In this post, I'm shedding light on the topic: how to break up with someone you live with.
A breakup conversation is never easy. Between coming up with things to talk about, there's the issue of who gets the place when all is said and done. Luckily for you, I know just how to deal with dating woes, from knowing when to break up to learning how to make a marriage work.
If you want to know how to break up with someone you live with, keep reading.
How To Break Up With Someone You Live With as Easily as Possible
Once you have come to terms with the fact that you and your partner are not a good fit, the next smart thing to do is to get the difficult conversation over with. In case you don't know how to break up with someone, we've written a guide on our site here.
Breaking up with someone is difficult, but it gets even more complicated when you live together. It's often not just the end of your relationship but also the start of a new scary beginning for you with new responsibilities and financial strain. But when it's clear a breakup is your only option, here's some advice to manage:
Plan your break up
You don't want to be the kind of person who resorts to ghosting when something isn't working out. Granted that breaking up always riles up negative emotions, clarifying why it makes more sense for the both of you to go your separate ways prevents false hope and confusion. Besides, having closure will make the healing process easier for you and your ex.
If you know this is what you want and need, plan how you're going to have your breakup talk. Avoid any hostility. Since you're living together, have options in case staying under the same roof together isn't possible.
Decide who's staying and who's going
Coming to terms with your living situation is never an easy feat. But it must be done because, quite frankly, you really have no choice but to talk about it. More than that, the sooner you get it over with, the sooner you or your ex can focus on finding a new place.
It may not be right away, but part of your breakup talk needs to cover who's moving out. This may be an easy decision in certain situations, but you may need to seek legal advice if you struggle to find a fair and collaborative solution.
Discuss your finances and split belongs
If you've been living together for a long time now, I'm assuming that you also share paying the rent and have bought some furniture together. If that is the case, aside from discussing your living arrangement, figuring out who gets what should also be a priority.
This won't be easy, but you need to have a detailed conversation about who gets what and how finances will be handled. There will likely be unpaid bills, shared bank accounts, rent or mortgage, furniture, etc.
Both parties must get what they feel is a fair share of everything they got and built together. Discussing these sorts of things can be nerve-racking, but it's the right way to do it.
Be prepared for the upcoming expenses
Both dating and breaking up are both expensive, and if you don't know that already, boy, you are in for a surprise! If you have joint accounts, you probably also have joint debts- credit cards, car loans, and whatnot.
Deciding who is responsible for what and then having each person refinance the debt in individual accounts is always a good idea. Here's another important thing to remember: if one of you cannot refinance a loan because of poor credit, the item attached to it should be sold and applied to the debt.
Moving on from a relationship naturally means significant changes, but this also impacts you financially when you live together. It's better if you have some money saved up beforehand. Of course, don't let this be a reason to delay if things don't feel safe at home.
Set up clear boundaries
Being in a long term relationship can sometimes blur important boundaries and may be one of the reasons why couples break up.
Working through and processing your feelings will require physical and emotional space. Setting clear boundaries also prevents even more negative emotions that can make it harder for the both of you to move on and even move out.
If you continue living together temporarily until one finds an alternative place to live or stay, set clear expectations on how you will share the living space, handle finances, and what the sleeping arrangements will be. Give each other a lot of space.
Stick to a tight budget
Breaking up with someone also means having to shoulder significant expenses all on your own, which can make it difficult for the person moving out to stand on their own two feet for quite a while.
Regardless if you move out or stay, especially at the beginning, stick to a tight budget. You'll be on your own without that extra income coming in.
Consider their reaction
Consider how your partner will react to the news. If there is a possibility that things may turn violent or abusive, enlist a friend or family member for help.
You need to carefully plan the breakup and decide the best course of action with safety at the forefront of your mind. Seek professional support through domestic violence hotlines, police, or your church.
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When Is The Right Time To End Your Relationship
Have you ever heard of the sunk-cost fallacy? It is our human tendency to hold on to things- a bad investment, a boring movie, or a toxic relationship- just because we've already spent time and effort on them.
If you're unsure whether or not to break up with someone, knowing these signs will help you in the right direction.
Speaking of signs, this article on our site here breaks down all the signs you are in a toxic relationship.
1. You always feel negative around your partner.
One of the telltale signs of a bad relationship is the recurring presence of negative feelings whenever you're together.
If your partner makes you feel disrespected, undervalued, hurt, frustrated, insignificant, lonely, invalidated, ashamed, or guilty on a regular basis, that is not healthy for you, and you have to leave.
2. Your partner tends to downplay your needs.
Does your partner always respond with "You're crazy," "You're being dramatic," "Why are you so needy," or "You're being unreasonable" every time you express a need? If yes, then he's gaslighting you.
A healthy relationship shouldn't have to make you feel irrational for communicating your needs. The right partner will acknowledge them and put in the necessary effort to make you feel valued in your partnership.
3. You don't feel secure in your relationship.
A trustworthy partner is a reliable partner. That means their words and actions have proven that you can depend on them. If that's not how you feel around your partner or you feel predominantly abandoned or dependent when you're not together, that's a sign that your relationship is not as supportive or healthy as it should be.
How To Start Over Living Alone - 3 Valuable Tips
Healing, starting over from a failed relationship, and getting back on your own two feet might take a while, but learning how to be happy alone is possible. These helpful tips will make moving on and getting over a lot more bearable.
1. Make a list
Being in a relationship requires a lot of compromises and can sometimes feel like abandoning some parts of yourself to keep the relationship. This is why many newly single people feel lost at the end of their relationship.
To help you return to your normal self, I recommend making a list of all the things you love to do and haven't done for a very long time. Write down things you want to do, places you want to visit, things you want to buy, and dreams and goals you want to achieve for yourself.
Doing so will provide you with a lot of things to look forward to and motivate you to keep working on yourself.
2. Get out of your comfort zone
Being single is the perfect time to try out new things - you have all the time in the world, and you don't have to think about anyone's opinion but your own. Plus, it's good for your confidence too. Love the life you already have by saying yes more to new adventures and things you've never done before.
You may have been putting off enrolling in a dancing class for so long. Now is the perfect time to do just that. Perhaps you've never done anything that makes you want to scream at the top of your lungs. How about a skydiving adventure?
3. Develop a self-care and self-love routine
There's no better way to live a life you love than by loving and caring for every part of yourself.
Seriously. When was the last time you enjoyed a glass of wine? When was the last time you enjoyed dancing alone in your room while listening to John Mayer's "Slow Dancing in a Burning Room"? Ever thought about getting a revenge body? And I'm pretty sure your ex drained all the dopamine in you.
Time alone is the perfect time to heal and be the best version of yourself.
Frequently Asked Questions
Still in a knot? I've answered some frequently asked questions to guide you in the right direction.
Can you break up with someone and still live with them?
It is possible, but it will require some serious planning and negotiation. If you're going to continue living with your ex even after breaking up, think of the situation as a house share and understand that you're no longer in a relationship with your ex. That means not spending time with each other and definitely means no breakup sex!
What to do when you can't afford to leave your partner?
First of all, don't fret because you can get both financial and relationship freedom. One good idea is to save up before you break the bad news to your partner. The first step is to ask yourself how much money you need to leave and how much you can save.
Once you've figured that out, consider getting a side hustle to help you earn enough money- a part-time job, a garage sale, freelancing, babysitting, dog walking, and what have you.
If those aren't enough, you can consider borrowing money from your friends or support circle.
Who gets to stay in the house during separation?
As I said, that is a matter of discussion and compromise, especially if both parties have both of their names in the tenancy agreement.
If that is the case, the most important thing to remember is that the issue of who stays in the house during a separation is purely voluntary. That means you can't force each other out to leave your place.
Can my ex just walk into my house?
Technically, only someone you've granted permission to can enter your house. If you've ended your relationship with someone and overturned the approval accorded previously, they legally can't enter. If you feel unsafe, consider changing the locks.
More Interesting Relationship Guide To Explore
No person likes getting their hearts broken. These guides can prevent you from dating woes, from getting out of an abusive relationship to healing your heart the right way after a breakup.
- A partner who's more in love with himself than he's in love with you is a red flag for an abusive relationship. This guide will teach you how to divorce a narcissist.
- Not all women are good women. Know the types of women who will break your heart and save your mental health from all the trouble.
- Can't get a girl to say yes? Learn the things that make her ignore you, and maybe you'll get a yes this time.
Now that you know how to break up with someone you live with, it should be easier for you to come up with things to talk about and get closure.
Knowing how to break up with someone you live with might now save you from a difficult conversation, but it sure helps with the healing process.