Rebecca | Nov 26, 2019 | 0
206 Walks Into A Bar Jokes – A hilarious and downright silly list!
Walks into a bar jokes are great for any occasion. They can make people huff, blow air forcefully from their nose and more importantly, make them laugh. From witty jokes to maths jokes.
With the same jokes flying around, it can be difficult to find the perfect jokes. But don’t worry, we have you covered with some of the best jokes out there.
Walks into a bar jokes can be either hilarious or downright silly. But when the occasion calls for it, you need to have a few of the best ones up your sleeve.
Here are the 16 best walk into a bar jokes:
1. A ghost walks into a bar, the bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve spirits.”
This simple is so simple it is actually hilarious.
2. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”
3. A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm and says “A beer please! And one for the road!”
It’s always nice to go for drinks with a friend, but it is even better when it’s funny.
4. A guy walks into a bar carrying jumper cables. The bartender says, “Hey pal, don’t start anything in here.”
5. A man with authority walks into a bar. He orders everyone around.
Putting serious people in a funny situation is always funny.
6. Two conspiracy theorists walk into a bar. You can’t tell me that was just a coincidence, man.
7. A snake walks into a bar. The bartender says, “How did you do that?”
It might take a while for your audience to get this one, but when they do it’ll be hilarious.
8. So a five-dollar bill walks into a bar, and the bartender says, “Hey. This is a singles bar.”
9. E-flat walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve minors.”
As if the minor scales are not sad enough. But this joke makes it just a little funnier.
10. A corn stalk walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Want to hear a joke?” The corn stalk replies, “I’m all ears!”
11. Three fonts walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, “We don’t serve your type in here.”
With hilarious visuals and a little wordplay, this is one of the funniest jokes around.
12. An atheist, a vegan and a Crossfitter walk into a bar. I only know because they told everyone within the first three minutes.
13. A cat walks into a bar. Then out of the bar. Then back in. Then out again.
For anyone who has ever owned a cat, this joke is hilariously accurate.
14. A giraffe walks into a bar. “Sorry”, said the barman, “We don’t serve Heineken here.”
15. A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a door. And a staircase.
A bit of physical comedy will always make people laugh.
16. Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, “Is the bar tender here?”
There is only one thing people love more than cheese, and it’s cheesy jokes. Each joke might be met with an eye roll, but you know that they are really laughing deep down.
Here are 13 cheesy walk into a bar jokes:
17. Back in my day you could go to a convenience store with a dollar and come back with some chips and 3 candy bars. Now they have cameras.
While we don’t agree with shoplifting, we can’t help but laughing at this one.
18. A lion walks into a bar… Several people get up and leave predicting the impending danger.
Fight or flight? Neither, just a lot of laughing.
19. A woman was throwing darts at a bar when an attractive young man approached her. He said, “Excuse me, miss?” And so she did.
20. After playing on the jungle gym for a few hours, a tired child walks into a bar. He really should have looked where he was going.
This joke reads like a funny fail video, obviously making it hilarious.
21. A tennis ball walks into a bar… The bar man asks: “have you been served?”
This one is a little backhanded, get it?
22. A fan walks into a bar, turns to the bartender and…then back to the door, then to the bartender and back to the door.
23. Descartes walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender asks “You wanna beer?” Descartes says “I think not.” and disappears.
Who knew mixing philosophy and comedy would be so funny?
24. A horse walked into a bar and the bartender asked, “Why the long face?”
This one may be an oldie but it is definitely a goodie.
25. A brain walks into a bar and orders a pint of beer. The bartender says, “I’m not serving you, you’re out of your skull!”
26. A goldfish walks into a bar and looks at the bartender. The bartender asks, “What can I get you?” The goldfish says, “Water.”
There is nothing funnier than mixing a joke with impending doom.
27. A dachshund walks into a bar and says, “Bartender, pour me a long one.”
28. A cat walks into a bar and orders a glass of water. The bartender asks, “Are you going to drink it, or just knock it over on purpose?”
Some of the best jokes are ones that have an element of truth. That makes this one really funny.
29. Shakespeare walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. “I can’t serve you,” replies the bartender. “You’re Bard!”
For some reason, bad jokes, and more particularly bad walk into a bar jokes, are always a crowd-pleaser. That’s why it is great to have some bad jokes up your sleeve.
Here are 15 bad walk into a bar jokes:
30. An amnesiac walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Do I come here often?”
Oh, this one is so bad, it’s nearly funny.
31. A man walks into an English pub and orders a pint of Adenosine Triphosphate. The barman says “that will be 80p.”
32. A book walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Please, no stories!”
If you are ever caught in a conversation with an author, this is a great joke to tell.
33. A drunk walks into a bar and the bartender asks me what I want.
34. A cable TV installer walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, “You’ll be served sometime between 7 and 2.
Some of the best jokes are the ones where karma is involved.
35. An electrician walks into a bar all amped up and is shocked when the bartender refuses him regular service.
36. A pig walks into a bar, the bartender says “What’ll it be?” The pig replies, “A pint of guinea’s please.”
With a great pun and fast delivery, this joke is always a winner.
37. A guy walks up to the Bartender at a wedding reception and asks, “Is this the punch line?”
38. The last man on earth walks into a bar, and says “Drink, I’d like another bartender.”
This one is kind of sad, but it’s also really funny.
39. An anagramist walks into a bar, and the bartender says, “Why the clean fog?”
40. A giraffe walks into a bar. “High balls are on me!”
Slightly dirty and a little bit adult but this joke is so subtle its hilarious.
41. A really big Chia pet walks into a bar, and the bartender says, “What’ll it be?” The Chia pet says, “Anything but water!”
42. A short story walks into a bar. THE END.
And that is literally all she wrote.
43. An inkjet cartridge walks into a bar. The bartender asks, “Are you sure you don’t need a refill?”
Because let’s face it. An ink cartridge is never full!
44. A baseball walks into a bar, and the bartender throws him out.
Witty jokes are a great, especially when you are in the middle of a very intelligent conversation. By picking the right witty jokes, you can make a dull conversation entertaining.
Here are 10 witty walk into a bar jokes:
45. After a rather wet night the bartender asks Bruce, who’s lying on the floor: “Would you like a chair there, mate?” “No, I’m okay standing, thanks.”
There is bring drunk and then there is being drunk. This one gets the hilarity just right.
46. A chicken walks into a bar. The bartender says “We don’t serve poultry!” “That’s okay,” says the chicken. “I just want a drink.”
Who knew an oblivious chicken could be so funny?
47. Two tubs of yogurt walk into a bar. The bartender, who is a container of cottage cheese, says to them, “We don’t serve your kind in here.” “Why not?” asks one of the yogurts. “We’re cultured individuals.”
This one is both educational and funny.
48. A minimalist walks into a bar.
Short. Sweet. Hilarious.
49. An eye chart walks into a bar. Almost immediately, the bartender walks over and sets down a glass of dark beer and some chicken wings, which just happens to be exactly what the vision checking tool was going to order. “How did you know what I wanted?” the optometrist’s aide asked. “Simple”, said the bartender, “you’re really easy to read.”
This one is both funny and cute. A perfect combination.
50. A ceiling fan walks into a bar, and says, “I’d like a beer, but I can’t pay you until tomorrow.” Bartender says, “Look, we’ve gone round and round about this.”
51. An EMT walks into a bar and is startled to see a woman lying on the floor and no one showing any concern. Rushing toward her to help, he asks the bartender over his shoulder, “Any idea what the lady’s problem is?” The man drawing beer, says, “Oh she just fell for a pick-up line.”
With its serious introduction, the punch line of this joke is such to know anyone out.
52. An egg walks into a bar, looks around and sees the place is empty. The egg says to the bartender, “Looks like I beat everyone here this morning.” The bartender says, “Not really. The chicken came first.”
If you are even asked the answer to the infamous question, this joke should set them straight.
53. A knife and a spoon walk into a bar. The bartender, used to seeing the full set of silverware together, says, “Where’s your four-pronged friend?” “Oh,” the sharper of the two replies, “we passed a sign and he got out of the car to help the fork in the road.
54. A chicken walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve chickens here. Try the place across the road.”
Just in case your ever wondering why the chicken crossed the road, this is probably the reason.
What is funnier than a joke? The funniest jokes ever obviously! These jokes are sure to make your audience roll on the ground laughing.
Here are 18 funniest walk into a bar jokes ever:
55. A chicken walks into a bar, looks around and says to the barman “sorry, wrong joke”
A case of mistaken identity does have a tendency to make people laugh.
56. A Don’t Walk sign walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, you can’t do that!”
57. A light bulb walks into a bar, hands the bartender a dollar and says, “I need some quarters for the meter.” Bartender says, “Sorry, it takes three bartenders to change a light bulb.”
Turning an old joke on its head, this joke is both clever and really funny.
58. An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk, and smoking cigars.
If you are using this one, it is probably best to write it down.
59. A square, a triangle, and a hexagon walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Looks like you guys could use a round.”
60. A neutrino walks into a bar. The bartender says “we don’t serve neutrinos in here.” The neutrino says “I was just passing through.”
With a little bit of physics, you can make any joke funny.
61. A TV sitcom walks into a bar. The bartender says “Cheers!”
A little word of caution, if you use this joke, it may lead to a sing-a-long version of the Cheers theme tune.
62. Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar. And doesn’t.
Or does. Or doesn’t. Or does. We’ll never know.
63. A weasel walks into a bar. “You look underage,” says the Bartender. “I can’t serve you alcohol.” “I’ll have a pop,” goes the weasel.
64. A potato peeler walks into a bar, goes and sits in a booth in the back. A while later, a potato walks into the bar. Bartender says, “Don’t go back there.”
Get it? Cause he’s Scotch tape? Just me. Ok…
65. A piano walks into a bar after hours. The bartender says, “Hey, who gave you the keys?”
66. A guy walks into a bar and asks, “Do you have any helicopter-flavored potato chips?” The bartender says, “No, we only have plane.”
Simple but really effective, this joke will have people laughing in no time.
67. A roll of tape walks into a bar. The bartender says, “What would you like?” The tape says, “Make it a Scotch.”
68. A roll of duct tape walks into a bar. The bartender says “What can I get you?” The duct tape says “I’ll stick to my usual.”
Consistency is key when telling a good joke.
69. A guy walks into a bar with a duck on his head. The bartender looks up and says “Where did you get that ape?” Guy says, “This isn’t an ape, it’s a duck”. The bartender says “I was TALKING to the duck”.
70. Bacon and Eggs walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast.”
Simple and to the point, this joke is one of the funniest ones around.
71. Two peanuts walked into a bar, and one was a-salted.
72. A pig goes into a bar and orders ten drinks. He finishes them up and the bartender says, “Don’t you need to know where the bathroom is?” The pig says, “No, I go wee wee all the way home.”
Cute and slightly nostalgic, this joke is really hilarious.
From intelligent jokes to stupid jokes, corny jokes come in all shapes and sizes. When you really want to make someone laugh, corny jokes are the best ones to have.
Here are 16 corny walk into a bar jokes:
73. A web-content writer walks into a bar, and you won’t believe what happens next.
Well they say that the hook is all you need for a good joke.
74. A simile and a metaphor walk into a bar, like fog coming in on little cat feet.
75. A guy walks into a bar. His buddy laughs and says, “Don’t worry, I didn’t see it either.
Sometimes having someone back can be funny.
76. Ambiguity walks into a bar. When the bartender sees it, he wipes his glasses.
77. Redundancy walks into a bar, hops onto a stool, and takes a seat.
78. A pickle walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, you’re a pickle! What are you doing here?” The pickle says, “Well for starters, I’m celebrating the fact that I can walk.”
With a bit of misdirection, this joke really gets people laughing.
79. A split infinitive tries to surreptitiously walk into a bar, but it gets bounced.
80. A bar walks into a man. Oops, wrong frame of reference.
81. A skeleton walks into a bar and says “Give me a beer — and a mop.”
The visual on this one is good enough to have everyone laughing.
82. After hotly pursuing a hearse, a pun walks into a bar and asks if anyone wants a bier chaser.
83. A spy walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Why the wrong face?”
84. Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, “Olive or twist?”
By combining literary knowledge and beer, what do you get? A great walk into a bar joke, obviously.
85. Crowded with happy patrons, a dangling modifier walks into a bar.
>86. A minimalist technical writer walks into a bar. She says: Beer.
Simple and to the point.
87. A warlock walks into a bar..everyone knows he a warlock cause he announces it immediately.
88. A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says “We don’t serve superconductors here.” The superconductor leaves without putting up any resistance.
For those of you that are into particle physics, this joke is pretty hilarious.
For years, dad jokes have been the type of jokes that people roll their eyes at. But let’s face it, they are the best type of jokes.
Here are 20 walk into a bar dad jokes:
89. A cowboy walks into a bar, dressed entirely in paper. Wasn’t long before he was arrested for rustling.
Tell this joke with a couple of actions and it will be really funny.
90. A white horse walks into a bar, and the barman sees the horse and says: “Hey, we have a whisky here named after you!” The horse then says: “What? ‘Eric?'”
91. David Hasselhoff walks into a bar and says to the barman, “I want you to call me David Hoff.” The barman replies, “Sure thing, Dave… no hassle.”
A dad joke wouldn’t be funny without a play on words.
92. So three lazy stereotypes walk into a bar. You know what they’re like.
93. A robot walks into a bar, orders a drink, and lays down a bill. The bartender says “Hey, we don’t serve robots!”, and the robot says “No, but someday you will.”
Scary and weirdly accurate, this joke has a weird sense of impending doom around it.
94. So three post-structuralists walk into a bar. It’s impossible to articulate what happened to them individually in one coherent punchline.
95. So Marx, Lenin and Trotsky walk into a bar. Marx argues the punchline is inevitable. Lenin has a five-year plan. Trotsky flirts with a woman.
Who knew economy theory could be so funny?
96. And the barman says ‘why are you all dressed this way?’ So, three time travellers walk into a bar.
97. So three moon-landing deniers walk into a bar. But it could have been a secret studio in Texas fitted out to look like it’s a bar.
With so much intrigue, who really knows?
98. A cockroach, a rat and an ant walk into a bar. They receive strange looks from all those inside, as the bartender calls pest control.
99. Bill Gates walks into a bar, and everyone inside suddenly becomes a millionaire… on average.
100. A hipster walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Would you care for our drinks menu?” and the hipster says, “No thanks. I’ve already read it on Scribd.”
This one is funny and also painfully accurate.
101. A baby goat walks into a bar, and the bartender says, “I’m sorry, but we don’t serve kids here.”
102. A man walks into a bar, and is promptly knocked out of the World Limbo Championships.
You see, limbo is all about techniques you know?
103. A man walks into a bar in London. Ouch! It was an overpriced bar.
104. The Mediterranean Sea, Red Sea and Black Seas walk into a bar looking very sad. The barman looks at them and says: “who died?”
105. Elvis walks into a bar, says “love me, tender”, and the bartender holds him gently, strokes his quiff and they grow old together.
Who knew that a little bit of romance would be so funny?
106. An infrared photon walked into a bar and said, “is it hot in here, or is it just me?”
107. An xray photon walked into a bar. The bartender says, “can I get you something to drink?” The xray photon said, “no, I’m just having a look inside!”
108. A green photon walked into a bar. The bartender said “you look fluorescent!” The photon turned red, and left.
Because, you know, you wouldn’t want to make a photon embarrassed.
Telling a joke is comes down to simple maths. With one jokes and one bit of humor, you get great maths jokes. Don’t believe me? Well, have I got some great math jokes for you?
Here are 13 walk into a bar math jokes:
109. A calculus teacher walks into a bar, and orders a Coke. The bartender says, “Can’t I get you something stronger?” The calculus teacher says, “Sorry, but I can’t drink and derive.”
A responsible calculus teacher is a hilarious calculus teacher.
110. A bar walks into a commutative algebraist.
111. Two polynomials walk into a bar. The bartender, a derivative, asks them “Can I take you order?” The polynomials run out screaming “Help! The bartender threatened to kill me!
Sequential mathematics has literally never been this funny.
112. And the bartender says “Sorry, we don’t serve tachyons here.” A tachyon walks into a bar.
113. A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer walk into a bar. The barman looks at the three and says, “Is this some kind of joke?”
Truth be told, this can actually happen in real life!
114. A definite integral walks into a bar and orders five shots of tequila. The bartender says, “Dude, are you sure you can handle that?” The integral says, “Yeah, I know my limits.”
There is something about a math joke that can really make you giggle.
115. An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a quarter of a beer. Before the next one can order, the bartender says, “You’re all so mean,” and pours two beers.
116. ƒ(x) walks into a bar. The barman says, “Sorry, we don’t cater for functions.”
Is it bad that I actually feel a little sorry for f(x)? It’s still pretty funny though.
117. A definite integral walks into a bar and orders five shots of tequila. The bartender says, “Dude, are you sure you can handle that?” The integral says, “Yeah, I know my limits.”
118. A statistician walks into just your average bar. Bartender says, we don’t serve statisticians in this bar. The statistician says, well, you’re just mean.
What is the statistical probability that this one is funny? Really really high.
119. a guy walks into a bar and says, “give me 10x the number of drinks that everyone in here is drinking” the bartender says, “that, my friend, is an order of magnitude”
120. Square root of negative one walks into a bar and asks a girl for her number, she says “oh c’mon!”
For anyone who has ever tutored students in maths, this one is for you.
121. Three logicians walk into a bar. bartender: do you all want beer? Logician 1: i don’t know Logician 2: i don’t know Logician 3: i know
What is funny, short and makes people sigh? Stupid jokes, obviously! They are silly and stupid but they are always funny.
Here are 15 stupid walk into a bar jokes:
122. A bear walks into a bar wearing a baseball cap. Bartender says, “You want to watch the Cubs?”
A little courtesy goes a long way.
123. Bear says, “Do you have a secret camera in my house!? Is my family okay!? What do you want from me!?”
124. A red, an orange, a yellow, a green, a blue, an indigo, and a violet photon walked into a gay bar.
125. A man walks into a bar. It left a huge bruise on his forehead.
This one is so stupid it nearly makes you hit yourself in the head.
126. A soccer ball walks into a bar. The bartender kicked him out.
127. A magician walks down an alley and turns into a bar.
128. A priest, a rabbi and a photon walk into a bar, and a drunk says, I think I see the Light!”
129. A guy sees a beautiful woman at the other end of the bar. He walks up to her and says, “Where have you been all my life?” “Well,” she says, “for the first half of it, I wasn’t even born.”
Shocking but hilarious, this one is super stupid.
130. A giraffe walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Do you want a long neck?” The giraffe says, “Do I have a choice?”
131. A photon stopped at the bar and asked if there was a room to rent. The bartender said “Sure thing. Can I take your bag up to your room?” The photon said “no, I am traveling light.”
132. Arnold Schoenberg walks into a bar. “I’ll have a gin please, but no tonic”
133. An SEO copywriter walks into a bar, grill, pub, public house, Irish, bartender, drinks, beer, wine, liquor…
Well this joke is always on the top of my search list.
134. A photon walks into a bar. The bartender says, “what’ll you have?” The photon says “light beer”.
135. E-flat walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve minors.”
136. A baby seal walks into a bar. “What can I get you?” asks the bartender. “Anything but a Canadian Club,” replies the seal.
Dogs are cute, aren’t they? They are man’s best friend but they are also really funny. That’s why there is so many dog jokes out there.
Here are14 dog walk into a bar jokes:
137. A Dog Walks into a Bar, and says “Toilet water on the rocks, please!”
Who doesn’t love a dog with class?
138. A dog limps into a bar and says, “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”
139. A dog goes into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender says, “You don’t see a dog in here drinking a martini very often.” The dog says, “At these prices, I’m not surprised.”
140. A Dog Walks into a Bar and orders a GROWLer.
141. A blind man walks into a bar, grabs his dog by its hind legs, and swung him around in a circle. The bartender says, “Hey buddy, what are you doing?” And the blind man says, “Don’t mind me, I’m just looking around.”
142. A Dog Walks into a Bar and, orders water because he can’t hold his licker.
143. A tourist goes into a bar, and there’s a dog sitting in a chair, playing poker. He says, “Is that dog really playing poker?” And the bartender says, “Yeah, but he’s not too good. Whenever he has a good hand, he starts wagging his tail.”
144. A Dog Walks into a Bar and, orders water because he can’t hold his licker.”
145. A Dog Walks into a Bar and asks “Is this fire hydrant taken?”
At least he asked first.
146. A dog walks into a bar, the bartender puts a pint, some mixers and ice in front of him. The dog asks, “Is this some kind of set up?”
147. A Dog Walks into a Bar, then out, then in, then back out.
148. A dog walks into a bar. The dog says, “Gimme a beer.” The bartender says, “Wow! You can talk! You should get a job at the circus!” The dog says, “They’re hiring electricians at the circus?”
149.A Dog Walks into a Bar and says “you look quite fetching today.” The Bartender says “Thanks, I really dig your backyard.” The dog says, “I like big mutts and I cannot lie.”
150. A Dog Walks into a Bar…SQUIRREL!
Their lack of concentration is really what we love about dogs, isn’t it?
Politics can be very serious. And that’s why it is so easy to make political jokes. From satire to walks into a bar jokes, political jokes always make people laugh.
Here are 11 political walk into a bar jokes:
151. A black guy, a muslim, an illegal alien, and a socialist walk into a bar. The bartender asks, “What can I get you, Mr. President ? ”
152. So Gaddafi, Mubarak and Ben-Ali walk into a bar. After they left, the Muslim Brotherhood won the elections, banned alcohol & closed the bar.
153. So three French thinkers walk into a bar. But they refuse to continue the joke because the format represents Anglo-Saxon cultural hegemony.
154. A Democrat walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, “What’s your most popular drink?” Bartender replies, “a Russian Collusion”. The Democrat responds “I’ll have one of those.” The bartender then gives him an empty glass and says “enjoy.”
155. A politician walks into a bar. Boom. He got shot.
Can someone please say “too soon”?
156. So a Maronite, a Sunni, a Shiite, a Druze, a Greek Orthodox, a Greek Catholic, An Arm.. oh there’s not enough space for a Lebanese bar joke
157. So three Arab commentators walk into a bar. They get funding from the EU and call it ‘A Panel Discussion on the Arab Spring.’
158. So three Jordanians walk into a bar. The king removes the Prime Minister & dissolves the parliament. That’s how all stories finish in Jordan
159. So three members of the Syrian opposition walk into a bar. But the punch line has been delayed due to internal wrangling.
160. So three Iranian presidential candidates walk into a bar. We’re waiting for the Supreme Leader to issue the punchline.
161. So, Bill Clinton walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, “Does he talk?” Parrot says, “Not for less than 500 grand.”
Perfectly accurate and hilarious, this joke will have your audience in knots laughing.
In the serious world of law, lawyer jokes are never welcome. But for the rest of the time, lawyer jokes are great jokes to have up your sleeve, no matter the event.
Here are 8 walk into a bar lawyer jokes:
162. So this lawyer walks into a bar and asks, “Is this where I take the exam?”
A common misunderstanding that is always funny.
163. A man walks into a bar with his alligator and asks: “Do you serve lawyers here?”. The bartender says: “Yes, of course we do!” The man says, “OK, I’ll have a beer for myself and a lawyer for my alligator.”
164. An alcoholic law student walks into a bar he regretted not passing the bar.
165. Guy walks into a bar and yells, “All lawyers are pigs.”
The man at the end of the bar says” I object to that remark”.
The guy responds: “Why, are you a lawyer?”
166. A guy walks into a bar. Bartender asks, “how’s it going?”
“Okay, I guess. Holding my own.”
This is one is slightly dirty but is still funny.
167. A law student walks into the bar and orders a beer. “Um, we dont serve beer”. Slightly miffed, the law student says, “pint of cider then?” “Yeah, we dont have any cider either”. “Well, you must at least have a glass of fucking wine?” asks the law student, infuriated. “No sir, we don’t. Now please take your seat, the bar exam starts in one minute”.
And that’s what happens when you drunk the night before your bar exam.
168. A lawyer, a spy, a mob boss, and a money launderer walk into a bar. The bartender says, “You guys must be here to talk about adoption.”
169. A man walks into a lawyer’s office…The man says, “I can’t afford your hourly rate, but if I give you $200 will you answer two questions for me?” The lawyer says, “Absolutely – what is your second question?”
This one is so painfully accurate it kinda hurts.
Offices are weird places. With so many different personalities stuffed into one building, it is the perfect place to come up with office jokes that everyone in the office will love. But don’t worry, we have some for you.
Here are 17 walk into a bar office jokes:
170. A bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “I’ll have a………… pint of beer please.”
The bartender asks, “Why the big pause?”
Even if you are afraid of bears, this joke is still really funny.
171. A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender sets the beer down and says, “For you, no charge!”
Not only is this joke funny but also educational.
172. A man walks out of a bar and meets a policeman. “Hey,” the policeman says, “your eyes are bloodshot, have you been drinking Bloody Mary’s?” “Well,” the man says, “your eyes are glazed, have you been eating donuts?”
Touché! This is hilarious.
173. A leprechaun walks into a bar. The bartender serves him and says, “That’ll be $2.50.” The leprechaun puts two dollar bills on the bar and starts walking away. The barkeep shouts, “You’re a little short!”
174. A man walks into a bar and says he wants to buy a wasp. The bartender replies, “We don’t sell wasps in here.” The man then says, “Well, you have one on the window?”
175. A man walks into a bar and says, “Ouch, that was hot!”. It was a BARbeque.
This one is so dumb all you can do is roll your eyes.
176. A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Do you serve shrimps here?”. The bartender replies, “Everyone’s welcome here!”
There is nothing like inclusion to warm the cockles of your heart. And to make everyone laugh.
177. A robot walks into a bar. It goes CLANG!
Is there anything better than a Chuck Norris joke? Yes. Chuck Norris.
179. A leopard walks into a bar, and after pacing for several minutes, finally sits down. The bartender asks, “Did you find a spot?”
180. This duck walks into a bar and the bartender looks at him and says, “Hey, buddy, your pants are down.”
181. A man walks into a bar, climbs up on a stool, opens a bag and proceeds to stuff his ears with whipped cream and to spread strawberries in his hair. The bartender watches this performance with amazement before asking, “What would you like to drink?” “You’ll have to speak up,” replies the man, “I’m a trifle, hard of hearing.”
This joke is funny but you are sure to get one person that will groan when you deliver the punch line.
182. A man walks into a bar and asks, “Do you serve women at this bar?”. The bartender replies, “No, sir, you have to bring your own.”
A simple misunderstanding is hilarious.
183. A pony walks into a bar and says “Bartender, may I have a drink?” Bartender says “What? I can’t hear you. Speak up!” “May I please have a drink?” “What? You have to speak up!” “Could I please have a drink?” “Now listen, if you don’t speak up I will not serve you.” “I’m sorry, I’m just a little hoarse.”
This is cute and funny. The perfect combination.
184. So this byte walks into a bar looks at the bartender and says, “I need a drink… No… Make it a double!” Bartender pours the drink, looks up and says, “Something wrong?” Byte says, “Yeah… Parity error.” Bartender says, “Ahh yeah, I thought you looked a bit off.”
185. Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer, the bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve noble gases here.” He doesn’t react.
186. A red piece of tarmac walks into the bar and one of the pieces of tarmac having a drink jumps under the table to hide, his friend says to him, “what are you doing?”, he replies, “hiding, you don’t want to mess with him, he’s a cyclepath.”
Even the most intelligent people have jokes. From science to maths, nerd jokes are a great way to make everyone laugh.
Here are 20 walk into a bar nerd jokes:
187. Two chemists walk into a bar. The first chemist says, “I’ll have a glass of H2O.” The second chemist says, “I’ll have a glass of H20 too.” The second chemist dies.
And that is the lesson today everyone. And that this joke is really funny.
188. The bartender says, “I don’t serve anyone faster than light.” A neutrino walks into a bar.
189. An infectious disease walks into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve infectious diseases here.” The infectious disease says, “Well, you’re not a very good host.”
To be honest, it is probably for the best.
190. While on their first date, Oxygen and Magnesium walked into a bar holding hands. The bartender, who happened to be a mutual friend, was so happy to see them together that she shouted, “OMg!”
What do you get when you combine the periodical table and love? This really funny joke.
191. Gold walks into a bar. The bartender yells, “AU, what can I get you?”
192. A guy walks out of a bar on the moon, complaining “The drinks were OK but there is no atmosphere.”
Unfortunately, this can also be said about bars on Earth too!
193. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, ‘I think I’ve lost an electron.’ The other says ‘Are you sure?’ The first says, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’
While this one is really funny, it is also a great way to remember the basics of chemistry.
194. A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.
195. A bar was walked into by the passive voice.
196. An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.
A play on words mixed with a joke? This one is sure to get your audience laughing.
197. VINCENT van Gogh is standing at the bar of his pub when his mate Renoir walks in and asks: “Fancy a whisky?” Van Gogh replies: “No, it’s okay. I’ve got one ear.”
198. Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.
199. A synonym strolls into a tavern.
This joke is so ironic, it might take your audience a little while to figure it out.
200. At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar—fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.
201. A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.
202. A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.
And just like a simile, this joke is as hot as the fires of hell. Or something like that.
203. A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.
Even the most literary amongst us will find this one funny.
204. A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.
205. A dung beetle walks into a bar and says, “Is this stool taken?”
206. A GUY walks into a bar and says: “Ouch!” It was an iron bar.
There are lots of walks into a bar jokes out there, but how do you make sure you’ve picked the right one?\
Here is how to use walks into a bar jokes:
1. Know your audience
First things first, when you want to tell some jokes, you really need to know your audience. Whether you are telling jokes at a business party or at a family dinner, having a general idea of your audiences likes and dislikes will help you choose the best walks into a bar jokes.
2. Pick your setting
Even the best comedians know that when you are going to tell jokes, the setting is everything. From choosing the right amount of people in your audience to maybe having a two-drink minimum, choosing the perfect setting for your joke is really important.
3. Be entertaining
When it comes to telling jokes, remember your performance is just as important as your performance. By becoming a little animated and maybe a little loud, you can turn funny jokes into hilarious.
Downloadable List of Walks Into A Bar Jokes
Here is a downloadable list of Walks Into a Bar Jokes (right click the image and select Save Image As…):
More Awesome Jokes
Are you loving our list of jokes? Wish there were more lists? Well, we have you covered.
Here are some jokes we think you will love:
- Looking for some hilarious jokes to tell your friends? Pop over to our blonde jokes guide for some of the best jokes.
- Do you want jokes that are quick and punchy? Then you need our best one liner jokes.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Our list of hilarious knock knock jokes, obviously.
- There is a lot of joy that comes with the holiday season. But knowing some of our Christmas jokes will help you entertain your family over Christmas.
- Everyone gets old. So why not joke about it? Head over to our old people jokes for more.
Walks into a bar jokes are a great way to break the ice or entertain new people. They come in all shapes and sizes, making them the perfect jokes for any event. A well-told joke is sure to have people laughing in no time.
When you are choosing walks into a bar jokes, remember to pick one that will suit your audience. Make sure that you know their interests and pick jokes that will make them laugh. The setting is also very important when telling jokes, so just make sure that you don’t tell a lawyer joke in the middle of a courthouse! Finally, jokes are meant to be fun, so make sure that you are entertaining and that you have fun with them.
So now that you have some of the best walks into a bar jokes, why not try some of them? These jokes will have your audience laughing in no time.