Robin Sutherns | Jun 29, 2020 | 0
147 Stupid Jokes – This is the only list you need.
New? Start here. | This post contains affiliate links. That means that we receive a commission for purchases made on them (more info).
Stupid jokes can turn a frown upside down. Ahhh, life… isn’t it amazing?
Dreary work parties can s
Sure, some jokes do come with their fair share of cringe. But stupid jokes are generally kryptonite to boring social situations. They can help you ease tension or bring a room to life at the drop of a hat. Know what we think? Yep… you guessed it. Every man needs a set of knee-slappers in their repertoire of stupid puns.
We have scoured the internet for the most excellent jokes just for you.
At Mantelligence, we believe there’s only one thing better than a good joke – a joke that’s so stupid it’s good. From jaw-dropping double entendres to tear-jerking puns, there are some real gems out there. We’ve put together a rather epic list of the best stupid jokes and one-liners that will have your audience giggling like titmice.
Here are the 6 best stupid jokes:
1. Why did the banana go to the hospital? He was peeling really bad.
This joke can cheer someone up when they’re feeling unwell.
2. What is green and sits crying in the corner? The incredible Sulk.
If they’ve watched the incredible hulk, they’ll love this.
3. Why are pigs not allowed to ride bikes? Because they lack the thumbs to ring the bell.
Laugh it up with this funny animal joke.
4. Why was the picture sent to jail? It was framed.
5. One twin to the other: “You are ugly.”
It’s so stupid, it hurts.
6. Why did the ghost go to rehab? He was addicted to boos.
This one’s bound to get a laugh.
Admit it. You love corny jokes.
We love them too. After all, there’s nothing better than blessing someone’s day with a good laugh. Get yourself in the mood with our collection of priceless jokes and one-liners. They’re truly corny.
Here are 6 stupid corny jokes
7. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee.
Duh.. who’d have thought?
8. How do you make a pirate furious? Take away the p.
Yo ho ho…
9. I stayed in a hotel where the towels were so thick, I could hardly close my suitcase.
A good one to share with the family after getting home from a trip.
10. What’s a potato’s favorite form of transportation? The gravy train.
Get everyone at the table to crack a smile during dinner time.
11. Why can’t Chuck Norris use the internet? Because he won’t submit.
Such a badass… LOL!
12. I don’t want to brag or make anybody jealous or anything, but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.
This one will take the seriousness out of any conversation.
Looking for stupid dad jokes? Settle in: You’re in the right place. Show your dad you care by sharing our collection of truly stupid dad jokes. They’ll leave you both chucking to yourselves. Every day will be Father’s Day…
Here are 6 stupid dad jokes:
13. What do you call a fake noodle? An im-pasta.
Everyone loves a stupid pun.
14. What did the duck say when she bought a lipstick? Put it on my bill!
This will put a smile on any dad’s face.
15. Why can’t you trust atoms? They make up everything.
If your dad, doesn’t roll his eyes, the delivery was off.
16. What do you call an old snowman? Water.
Haha… what else could it be?
17. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool? Bob.
18. Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar? They each got six months.
Very clever. It will put a smile on anyone’s face.
Can’t find the right words to say to cheer someone up? We have just what the doctor ordered– cheesy jokes. This collection will make someone crack a smile if you’re bold enough to try them out.
Here are 9 stupid cheesy jokes:
19. I like your name. Thanks, I got it for my birthday.
Great joke to use with a chick you just met.
20. Did you hear about the dentist and the manicurist? They fought tooth and nail.
So cheesy you have to read it twice.
21. I know someone so ugly when she tried to join an ugly contest they said, “Sorry, no professionals.”
You have to be careful with this one.
22. How long does it take an average person to earn a blackbelt? An average person will never earn a blackbelt.
It’s funny, but it’s true.
23. My doctor told me I had type A blood… But it was a Type- O.
24. What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.
Got it? Read it again.
25. I know someone so ugly she made One Direction go another direction.
Ouch! That’s harsh.
26. Why do ambassadors never get sick? Diplomatic immunity.
This one will get a good laugh.
27. Why does lightning shock people? Because it doesn’t know how to conduct itself.
A good joke for a rainy day.
Sometimes you just need a few witty jokes to lighten up the mood. Whether it’s a swift one-liner or the more traditional structured joke, we have some quick-fire quips that will have your audience rolling on the floor.
Here are 6 stupid witty jokes:
28. Why was Tigger in the bathroom? He was looking for Pooh!
A truly timeless joke.
29.What did the blanket say to the bed? I’ve got you covered!
30. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
By all means, this is one of the most stupid witty jokes we’ve heard.
31. Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill? It ran out of juice!
32. What do you call an elephant in a phone booth? Stuck!
33. What does a zombie vegetarian eat? “GRRRAAAIIINNNNS!”
LOL… the zombie apocalypse is upon us.
There are funny jokes, and then there are absolutely hilarious jokes. We have gathered together the funniest jokes ever just for you. It’s always good to have a set of jokes to hand that can lighten up any occasion. People love someone who can make them smile. You gotta know the funniest jokes to be that guy. So… enjoy!
Here are 6 stupid but the funniest jokes ever:
34. I tried a new restaurant this week. I ordered the duck. It was good, but the bill was hard to swallow.
One to drop over a meal in a restaurant.
35. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
A short and sweet one-liner that’s bound to get almost anyone to crack a smile.
36. How do prisoners make phone calls? With cell phones.
37. I bought a toilet brush yesterday. But I gotta say I still prefer toilet paper.
38. What do you call an intelligent man in America? A tourist.
You can count on one thing – this joke won’t put you on the nice-list.
39. What did God say after creating man? I can do better.
Need jokes that will get you a laugh on demand? Well, you can’t possibly go wrong with knock knock jokes. From kids to grandparents, everyone gets a kick out of these jokes. While they can be a little corny, it’s all part of the fun. We have rounded up some knock knock jokes that are bound to knock your socks off.
Here are 6 stupid knock knock jokes:
40. Knock, knock.
You’re not a shoe!
A funny knock knock joke to make the whole family laugh.
41. Knock, knock.
Hey, Alex the questions around here!
42. Knock, knock.
A bee just stung me!
43. Knock, knock.
Alfie terrible if you leave!
44. Knock, knock.
Just how many aliens do you know?
45. Knock, knock.
A herd who?
A herd you were home, so I came over!
This joke will make your day whether you’re at work or at home.
Stupid birthday jokes add the most important ingredients to a birthday – fun, laughter, and frivolity. They’re a lot like birthday gifts and cakes – they’re a must-have. Throw more than just confetti with our collection of happy birthday puns and jokes.
Here are 6 stupid birthday jokes:
46. What do you get a hunter for his birthday? A birthday pheasant.
This joke will make everyone at the birthday cheer up.
47. What is it about birthdays that make kangaroos unhappy?
48. They only get to celebrate them in leap years.
49. What does a clam do on his birthday? He shellabrates!
50. Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday? Because people kept toasting him!
Make grumpy faces disappear with this gem of a joke.
51. Why are birthdays good for you? People who have the most live the longest.
It takes a certain kind of sense of humor to truly appreciate good old people jokes. And yes… by good, we mean obscenely stupid. So stupid that people are left shaking their heads. After all, growing old doesn’t have to be all doom and gloom, we can all have a laugh about it, right?
We have a collection of old people jokes that might get some “oh my gosh” reactions. But you can bet they’ll get a ton of laughs.
Here are 6 stupid old people jokes:
52. I know someone so old, she knew Mr. Clean when he had an afro.
53. I know someone so old, she farts dust!
54. I know someone so old, her first Christmas was the first Christmas!
55. I know someone so old, her birth certificate’s expired.
The idea of an expired birth certificate will get eyes rolling and mouths “LOLing”.
56. I’ve learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
57. When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of algebra.
Man’s best friend is not immune to being the butt of jokes. Sure… they’ll loyal, loving, and playful. I bet they also have a great sense of humor. Whether you have a dog, want one, or have had one, we have a collection of stupid dog jokes that will leave everyone barking for more. Sit back and enjoy a real treat.
Here are 6 stupid dog jokes:
58. What do dogs have for breakfast? Pooched eggs.
This will surely impress any dog lover.
59. What did the dog say to the tree? Bark.
60. Why was the dog a good storyteller? He knew how to paws for dramatic effect?
A joke that will get anyone laughing out loud.
61. What happened when the dog went to the flea circus? He stole the show!
62. What do you call a dog that’s been run over by a steamroller? Spot!
63. What do you get when you cross a race dog with a bumble bee? A Greyhound Buzz.
Reading news about politics can be depressing. Take a break from all the doom and gloom by reading some hilarious political jokes instead. Blue or red, old or young, you can stay up to date with what’s happening in DC without getting worked up about it. These jokes will crack you up. Fair warning – they’re stupid.
Here are 6 stupid political jokes:
64. A liberal is just a conservative that hasn’t been mugged yet.
This witty joke should be met with roaring laughter if delivered right.
65. My favorite mythical creature? The honest politician.
A rare species indeed.
66. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common: they should both be changed regularly… and for the same reason.
67. Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies.
68. How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb? Two: one to change it and another one to change it back again.
69. My love is like communism; everyone gets a share, and it’s only good in theory.
Here’s a fun fact: science and laughter go well together.
While scientists generally take their work very seriously, they also appreciate that laughter has some serious health benefits. You see… everyone can use an endorphin rush from laughing at a good joke. We have searched high and low for the best, worst, and most stupid jokes and puns we could find.
Here are 6 stupid science jokes:
70. Where does bad light end up? In a prism.
It doesn’t take a nerd to figure this out. Hilarious!
71. Why it is hard for a communist to tell a joke? It’s not funny until everyone gets it.
72. A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, “No, I’m traveling light.”
73. Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? A: It went OK.
74. I wish I was adenine, then I could get paired with U.
75. If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.
Take a minute and think about it.
Brevity is the soul of wit! And it’s particularly true when it comes to telling jokes. Long-winded jokes almost always end up with convoluted punchlines. Not good, huh?
That’s why we love one-liners. We’re awed by how much wit and double meaning can be encapsulated in such short jokes. They can be delivered in a single line without any back and forth. Such beauties…
According to Wikipedia, a good one-liner has to be pithy. We have a collection of the best one-liner jokes. Enjoy!
Here are 6 stupid best one-liner jokes:
76. Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
This joke won’t win you a lot of friends.
77. The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
78. I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
79. Don’t spell part backwards. It’s a trap.
80. When I was a boy, I laid in my twin sized bed and wondered where my brother was.
Because jokes are for everyone… Even kids will get this.
81. Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot.
Let me guess… you think you’ve heard all, “X walks into a bar jokes.”, right? Well, we’re sure you’ve missed a few. Refresh your joke collection and earn your rightful place as the resident comic at the local bar with our list of stupid jokes. Some of them warrant a chuckle, some a groan. Shhh… we’ll not tell anyone where you got your material.
Here are 6 stupid walks into a bar jokes:
82. Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”
So stupid, but it’s guaranteed to get a laugh.
83. A frog walks in to a bar. The bartender picks it up and puts it in the blend for the witch at the bar to drink.
84. Two dragons walk into a bar. One says to the other, “It’s hot in here.” The other snaps back, “Shut your mouth!”
85. A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk not a bar. No joke.
A joke that might juts make you a few friends at the bar.
86. A three eyed jack-o-lantern walks in to a bar. The bartender asks “Who carved you up?” Some blind guy!
87. A ghost walks into a bar, the bar tender says “Sorry mate, we don’t serve spirits here.”
There’s a lot of dumb stuff going on around the world today. And our military is caught up in the melee. Luckily our boys and girls in uniform never lose their sense of humor. They’re always coming up with new and hilarious military jokes. We have searched the internet for some seriously stupid jokes that will make even the most serious sergeants laugh out loud. March to the beat of your own drum with this collection.
Here are 6 stupid military jokes:
88. If you ask my son why he joined the Army he will proudly tell you he joined to military to kill people. He’s a terrible doctor.
What a twisted end.
89. There are 2 spiders in the boiler closet, which one is in the army? The one on the tank.
90. What’s the national bird of Iraq? DUCK!
91. What did the French army general do on social media? Retweet!
92. What’s the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine? A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.
93. Why do army snipers close one eye while shooting? Because if they closed both eyes they wouldn’t be able to see.
You may not win an argument against a lawyer, but they’ll uphold your right to make a joke at their expense. It turns out that all those long hours of study lawyers put in helps nature a special kind of cynical wit. We have compiled a list of lawyer jokes that raises the bar.
Here are 6 stupid lawyer jokes:
94. How do you greet a lawyer with an IQ of 50? “Good morning, your honor.”
Make fun of your lawyer with this gem, and then duck.
95. Why do they bury lawyers twelve feet deep? Because deep down, they are really good guys!
96. How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus? Never enough.
97. What’s black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? Two Dobermans!
98. Where can you find a good lawyer?In the cemetery.
Your lawyer won’t take this kindly.
99. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? The lawyer charges more.
At Mantelligence, work hard, play hard is not just a mantra. It’s a way of life. And what better way to do it than to share stupid office jokes.
You see… office jokes are not just a way to pass time. They help people feel relaxed and can even boost productivity. Let’s be real… work life can easily get monotonous and incredibly stressful. You don’t want that, do you?
Step out of your cubicle and share our collection of office jokes with your coworkers.
Here are 6 stupid office jokes:
100. When I do good, my boss never remembers.When I do wrong, he never forgets.
101. My job is secure. No one else wants it.
Live on the fun side of your cubicle with this cracker.
102. When I take a long time, I am slow. When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough.
103. The Man Who Created Autocorrect Has Died. Resturant In Peace.
This joke is sure to brighten up a dull day.
104. Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? It takes too long to retrain them.
105. My memory has gotten so bad it has actually caused me to lose my job. I’m still employed. I just can’t remember where.
Our list wouldn’t be complete without sharing some blonde jokes. These jokes poke stereotypical fun at the ditzy blonde. They’re all meant for good fun so don’t blurt them out with abandon. You might just offend someone. We have some jokes that you can share with those fairer-haired friends who get it.
Here are 6 stupid blonde jokes:
106. How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off a cliff.
Monday doesn’t have to be so blue…
107. Why can’t blondes make ice cubes? They always forget the recipe.
108. How can you tell when a brunette is actually a blonde who dyes her hair? When she trips over the cordless phone.
109. Why did the blonde pee on the ground? Because she saw a sign that said ‘Wet Floor.’
Smile wide with this absolutely hilarious pun.
110. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? I wonder if it’s mine.
111. Why did the blonde take a ruler to bed? Because she wanted to measure how long he slept.
Ahoy, matey! We went out in search of this treasure chest of stupid pirate jokes from across the seven seas of the internet. These gems will have you laughing yer booty off from here to the Caribbean.
Here are 6 stupid pirate jokes:
112. Why did the pirate give up golf? He kept on hooking the ball!
113. Why are pirates called pirates?Because they arrrr!
114. What was the name of the most frugal pirate? Barry D. Treasure!
115. What’s a pirate’s favorite kind of fish? A swordfish!
116. How did the pirate stop smoking? He used the patch.
117. Why are pirates great singers? They can hit the high C’s!
Looking for some quickfire jokes? You can go wrong with What Do You Call jokes. They’re particularly popular jokes for kids since they’re so easy to remember and tell. We have a compilation of our all-time favorites. You just have to check them out.
Here are 6 stupid what do you call jokes
118. What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan.
A great joke for when you’re watching the NBA playoffs.
119. What do you call a tree fits in your hand? A palm tree!
120. What do you call a row of rabbits hopping away? A receding hare line!
121. What do you call a sleeping wolf? An unawarewolf!
122. What do you call two birds in love? Tweethearts!
123. What do you call a cow in an earthquake? A milkshake!
New years is the most celebrated holiday ever. It’s a time to make merry and usher in the new year. You can’t stop the clock, so you might as well let the good times roll on. There’s no better way to do this than with some stupid new years jokes. Start the new year on the right footing.
Here are 6 stupid new years jokes:
124. What’s a cow’s favorite holiday? Moo Year’s Eve
Usher in the new year with a laugh.
125. New Year? I just got used to this last one!
126. Why do birds fly south for New Year’s Eve? It’s too far to walk!
127.What do vampires sing on New Year’s Eve? Auld Fang Syne
128. Who get the most excited about the New Year’s Eve countdown? Calendar companies.
129. What do snowmen like to do on New Year’s Eve? Chill out!
A simple joke that packs a punch.
Nerds run the world. They’re smart, but they’re also socially awkward. This is a weirdly entertaining mix that has made them the butt of jokes. If you’re a nerd, we have some stupid nerd jokes to help you break out of your cocoon and share some laughter with the world.
Here are 6 stupid nerd jokes:
130. What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals? Philippe Philoppe.
131. Before was was was, was was is.
Only a nerd would come up with this gem.
132. I had to sell my vacuum cleaner because it was just collecting dust.
133. Your wife sayd you never buy her flowers. Is that true? To be honest, I didn’t know she sold flowers.
LOL! This might earn you a night on the couch.
134. Dove chocolate tastes way better than their soap.
135. And the lord said unto John, “come forth and receive eternal life.”
Thanksgiving is that time of the year when the whole family gathers together. Everyone from your favorite aunt to your cranky cousin is around for the celebrations. We have a collection of thanksgiving jokes that you can keep in your back pocket to bring some cheer when things get awkward. Now all you have to do is pass the stuffing and try not to mess up the punchline.
Here are 6 stupid thanksgiving jokes:
136. What sound does a turkey’s phone make? Wing! Wing!
Ha ha ha… that’s the sound of thanksgiving dinner.
137. What is the difference between a chicken and a turkey? Chickens celebrate Thanksgiving!
138. What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-geist.
139. There’s always something to be thankful for on Thanksgiving. Even if it’s just not being a turkey.
140. If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.
141. What is a ghost’s favorite snack? Boo berries
Create fun memories with the whole family.
Need some bad jokes to share with the boys on your next road trip?
Some bad jokes certainly deserve groans and eye rolls. But not these ones. Today, we have a collection of bad jokes that manage to be both stupid and funny.
Here are 6 stupid bad jokes:
142. How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
This joke is guaranteed to tickle your funny bone.
143. Grocery store cashier: ‘Would you like the milk in a bag?’ “No, just leave it in the carton!”
144. I can cut wood by just looking at it. It’s true! I saw it with my own eyes.
You can have a rattling good time with this one.
145. My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are. But I laugh more.
146. I heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there.
147. What’s white and can’t climb trees? A fridge.
Downloadable list of Stupid Jokes
More Awesome Jokes
Hold your horses… before you run out the door to flex your funny bone, we have a lot more jokes where these came from. See, we always have your back.
- Are you religious? Do you have a wild sense of humor? These church jokes will get your friends laughing out loud. Try not to ruin the sermon.
- Break out these Easter jokes and get the whole family rolling with laughter. They’re bound to set the right mood for Easter.
- Loved the stupid nerd jokes? Great! You’ll want to check out these nail-bitingly hilarious computer jokes.
- Would you do with some funny coffee jokes? Check out what we’ve been brewing.
- Some-fin tells me you’re going to like our jaws-ome shark jokes! You won’t know what bit you.
How To Use Stupid Jokes
Life is stressful. A stupid joke, delivered just right can provide a moment of respite. Here are some tips to help you cheer yourself up and also bring a smile to people’s faces.
Here is how to use stupid jokes:
1. Know Your Audience
Your joke needs to be suited to your audience. What is funny for a teenager may not exactly work for your 70-year-old uncle. The jokes you make with your guy friends when out at the bar may not be appropriate for your workplace.
2. Have your Material at Your Fingertips
Get your hands on a bunch of great jokes and then practice them. You don’t need to memorize a joke. Rather, get comfortable with it such that you can tell without flinching even when you get nervous.
3. Own the Joke
For your joke to be funny, you should make it your own. You should be able to weave it into a story such that it seems original or new. Rehashing the same jokes countless times can come off as pretentious. One of the ways to personalize a joke is to change the ending.
4. Deliver the Punchline Just Right
You need to end the joke with a bang. The end is where all the action is. It’s the difference between a great joke and a complete flop. The punchline should come as a surprise to the audience.
Looking for funny jokes? Steal our collection of classic stupid jokes. After all, you can never have enough jokes to keep you smiling all day. Cheers!