Gentlemen, welcome to Mantelligence. Today you get to learn from our mistakes. We’re going to be taking a look at the things I wish I knew about dating in my 20s.
I've not always been an expert in dating, but now that I am one, I am confident enough to share with you what I wish I knew back then.
So listen up!
Tips About Dating In Your 20s
Because as Groucho Marx said, “Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.” Without further ado, let’s get into the 7 things I wish I knew about dating girls in my 20s.
7. Diamonds in The Rough
Alright guys, this one is a big one, so listen up. Every guy, I don’t care if you’re a lothario or the Pope, knows what his bedpost notch count is in every conceivable scenario. That's right. It’s hardwired into our DNA.
And we end up spending most of our 20s trying to really push those numbers up… but in reality, we kind of all end up at the same realization that a quality woman trumps quantity all day long. And I mean it.
We spend so much effort, time, and money just pushing those numbers up when we’d be better off and happier if we just focused on trying to find one quality partner. Science has our back on this one. According to a study from Harvard, not exactly a lightweight when it comes to universities, married men are generally happier and live longer.
So maybe we don’t need to waste our 20s chasing a numbers game. One of the questions to ask yourself now is where you want to see yourself in the future. Would you be happy with the choices you're making? Would you be proud of what you have to show for yourself?
6. Order’s Up
Here’s one that I wish I knew much earlier on; being able to competently prepare a few dishes from scratch will save your ass more times than you’ll be able to count. A man who can cook shows off several very desirable traits all at once. So you’re ticking a lot of boxes, even if subconsciously.
Cooking demonstrates that you can think ahead, plan, and execute. That may not seem like all that high a bar, but when you think about your competition, all of a sudden being able to make pizza dough from scratch makes you look like Neil Armstrong (side note, it’s just flour, sugar, water, and salt).
Cooking regularly is just one of those habits all women seem to universally love in a man. So step it up to something like chicken kiev or a really easy but tasty stirfry. You may need to then have some sort of breakfast planned out because she's not going to want to leave. Using the route to a man's heart by his stomach works well for a lady as well.
5. A Life Well Lived
Too many guys assume that relationships in your 20s mean the end of their independence. This just isn’t true. I’ll let you in on a little secret: She wants you to have a life outside of the relationship too. No, really, I’m serious. Think about it...
You know how you get sick of always being around your girlfriend, and you start to feel smothered? Yeah, she feels that way too. In fact, you’re pretty damn annoying. Ask your friends.
But that’s okay because as long as she’s the center of your solar system, she wants you to have plenty of other planets in orbit. Continue to enjoy your solo hobbies and still hang out with your mates. So stop being so dramatic and keep your life and independence. Just don’t put it above her.
This one took a long time to really internalize. Just because she’s angry, that doesn’t necessarily mean she’s angry at you. I mean, it could so be careful, but she might just be mad.
And if that’s the case, it may seem like she’s mad at you, but really she’s just mad near you. Now to your casual observer, there really isn’t much difference.
You’re still going to be taking it on the chin, but it’s all in how you look at it. Take a page from the Stoics here and realize that there usually isn’t much you can do to change her attitude. You just have to weather the storm. This is one of those "what I wish I know about dating in my 20s" moments because it can be pretty scary if you're unprepared for the mood swings.
The best thing you can do here is to whip up a meal. It keeps you busy, makes you look productive, and at least you can drink wine while you make it. That’s the rule.
You can drink as much as you’d like as long as you’re cooking. I think I saw that on Anthony Bourdain.
3. Judging a Book By Its Cover
It may seem cliche, but women are hyper-aware of your appearance. They pick up on these subtle cues that you may not even be consciously aware of. Even if “casual” is your go-to look, you need to be paying attention to the little details. Casual doesn’t mean slobbish.
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Now I know we’re in the middle of dropping truth bombs on you. Saving you collective years of frustration in the lady's department. But before you think you’ve got it all figured out, there is one universal truth you need to always keep in mind when it comes to women; that is if you want to have success and maintain your sanity anyway. So stay tuned to the end… Now for the last two things I really wish I’d learned in my 20s.
2. Hints… Oh God, are There Hints?
Do you know that friend of yours who is constantly complaining that he just doesn’t understand women? That no matter what he does, it just seems to be wrong? He never understands where he screwed up and has a lot of date questions. And he never knows what to get her for any occasion?
Yeah, well, that friend is a moron. Do you know why? Because women drop a hell of a lot of hints.
Some aren’t even hints; they’re just explicit instructions. All you’ve got to do is listen. And, if you find that listening is just too hard, I’ll let you in on another little secret: If you want to know what a woman likes, or is thinking, look at her Pinterest account.
Yep. Everything is there. There is absolutely no excuse to not understand what a woman wants. It’s literally an instruction manual.
1. The Boudoir
This one, I swore was a myth. Like, Loch Ness, Area 51, Fort Knox level myth, but it’s not. It’s true. And I wish I’d have known this a decade earlier. I would have saved myself a ton of frustration.
Here it is: Women will initiate sex.
I know. It sounds crazy, but it’s true. And when they do, all you’ve got to do is be in the same room. As guys, we spend so much time chasing women that we miss the fact that playing a little hard to get can be a huge turn-on for her. I mean, think about it this way. If she knows she doesn’t have to put in any effort, then why would she? It seems to go against everything we know as guys, but trust me, a little chase is like pouring gasoline on a fire.
Try changing up your body language, being more aloof, and get her coming after you.
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Women are unique. For all the universal rules we, as guys, try to adopt and live by when it comes to women, it's worth remembering that each is as unique as a snowflake.
Not always the fluffy kind that Kristen Bell is going to be singing a tune about. No, sometimes they’re more like the ice and rock piles that smashed into the planet and wiped out the dinosaurs. Just as unique. But far more dangerous.
You may find yourself merrily going about your day and BAM. Worldwide catastrophic armageddon. Sometimes there’s just no amount of planning, listening, or observation that can prepare you for the cataclysmic destruction you’re about to encounter, completely out of the left field.
In these instances, in order to maintain our sanity, it’s best to just observe the walls caving in and marvel at the spectacle.
So there we have it. The 7 things I wish I knew about dating in my 20s I can pass onto you, dear friends, and the one universal reminder we must abide by to maintain our sanity...
And don’t forget to visit today’s sponsor, Tiege Hanley, for all your skincare needs… Remember, girls pick up on a guy who takes care of himself.