Do you understand what anarchy in a relationship is?

As a life coach, I've written many articles about relationships. Look no further than my writing on the types of relationships and unpopular opinions. So, I'm fairly well-versed in talking about relationships. Now, here's my topic for the day: relationship anarchy.

Interested? Let's begin.


What is Relationship Anarchy?

It is a relationship philosophy that rejects all social norms, rules, boundaries, and traditional relationship expectations and only follows the rules that both parties have agreed on. Relationship anarchists typically do not rank a romantic relationship as higher or more dear and important than a platonic friendship. Romantic anarchists are also driven by their wants and needs rather than any societal norm, forming relationships, commitment, and emotional intimacy based on their relationship values. They're also likely not to develop a monogamous relationship and often create a polyamorous relationship, creating an open relationship that doesn't let any rule interfere.

How Does Anarchy in a Relationship Work

This philosophy is essentially a way of viewing an intimate relationship differently from society's expectations. Traditional ways of seeing relationships, such as purely geared towards marriage and reproduction, are abandoned and instead replaced with a more liberal relationship style that places more importance on their person and how they fulfill one's needs or wants, rather than their contribution to creating a family. I'll go over some of the key points of RA here.

1. You don't have to practice polygamy to be a relationship anarchist.

There is no strict hierarchy in this ideology between your partnerships and your friends. Relationship anarchists believe they hold equal positions in your life. People don't need to have radical relationships with their partners and friends. Instead, they can form a healthy relationship with their partner or close friend without prioritizing one over the other. Some anarchists can have a sexual relationship with a close friend, as they don't believe that such things are only reserved for their romantic partner!

2. You can love many people at the same time without a scale.

The conventional belief that monogamy is the only type of relationship that works is fading. As a result, a growing number of people are choosing nonmonogamous relationships. As a relationship anarchist, this means you can love many people simultaneously. Your feelings for one person do not lessen when you develop affection for another. Over at Galtelligence, we discuss if open relationships work and how one can handle them.

3. It is an enlightened view.

It prioritizes honest communication, compassion for the individual, and approval. It differs from nonmonogamy and polyamory in that it may or may not have characteristics of both. There are no constitutional prescriptions going into a relationship.

With this relationship ideology, there is no defined structure. People create bonds based on their shared interests, goals, and objectives. Unlike traditional romantic relationships, if love is developed, it won't be on top of a hierarchy of "lesser" relationships.

Anarchy in Romantic Relationships Compared To Other Relationship Types

Now that you're more enlightened about the anarchy philosophy, it's time to compare it to the various types of relationships you commonly encounter. I'll list their main differences and describe them in more detail.

Anarchy Ideology vs. Polyamory

The main difference between anarchy and polyamory is, in my opinion, the importance placed on the members of the relationship and those outside of them. It's common in polyamorous relationships for there to be a main romantic partner and several secondary partners, all ranking above outsiders. In relationship anarchy, there is equal importance to every member and even those outside the relationship itself. This is known as RA polyamory, where no one person is above all others in the eyes of the beholder.

Anarchy in a Romantic Relationship vs. Monogamy

The main difference between anarchy and monogamy is, like above, the importance placed on the people in and out of the relationship. Monogamy considers one person, the romantic partner, as the priority above all other people. There is no such divide in RA; that romantic partner is on equal footing with outside friends. This doesn't mean that the romantic partner is in a weaker position, but rather, everyone close to the anarchist is in the highest position possible, including them.

3 of the Best Romantic Anarchy Books: Beginners Ultimate Guide

If you find this topic interesting but would like to know more about the subject, I highly recommend these books on relationship anarchy and similar topics. These will help educate you further on the subject and hopefully give you a clearer idea of relationship anarchy.

The Ethical Slut, Third Edition: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love

This helpful book covers all topics about relationships, polyamory, and more, ranging from usual things like proper communication and assertiveness to things like jealousy and maintaining relationships. This is a comprehensive guide to the very idea of ethical polyamory.

Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and Consensual Nonmonogamy

This book contains six powerful strategies to help you practice consensual nonmonogamy. If you're new to the idea and want to pursue a relationship with more than one partner, this book will slowly lead you in and open your mind to the concept, and teaches you more about the subject.

More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory (More Than Two Essentials)

Look no further than this book if you're looking for a comprehensive guide on practicing polyamory. This book details one man's experiences on the subject of a nonmonogamous relationship and lists practical lifestyle tips on how to live the life. A recommended read to those starting out.

Frequently Asked Questions

Are you satisfied with what you've learned from reading this article? If you're looking to learn more, I've answered some frequently asked questions on the subject, and here they are.

Do people who practice anarchy as partners have long-term relationships?

They can! Like any relationship, as long as both parties have enough commitment to maintaining it, the relationship can go as long as possible. RA does not factor into the length unless it clashes with the ideology of their partner.

Is there anything wrong with applying this unique philosophy in my relationships?

There's nothing wrong with it, especially if it aligns with your own beliefs. If you love your friends as much as you do your lover and don't want to prioritize one, then RA is for you.

Can you stop someone from being a relationship anarchist?

It's a difficult task to change one's beliefs and viewpoints. It's not something that can change overnight, nor should it.

Do men most likely to be more anarchists than women?

While men outnumber women in relationship anarchy, there's no comprehensive proof that makes them more likely to become anarchists. Women are just as capable of adopting this viewpoint if their priorities align with it.

More Interesting Relationship Articles To Explore

That was an interesting topic, wasn't it? Are you satisfied with what you read, or are you still hungry for more? We have a lovely selection of articles for you to read.

  1. Curious about alpha males in relationships? We've got you covered.
  2. Have some relationship questions? Here you go!
  3. Finally, want to know about the best dating apps for relationships?


Anarchy in a relationship can be a new way of viewing your love life. We hope that you can discover a new side of yourself by learning more about it. We wish you the best of luck in romance from here on out, however, you'd like to view it.