335 Corny Dad Jokes – Embarrassingly silly but funny!
Story by:
Kyle Boureston
Corny dad jokes are irrefutably great in its lameness, that it’s impossible to offend anyone.
Okay, maybe dad jokes have never actually left someone slapping their knee, bent over with laughter.
Instead, the best corny jokes dished out by the silliest jokers is more intended to conjure a little giggle and lighten the mood.
Now, here’s the absolute best part about the particular category of hilarious jokes known as dad jokes. Dad jokes are for everyone; not just dads.
We’ve got the best corny dad jokes for you right here, and they’re begging to be used.
Contents
15 Best Corny Dad Jokes
The absolute best corny dad jokes accomplish at least two of three things: 1) they make you think, 2) they make you smile, and 3) they make you chuckle.
1. Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?
A perfectly spooky one for the Halloween season.
2. Did you hear the rumor about butter?
What’s better than butter? Jokes about butter, of course.
3. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
An invisible man that you can’t see is offered a job. Sounds like a fantastic plot line.
4. Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other,
5. “Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?”
6. “How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?”
7. “When does a joke become a dad joke?”
8. What do you call a sheep without legs?
9. Cannibals aren’t very sociable.
10. I don’t know why people have a problem with wigs.
11. Dad, looking at soy milk:
12. What do polar bears eat for breakfast?
13. I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
14. Have you ever tried to eat a clock?
15. What do you call a midget-psychic that just escaped from jail?
14 Corny Bad Dad Jokes
A main appeal to dad jokes is that they’re often so bad that they’re humorous.
And these super corny bad dad jokes are meant to disintegrate the worst of moods and change the biggest of frowns.
16. My boss told me to have a good day.
A easy dad joke that everyone can relate to.
17. What do you call a sad coffee?
Try this one out the next time you’re sipping in your local coffee shop.
18. How does a hamburger introduce his new girlfriend?
Good food jokes just never get old.
19. Did you know the first French fries weren’t actually cooked in France?
20. Why don’t crabs give to charity?
21. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
22. How do you make a handkerchief dance?
23. Why do bees have sticky hair?
24. What do you call a cow with a twitch
25. What do you call a dog that’s a magician?
26. Why is it hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs?
27. Did you hear about the buffalo who married a cow?
28. How does NASA put together a party?
29. Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper?
15 Corny Dad Knock Knock jokes
You know who loves knock knock jokes like they’re going our of style?
Kids love knock knock jokes.
If you’re ever stuck with a youngster and out of entertainment ideas, whip out your best corny dad knock knock jokes and watch the time fly by.
30. Knock, Knock!
Who’s there?
Cow says.
Cow says who?
Try this one out on any youngster. If they don’t break down with the giggles, take them to the doctor immediately.
31. Knock, Knock!
Who’s there?
Mustache.
Mustache who?
If you have a mustache, you’re asking for it.
32. Knock, Knock!
Who’s there?
Boo.
Boo who?
With knock knock jokes, the sillier the better.
33. Knock, Knock!
Who’s there?
Abby.
Abby who?
34. Knock, Knock!
Who’s there?
Broken pencil.
Broken pencil who?
35. Knock, Knock!
Who’s there?
Canoe.
Canoe who?
36. Knock, Knock!
Who’s there?
Wooden shoe.
Wooden shoe, who?
37. Knock, Knock!
Who’s there?
Radio.
Radio who?
38. Knock, Knock!
Who’s there?
Dozen.
Dozen who?
39. Knock, Knock!
Who’s there?
Mom and Dad.
Mom and Dad, who?
40. Why did the chicken cross the road?
41. Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Dad.
Dad who?
42. Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Tank.
Tank who?
43. Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Figs.
Figs who?
44. Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Abe Lincoln who?
15 Corny Dad Christmas Jokes
What better time to serve up some laughs than the holidays.
With all the family gathering together, corny dad Christmas jokes are the perfect antidote to family quarrels. These are that are sure to lighten the mood and keep the party going.
45. How do sheep say Merry Christmas in Mexico?
Cause if talking animals celebrating the holidays in Mexico isn’t funny, we don’t know what is.
46. What do you call an outlaw who steals gift wrapping from the rich to give to the poor?
47. What Do You Sing At An Elf’s Birthday Party?
Keep the christmas stories alive with some funny elf jokes.
48. How can you tell a family doesn’t celebrate Christmas?
49. What happens to elves when they behave naughty?
Naughty elves and Santa, this joke has is ready for christmas.
50. Why did Santa put a clock in his sleigh?
51. Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing?
52. Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor?
53. What do you get if you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?.
The perfectly silly Christmas tree joke for tree decorating time.
54. What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert?
55. Why does Santa have three gardens?
56. What did Adam say the day before Christmas?
57. What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?
58. I got a universal remote for Christmas.
59. What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
14 Corny But Stupid Dad Jokes
In a world that’s over saturated with an endless vault of comedy specials, sometimes it’s down right refreshing to kick it old school with some bottom-of-the-barrel, corny but stupid dad jokes.
And because we’re 100% confident that the best jokes are really, really stupid jokes, we dug deep through the treasure trove of funny-bone ticklers for our favorites.
60. What did the full glass say to the empty glass?
A great one for the bar crowd that’s sure to keep the mood light.
61. Why did the woman go on the date with the mushroom?
The perfect joke or an epic ice breaker? You decide.
62. What did the letter say to the stamp?
63. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with,
Who buys shoes from a drug dealer? Corny and stupid or genius and hilarious?
64. What did the duck say when she bought a lipstick?
65. Today I gave my dead batteries away.
66. Why do cow-milking stools only have three legs?
67. Q: Why did you buy a camouflage toilet seat?
68. What does the buffalo tell his son in the morning?
69. What time does Sean Connery get to Wimbledon?
70. How does a train eat?
71. How is imitation like a plateau?
72. What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
73. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
11 Corny Dad Birthday Jokes
What better occasion for some silly humor than a birthday party?
Get ready to be the main entertainment at your next birthday get together with these ridiculous birthday jokes.
74. How do pickles celebrate their birthdays?
The right joke for a birthday boy or girl not in the celebratory mood.
75. What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
76. What does a clam do on his birthday?
77. What do you always get on your birthday?
78. Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream?
Warm up the crowd for cake time with this knee slapper.
79. What did one candle say to the other?
80. Where do you find a birthday present for a cat?
81. Did you hear about the dancer’s birthday?
82. I made you a delicious cake for your birthday, but I couldn’t light the candles.
83. I finally realized my parents favored my twin brother.
84. Marriage is the alliance of two people,
A great birthday joke for the married folk.
11 Corny Dad Old People Jokes
He who laughs, lasts. –Mary Pettibone Poole
If getting old and rickety is an unwanted affliction, fantastic old people jokes are the magic youthful serum.
There is nothing better than these corny dad old people jokes to show just how gracefully you’re aging into your wisdom years.
Getting old is a fact of life. If you can’t beat it, might as well have fun with it.
85. My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction.”
A go-to funny bone tickler for a couples night out.
86. “Everything’s starting to click for me!”
One might argue: the more new reasons you can find to laugh as you get older, the better your life will be.
87. Two old people sitting on a bench one turns to the other and says “My butt fell asleep. The other says,
An old people butt joke? Now, that’s just dang funny.
88. Age doesn’t make you forgetful. Having way too many stupid things to remember makes you forgetful.
89. What has 80 eyes and 2 teeth?
90. Why do Retirees smile all the time?
91. Why do nursing homes give Viagra to the old men every night?
92. How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
93. How many men does it take to make pop popcorn?
94. Life is about changing perspectives and priorities:
95. When I have to make a difficult decision in life I think “What would my grandfather do?”
14 Corny Dad Dog Jokes
Did you know there’s a whole giant shoe box full of corny dad jokes just for dog lovers?
Next time your stuck in the vet’s waiting room, try out some of these very amusing dog jokes
96. What do you call frozen dog?
A dog joke and food joke rolled into one? You can’t go wrong.
97. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing.
It’s always good to have a good joke up your sleeve when you’re sittin’ around sippin’ with friends.
98. How do you make a sled dog fast?
99. What do dogs eat for brunch?
100. What do you call a sad Lassie dog?
101. Ask a dog what prison is like,
It’s a rufffffff life alright when you’re dishing out these rib busters.
102. There is a zoo where the only animal is a dog.
103. Why do dogs bury bones in the ground?
104. What do you call a black Eskimo dog?
105. What did the skeleton say to the puppy?
106. What’s more amazing than a talking dog?
107. Why did the snowman call his dog Frost!
108. Did you hear about the dog who gave birth to puppies on the side of the road
109. How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a monster?
110. What do you get if you cross a gold dog with a telephone?
11 Corny Dad Walks Into A Bar Jokes
At the end of every dark and dingy bar counter, you can undoubtedly find at least one, or sometimes a pair, of bar regulars keeping a pair of bar stools warm, waiting patiently to strike up some giggles with unsuspecting bar patrons.
They are the keepers of a secret class of jokes known colloquially as the walks into a bar jokes.
But we got exclusive access to their walks into a bar jokes journal that’s been passed down for generations, and we’re about to share the very best of the best with you.
111. Gold walked into a bar. The barman shouted,
112. A chameleon walks into a bar.
A clever twist on a classic bar joke that will never get old.
113. A ghost walks into a bar.
114. A blind man walks into a bar.
Warm up the bar crowd with this boozy giggler.
115. An amnesiac walks into a bar. He goes up to a beautiful blonde and says,
116. A neutron walks into a bar. “How much for a beer?” the neutron asks.
Drinking with some smarty pants? We’ve got you covered with this one.
117. E-flat walks into a bar.
118. A horse walks into a bar.
119. A photon checks into a hotel. The bellhop asks, “Can I help you with your luggage?”
120. A dung beetle walks into a bar,
121. So a five-dollar bill walks into a bar, and the bartender says,
12 Corny Dad Military Jokes
Military folks spend an inordinate amount of time together away from family and friends.
Good old fashioned military jokes are a tried and proven remedy to the unsavory conditions they often find themselves in.
122. What do you call a Marine with an IQ of 160?
123. Did You Hear About The Accident at the Army Base?
Anytime you can work a good food joke into your situation, you’re absolutely winning.
124. How many guns do the US need to combat an enemy?
125. During the way my Granddad survived mustard gas and pepper spray.
126. What happened when the soldier went into an enemy bar?
A great drinking joke when you’re out with the squad.
127. What do you call an army of cows?
128. In the army if you lose your rifle, the government charges you $250
129. I’m trying to find out what the lowest rank in the army is.
A funny rank and file quip so silly it’ll turn your tummy.
130. What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?
131. Which military unit has the most kids?
132. Where do belly buttons go to college?
133. How do you know when someone is a Marine?
15 Corny Dad Easter Jokes
Because this article just wouldn’t be complete without a good set of jokes for every occasion, we’ve got some super silly Easter jokes that are sure to make even the Easter bunny spit up its jelly beans.
We have easy to laugh at corny dad Easter jokes that are sure to make ya smile from bunny ear to bunny ear.
134. How does the Easter Bunny get around?
Once the easter candy runs out, keep the excitement going with this funny bunny joke.
135. Why shouldn’t you tell an Easter egg a joke?
The perfect pick me up joke for the family after a sleepy easter mass.
136. What do you get if you pour hot water down a rabbit hole?
137. How does the Easter Bunny stay fit?
138. Why did the Easter egg hide?
Why does the easter bunny hide chicken eggs? Hmmmmmmmm.
139. What day does an Easter egg hate the most?
140. Why was the Easter Bunny so upset
141. Why did a fellow rabbit say that the Easter Bunny was self-centered
142. What do you call a line of rabbits jumping backwards
143. Therapist: What’s been up lately?
144. What do you call a sleepy Easter egg?
145. What kind of jewelry do rabbits wear
146. What do you call an egg from outer space
147. How do you know when you’re eating rabbit stew
148. What Is The Easter Bunny’s Favorite State Capital
15 Corny Dad Coffee Jokes
What’s better than a hot cup of joe with a side of laughter?
The answer is absolutely nothing. That’s why we dug up these insanely funny corny dad coffee jokes.
Best shared over a cup of joe with a toasted muffin.
149. Why did espresso keep checking his watch
150. What’s it called when you steal someone’s coffee
151. How does a coffee lover hit on a woman
An ideal joke when you’re sipping some morning joe with the guys.
152. How did the hipster burn his tongue?
Don’t miss an easy chance to take a jab at the hipsters.
153. How does Moses make his coffee?
154. What’s the best Beatles song?</
155. How are coffee beans like kids?
The perfect coffee joke for the parental units.
156. Where do birds go for coffee
157. Where do Russians buy their coffee from
158. Why does Karl Marx drink coffee before going to lectures
159. What’s a cow’s favorite coffee?
160. I accidentally drank from a co-workers coffee cup
161. Why are Italians so good at making coffee?
162. I went to the doctor and told him every time I take a sip of coffee, I feel a stabbing pain in my face.
163. Why don’t snakes drink coffee
13 Corny Dad Lawyer Jokes
Lawyers make easy targets for the quick-witted, and these corny dad lawyer jokes don’t pull any punches.
Sure, you might need a good lawyer some day. But for now, let’s enjoy some easy laughs with these laugh-out-loud lawyer jokes.
164. What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?
Got a lawyer in your circle of friends? Roast ’em good with this clever lawyer crack.
165. What’s the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer riding a motorcycle
The best lawyer jokes are the crass ones.
166. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a jellyfish?
Don’t worry. Lawyers have thick skin.
167. What’s black and brown and looks good on a lawyer
168. Who invented copper wire?
169. How many lawyer jokes are there? Only three.
170. When attorneys die, why do they bury them 600 feet underground
171. How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
172. How many personal injury attorneys does it take to change a light bulb?
173. How do you get a group of personal injury lawyers to smile for a picture?
174. There are two kinds of lawyers,
175. What’s the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?.
176. What’s the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?
14 Corny Dad Office Jokes
Unless you work at a funny farm, the office workplace is usually one of those spots just desperate for a tickle of liveliness.
That’s where these most entertaining office jokes come in really handy.
Got a 2 hour meeting to survive? Come smartly prepared with these boisterous office jokes and watch the time fly by.
177. How is Christmas like your job?
Try out this fun office joke before your next boring meeting.
178. Being an astronaut is funny.
179. What do your boss and a slinky have in common?
Better yet, start a group text with your coworkers the next time your boss lays into one of his monologues.
180. How can you tell when an engineer is an extrovert.
181. Why are proctologists so gloomy?.
182. Want to hear a joke about construction?
Because construction projects always take twice as long as you expect.
183. What do you call a fat psychic?
184. I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.
185. What does a nosey pepper do?
186. What’s that Nevada city where all the dentists visit?
187. What did the caretaker say when they jumped out of the store cupboard?
188. What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of a computer?/h4>
189. Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water
190. My annual performance review says I lack “passion and intensity.”
12 Corny Dad Church Jokes
Church can get a bit serious with all the do’s and don’t and ceremony. That’s why these corny dad church jokes are so terribly important.
If you think church can’t be fun, you haven’t heard these hilarious church jokes.
We have the most blasphemous corny dad church jokes that will make even the big man upstairs chuckle.
191. How can you make God laugh?
192. If anyone needs an ark,
Kids not excited about going to church? Get ’em laughing with a little church humor first.
193. What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth
194. What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth?
195. If Mary had Jesus, and Jesus is the lamb of God,
Who said waiting in line for communion has to be so dreadfully boring?
196. What kind of car does Jesus drive
197. Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?
198. Why didn’t Noah go fishing?
199. What do they call pastors in Germany?
200. What kind of alcohol do you find in church
201. He who farts in church…
You can NEVER go wrong with a good fart joke.
202. Why can’t skeletons play music at a church
13 Cheesy Corny Dad Jokes
If you’re looking for the best corny dad jokes, you’ll need these particularly cheesy corny dad jokes.
Cheesy corny dad jokes are a whole other level of dad jokes that only the coolest jokers can pull off.
Think you’re cool enough?
203. What kind of computer can sing really well
204. I would tell a joke about pizza,
A truly cheesy dad joke for any crowd.
205. The secret service isn’t allowed to yell “Get down!” anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Save this laugh out loud Trump crack until you have everyone’s attention. It’s too good to waste.
206. What is the least spoken language in the world
207. What does a zombie vegetarian eat?
Because quite simply, making fun of vegetarians is fun.
208. Did you hear the news? FedEx and UPS are merging.
209. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
210. How does a penguin build its house?
Since penguins are already funny little creatures, this one is an easy hit.
211. I’m so good at sleeping,
212. Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip?
213. How do celebrities stay cool?
214. What kind of egg did the evil chicken lay?
215. What did the fisherman say to the magician?
13 Corny Dad Blonde Jokes
If you’re looking for some truly timeless jokes, blonde jokes are the perfect answer.
Corny dad blonde jokes just never get old, and you can keep coming back to them time and time again.
216. Why don’t blondes like making Kool-Aid?
217. Why did the blonde get excited after finishing her puzzle in 6 months?
An ageless dumb blonde joke that every brunette will love.
218. Why do men like blonde jokes?
219. Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
With blonde jokes, the recipe is simple: the dumber, the better.
220. Why did the blonde tip toe near the medicine cabinet?
221. Why are blonde jokes so short?
A clever redirect from the blonde to the brunette that ensures an even burn.
222. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
223. Why can’t blondes make ice cubes?
224. Why did the blonde put water on her computer?
225. A man walks by a blonde, who is holding a pig. The man asks, “Where did you get her?”
226. How do you keep a blonde in the shower all day?
227. Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar?
228. Why do blondes make awful bank robbers?
15 Witty But Corny Dad Jokes
The best corny dad jokes are the ones that make you stop for a second and think.
The great thing about witty jokes is that they might go over some folks’ heads.
But for the ones paying attention to your clever quips, these witty but corny dad jokes are priceless.
229. How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?
Impress your friends with this subtle misuse of a common homonym.
230. Why did the blind man fall down the well?
231. Dogs can’t operate MRI machines…
It’s clever and appeals to both dog and cat lovers alike.
232. What’s the advantage of living in Switzerland?
233. I’ve just been diagnosed as color blind
234. What did the hammer say to his homeboys?
235. I’ve always admired fishermen.
236. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
237. How much does a hipster weigh?
Hipsters and their IG’s make such easy targets for a quick laugh.
238. How did one mitten feel about the other mitten?
239. I couldn’t get a reservation at the library..
240. Did you watch the new comic book movie?
241. What did the traffic light say to the crosswalk?
242. Why did the big cat get disqualified from the race?
243. Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road
15 Funniest Corny Dad Jokes Ever
If you’re going the corny dad joke route, might as well entertain with the funniest corny dad jokes ever.
The funniest jokes ever is bold claim, so see for yourself. Or better yet, let the audience decide. Try a few jokes out on some unsuspecting friends.
244. What did the Buddhist monk say to the hotdog vendor?
A joke that can bring together Buddhism and hot dogs is truly a world class joke.
245. What do you call a pig that does Karate?
We already know how funny pandas doing kung fu can be. Why not a karate pig joke?
246. What does a painter do when he gets cold?
A perfect joke to break the silence during a painting project with friends or family.
247. An invisible man married an invisible women.
248. If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?
249. My wife got a job at the zoo.
250. I drank some food coloring and,
251. If a cow doesn’t produce milk is it a milk dud?
252. What state has the smallest drinks?
253. What does a dinosaur use to pay the bills?
254. What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
255. Why did the birthday boy wrap himself in paper?
256. What did the full glass say to the empty glass?
257. What did one ocean say to the other?
258. I can always tell if someone is lying just by looking at them
15 Corny Pirate Dad Jokes
What’s not to love about corny pirate dad jokes?
There’s nothing like some good pirate jokes conjured up by rum-loving, treasure-obsessed, seafaring folk to make you feel alive.
So crack a barrel of rum and test out these delicious pirate jokes.
We have the haaaaaarrrrrdiest corny pirate dad jokes in the sea.
259. How did the pirate get his Jolly Roger so cheaply?
260. What does a dyslexic pirate say?
261. How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced?
Pirates are such an ignominious bunch, they’re basically asking for it.
262. What did one pirate say to the other?
263. Why couldn’t the pirate crew play cards?
264. Where do pirates buy their hooks?
A great one to save for the docks.
265. Why did the pirate go out of business?
266. What do you call a pirate without an eye-patch?
267. What is the latest in Pirate technology?
268. How do pirates prefer to communicate?
269. What is a pirate’s favorite movie? (But it is arr-rated.)
270. How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook?
Try out this knee slapper the next time you’re out at sea with friends.
271. Why Is Pirating Addictive?
272. Why Did The Pirate Have Red Eyes?
273. What’s A Pirate’s Favorite Kind Of Fish?
13 Corny What Do You Call Dad Jokes
Remember the dad with the inexhaustible lot of what do you call jokes?
Incredibly ridiculous, sometimes borderline racist or sexist, and always hilarious, corny what do you call dad jokes are perfect when you’re just hanging around with the guys.
274. What do you call two guys from Mexico playing basketball?
275. What do you call a worm with no teeth?
276. What do you call a monkey who loves potato chips?
Chipmunks are cute, but monkeys eating potato chips are hilarious.
277. What do you call a guy who never farts in public?
Any chance to slip in a little fart joke is a guaranteed win.
278. What do you call two fat people having a chat?
279. What do you call a skunk who flies a helicopter?
280. What do you call lending money to a bison?
281. What do you call a group of unorganized cats?
282. What do you call the Children of the Corn’s father?
283. What do you call bees that produce milk?
284. What do you call a fake noodle?
285. What do you call a rich elf?
286. What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
Whip this one out on your next road trip and watch the energy drink burst out of your buddy’s nose.
13 Corny New Years Dad Jokes
Never get stuck at a new years party with an awkward moment of silence that you can’t fill.
These new years jokes will keep the laughter and conversation rolling on until the ball drops.
287. My new year’s resolution is to be more optimistic,
Resolutions are way too serious. We prefer full glasses and broken promises.
288. What do you tell someone you didn’t see at New Year’s Eve?
289. What do cows celebrate on December 31st?
290. I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year,
291. It’s officially New Year’s Eve,
292. What do you call always having a date for New Year’s Eve?
293. What kind of toilet do French people use on January 1st?
294. What’s the forecast for New Years Eve?
A fairly accurate joke that undoubtedly applies to a wide audience.
295. What is corn’s favorite holiday?
296. An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in.
297. What happened to the Irish man who thought about the evils of drinking in the New Year?
Drinking jokes and New Year’s go together like peanut butter and jelly.
298. An iPhone and a firework were arrested on New Year’s Eve.
299. I took New Year resolution that i will only tell furniture jokes and,
13 Corny Nerd Dad Jokes
Sometimes, it’s not just the occasion you need to be prepared for but the crowd.
Next time you’re hanging around some nerdy types, don’t skip a beat with these super fun nerd jokes.
We got the smartest, mind-thumping corny nerd dad jokes that some folks just won’t understand.
300. An infectious disease enters a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve your kind in here.” It replies, “Well, you’re not a very good host.”
301. How do you know the moon is going broke?
302. Did you hear the one about the pregnant woman who went into labor and started shouting.
An excellent grammar joke for the teacher lounge.
303. What did E.T.’s mother say to him when he got home?
304. Why was Pavlov’s hair so soft?
A smart joke for some nerdy folks that every evolutionist will adore.
305. What do you get when you put root beer in a square glass?
306. Why Can’t You Trust Atoms?
307. I Have a New Theory on Inertia.
308. Argon walks into a bar.
309. What does a subatomic duck say?
Ducks who quark instead of quack in a subatomic realm only the nerdiest physicists could appreciate.
310. Why should you never date an apostrophe
311. Which dinosaur knows the most words
312. Where Does Bad Light End Up?
12 Corny Thanksgiving Dad Jokes
The annual turkey fest has the uncanny potential of turning south with far too serious adult talk.
Keep the conversation light and fun with these killer thanksgiving jokes.
313. What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?
314. Why did the turkey play the drums in his band?
A good way to break the hum of yummy noises at the table before you sneak in for seconds.
315. Why didn’t the Pilgrims want to make the bread?
316. When do you serve tofu turkey?
317. Why do turkeys always go, “gobble, gobble?”
318. If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one?
319. What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
320. Why did the cranberries turn red?
Give this racy cranberry joke a try the next time your boring aunt starts telling another dreadful story.
321. What did the turkey say to the computer?
322. Why was the Thanksgiving soup so expensive?
323. Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down?
324. What did the mama turkey say to her naughty son?
Turkey AND gravy? Well, this joke just has it all.
11 Corny Shark Dad Jokes
Hang out at a beach long enough, and the conversation inevitably turns to the scary “men in the gray suits” that must be lurking beneath the ocean’s surface.
Don’t let shark fear mongering ruin your fun in the sun and keep you beached. Instead, use these painfully silly shark jokes to relieve the anxiety and get everyone swimming.
325. I was at the beach today when I saw a man in the sea yelling “Help, shark! Help!”
326. I had a nightmare about being attacked by a shark.
327. What’s a shark’s favorite hobby?
328. What happens when you cross a great white shark with a cow fish?…
As long as there are some cervezas involved, we’re pretty sure this joke will land.
329. What kind of vitamins do sharks eat?
330. Which country do sharks come from?.
Makes sense. Oh wait, are these still jokes?
331. What does a shark eat with peanut butter
Sharks eating pb & jellyfish? That’s super funny and quite possibly true.
332. What sort of fish operates on poorly sharks
333. I saw a singing shark once,
334. Why don’t sharks like fast food?
But ya know what’s not hard to get? This crazy silly joke.
335. What’s yellow and dangerous
Downloadable list of Corny Dad Jokes
Here is a downloadable and printable list of corny dad jokes (right click the image and select Save Image As…) :
How to use corny dad jokes
There are so many different corny dad jokes for every occasion. Knowing how to use corny dad jokes is equally as important as knowing the dad jokes themselves.
With a little guidance, corny dad jokes can be the perfect entertainment when you need it the most.
1. Know Your Audience
Take a second to know your audience, so you can avoid the sensitive topics and hone in on the gut-wrenching ones.
Stuck waiting at a courthouse? Probably not the best time to lay down some corny dad lawyer jokes.
2. Timing is Everything
Wait for that special opportune moment to dish out a good knee-slapper.
The best time for a corny dad joke is when you feel the mood getting ready to turn in the wrong direction or to break an awkward silence.
3. Delivery the Goods and Leave It
Folks are either gonna love your corny dad jokes, or they’re not. Maybe you’ll only raise a little smirk or nothing at all.
Whether they love it or hate or land somewhere in between, the best corny dad joke is delivered with indifference and total confidence.
4. Keep Going
What makes corny dad jokes so useful is that they’re meant to be stringed together.
Whatever reaction you receive at first, keep going with the corny dad jokes.
Eventually, even the toughest nut will crack and glean a grin.
More Awesome Jokes To Tell
Here are a few more awesome jokes to tell that you shouldn’t miss out on.
- Math jokes are a no-brainer; the square of the hypotenuse just sounds funny.
- Political jokes are a modern necessity because there’s not much left to do but laugh when it comes to politics.
- Science jokes are for you if you like to giggle about photons and chromosomes.
- No joke arsenal is complete without an ample quiver of the best one liner jokes.
- Computers can drive us nuts, so computer jokes are critical for surviving this frustrating digital age.
In Conclusion
Everybody’s got jokes, but only a select group of special pundits are capable of wielding the giggle power of really corny dad jokes.
And even though dad jokes have been cultivated by dad’s over centuries, their fantastically corny jokes are for everyone and not just dads.
So the next time you find an opportunity to entertain, whether it’s your co-workers, your peers, or some little ones, break out some of these killer dad jokes and watch the smiles abound.
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