark’s favorite Pixar movie? Eating Nemo.
Shocking and hilarious, this joke will have everyone laughing!
331. How did the hammerhead shark do on his test? He nailed it.
332. Having Shark Week is totally racist because all I hear that week is Great White.
333. Why do sharks live in saltwater? Because pepper water would make them sneeze.
Pirates are funny for a lot of reasons. From their eye patch to having one leg, pirate jokes are hilarious.
Here are 18 corny pirate jokes:
334. Have you ever heard any good pirate jokes? Well neither have ayyye!
335. Where do pirates buy their hooks? At a second-hand store.
336. Why did the pirate go out of business? He didn’t know how to raise his sales.
337. What do pirates use to treat burns? Ahoy Vera.
338. What do you call a philosophical pirate? Arrristotle.
339. Why are pirates good boxers? They have a mean right hook.+
340. How do pirates know they’re pirates? They think, therefore they arrrr.
Oh, a philosophical joke? This one is sure to make even the most straight-laced audience laugh.
341. Why does it take pirates a long time to learn the alphabet? Because they can spend years at C!
342. Pirates make fantastic singers. You should hear it when they hit the high Cs.
343. What kind of a ship is most feared by pirates? The Steady Relation ship.
344. Why don’t you usually see a pirate that is a smoker? Because they use the patch.
345. How do pirates prefer to communicate? Aye to aye!
Well you know, eye contact is crucial for great communication.
346. Who was the first pirate? Noah, the builder of the Arrrrk.
347. Why did the pirate give up playing golf? Because he kept hooking the ball.
348. How do pirates make their money? By hook or by crook.
349. How did the pirate find out he needed glasses? He took an aye exam!
350. 3.14% of sailors are Pi Rates.
Who knew that combining maths and pirates would result in such a funny joke?
351. Chuck Norris once shook a pirates hand. That pirate is now known as Captain Hook.
When someone tells bad jokes, it can really bring down the vibe. But these bad jokes are sure to turn that eye roll into laughter.
Here are 16 corny yet bad jokes:
352. What do you call Pride and Prejudice film with subtitles? L’Austen translation.
353. How do you work out how heavy a red hot chilli pepper is?
354. Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.
Have your audience laughing and headbanging at the same time with this corny joke.
355. Thanks for explaining the word ‘many’ to me, it means a lot.
356. What do you call a nose without a body? – Nobody knows.
357. How do you fix a broken brass instrument? With a tuba glue.
358. Do you know what style of shoes plumbers love the best? Clogs.
359. Did you know that diarrhea is hereditary? It runs in your jeans.
Toilet humor? Check! So bad that it actually makes people laugh? Double-check!
360. That awkward moment when you tell a chemistry joke and you get no reaction.
361. I never like jokes about retiring. None of them work!
362. Nobody nose how bad you smell!
363. Why didn’t Bach go shopping? Because he was baroque.
364. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.
Jokes about finance can only really be told to a certain audience. But when you find them, make sure you tell them this joke.
365. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? Envelope.
366. I love to study the brain. I hope you don’t mind.
367. Someone asked who invented the door knocker. It doesn’t ring a bell.
Downloadable list of Corny Jokes
More Awesome Jokes
Corny jokes are great but you can’t really use them all the time.
Here are a few more jokes we think you will love:
- When you want to seem like the funniest person in the room, you need to have a certain type of joke up your sleeve. Check out our political jokes for some inspiration.
- Want your joke to be funny and smart? Then why not check out our guide to the best science jokes?
- Some of the best jokes are just plain nerdy. So why not have a look at our nerd jokes for some hilarious jokes?
- Bet you never thought that you could tell jokes about Easter? Well here is our list of the best Easter jokes!
- We use computers every day, so why not tell a computer joke everyday? Head over to our computer jokes guide for more.
How To Pick The Best Corny Joke
Having a few corny jokes up your sleeve is a great way to break the ice, but how do you pick the best corny joke?
Here is how to pick the best corny joke:
1. Know Your Audience
It’s great having lots of great corny jokes up your sleeve but when you tell a joke to the wrong audience, your comedy act can turn into a tragedy. To make sure that you are picking the right jokes for your audience, think about the kind of things that they like. Do they like clever puns? Do they enjoy wordplay? In other words, the more information you know about your audience, the more likely you are to pick the right joke.
2. Pick Your Setting
This one goes without saying. When you have picked your jokes, make sure that they are suitable for your surroundings. While this might create some unintentional hilarity, telling a lawyer joke in the middle of a court, might not be the best idea.
3. Have fun!
When you pick your jokes and the setting, just have fun with it. Jokes are made to make people laugh. But what makes a joke even funnier is when the person telling the joke is having a great time. So put on your best entertainers hat and get out there!
Whether you are meeting new people or meeting up with friends, jokes are a great way to break the ice and start a conversation. And while jokes are great, well-chosen corny jokes will have the people around you laughing in no time.
It doesn’t matter which joke you pick, once you have fun telling it. Remember, if you don’t think the joke is funny, then chances are your audience won’t either. Also, performance is key. From overacting for effect to underplaying a corny joke so the punch line really makes an impact, can really help make your jokes even funnier.
So what are you waiting for? Now that you have some of the best corny jokes, why not go out and use them?