via: Unsplash / Derek Owens
Corny dad jokes are irrefutably great in its lameness, that it's impossible to offend anyone.
Okay, maybe dad jokes have never actually left someone slapping their knee, bent over with laughter.
Instead, the best corny jokes dished out by the silliest jokers is more intended to conjure a little giggle and lighten the mood.
Now, here's the absolute best part about the particular category of hilarious jokes known as dad jokes. Dad jokes are for everyone; not just dads.
We've got the best corny dad jokes for you right here, and they're begging to be used.
Contents
15 Best Corny Dad Jokes
via: Pexels / Andreas Wohlfahrt
The absolute best corny dad jokes accomplish at least two of three things: 1) they make you think, 2) they make you smile, and 3) they make you chuckle.
1. Why don't skeletons ever go trick or treating?
A perfectly spooky one for the Halloween season.
Show Answer
Answer
Because they have no body to go with.
2. Did you hear the rumor about butter?
What's better than butter? Jokes about butter, of course.
Show Answer
Answer
Well, I’m not going to spread it!
3. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
An invisible man that you can't see is offered a job. Sounds like a fantastic plot line.
Show Answer
Answer
He couldn’t see himself doing it!
4. Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other,
Show Answer
Answer
“Do you know how to drive this thing?”
5. "Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?"
Show Answer
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It was two tired.
via: Pexels / Snapwire
6. "How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?"
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Ten tickles.
7. "When does a joke become a dad joke?"
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When it becomes apparent.
8. What do you call a sheep without legs?
Show Answer
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A cloud.
9. Cannibals aren’t very sociable.
Show Answer
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They’re all fed up with people.
10. I don’t know why people have a problem with wigs.
Show Answer
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It’s a look anybody can pull off!
via: Pexels / Ben Cheung
11. Dad, looking at soy milk:
Show Answer
Answer
“Holá, milk, soy dad."
12. What do polar bears eat for breakfast?
Show Answer
Answer
Frosted flakes.
13. I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
Show Answer
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But when I got home, all the signs were there.
14. Have you ever tried to eat a clock?
Show Answer
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Its very time-consuming.
15. What do you call a midget-psychic that just escaped from jail?
Show Answer
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A small medium at large.
via: Pexels / Cameron Casey
14 Corny Bad Dad Jokes
via: Pexels / Josh Willink
A main appeal to dad jokes is that they're often so bad that they're humorous.
And these super corny bad dad jokes are meant to disintegrate the worst of moods and change the biggest of frowns.
16. My boss told me to have a good day.
A easy dad joke that everyone can relate to.
Show Answer
Answer
So I went home!
17. What do you call a sad coffee?
Try this one out the next time you're sipping in your local coffee shop.
Show Answer
Answer
A depresso!
18. How does a hamburger introduce his new girlfriend?
Good food jokes just never get old.
Show Answer
Answer
Meet Patty!
19. Did you know the first French fries weren’t actually cooked in France?
Show Answer
They were cooked in Greece.
Answer
20. Why don’t crabs give to charity?
Show Answer
Answer
Because they’re shellfish.
via: Pexels / rompalli harish
21. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
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Because he felt crummy.
22. How do you make a handkerchief dance?
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Put a little boogie in it!
23. Why do bees have sticky hair?
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Because they use honeycombs!
24. What do you call a cow with a twitch
Show Answer
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Beef Jerky.
25. What do you call a dog that's a magician?
Show Answer
Answer
A Labracadabrador.
via: Pexels / Pixabay
26. Why is it hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs?
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Because they take everything literally.
27. Did you hear about the buffalo who married a cow?
Show Answer
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They made a home on the range!
28. How does NASA put together a party?
Show Answer
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They planet!
29. Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper?
Show Answer
Answer
Never mind... it's Tearable.
15 Corny Dad Knock Knock jokes
via: Unsplash / LOGAN WEAVER
You know who loves knock knock jokes like they're going our of style?
Kids love knock knock jokes.
If you're ever stuck with a youngster and out of entertainment ideas, whip out your best corny dad knock knock jokes and watch the time fly by.
30. Knock, Knock!
Who's there?
Cow says.
Cow says who?
Try this one out on any youngster. If they don't break down with the giggles, take them to the doctor immediately.
Show Answer
Answer
No, a cow says moooo!
via: Pexels / Matthias Zomer
31. Knock, Knock!
Who's there?
Mustache.
Mustache who?
If you have a mustache, you're asking for it.
Show Answer
Answer
I mustache you a question, but I'll shave it for later
32. Knock, Knock!
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
With knock knock jokes, the sillier the better.
Show Answer
Answer
No need to cry, it's only a joke.
33. Knock, Knock!
Who's there?
Abby.
Abby who?
Show Answer
Answer
Abby birthday to you!
34. Knock, Knock!
Who's there?
Broken pencil.
Broken pencil who?
Show Answer
Answer
Nevermind it's pointless!
35. Knock, Knock!
Who's there?
Canoe.
Canoe who?
Show Answer
Answer
Canoe help me with my work?
via: Pexels / Pixabay
36. Knock, Knock!
Who's there?
Wooden shoe.
Wooden shoe, who?
Show Answer
Answer
Wooden shoe like to know!
37. Knock, Knock!
Who's there?
Radio.
Radio who?
Show Answer
Answer
Radio not, here I come!
38. Knock, Knock!
Who's there?
Dozen.
Dozen who?
Show Answer
Answer
Dozen all this knocking bother you already?
39. Knock, Knock!
Who's there?
Mom and Dad.
Mom and Dad, who?
Show Answer
Answer
Exactly son, you are adopted.
40. Why did the chicken cross the road?
Show Answer
Answer
To get to the village idiot's residence.
via: Pixabay / onefox
41. Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Dad.
Dad who?
Show Answer
Answer
Dad fuel to the fire!
42. Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Tank.
Tank who?
Show Answer
Answer
You're welcome!
43. Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Figs.
Figs who?
Show Answer
Answer
Figs the doorbell, it's broken!
44. Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Abe Lincoln who?
Show Answer
Answer
Awww.. Come on! Don't you know who Abe Lincoln is?
15 Corny Dad Christmas Jokes
via: Pexels / Pixabay
What better time to serve up some laughs than the holidays.
With all the family gathering together, corny dad Christmas jokes are the perfect antidote to family quarrels. These are that are sure to lighten the mood and keep the party going.
45. How do sheep say Merry Christmas in Mexico?
Cause if talking animals celebrating the holidays in Mexico isn't funny, we don't know what is.
Show Answer
Answer
Fleece navibaaaaaa!
via: Pexels / Trinity Kubassek
46. What do you call an outlaw who steals gift wrapping from the rich to give to the poor?
Show Answer
Answer
Ribbon Hood.
47. What Do You Sing At An Elf’s Birthday Party?
Keep the christmas stories alive with some funny elf jokes.
Show Answer
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Freeze A Jolly Good Fellow!
48. How can you tell a family doesn’t celebrate Christmas?
Show Answer
Answer
The lights are on, but nobody’s a gnome.
49. What happens to elves when they behave naughty?
Naughty elves and Santa, this joke has is ready for christmas.
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Santa gives them the sack.
50. Why did Santa put a clock in his sleigh?
Show Answer
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He wanted to see time fly!
via: Pexels / Public Domain Pictures
51. Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing?
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They always drop their needles!
52. Why did Santa's helper see the doctor?
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Because he had a low "elf" esteem.
53. What do you get if you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?.
Show Answer
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A pineapple
The perfectly silly Christmas tree joke for tree decorating time.
54. What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert?
Show Answer
Answer
Lost.
55. Why does Santa have three gardens?
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Answer
So he can 'ho ho ho'!
via: Pexels / Andrea Piacquadio
56. What did Adam say the day before Christmas?
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"It's Christmas Eve"
57. What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?
Show Answer
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Horn-aments!
58. I got a universal remote for Christmas.
Show Answer
Answer
This changes everything!
59. What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
Show Answer
Answer
Tinselitis!
14 Corny But Stupid Dad Jokes
via: Pexels / Andrea Piacquadio
In a world that's over saturated with an endless vault of comedy specials, sometimes it's down right refreshing to kick it old school with some bottom-of-the-barrel, corny but stupid dad jokes.
And because we're 100% confident that the best jokes are really, really stupid jokes, we dug deep through the treasure trove of funny-bone ticklers for our favorites.
60. What did the full glass say to the empty glass?
A great one for the bar crowd that's sure to keep the mood light.
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Answer
You look drunk.
via: Pexels / Sharon McCutcheon
61. Why did the woman go on the date with the mushroom?
The perfect joke or an epic ice breaker? You decide.
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Because he was a fun-ghi.
62. What did the letter say to the stamp?
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"Stick with me and you'll go places"
63. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with,
Who buys shoes from a drug dealer? Corny and stupid or genius and hilarious?
Show Answer
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but I was tripping all day!
64. What did the duck say when she bought a lipstick?
Show Answer
Answer
Put it on my bill!
65. Today I gave my dead batteries away.
Show Answer
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They were free of charge.
via: Pexels / Hilary Halliwell
66. Why do cow-milking stools only have three legs?
Show Answer
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‘Cause the cow’s got the udder!
67. Q: Why did you buy a camouflage toilet seat?
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So my wife can’t yell at me when I miss!
68. What does the buffalo tell his son in the morning?
Show Answer
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Bye, son!
69. What time does Sean Connery get to Wimbledon?
Show Answer
Answer
Tennish.
70. How does a train eat?
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It goes chew chew!
via: Pexels / Pixabay
71. How is imitation like a plateau?
Show Answer
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They're both the highest form of flattery.
72. What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
Show Answer
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Anna one, Anna two!
73. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Show Answer
Answer
Frostbite.
11 Corny Dad Birthday Jokes
via: Unsplash / Anna Vander Stel
What better occasion for some silly humor than a birthday party?
Get ready to be the main entertainment at your next birthday get together with these ridiculous birthday jokes.
74. How do pickles celebrate their birthdays?
The right joke for a birthday boy or girl not in the celebratory mood.
Show Answer
Answer
They relish the moment.
75. What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
Show Answer
Answer
Aye matey!
via: Pexels / Pixabay
76. What does a clam do on his birthday?
Show Answer
Answer
He shellabrates!
77. What do you always get on your birthday?
Show Answer
Answer
Another year older!
78. Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream?
Warm up the crowd for cake time with this knee slapper.
Show Answer
Answer
It was icing on the cake.
79. What did one candle say to the other?
Show Answer
Answer
"Don't birthdays burn you up?"
80. Where do you find a birthday present for a cat?
Show Answer
Answer
In a cat-alogue!
via: Pexels / Kelvin Valerio
81. Did you hear about the dancer's birthday?
Show Answer
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It was a tappy one!
82. I made you a delicious cake for your birthday, but I couldn’t light the candles.
Show Answer
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I guess the county requires a permit for bonfires.
83. I finally realized my parents favored my twin brother.
Show Answer
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It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party.
84. Marriage is the alliance of two people,
A great birthday joke for the married folk.
Show Answer
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one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them.
11 Corny Dad Old People Jokes
via: Pexels / Tristan Le
He who laughs, lasts. –Mary Pettibone Poole
If getting old and rickety is an unwanted affliction, fantastic old people jokes are the magic youthful serum.
There is nothing better than these corny dad old people jokes to show just how gracefully you're aging into your wisdom years.
Getting old is a fact of life. If you can't beat it, might as well have fun with it.
85. My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction."
A go-to funny bone tickler for a couples night out.
Show Answer
Answer
So I packed up my stuff and right
via: Pexels / Susanne Jutzeler
86. "Everything’s starting to click for me!"
One might argue: the more new reasons you can find to laugh as you get older, the better your life will be.
Show Answer
Answer
"My knees, my elbows, my neck … "
87. Two old people sitting on a bench one turns to the other and says "My butt fell asleep. The other says,
An old people butt joke? Now, that's just dang funny.
Show Answer
Answer
"Yep, I heard it snore a couple of times."
88. Age doesn't make you forgetful. Having way too many stupid things to remember makes you forgetful.
Show Answer
Answer
Having way too many stupid things to remember makes you forgetful.
89. What has 80 eyes and 2 teeth?
Show Answer
Answer
A full bus of old men.
90. Why do Retirees smile all the time?
Show Answer
Answer
Because they can't hear a word you're saying!
via: Unsplash / Vladimir Soares
91. Why do nursing homes give Viagra to the old men every night?
Show Answer
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It keeps them from rolling out of bed!
92. How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
Show Answer
Answer
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me ..."
93. How many men does it take to make pop popcorn?
Show Answer
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Three. One to hold the pan and two others to act macho and shake the stove.
94. Life is about changing perspectives and priorities:
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I used to worry if one of my hairs was out of place, now I don’t care if they both are.
95. When I have to make a difficult decision in life I think “What would my grandfather do?”
Show Answer
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Then I leave home in my underwear and shout at random strangers.
via: Pexels / Kaboompics
14 Corny Dad Dog Jokes
via: Pexels / Lum3n
Did you know there's a whole giant shoe box full of corny dad jokes just for dog lovers?
Next time your stuck in the vet's waiting room, try out some of these very amusing dog jokes
96. What do you call frozen dog?
A dog joke and food joke rolled into one? You can't go wrong.
Show Answer
Answer
A pupsicle.
97. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing.
It's always good to have a good joke up your sleeve when you're sittin' around sippin' with friends.
Show Answer
Answer
But it let out a little whine.
98. How do you make a sled dog fast?
Show Answer
Answer
Just don't feed him!
99. What do dogs eat for brunch?
Show Answer
Answer
Woofles!
100. What do you call a sad Lassie dog?
Show Answer
Answer
Melon...collie!
via: Pexels / Burst
101. Ask a dog what prison is like,
It's a rufffffff life alright when you're dishing out these rib busters.
Show Answer
Answer
and they'll tell you it's ruff!
102. There is a zoo where the only animal is a dog.
Show Answer
Answer
It's a shitzu.
103. Why do dogs bury bones in the ground?
Show Answer
Answer
Because you can’t bury them in trees!
104. What do you call a black Eskimo dog?
Show Answer
Answer
A dusky husky!
105. What did the skeleton say to the puppy?
Show Answer
Answer
Bonappetite
via: Pexels / Iván Rivero
106. What's more amazing than a talking dog?
Show Answer
Answer
A spelling bee!
107. Why did the snowman call his dog Frost!
Show Answer
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Because frost bites
108. Did you hear about the dog who gave birth to puppies on the side of the road
Show Answer
Answer
She was ticketed for littering.
109. How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a monster?
Show Answer
Answer
Terrier-fied!
110. What do you get if you cross a gold dog with a telephone?
Show Answer
Answer
A golden receiver!
via: Pexels / Garfield Besa
11 Corny Dad Walks Into A Bar Jokes
via: Pexels / Pixabay
At the end of every dark and dingy bar counter, you can undoubtedly find at least one, or sometimes a pair, of bar regulars keeping a pair of bar stools warm, waiting patiently to strike up some giggles with unsuspecting bar patrons.
They are the keepers of a secret class of jokes known colloquially as the walks into a bar jokes.
But we got exclusive access to their walks into a bar jokes journal that's been passed down for generations, and we're about to share the very best of the best with you.
111. Gold walked into a bar. The barman shouted,
Show Answer
Answer
“Eyh you, get out of here!”
112. A chameleon walks into a bar.
A clever twist on a classic bar joke that will never get old.
Show Answer
Answer
Bartender says. "If your wife calls, I didn't see you."
113. A ghost walks into a bar.
Show Answer
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Bartender asks, "What'll you have?" Ghost says, "I'm here for the BOOs!"
114. A blind man walks into a bar.
Warm up the bar crowd with this boozy giggler.
Show Answer
Answer
And a table. And a door. And a staircase.
115. An amnesiac walks into a bar. He goes up to a beautiful blonde and says,
Show Answer
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“So, do I come here often?”
via: Pexels / Marcus Herzberg
116. A neutron walks into a bar. “How much for a beer?” the neutron asks.
Drinking with some smarty pants? We've got you covered with this one.
Show Answer
Answer
“For you?” says the bartender. “No charge.”
117. E-flat walks into a bar.
Show Answer
Answer
he bartender says, “Sorry, we don't serve minors.”
118. A horse walks into a bar.
Show Answer
Answer
The shocked bartender points a finger his way in alarm and yells, “Hey!”
119. A photon checks into a hotel. The bellhop asks, "Can I help you with your luggage?"
Show Answer
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It replies, " I don't have any. I'm travelling light."
120. A dung beetle walks into a bar,
Show Answer
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and says is this stool taken?
via: Pexels / Wilson Vitorino
121. So a five-dollar bill walks into a bar, and the bartender says,
Show Answer
Answer
“Hey. This is a singles bar.”
12 Corny Dad Military Jokes
via: Pexels / Pixabay
Military folks spend an inordinate amount of time together away from family and friends.
Good old fashioned military jokes are a tried and proven remedy to the unsavory conditions they often find themselves in.
122. What do you call a Marine with an IQ of 160?
Show Answer
Answer
A Platoon
123. Did You Hear About The Accident at the Army Base?
Anytime you can work a good food joke into your situation, you're absolutely winning.
Show Answer
Answer
A tank ran over a box of popcorn and killed two Kernels
124. How many guns do the US need to combat an enemy?
Show Answer
Answer
Two: one to shoot and one to sell him to shoot back.
125. During the way my Granddad survived mustard gas and pepper spray.
Show Answer
Answer
He's a seasoned veteran.
via: Pexels / Pixabay
126. What happened when the soldier went into an enemy bar?
A great drinking joke when you're out with the squad.
Show Answer
Answer
He got bombed.
127. What do you call an army of cows?
Show Answer
Answer
The milidairy
128. In the army if you lose your rifle, the government charges you $250
Show Answer
Answer
That’s why in the navy the captain always goes down with the ship
129. I'm trying to find out what the lowest rank in the army is.
A funny rank and file quip so silly it'll turn your tummy.
Show Answer
Answer
But everyone keeps saying it's private
130. What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?
Show Answer
Answer
A flat major.
via: Unsplash / Alexander Andrews
131. Which military unit has the most kids?
Show Answer
Answer
The infant-ry!
132. Where do belly buttons go to college?
Show Answer
Answer
The US Navel Academy!
133. How do you know when someone is a Marine?
Show Answer
Answer
They tell you.
15 Corny Dad Easter Jokes
via: Bigstockphoto / George D.
Because this article just wouldn't be complete without a good set of jokes for every occasion, we've got some super silly Easter jokes that are sure to make even the Easter bunny spit up its jelly beans.
We have easy to laugh at corny dad Easter jokes that are sure to make ya smile from bunny ear to bunny ear.
134. How does the Easter Bunny get around?
Once the easter candy runs out, keep the excitement going with this funny bunny joke.
Show Answer
Answer
By hare-plane!
135. Why shouldn't you tell an Easter egg a joke?
The perfect pick me up joke for the family after a sleepy easter mass.
Show Answer
Answer
It might crack up!
via: Pexels / Burst
136. What do you get if you pour hot water down a rabbit hole?
Show Answer
Answer
Hot cross bunnies!
137. How does the Easter Bunny stay fit?
Show Answer
Answer
Hareobics.
138. Why did the Easter egg hide?
Why does the easter bunny hide chicken eggs? Hmmmmmmmm.
Show Answer
Answer
He was a little chicken
139. What day does an Easter egg hate the most?
Show Answer
Answer
Fry-days.
140. Why was the Easter Bunny so upset
Show Answer
Answer
He was having a bad hare day!
via: Pexels / Pixabay
141. Why did a fellow rabbit say that the Easter Bunny was self-centered
Show Answer
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Because he is eggocentric.
142. What do you call a line of rabbits jumping backwards
Show Answer
Answer
A receding hare line.
143. Therapist: What’s been up lately?
Show Answer
Answer
Chocolate bunny: I don’t know Doc, I just feel so hollow inside
144. What do you call a sleepy Easter egg?
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Answer
Eggs-austed
145. What kind of jewelry do rabbits wear
Show Answer
Answer
14 carrot gold.
via: Pexels / Zun Zun
146. What do you call an egg from outer space
Show Answer
Answer
An Egg-stra-terrestial!
147. How do you know when you’re eating rabbit stew
Show Answer
Answer
When it has hares in it!
148. What Is The Easter Bunny's Favorite State Capital
Show Answer
Answer
Albunny, New York
15 Corny Dad Coffee Jokes
via: Pexels / Pixabay
What's better than a hot cup of joe with a side of laughter?
The answer is absolutely nothing. That's why we dug up these insanely funny corny dad coffee jokes.
Best shared over a cup of joe with a toasted muffin.
149. Why did espresso keep checking his watch
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Answer
Because he was pressed for time.
150. What's it called when you steal someone's coffee
Show Answer
Answer
Mugging
via: Pexels / Lood Goosen
151. How does a coffee lover hit on a woman
An ideal joke when you're sipping some morning joe with the guys.
Show Answer
Answer
I’ve been thinking about you a latte.
152. How did the hipster burn his tongue?
Don't miss an easy chance to take a jab at the hipsters.
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Answer
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
153. How does Moses make his coffee?
Show Answer
Answer
Hebrews it,\.
154. What’s the best Beatles song?</
Show Answer
Answer
Latte Be!
155. How are coffee beans like kids?
The perfect coffee joke for the parental units.
Show Answer
Answer
They’re always getting grounded!
via: Pexels / Pixabay
156. Where do birds go for coffee
Show Answer
Answer
To the NESTcafe
157. Where do Russians buy their coffee from
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Answer
Tsarbucks.
158. Why does Karl Marx drink coffee before going to lectures
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Answer
To maintain class consciousness.
159. What's a cow's favorite coffee?
Show Answer
Answer
Decalf
160. I accidentally drank from a co-workers coffee cup
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Answer
It tasted horrible. It was not my cup of tea.
via: Pexels / Pixabay
161. Why are Italians so good at making coffee?
Show Answer
Answer
Because they know how to espresso themselves.
162. I went to the doctor and told him every time I take a sip of coffee, I feel a stabbing pain in my face.
Show Answer
Answer
He said, "Take the spoon out next time."
163. Why don't snakes drink coffee
Show Answer
Answer
Because it makes them viperactive.
13 Corny Dad Lawyer Jokes
via: Pexels / Snapwire
Lawyers make easy targets for the quick-witted, and these corny dad lawyer jokes don't pull any punches.
Sure, you might need a good lawyer some day. But for now, let's enjoy some easy laughs with these laugh-out-loud lawyer jokes.
164. What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?
Got a lawyer in your circle of friends? Roast 'em good with this clever lawyer crack.
Show Answer
Answer
A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. A good lawyer can make it last even longer.
165. What’s the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer riding a motorcycle
The best lawyer jokes are the crass ones.
Show Answer
Answer
The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
via: Pexels / Tim Gouw
166. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a jellyfish?
Don't worry. Lawyers have thick skin.
Show Answer
Answer
One is a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
167. What’s black and brown and looks good on a lawyer
Show Answer
Answer
A doberman pinscher.
168. Who invented copper wire?
Show Answer
Answer
Two tax attorneys fighting over a penny.
169. How many lawyer jokes are there? Only three.
Show Answer
Answer
The rest are true stories
170. When attorneys die, why do they bury them 600 feet underground
Show Answer
Answer
A: Because deep down, they're really nice guys.
via: Pexels / Lisa Fotios
171. How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
Show Answer
Answer
Their lips are moving.
172. How many personal injury attorneys does it take to change a light bulb?
Show Answer
Answer
How many can you afford?
173. How do you get a group of personal injury lawyers to smile for a picture?
Show Answer
Answer
Just say "Fees!"
174. There are two kinds of lawyers,
Show Answer
Answer
those who know the law and those who know the judge.
175. What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?.
Show Answer
Answer
Lipstick
via: Pexels / Dids
176. What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?
Show Answer
Answer
Accountants know they're boring.
14 Corny Dad Office Jokes
via: Pexels / Cadeau Maestro
Unless you work at a funny farm, the office workplace is usually one of those spots just desperate for a tickle of liveliness.
That's where these most entertaining office jokes come in really handy.
Got a 2 hour meeting to survive? Come smartly prepared with these boisterous office jokes and watch the time fly by.
177. How is Christmas like your job?
Try out this fun office joke before your next boring meeting.
Show Answer
Answer
You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
178. Being an astronaut is funny.
Show Answer
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It's the only job where you get fired before you start work.
179. What do your boss and a slinky have in common?
Better yet, start a group text with your coworkers the next time your boss lays into one of his monologues.
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They’re both fun to watch tumble down the stairs.
180. How can you tell when an engineer is an extrovert.
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He stares at YOUR shoes while he talks to you.
via: Pexels / Athena
181. Why are proctologists so gloomy?.
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They always have the end in sight
182. Want to hear a joke about construction?
Because construction projects always take twice as long as you expect.
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I'm still working on it.
183. What do you call a fat psychic?
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A four-chin teller.
184. I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.
Show Answer
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It was sole destroying.
185. What does a nosey pepper do?
Show Answer
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It gets jalapeno business!
via: Pexels / Wendy Wei
186. What’s that Nevada city where all the dentists visit?
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Floss Vegas.
187. What did the caretaker say when they jumped out of the store cupboard?
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“Supplies!"
188. What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of a computer?/h4>
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The space bar
189. Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water
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He had a very esteemed colleague.
190. My annual performance review says I lack “passion and intensity.”
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I guess management hasn’t seen me alone with a Big Mac.
via: Pexels / Valeria Boltneva
12 Corny Dad Church Jokes
via: Pexels / Skitterphoto
Church can get a bit serious with all the do's and don't and ceremony. That's why these corny dad church jokes are so terribly important.
If you think church can't be fun, you haven't heard these hilarious church jokes.
We have the most blasphemous corny dad church jokes that will make even the big man upstairs chuckle.
191. How can you make God laugh?
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Answer
Tell him your plans.
192. If anyone needs an ark,
Kids not excited about going to church? Get 'em laughing with a little church humor first.
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I happen to Noah guy.
193. What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth
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A mechanic.
194. What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth?
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He was Ruthless
195. If Mary had Jesus, and Jesus is the lamb of God,
Who said waiting in line for communion has to be so dreadfully boring?
Show Answer
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does that mean Mary had a little lamb?
via: Pexels / Pixabay
196. What kind of car does Jesus drive
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A Christler
197. Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?
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They never let anyone finish a sentence!
198. Why didn't Noah go fishing?
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He only had two worms.
199. What do they call pastors in Germany?
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German Shepherds
200. What kind of alcohol do you find in church
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Holy spirits!
via: Unsplash / Matthew T Rader
201. He who farts in church...
You can NEVER go wrong with a good fart joke.
Show Answer
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Sits in his own pew.
202. Why can't skeletons play music at a church
Show Answer
Answer
They have no organs.
13 Cheesy Corny Dad Jokes
via: Pexels / Pixabay
If you're looking for the best corny dad jokes, you'll need these particularly cheesy corny dad jokes.
Cheesy corny dad jokes are a whole other level of dad jokes that only the coolest jokers can pull off.
Think you're cool enough?
203. What kind of computer can sing really well
Show Answer
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A DELL!
204. I would tell a joke about pizza,
A truly cheesy dad joke for any crowd.
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but its a little cheesy.
205. The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Save this laugh out loud Trump crack until you have everyone's attention. It's too good to waste.
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Answer
Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
via: Pixabay / JackBulmer
206. What is the least spoken language in the world
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Sign language
207. What does a zombie vegetarian eat?
Because quite simply, making fun of vegetarians is fun.
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“GRRRAAAAAIIIINNNNS!”
208. Did you hear the news? FedEx and UPS are merging.
Show Answer
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They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.
209. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
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He couldn't see himself doing it.
210. How does a penguin build its house?
Since penguins are already funny little creatures, this one is an easy hit.
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Igloos it together!
via: Pexels / Pixabay
211. I’m so good at sleeping,
Show Answer
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I can do it with my eyes closed!
212. Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip?
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I was heels over head!
213. How do celebrities stay cool?
Show Answer
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They have many fans.
214. What kind of egg did the evil chicken lay?
Show Answer
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A deviled egg.
215. What did the fisherman say to the magician?
Show Answer
Answer
Pick a cod, any cod.
via: Pexels / Quang Nguyen Vinh
13 Corny Dad Blonde Jokes
via: Pexels / picjumbo
If you're looking for some truly timeless jokes, blonde jokes are the perfect answer.
Corny dad blonde jokes just never get old, and you can keep coming back to them time and time again.
216. Why don't blondes like making Kool-Aid?
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Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
217. Why did the blonde get excited after finishing her puzzle in 6 months?
An ageless dumb blonde joke that every brunette will love.
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The box said 2-4 years.
218. Why do men like blonde jokes?
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Because they can understand them.
219. Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
With blonde jokes, the recipe is simple: the dumber, the better.
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Because it said "concentrate."
220. Why did the blonde tip toe near the medicine cabinet?
Show Answer
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Because she didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!!
via: Pexels / Pixabay
221. Why are blonde jokes so short?
A clever redirect from the blonde to the brunette that ensures an even burn.
Show Answer
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So brunettes can remember them.
222. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
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I wonder if it's mine.
223. Why can't blondes make ice cubes?
Show Answer
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They always forget the recipe.
224. Why did the blonde put water on her computer?
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To wash the Windows.
225. A man walks by a blonde, who is holding a pig. The man asks, "Where did you get her?"
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The pig answers, "I won her at the fair."
via: Pexels / Miguel Á. Padriñán
226. How do you keep a blonde in the shower all day?
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Hand her a bottle of shampoo that says “lather, rinse, repeat.”
227. Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar?
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Someone told her drinks were on the house.
228. Why do blondes make awful bank robbers?
Show Answer
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Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards.
15 Witty But Corny Dad Jokes
via: Pexels / Tatiana Syrikova
The best corny dad jokes are the ones that make you stop for a second and think.
The great thing about witty jokes is that they might go over some folks' heads.
But for the ones paying attention to your clever quips, these witty but corny dad jokes are priceless.
229. How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?
Impress your friends with this subtle misuse of a common homonym.
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Answer
He felt his presents!
230. Why did the blind man fall down the well?
Show Answer
Answer
Because he couldn't see that well...
via: Pexels / Frans Van Heerden
231. Dogs can't operate MRI machines...
It's clever and appeals to both dog and cat lovers alike.
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But catscan!
232. What's the advantage of living in Switzerland?
Show Answer
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Well, the flag is a big plus.
233. I've just been diagnosed as color blind
Show Answer
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I know, its just come out of the purple.
234. What did the hammer say to his homeboys?
Show Answer
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Nailed it.
235. I’ve always admired fishermen.
Show Answer
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Now those are reel men.
via: Pexels / Lum3n
236. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Show Answer
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Nacho Cheese.
237. How much does a hipster weigh?
Hipsters and their IG's make such easy targets for a quick laugh.
Show Answer
Answer
An Instagram.
238. How did one mitten feel about the other mitten?
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He was in glove with her.
239. I couldn't get a reservation at the library..
Show Answer
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They were fully booked.
240. Did you watch the new comic book movie?
Show Answer
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It was pretty graphic.
via: Pexels / Janko Ferlic
241. What did the traffic light say to the crosswalk?
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Don't look now, I'm changing!
242. Why did the big cat get disqualified from the race?
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Because he was a cheetah.
243. Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road
Show Answer
Answer
To go with the traffic jam.
15 Funniest Corny Dad Jokes Ever
via: Pexels / Pixabay
If you're going the corny dad joke route, might as well entertain with the funniest corny dad jokes ever.
The funniest jokes ever is bold claim, so see for yourself. Or better yet, let the audience decide. Try a few jokes out on some unsuspecting friends.
244. What did the Buddhist monk say to the hotdog vendor?
A joke that can bring together Buddhism and hot dogs is truly a world class joke.
Show Answer
Answer
Make me one with everything!
245. What do you call a pig that does Karate?
We already know how funny pandas doing kung fu can be. Why not a karate pig joke?
Show Answer
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Pork chop!
via: Pexels / Snapwire
246. What does a painter do when he gets cold?
A perfect joke to break the silence during a painting project with friends or family.
Show Answer
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He puts on another coat.
247. An invisible man married an invisible women.
Show Answer
Answer
The kids were nothing to look at.
248. If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?
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Big hands.
249. My wife got a job at the zoo.
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She's a keeper!
250. I drank some food coloring and,
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dyed a little bit inside.
via: Pexels / Sharon McCutcheon
251. If a cow doesn't produce milk is it a milk dud?
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Or an udder failure?
252. What state has the smallest drinks?
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Mini-soda!
253. What does a dinosaur use to pay the bills?
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Tyrannosaurus cheques!
254. What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
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Ones very heavy and ones a little lighter!
255. Why did the birthday boy wrap himself in paper?
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He wanted to live in the present.
via: Pexels / Pixabay
256. What did the full glass say to the empty glass?
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You look drunk.
257. What did one ocean say to the other?
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Answer
Nothing, they just waved.
258. I can always tell if someone is lying just by looking at them
Show Answer
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I can also tell if they are standing.
15 Corny Pirate Dad Jokes
via: Unsplash / Scott Umstattd
What's not to love about corny pirate dad jokes?
There's nothing like some good pirate jokes conjured up by rum-loving, treasure-obsessed, seafaring folk to make you feel alive.
So crack a barrel of rum and test out these delicious pirate jokes.
We have the haaaaaarrrrrdiest corny pirate dad jokes in the sea.
259. How did the pirate get his Jolly Roger so cheaply?
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Answer
He bought it on sail.
260. What does a dyslexic pirate say?
Show Answer
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RRRRRRA!
via: Unsplash / Austin Neill
261. How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced?
Pirates are such an ignominious bunch, they're basically asking for it.
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A buccaneer.
262. What did one pirate say to the other?
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“I sea you!”
263. Why couldn’t the pirate crew play cards?
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Because the captain was standing on the deck!
264. Where do pirates buy their hooks?
A great one to save for the docks.
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At a second hand store.
265. Why did the pirate go out of business?
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He didn’t know how to raise his sales
via: Pexels / Mateusz Dach
266. What do you call a pirate without an eye-patch?
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Eye Eye Captain
267. What is the latest in Pirate technology?
Show Answer
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The I-patch
268. How do pirates prefer to communicate?
Show Answer
Answer
Aye to aye!
269. What is a pirate’s favorite movie? (But it is arr-rated.)
Show Answer
Answer
Booty and the Beast.
270. How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook?
Try out this knee slapper the next time you're out at sea with friends.
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Answer
An arm and a leg.
via: Pexels / Burst
271. Why Is Pirating Addictive?
Show Answer
Answer
They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked!
272. Why Did The Pirate Have Red Eyes?
Show Answer
Answer
Because he had too much sea-weed!
273. What's A Pirate's Favorite Kind Of Fish?
Show Answer
Answer
A GOLDfish
13 Corny What Do You Call Dad Jokes
via: Pexels / Tatiana Syrikova
Remember the dad with the inexhaustible lot of what do you call jokes?
Incredibly ridiculous, sometimes borderline racist or sexist, and always hilarious, corny what do you call dad jokes are perfect when you're just hanging around with the guys.
274. What do you call two guys from Mexico playing basketball?
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Answer
Juan on Juan.
275. What do you call a worm with no teeth?
Show Answer
Answer
A gummy worm
via: Unsplash / Renatto Mora
276. What do you call a monkey who loves potato chips?
Chipmunks are cute, but monkeys eating potato chips are hilarious.
Show Answer
Answer
A chipmonk
277. What do you call a guy who never farts in public?
Any chance to slip in a little fart joke is a guaranteed win.
Show Answer
Answer
A private tutor.
278. What do you call two fat people having a chat?
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Answer
A heavy discussion.
279. What do you call a skunk who flies a helicopter?
Show Answer
Answer
A smelly-copter
280. What do you call lending money to a bison?
Show Answer
Answer
A buffa-loan
via: Unsplash / Bryce olsen
281. What do you call a group of unorganized cats?
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A cat-astrophe.
282. What do you call the Children of the Corn's father?
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Answer
"POP" Corn.
283. What do you call bees that produce milk?
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Answer
Boo-bees.
284. What do you call a fake noodle?
Show Answer
Answer
An im-pasta.
285. What do you call a rich elf?
Show Answer
Answer
Welfy
via: Unsplash / Brigitta Schneiter
286. What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
Whip this one out on your next road trip and watch the energy drink burst out of your buddy's nose.
Show Answer
Answer
A stick.
13 Corny New Years Dad Jokes
via: Pexels / Rakicevic Nenad
Never get stuck at a new years party with an awkward moment of silence that you can't fill.
These new years jokes will keep the laughter and conversation rolling on until the ball drops.
287. My new year's resolution is to be more optimistic,
Resolutions are way too serious. We prefer full glasses and broken promises.
Show Answer
Answer
by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
288. What do you tell someone you didn't see at New Year's Eve?
Show Answer
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I haven't seen you for a year!
289. What do cows celebrate on December 31st?
Show Answer
Answer
Moo Years Eve.
290. I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year,
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but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.
via: Unsplash / Mathew MacQuarrie
291. It's officially New Year's Eve,
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you only have a couple of hours to do all the things you will resolve not to do in the new year.
292. What do you call always having a date for New Year's Eve?
Show Answer
Answer
Social Security.
293. What kind of toilet do French people use on January 1st?
Show Answer
Answer
A New Year's Bidet.
294. What's the forecast for New Years Eve?
A fairly accurate joke that undoubtedly applies to a wide audience.
Show Answer
Answer
Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.
295. What is corn's favorite holiday?
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Answer
New Ears Day.
via: Unsplash / Katherine Volkovski
296. An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in.
Show Answer
Answer
A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
297. What happened to the Irish man who thought about the evils of drinking in the New Year?
Drinking jokes and New Year's go together like peanut butter and jelly.
Show Answer
Answer
He gave up thinking.
298. An iPhone and a firework were arrested on New Year's Eve.
Show Answer
Answer
One was charged and the other was let off.
299. I took New Year resolution that i will only tell furniture jokes and,
Show Answer
Answer
sofa so good.
13 Corny Nerd Dad Jokes
via: Pexels / Lisa Fotios
Sometimes, it's not just the occasion you need to be prepared for but the crowd.
Next time you're hanging around some nerdy types, don't skip a beat with these super fun nerd jokes.
We got the smartest, mind-thumping corny nerd dad jokes that some folks just won't understand.
300. An infectious disease enters a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind in here." It replies, "Well, you're not a very good host."
Show Answer
Answer
via: Unsplash / Steve Harvey
301. How do you know the moon is going broke?
Show Answer
Answer
It's down to its last quarter.
302. Did you hear the one about the pregnant woman who went into labor and started shouting.
An excellent grammar joke for the teacher lounge.
Show Answer
Answer
"Couldn't! Wouldn't! Shouldn't! Didn't! Can't! She was having contractions.
303. What did E.T.'s mother say to him when he got home?
Show Answer
Answer
Where on Earth have you been!
304. Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?
A smart joke for some nerdy folks that every evolutionist will adore.
Show Answer
Answer
Classical conditioning
305. What do you get when you put root beer in a square glass?
Show Answer
Answer
A beer.
via: Unsplash / Louis Hansel
306. Why Can't You Trust Atoms?
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They make up everything.
307. I Have a New Theory on Inertia.
Show Answer
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But it doesn't seem to be going anywhere.
308. Argon walks into a bar.
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The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gasses here!" Argon doesn't react.
309. What does a subatomic duck say?
Ducks who quark instead of quack in a subatomic realm only the nerdiest physicists could appreciate.
Show Answer
Answer
Quark.
310. Why should you never date an apostrophe
Show Answer
Answer
They’re too possessive
via: Unsplash / Matthieu Huang
311. Which dinosaur knows the most words
Show Answer
Answer
A Thesaurus
312. Where Does Bad Light End Up?
Show Answer
Answer
In prism.
12 Corny Thanksgiving Dad Jokes
via: Unsplash / Antenna
The annual turkey fest has the uncanny potential of turning south with far too serious adult talk.
Keep the conversation light and fun with these killer thanksgiving jokes.
313. What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?
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Answer
You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.
314. Why did the turkey play the drums in his band?
A good way to break the hum of yummy noises at the table before you sneak in for seconds.
Show Answer
Answer
Because he already had drum sticks!
315. Why didn't the Pilgrims want to make the bread?
Show Answer
Answer
It's a crummy job.
via: Pexels / Mariana Kurnyk
316. When do you serve tofu turkey?
Show Answer
Answer
Pranksgiving.
317. Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble?"
Show Answer
Answer
Because they never learned good table manners!
318. If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one?
Show Answer
Answer
Goblet.
319. What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Show Answer
Answer
Peach gobbler!
320. Why did the cranberries turn red?
Give this racy cranberry joke a try the next time your boring aunt starts telling another dreadful story.
Show Answer
Answer
Because they saw the turkey dressing!
via: Pexels / Public Domain Pictures
321. What did the turkey say to the computer?
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Answer
“Google, google, google.”
322. Why was the Thanksgiving soup so expensive?
Show Answer
Answer
It had 24 carrots.
323. Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down?
Show Answer
Answer
Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
324. What did the mama turkey say to her naughty son?
Turkey AND gravy? Well, this joke just has it all.
Show Answer
Answer
If your papa could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
11 Corny Shark Dad Jokes
via: Pexels / GEORGE DESIPRIS
Hang out at a beach long enough, and the conversation inevitably turns to the scary "men in the gray suits" that must be lurking beneath the ocean's surface.
Don't let shark fear mongering ruin your fun in the sun and keep you beached. Instead, use these painfully silly shark jokes to relieve the anxiety and get everyone swimming.
325. I was at the beach today when I saw a man in the sea yelling "Help, shark! Help!"
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I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.
via: Pexels / mali maeder
326. I had a nightmare about being attacked by a shark.
Show Answer
Answer
When I woke up I realized it was just a bream.
327. What's a shark's favorite hobby?
Show Answer
Answer
Anything he can sink his teeth into.
328. What happens when you cross a great white shark with a cow fish?…
As long as there are some cervezas involved, we're pretty sure this joke will land.
Show Answer
Answer
I don’t know…but I wouldn’t want to milk it!
329. What kind of vitamins do sharks eat?
Show Answer
Answer
Vitamin sea.
330. Which country do sharks come from?.
Makes sense. Oh wait, are these still jokes?
Show Answer
Answer
Finland
via: Pexels / Baptiste Valthier
331. What does a shark eat with peanut butter
Sharks eating pb & jellyfish? That's super funny and quite possibly true.
Show Answer
Answer
Jellyfish!
332. What sort of fish operates on poorly sharks
Show Answer
Answer
A sturgeon.
333. I saw a singing shark once,
Show Answer
Answer
in the Choral Reef.
334. Why don’t sharks like fast food?
But ya know what's not hard to get? This crazy silly joke.
Show Answer
Answer
It’s hard to catch.
335. What’s yellow and dangerous
Show Answer
Answer
Shark Infested Custard.
via: Pexels / Luck Galindo
Downloadable list of Corny Dad Jokes
via: Gamertelligence
Here is a downloadable and printable list of corny dad jokes (right click the image and select Save Image As…) :
How to use corny dad jokes
via: Pexels / Elly Fairytale
There are so many different corny dad jokes for every occasion. Knowing how to use corny dad jokes is equally as important as knowing the dad jokes themselves.
With a little guidance, corny dad jokes can be the perfect entertainment when you need it the most.
1. Know Your Audience
via: Pexels / EA Grafiks
Take a second to know your audience, so you can avoid the sensitive topics and hone in on the gut-wrenching ones.
Stuck waiting at a courthouse? Probably not the best time to lay down some corny dad lawyer jokes.
2. Timing is Everything
via: Pexels / Oladimeji Ajegbile
Wait for that special opportune moment to dish out a good knee-slapper.
The best time for a corny dad joke is when you feel the mood getting ready to turn in the wrong direction or to break an awkward silence.
3. Delivery the Goods and Leave It
via: Pexels / Andrea Piacquadio
Folks are either gonna love your corny dad jokes, or they're not. Maybe you'll only raise a little smirk or nothing at all.
Whether they love it or hate or land somewhere in between, the best corny dad joke is delivered with indifference and total confidence.
4. Keep Going
via: Pexels / Vidal Balielo Jr.
What makes corny dad jokes so useful is that they're meant to be stringed together.
Whatever reaction you receive at first, keep going with the corny dad jokes.
Eventually, even the toughest nut will crack and glean a grin.
More Awesome Jokes To Tell
Here are a few more awesome jokes to tell that you shouldn't miss out on.
- Math jokes are a no-brainer; the square of the hypotenuse just sounds funny.
- Political jokes are a modern necessity because there's not much left to do but laugh when it comes to politics.
- Science jokes are for you if you like to giggle about photons and chromosomes.
- No joke arsenal is complete without an ample quiver of the best one liner jokes.
- Computers can drive us nuts, so computer jokes are critical for surviving this frustrating digital age.
In Conclusion
Everybody's got jokes, but only a select group of special pundits are capable of wielding the giggle power of really corny dad jokes.
And even though dad jokes have been cultivated by dad's over centuries, their fantastically corny jokes are for everyone and not just dads.
So the next time you find an opportunity to entertain, whether it's your co-workers, your peers, or some little ones, break out some of these killer dad jokes and watch the smiles abound.
