Rebecca | Dec 17, 2019 | 0
335 Corny Dad Jokes – Embarrassingly silly but funny!
Corny dad jokes are irrefutably great in its lameness, that it’s impossible to offend anyone.
Okay, maybe dad jokes have never actually left someone slapping their knee, bent over with laughter.
Now, here’s the absolute best part about the particular category of hilarious jokes known as dad jokes. Dad jokes are for everyone; not just dads.
So if you’ve been patiently waiting to gracefully age into some culturally accepted age or status to start enjoying these clever nuggets of delightful silliness, wait no longer.
We’ve got the best corny dad jokes for you right here, and they’re begging to be used.
The absolute best corny dad jokes accomplish at least two of three things: 1) they make you think, 2) they make you smile, and 3) they make you chuckle.
Here are the 15 best corny dad jokes:
1. Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with.
A perfectly spooky one for the Halloween season.
2. Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it!
What’s better than butter? Jokes about butter, of course.
3. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it!
An invisible man that you can’t see is offered a job. Sounds like a fantastic plot line.
4. Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, “Do you know how to drive this thing?”
5. “Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.”
6. “How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.”
7. “When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.”
8. What do you call a sheep without legs? A cloud.
9. Cannibals aren’t very sociable. They’re all fed up with people.
10. I don’t know why people have a problem with wigs. It’s a look anybody can pull off!
11. Dad, looking at soy milk: “Holá, milk, soy dad.
12. What do polar bears eat for breakfast? Frosted flakes.
13. I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
14. Have you ever tried to eat a clock? Its very time-consuming.
15. What do you call a midget-psychic that just escaped from jail? A small medium at large.
A main appeal to dad jokes is that they’re often so bad that they’re humorous.
Here are 14 corny bad dad jokes:
16. My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home!
A easy dad joke that everyone can relate to.
17. What do you call a sad coffee? A depresso!
Try this one out the next time you’re sipping in your local coffee shop.
18. How does a hamburger introduce his new girlfriend? Meet Patty!
Good food jokes just never get old.
19. Did you know the first French fries weren’t actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.
20. Why don’t crabs give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
21. Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because he felt crummy.
22. How do you make a handkerchief dance? Put a little boogie in it!
23. Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs!
24. What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef Jerky.
25. What do you call a dog that’s a magician? A Labracadabrador.
26. Why is it hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs? Because they take everything literally.
27. Did you hear about the buffalo who married a cow? They made a home on the range!
28. How does NASA put together a party? They planet!
29. Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper? Never mind… it’s Tearable.
You know who loves knock knock jokes like they’re going our of style?
Kids love knock knock jokes.
If you’re ever stuck with a youngster and out of entertainment ideas, whip out your best corny dad knock knock jokes and watch the time fly by.
Here are 15 corny dad knock knock jokes:
30. Knock, Knock!
Cow says who?
Try this one out on any youngster. If they don’t break down with the giggles, take them to the doctor immediately.
31. Knock, Knock!
If you have a mustache, you’re asking for it.
32. Knock, Knock!
With knock knock jokes, the sillier the better.
33. Knock, Knock!
34. Knock, Knock!
Broken pencil who?
35. Knock, Knock!
36. Knock, Knock!
Wooden shoe, who?
37. Knock, Knock!
38. Knock, Knock!
39. Knock, Knock!
Mom and Dad.
Mom and Dad, who?
40. Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the village idiot’s residence.
41. Knock, knock!
42. Knock, knock!
43. Knock, knock!
44. Knock, knock!
Abe Lincoln who?
What better time to serve up some laughs than the holidays.
With all the family gathering together, corny dad Christmas jokes are the perfect antidote to family quarrels. These are that are sure to lighten the mood and keep the party going.
Here are 15 corny dad Christmas jokes:
45. How do sheep say Merry Christmas in Mexico? Fleece navibaaaaaa!
Cause if talking animals celebrating the holidays in Mexico isn’t funny, we don’t know what is.
46. What do you call an outlaw who steals gift wrapping from the rich to give to the poor? Ribbon Hood.
47. What Do You Sing At An Elf’s Birthday Party? Freeze A Jolly Good Fellow!
Keep the christmas stories alive with some funny elf jokes.
48. How can you tell a family doesn’t celebrate Christmas? The lights are on, but nobody’s a gnome.
49. What happens to elves when they behave naughty? Santa gives them the sack.
Naughty elves and Santa, this joke has is ready for christmas.
50. Why did Santa put a clock in his sleigh? He wanted to see time fly!
51. Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing? They always drop their needles!
52. Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor? Because he had a low “elf” esteem.
53. What do you get if you cross a Christmas tree with an apple? A pineapple.
The perfectly silly Christmas tree joke for tree decorating time.
54. What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert? Lost.
55. Why does Santa have three gardens? So he can ‘ho ho ho’!
56. What did Adam say the day before Christmas? “It’s Christmas Eve”
57. What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees? Horn-aments!
58. I got a universal remote for Christmas. This changes everything!
59. What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinselitis!
In a world that’s over saturated with an endless vault of comedy specials, sometimes it’s down right refreshing to kick it old school with some bottom-of-the-barrel, corny but stupid dad jokes.
And because we’re 100% confident that the best jokes are really, really stupid jokes, we dug deep through the treasure trove of funny-bone ticklers for our favorites.
Here are 14 corny but stupid dad jokes:
60. What did the full glass say to the empty glass?
A great one for the bar crowd that’s sure to keep the mood light.
61. Why did the woman go on the date with the mushroom?
The perfect joke or an epic ice breaker? You decide.
62. What did the letter say to the stamp? “Stick with me and you’ll go places”
63. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
Who buys shoes from a drug dealer? Corny and stupid or genius and hilarious?
64. What did the duck say when she bought a lipstick? Put it on my bill!
65. Today I gave my dead batteries away. They were free of charge.
66. Why do cow-milking stools only have three legs? ‘Cause the cow’s got the udder!
67. Q: Why did you buy a camouflage toilet seat?
68. What does the buffalo tell his son in the morning? Bye, son!
69. What time does Sean Connery get to Wimbledon? Tennish.
70. How does a train eat? It goes chew chew!
71. How is imitation like a plateau? They’re both the highest form of flattery.
72. What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
73. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
What better occasion for some silly humor than a birthday party?
Get ready to be the main entertainment at your next birthday get together with these ridiculous birthday jokes.
Here are 11 corny dad birthday jokes:
74. How do pickles celebrate their birthdays? They relish the moment.
The right joke for a birthday boy or girl not in the celebratory mood.
75. What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye matey!
76. What does a clam do on his birthday? He shellabrates!
77. What do you always get on your birthday? Another year older!
78. Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
Warm up the crowd for cake time with this knee slapper.
79. What did one candle say to the other? “Don’t birthdays burn you up?”
80. Where do you find a birthday present for a cat? In a cat-alogue!
81. Did you hear about the dancer’s birthday? It was a tappy one!
82. I made you a delicious cake for your birthday, but I couldn’t light the candles. I guess the county requires a permit for bonfires.
83. I finally realized my parents favored my twin brother. It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party.
84. Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them.
A great birthday joke for the married folk.
He who laughs, lasts. –Mary Pettibone Poole
If getting old and rickety is an unwanted affliction, fantastic old people jokes are the magic youthful serum.
There is nothing better than these corny dad old people jokes to show just how gracefully you’re aging into your wisdom years.
Getting old is a fact of life. If you can’t beat it, might as well have fun with it.
Here are 11 corny dad old people jokes:
85. My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right”
A go-to funny bone tickler for a couples night out.
86. “Everything’s starting to click for me!” “My knees, my elbows, my neck … “
One might argue: the more new reasons you can find to laugh as you get older, the better your life will be.
87. Two old people sitting on a bench one turns to the other and says “My butt fell asleep. The other says, “Yep, I heard it snore a couple of times.”
An old people butt joke? Now, that’s just dang funny.
88. Age doesn’t make you forgetful. Having way too many stupid things to remember makes you forgetful.
89. What has 80 eyes and 2 teeth? A full bus of old men.
90. Why do Retirees smile all the time? Because they can’t hear a word you’re saying!
91. Why do nursing homes give Viagra to the old men every night? It keeps them from rolling out of bed!
92. How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
93. How many men does it take to make pop popcorn?
94. Life is about changing perspectives and priorities: I used to worry if one of my hairs was out of place, now I don’t care if they both are.
95. When I have to make a difficult decision in life I think “What would my grandfather do?” Then I leave home in my underwear and shout at random strangers.
Did you know there’s a whole giant shoe box full of corny dad jokes just for dog lovers?
Next time your stuck in the vet’s waiting room, try out some of these very amusing dog jokes
Here are 14 corny dad dog jokes:
96. What do you call frozen dog? A pupsicle.
A dog joke and food joke rolled into one? You can’t go wrong.
97. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing. But it let out a little whine.
It’s always good to have a good joke up your sleeve when you’re sittin’ around sippin’ with friends.
98. How do you make a sled dog fast? Just don’t feed him!
99. What do dogs eat for brunch? Woofles!
100. What do you call a sad Lassie dog?
101. Ask a dog what prison is like, and they’ll tell you it’s ruff!
It’s a rufffffff life alright when you’re dishing out these rib busters.
102. There is a zoo where the only animal is a dog. It’s a shitzu.
103. Why do dogs bury bones in the ground? Because you can’t bury them in trees!
104. What do you call a black Eskimo dog? A dusky husky!
105. What did the skeleton say to the puppy? Bonappetite
106. What’s more amazing than a talking dog? A spelling bee!
107. Why did the snowman call his dog Frost? Because frost bites!
108. Did you hear about the dog who gave birth to puppies on the side of the road? She was ticketed for littering.
109. How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a monster? Terrier-fied!
110. What do you get if you cross a gold dog with a telephone? A golden receiver!
At the end of every dark and dingy bar counter, you can undoubtedly find at least one, or sometimes a pair, of bar regulars keeping a pair of bar stools warm, waiting patiently to strike up some giggles with unsuspecting bar patrons.
They are the keepers of a secret class of jokes known colloquially as the walks into a bar jokes.
But we got exclusive access to their walks into a bar jokes journal that’s been passed down for generations, and we’re about to share the very best of the best with you.
Here are 11 walks into a bar jokes:
111. Gold walked into a bar. The barman shouted, “Eyh you, get out of here!”
112. A chameleon walks into a bar.
A clever twist on a classic bar joke that will never get old.
113. A ghost walks into a bar.
114. A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a door. And a staircase.
Warm up the bar crowd with this boozy giggler.
115. An amnesiac walks into a bar. He goes up to a beautiful blonde and says, “So, do I come here often?”
116. A neutron walks into a bar. “How much for a beer?” the neutron asks.
Drinking with some smarty pants? We’ve got you covered with this one.
117. E-flat walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve minors.”
118. A horse walks into a bar. The shocked bartender points a finger his way in alarm and yells, “Hey!”
119. A photon checks into a hotel. The bellhop asks, “Can I help you with your luggage?” It replies, ” I don’t have any. I’m travelling light.”
120. A dung beetle walks into a bar and says is this stool taken?
121. So a five-dollar bill walks into a bar, and the bartender says, “Hey. This is a singles bar.”
Military folks spend an inordinate amount of time together away from family and friends.
Good old fashioned military jokes are a tried and proven remedy to the unsavory conditions they often find themselves in.
Here are 12 corny dad military jokes:
122. What do you call a Marine with an IQ of 160? A Platoon
123. Did You Hear About The Accident at the Army Base? A tank ran over a box of popcorn and killed two Kernels
Anytime you can work a good food joke into your situation, you’re absolutely winning.
124. How many guns do the US need to combat an enemy?
125. During the way my Granddad survived mustard gas and pepper spray.
126. What happened when the soldier went into an enemy bar?
A great drinking joke when you’re out with the squad.
127. What do you call an army of cows? The milidairy
128. In the army if you lose your rifle, the government charges you $250
129. I’m trying to find out what the lowest rank in the army is. But everyone keeps saying it’s private
A funny rank and file quip so silly it’ll turn your tummy.
130. What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base? A flat major.
131. Which military unit has the most kids? The infant-ry!
132. Where do belly buttons go to college? The US Navel Academy!
133. How do you know when someone is a Marine? They tell you.
Because this article just wouldn’t be complete without a good set of jokes for every occasion, we’ve got some super silly Easter jokes that are sure to make even the Easter bunny spit up its jelly beans.
We have easy to laugh at corny dad Easter jokes that are sure to make ya smile from bunny ear to bunny ear.
Here are 15 corny Easter dad jokes:
134. How does the Easter Bunny get around? By hare-plane!
Once the easter candy runs out, keep the excitement going with this funny bunny joke.
135. Why shouldn’t you tell an Easter egg a joke? It might crack up!
The perfect pick me up joke for the family after a sleepy easter mass.
136. What do you get if you pour hot water down a rabbit hole? Hot cross bunnies!
137. How does the Easter Bunny stay fit? Hareobics.
138. Why did the Easter egg hide? He was a little chicken
Why does the easter bunny hide chicken eggs? Hmmmmmmmm.
139. What day does an Easter egg hate the most? Fry-days.
140. Why was the Easter Bunny so upset? He was having a bad hare day!
141. Why did a fellow rabbit say that the Easter Bunny was self-centered? Because he is eggocentric.
142. What do you call a line of rabbits jumping backwards? A receding hare line.
143. Therapist: What’s been up lately?
144. What do you call a sleepy Easter egg? Eggs-austed
145. What kind of jewelry do rabbits wear? 14 carrot gold.
146. What do you call an egg from outer space? An Egg-stra-terrestial!
147. How do you know when you’re eating rabbit stew? When it has hares in it!
148. What Is The Easter Bunny’s Favorite State Capital? Albunny, New York
What’s better than a hot cup of joe with a side of laughter?
The answer is absolutely nothing. That’s why we dug up these insanely funny corny dad coffee jokes.
Best shared over a cup of joe with a toasted muffin.
Here are 15 corny dad coffee jokes:
149. Why did espresso keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
150. What’s it called when you steal someone’s coffee? Mugging
151. How does a coffee lover hit on a woman? I’ve been thinking about you a latte.
An ideal joke when you’re sipping some morning joe with the guys.
152. How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
Don’t miss an easy chance to take a jab at the hipsters.
153. How does Moses make his coffee?
154. What’s the best Beatles song? Latte Be!
155. How are coffee beans like kids? They’re always getting grounded!
The perfect coffee joke for the parental units.
156. Where do birds go for coffee? To the NESTcafe
157. Where do Russians buy their coffee from? Tsarbucks.
158. Why does Karl Marx drink coffee before going to lectures? To maintain class consciousness.
159. What’s a cow’s favorite coffee? Decalf
160. I accidentally drank from a co-workers coffee cup. It tasted horrible. It was not my cup of tea.
161. Why are Italians so good at making coffee? Because they know how to espresso themselves.
162. I went to the doctor and told him every time I take a sip of coffee, I feel a stabbing pain in my face. He said, “Take the spoon out next time.”
163. Why don’t snakes drink coffee? Because it makes them viperactive.
Lawyers make easy targets for the quick-witted, and these corny dad lawyer jokes don’t pull any punches.
Sure, you might need a good lawyer some day. But for now, let’s enjoy some easy laughs with these laugh-out-loud lawyer jokes.
Here are 13 corny dad lawyer jokes:
164. What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer? A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. A good lawyer can make it last even longer.
Got a lawyer in your circle of friends? Roast ’em good with this clever lawyer crack.
165. What’s the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer riding a motorcycle? The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
The best lawyer jokes are the crass ones.
166. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a jellyfish? One is a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
Don’t worry. Lawyers have thick skin.
167. What’s black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? A doberman pinscher.
168. Who invented copper wire? Two tax attorneys fighting over a penny.
169. How many lawyer jokes are there? Only three. The rest are true stories
170. When attorneys die, why do they bury them 600 feet underground? A: Because deep down, they’re really nice guys.
171. How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? Their lips are moving.
172. How many personal injury attorneys does it take to change a light bulb? How many can you afford?
173. How do you get a group of personal injury lawyers to smile for a picture?
174. There are two kinds of lawyers, those who know the law and those who know the judge.
175. What’s the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull? Lipstick.
176. What’s the difference between an accountant and a lawyer? Accountants know they’re boring.
Unless you work at a funny farm, the office workplace is usually one of those spots just desperate for a tickle of liveliness.
That’s where these most entertaining office jokes come in really handy.
Got a 2 hour meeting to survive? Come smartly prepared with these boisterous office jokes and watch the time fly by.
Here are 14 corny dad office jokes:
177. How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
Try out this fun office joke before your next boring meeting.
178. Being an astronaut is funny. It’s the only job where you get fired before you start work.
179. What do your boss and a slinky have in common? They’re both fun to watch tumble down the stairs.
Better yet, start a group text with your coworkers the next time your boss lays into one of his monologues.
180. How can you tell when an engineer is an extrovert. He stares at YOUR shoes while he talks to you.
181. Why are proctologists so gloomy? They always have the end in sight.
182. Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it.
Because construction projects always take twice as long as you expect.
183. What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller.
184. I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
185. What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeno business!
186. What’s that Nevada city where all the dentists visit? Floss Vegas.
187. What did the caretaker say when they jumped out of the store cupboard? “Supplies!”
188. What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of a computer? The space bar
189. Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water? He had a very esteemed colleague.
190. My annual performance review says I lack “passion and intensity.” I guess management hasn’t seen me alone with a Big Mac.
Church can get a bit serious with all the do’s and don’t and ceremony. That’s why these corny dad church jokes are so terribly important.
If you think church can’t be fun, you haven’t heard these hilarious church jokes.
We have the most blasphemous corny dad church jokes that will make even the big man upstairs chuckle.
Here are 12 corny dad church jokes:
191. How can you make God laugh? Tell him your plans.
192. If anyone needs an ark, I happen to Noah guy.
Kids not excited about going to church? Get ’em laughing with a little church humor first.
193. What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth? A mechanic.
194. What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth? He was Ruthless
195. If Mary had Jesus, and Jesus is the lamb of God, does that mean Mary had a little lamb?
Who said waiting in line for communion has to be so dreadfully boring?
196. What kind of car does Jesus drive? A Christler.
197. Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers? They never let anyone finish a sentence!
198. Why didn’t Noah go fishing? He only had two worms.
199. What do they call pastors in Germany? German Shepherds
200. What kind of alcohol do you find in church? Holy spirits!
201. He who farts in church… Sits in his own pew.
You can NEVER go wrong with a good fart joke.
202. Why can’t skeletons play music at a church? They have no organs.
If you’re looking for the best corny dad jokes, you’ll need these particularly cheesy corny dad jokes.
Cheesy corny dad jokes are a whole other level of dad jokes that only the coolest jokers can pull off.
Think you’re cool enough?
Here are 13 cheesy corny dad jokes:
203. What kind of computer can sing really well? A DELL!
204. I would tell a joke about pizza, but its a little cheesy.
A truly cheesy dad joke for any crowd.
205. The secret service isn’t allowed to yell “Get down!” anymore when the president is about to be attacked. Now they have to yell “Donald, duck!”
Save this laugh out loud Trump crack until you have everyone’s attention. It’s too good to waste.
206. What is the least spoken language in the world? Sign language
207. What does a zombie vegetarian eat? “GRRRAAAAAIIIINNNNS!”
Because quite simply, making fun of vegetarians is fun.
208. Did you hear the news? FedEx and UPS are merging. They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.
209. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
210. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together!
Since penguins are already funny little creatures, this one is an easy hit.
211. I’m so good at sleeping I can do it with my eyes closed!
212. Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!
213. How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.
214. What kind of egg did the evil chicken lay? A deviled egg.
215. What did the fisherman say to the magician? Pick a cod, any cod.
If you’re looking for some truly timeless jokes, blonde jokes are the perfect answer.
Corny dad blonde jokes just never get old, and you can keep coming back to them time and time again.
Here are 13 corny dad blonde jokes:
216. Why don’t blondes like making Kool-Aid? Because they can’t fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
217. Why did the blonde get excited after finishing her puzzle in 6 months? The box said 2-4 years.
An ageless dumb blonde joke that every brunette will love.
218. Why do men like blonde jokes? Because they can understand them.
219. Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said “concentrate.”
With blonde jokes, the recipe is simple: the dumber, the better.
220. Why did the blonde tip toe near the medicine cabinet? Because she didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills!!
221. Why are blonde jokes so short? So brunettes can remember them.
A clever redirect from the blonde to the brunette that ensures an even burn.
222. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? I wonder if it’s mine.
223. Why can’t blondes make ice cubes? They always forget the recipe.
224. Why did the blonde put water on her computer? To wash the Windows.
225. A man walks by a blonde, who is holding a pig. The man asks, “Where did you get her?” The pig answers, “I won her at the fair.”
226. How do you keep a blonde in the shower all day? Hand her a bottle of shampoo that says “lather, rinse, repeat.”
227. Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar? Someone told her drinks were on the house.
228. Why do blondes make awful bank robbers? Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards.
The best corny dad jokes are the ones that make you stop for a second and think.
The great thing about witty jokes is that they might go over some folks’ heads.
But for the ones paying attention to your clever quips, these witty but corny dad jokes are priceless.
Here are 15 witty but corny dad jokes:
229. How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas? He felt his presents!
Impress your friends with this subtle misuse of a common homonym.
230. Why did the blind man fall down the well? Because he couldn’t see that well…
231. Dogs can’t operate MRI machines… But catscan!
It’s clever and appeals to both dog and cat lovers alike.
232. What’s the advantage of living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus.
233. I’ve just been diagnosed as color blind. I know, its just come out of the purple.
234. What did the hammer say to his homeboys? Nailed it.
235. I’ve always admired fishermen. Now those are reel men.
236. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho Cheese.
237. How much does a hipster weigh? An Instagram.
Hipsters and their IG’s make such easy targets for a quick laugh.
238. How did one mitten feel about the other mitten? He was in glove with her.
239. I couldn’t get a reservation at the library.. They were fully booked.
240. Did you watch the new comic book movie? It was pretty graphic.
241. What did the traffic light say to the crosswalk? Don’t look now, I’m changing!
242. Why did the big cat get disqualified from the race? Because he was a cheetah.
243. Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road? To go with the traffic jam.
If you’re going the corny dad joke route, might as well entertain with the funniest corny dad jokes ever.
The funniest jokes ever is bold claim, so see for yourself. Or better yet, let the audience decide. Try a few jokes out on some unsuspecting friends.
Here are 15 funniest corny dad jokes ever:
244. What did the Buddhist monk say to the hotdog vendor? Make me one with everything!
A joke that can bring together Buddhism and hot dogs is truly a world class joke.
245. What do you call a pig that does Karate? Pork chop!
We already know how funny pandas doing kung fu can be. Why not a karate pig joke?
246. What does a painter do when he gets cold? He puts on another coat.
A perfect joke to break the silence during a painting project with friends or family.
247. An invisible man married an invisible women. The kids were nothing to look at.
248. If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have? Big hands.
249. My wife got a job at the zoo. She’s a keeper!
250. I drank some food coloring and dyed a little bit inside.
251. If a cow doesn’t produce milk is it a milk dud? Or an udder failure?
252. What state has the smallest drinks? Mini-soda!
253. What does a dinosaur use to pay the bills? Tyrannosaurus cheques!
254. What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? Ones very heavy and ones a little lighter!
255. Why did the birthday boy wrap himself in paper?
256. What did the full glass say to the empty glass?
257. What did one ocean say to the other? Nothing, they just waved.
258. I can always tell if someone is lying just by looking at them, I can also tell if they are standing.
What’s not to love about corny pirate dad jokes?
There’s nothing like some good pirate jokes conjured up by rum-loving, treasure-obsessed, seafaring folk to make you feel alive.
So crack a barrel of rum and test out these delicious pirate jokes.
We have the haaaaaarrrrrdiest corny pirate dad jokes in the sea.
Here are 15 corny pirate dad jokes:
259. How did the pirate get his Jolly Roger so cheaply? He bought it on sail.
260. What does a dyslexic pirate say?
261. How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer.
Pirates are such an ignominious bunch, they’re basically asking for it.
262. What did one pirate say to the other? “I sea you!”
263. Why couldn’t the pirate crew play cards? Because the captain was standing on the deck!
264. Where do pirates buy their hooks? At a second hand store.
A great one to save for the docks.
265. Why did the pirate go out of business? He didn’t know how to raise his sales
266. What do you call a pirate without an eye-patch? Eye Eye Captain
267. What is the latest in Pirate technology? The I-patch
268. How do pirates prefer to communicate? Aye to aye!
269. What is a pirate’s favorite movie? Booty and the Beast. (But it is arr-rated.)
270. How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook? An arm and a leg.
Try out this knee slapper the next time you’re out at sea with friends.
271. Why Is Pirating Addictive? They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked!
272. Why Did The Pirate Have Red Eyes? Because he had too much sea-weed!
273. What’s A Pirate’s Favorite Kind Of Fish? A GOLDfish
Remember the dad with the inexhaustible lot of what do you call jokes?
Incredibly ridiculous, sometimes borderline racist or sexist, and always hilarious, corny what do you call dad jokes are perfect when you’re just hanging around with the guys.
Here are 13 corny what do you call dad jokes:
274. What do you call two guys from Mexico playing basketball? Juan on Juan.
275. What do you call a worm with no teeth? A gummy worm
276. What do you call a monkey who loves potato chips? A chipmonk
Chipmunks are cute, but monkeys eating potato chips are hilarious.
277. What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A private tutor.
Any chance to slip in a little fart joke is a guaranteed win.
278. What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion.
279. What do you call a skunk who flies a helicopter? A smelly-copter
280. What do you call lending money to a bison? A buffa-loan
281. What do you call a group of unorganized cats? A cat-astrophe.
282. What do you call the Children of the Corn’s father? “POP” Corn.
283. What do you call bees that produce milk? Boo-bees.
284. What do you call a fake noodle? An im-pasta.
285. What do you call a rich elf? Welfy
286. What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back? A stick.
Whip this one out on your next road trip and watch the energy drink burst out of your buddy’s nose.
Never get stuck at a new years party with an awkward moment of silence that you can’t fill.
These new years jokes will keep the laughter and conversation rolling on until the ball drops.
Here are 13 corny new years dad jokes:
287. My new year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
Resolutions are way too serious. We prefer full glasses and broken promises.
288. What do you tell someone you didn’t see at New Year’s Eve? I haven’t seen you for a year!
289. What do cows celebrate on December 31st? Moo Years Eve.
290. I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.
291. It’s officially New Year’s Eve, you only have a couple of hours to do all the things you will resolve not to do in the new year.
292. What do you call always having a date for New Year’s Eve? Social Security.
293. What kind of toilet do French people use on January 1st? A New Year’s Bidet.
294. What’s the forecast for New Years Eve? Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.
A fairly accurate joke that undoubtedly applies to a wide audience.
295. What is corn’s favorite holiday? New Ears Day.
296. An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
297. What happened to the Irish man who thought about the evils of drinking in the New Year? He gave up thinking.
Drinking jokes and New Year’s go together like peanut butter and jelly.
298. An iPhone and a firework were arrested on New Year’s Eve. One was charged and the other was let off.
299. I took New Year resolution that i will only tell furniture jokes and sofa so good.
Sometimes, it’s not just the occasion you need to be prepared for but the crowd.
Next time you’re hanging around some nerdy types, don’t skip a beat with these super fun nerd jokes.
We got the smartest, mind-thumping corny nerd dad jokes that some folks just won’t understand.
Here are 13 corny nerd dad jokes:
300. An infectious disease enters a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve your kind in here.” It replies, “Well, you’re not a very good host.”
301. How do you know the moon is going broke? It’s down to its last quarter.
302. Did you hear the one about the pregnant woman who went into labor and started shouting. “Couldn’t! Wouldn’t! Shouldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t! She was having contractions.
An excellent grammar joke for the teacher lounge.
303. What did E.T.’s mother say to him when he got home? Where on Earth have you been!
304. Why was Pavlov’s hair so soft? Classical conditioning
A smart joke for some nerdy folks that every evolutionist will adore.
305. What do you get when you put root beer in a square glass? A beer.
306. Why Can’t You Trust Atoms? They make up everything.
307. I Have a New Theory on Inertia. But it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere.
308. Argon walks into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve noble gasses here!” Argon doesn’t react.
309. What does a subatomic duck say? Quark.
Ducks who quark instead of quack in a subatomic realm only the nerdiest physicists could appreciate.
310. Why should you never date an apostrophe? They’re too possessive
311. Which dinosaur knows the most words? A Thesaurus
312. Where Does Bad Light End Up? In prism.
The annual turkey fest has the uncanny potential of turning south with far too serious adult talk.
Keep the conversation light and fun with these killer thanksgiving jokes.
Here are 12 corny Thanksgiving dad jokes:
313. What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving? You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.
314. Why did the turkey play the drums in his band? Because he already had drum sticks!
A good way to break the hum of yummy noises at the table before you sneak in for seconds.
315. Why didn’t the Pilgrims want to make the bread? It’s a crummy job.
316. When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving.
317. Why do turkeys always go, “gobble, gobble?” Because they never learned good table manners!
318. If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
319. What is a turkey’s favorite dessert? Peach gobbler!
320. Why did the cranberries turn red? Because they saw the turkey dressing!
Give this racy cranberry joke a try the next time your boring aunt starts telling another dreadful story.
321. What did the turkey say to the computer? “Google, google, google.”
322. Why was the Thanksgiving soup so expensive? It had 24 carrots.
323. Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
324. What did the mama turkey say to her naughty son? If your papa could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy!
Turkey AND gravy? Well, this joke just has it all.
Hang out at a beach long enough, and the conversation inevitably turns to the scary “men in the gray suits” that must be lurking beneath the ocean’s surface.
Don’t let shark fear mongering ruin your fun in the sun and keep you beached. Instead, use these painfully silly shark jokes to relieve the anxiety and get everyone swimming.
Here are 11 corny shark dad jokes:
325. I was at the beach today when I saw a man in the sea yelling “Help, shark! Help!” I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.
326. I had a nightmare about being attacked by a shark. When I woke up I realized it was just a bream.
327. What’s a shark’s favorite hobby? Anything he can sink his teeth into.
328. What happens when you cross a great white shark with a cow fish?… I don’t know…but I wouldn’t want to milk it!
As long as there are some cervezas involved, we’re pretty sure this joke will land.
329. What kind of vitamins do sharks eat? Vitamin sea.
330. Which country do sharks come from? Finland.
Makes sense. Oh wait, are these still jokes?
331. What does a shark eat with peanut butter? Jellyfish!
Sharks eating pb & jellyfish? That’s super funny and quite possibly true.
332. What sort of fish operates on poorly sharks? A sturgeon.
333. I saw a singing shark once in the Choral Reef.
334. Why don’t sharks like fast food? It’s hard to catch.
But ya know what’s not hard to get? This crazy silly joke.
335. What’s yellow and dangerous? Shark Infested Custard.
Downloadable list of Corny Dad Jokes
More Awesome Jokes To Tell
Here are a few more awesome jokes to tell that you shouldn’t miss out on.
- Math jokes are a no-brainer; the square of the hypotenuse just sounds funny.
- Political jokes are a modern necessity because there’s not much left to do but laugh when it comes to politics.
- Science jokes are for you if you like to giggle about photons and chromosomes.
- No joke arsenal is complete without an ample quiver of the best one liner jokes.
- Computers can drive us nuts, so computer jokes are critical for surviving this frustrating digital age.
How to use corny dad jokes
There are so many different corny dad jokes for every occasion. Knowing how to use corny dad jokes is equally as important as knowing the dad jokes themselves.
With a little guidance, corny dad jokes can be the perfect entertainment when you need it the most.
Here is how to use corny dad jokes:
1. Know Your Audience
Take a second to know your audience, so you can avoid the sensitive topics and hone in on the gut-wrenching ones.
Stuck waiting at a courthouse? Probably not the best time to lay down some corny dad lawyer jokes.
2. Timing is Everything
Wait for that special opportune moment to dish out a good knee-slapper.
The best time for a corny dad joke is when you feel the mood getting ready to turn in the wrong direction or to break an awkward silence.
3. Delivery the Goods and Leave It
Folks are either gonna love your corny dad jokes, or they’re not. Maybe you’ll only raise a little smirk or nothing at all.
Whether they love it or hate or land somewhere in between, the best corny dad joke is delivered with indifference and total confidence.
4. Keep Going
What makes corny dad jokes so useful is that they’re meant to be stringed together.
Whatever reaction you receive at first, keep going with the corny dad jokes.
Eventually, even the toughest nut will crack and glean a grin.
Everybody’s got jokes, but only a select group of special pundits are capable of wielding the giggle power of really corny dad jokes.
And even though dad jokes have been cultivated by dad’s over centuries, their fantastically corny jokes are for everyone and not just dads.
So the next time you find an opportunity to entertain, whether it’s your co-workers, your peers, or some little ones, break out some of these killer dad jokes and watch the smiles abound.