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Harriet is a relationship expert specializing in marriage, cheating, and breakups. To date, she has helped thousands of men and women who struggled in maintaining their relationships. She lives with her husband, Ron ...
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by | | May 17, 2022


If you want to know how to divorce a narcissist, this post is for you.

I know all about the telltale signs you're in a toxic relationship because of the many posts I've written on our site here. How to break up with someone is on our site too, so I'm here to teach you how to do it.

Let's go!

Contents

Will A Narcissist Accept Divorce?

It's possible, but it's almost impossible.

When divorcing a narcissist, you will find yourself asking all the hardest relationship questions ever. One of those is whether or not your narcissistic partner will accept the divorce. Definitely, this will not be an uncontested divorce. The divorce process is more work than anyone can imagine. A narcissist spouse will make this the most difficult battle you'll ever have to fight.

You may have experienced many narcissistic tendencies that can last a lifetime in a narcissistic relationship. Do I deserve this kind of selfish treatment? Is it right for my partner to only care about their own personal needs? When is the time to finally say "I've had enough"? These are the questions to ask yourself when you feel like you're experiencing narcissistic abuse.

A narcissist accepting divorce is not a common sight because it's almost impossible to get them to realize their mistakes. Since narcissism blinds a person into thinking they are the only one who's right, it isn't easy to make them see that there are things in which they can improve. Narcissistic individuals will never believe that they are in the wrong. That's why a highly contested divorce is what's going to happen, most likely. They will only accept it if you take full responsibility and absolve them from the blame.

How To Divorce A Narcissist

Let’s face it: everyone has a flaw. Marriage tests everyone, but your commitment to each other should stand strong amidst all your differences. But, if being a narcissist is taking over your partner's life, it might be time to call it quits.

Here are 5 steps on divorcing a narcissist:

Step #1: Be honest, even if it hurts.

Divorce is never easy. It hurts a little less when you are honest with your partner. It may hurt initially, but your partner will accept it in the long run. Tell them exactly why they have hurt you and why you are letting go. Enumerate your partner's narcissistic traits and say why they impacted you. It will also help them see their faults and change for the better in the future.

Step #2: Stand your ground.

A narcissist will tell you that you are wrong and that they have done nothing wrong to you. If this happens, you have to stand firm with your decision. If they tell you that they are good partners, tell them exactly why you don't think the same way. If they listen to you, that's a good thing. But if they don't, and they also try to undermine your feelings, don't let it happen. Speak your mind and say what you need to say. It will help you both.

Step #3: Protect your children.

You'll need to keep track of your experiences with your children when you go through a divorce with a narcissist. A narcissist will try to alienate your children from you, so make sure that you take note of all the times you are denied access to your children. It will do you a lot of good in front of a judge if you have proof.

Step #4: Get a good family lawyer who specializes in divorce.

It's important for you to get good legal advice and direction from a divorce lawyer who knows their stuff, especially when it comes to family law. A good divorce attorney will help you protect yourself and your children. If your lawyer's that good, he'll even get you what you want in terms of child custody and child support. Most importantly, find an attorney who shows empathy and understanding towards your situation. This is a fundamental part of the attorney-client relationship. If your lawyer doesn't understand you, then you will lose the case and, worse, your children.

Step #5: Secure your children.

In a high-conflict divorce, you need to ensure your children are kept away from abusive behavior that can only come from a narcissist. A narcissistic parent will only harm a child deprive them of their needs. Make sure this divorce case ends up with you having full custody of your kids.

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Our Thoughts About Divorce

It's a lot of work to get divorced. It's even more taxing when you get divorced from a narcissist. The best thing you can do is get your ducks in a row and get a good lawyer who understands your situation. Then, brace yourself for a long and tiring process because it will take a toll on your mental and emotional health.

Divorce is only one of the deep conversation topics people usually avoid. If you've got a narcissistic ex, you better believe that whatever hardships you've experienced when you were together won't compare to the emotional torture the divorce proceedings will put you through.

Multiple factors can push someone to call it quits. According to Psychology Today, narcissism isn't just about being overly proud of one's achievements. It's about the desire to be the center of attention. Like all mental disorders, narcissism is something simple that just got a little too out of hand. A high level of narcissism can damage families and personal relationships. Some can even go as far as domestic violence.

What's so tedious about divorce is that you have to negotiate and mediate all possible areas of a partnership before you can part ways. It's even more chaotic when it's a high net worth divorce. Property division is a difficult task, especially if there are many that the couple owns. If you're dealing with narcissistic behavior from one side of the couple, it will be extra hard to say that that person doesn't own everything. In fact, you may even have to get a court order mandating that shared assets should be kept frozen until there is a verdict.

Another heartbreaking thing about divorce is the future of the children. While divorce is so common, people have different ways of coping. Some cope in unexpected ways. You can never really predict how a person, let alone a child, will handle the pressure of a divorce. It will be even more difficult if one parent is a narcissist. Parenting is hard enough, but it's even more exhausting when you go through a divorce with a narcissist.

3 Best Books About Divorcing A Narcissist

If you feel alone in this battle, you should know that many other people have gone through the same thing you're experiencing. It's easier to fight a battle when you learn about how other people did it. If you're looking for a guide on how to navigate this journey, here are a few books about divorcing a narcissist:

1. Divorcing a Narcissist: Advice from the Battlefield - Tina Swithin

Tina Swithin, the author, knows what it's like to divorce a narcissist. She was in a long 4-year divorce battle. She didn't get a divorce lawyer. Instead, she fought independently, which any law office will definitely discourage. She wanted to protect her two young daughters, which is why she opted to represent herself to make sure she gets custody. This book will help you tread your journey through a high-conflict divorce. It will provide you with all the solid advice and sanity-saving wisdom you need to transform from a victim to a survivor.

2. Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder - Bill Eddy LCSW JD, Randi Kreger

If you need some help on the technical aspects of divorce, this book is perfect for you. It will help you predict what your spouse may do or say in court, learn how emails and social media can be used against you, and take control of your case with assertiveness and strategic thinking. You will be more than prepared with all the important things to remember when divorcing a high-conflict person. Readers claimed this book had saved them thousands of dollars, helped them keep custody of their children, and effectively guided them towards a divorce mediation that highly favored them.

3. How To Annihilate A Narcissist: In The Family Court - Rachel Watson

This book will help you prepare for the divorce process's minefield with your narcissistic ex. As a victim, the Family court doesn't work you would expect, and the aftermath can sometimes lead to loss of parenting time or even residency altogether. Courts make rulings based on law, not what society deems abuse. This book will help you brace yourself for your narcissistic ex's charm and personality that will definitely show in the courtroom. They can quickly sway the judge and jury on their side with their narcissistic behavior. This book will teach you how to communicate to impress the judge and expose your true character.

Frequently Asked Questions

Do you still need some more info about how to divorce a narcissist? These frequently asked questions can help you get all the details you need.

What can you expect from a narcissistic spouse when you file for divorce?

Expect that most of your experiences will be twisted in ways that will be beneficial to the narcissist. You should also expect that your children will have a difficult time dealing with all of this. Anticipate what kind of support they'll eventually need and how you can help them navigate through this process without trauma or resentment.

What is the weakness of a narcissist?

Since narcissists are naturally charming to people who don't know them, they will most likely have an easy time getting the judge or jury's favors. They can twist stories and experiences and make other people believe that they didn't do anything wrong. Evidence, such as screenshots, videos, and photos, are great pieces to show that will solidify your truth. A narcissist will have a difficult time swaying the audience when there is real proof to be shown.

Why is it so hard to divorce a narcissist?

It's hard because they will do everything in their power to steer the situation towards their favor. They will manipulate you and twist your stories, so you will end up questioning your claims. However, you need to stand your ground and be strong to get through this as a winner.

What happens to narcissists in the end?

People eventually get tired of helping and talking to narcissists in the end. If a narcissist doesn't change their attitude even after the divorce, it is almost impossible for them to find a person who will be able to handle their narcissistic traits.

More Interesting Articles To Discover

Do you want to read more about the mistakes you may possibly be doing, besides being a narcissist? Here are some more interesting articles to discover:

  1. If you feel that you aren't doing anything right in your workplace, maybe it's time to ask yourself if you are the problem. It's possible that you have a toxic boss, so here's an article for you to check out to figure out how to deal.
  2. Are you feeling a little heavy and paranoid? Maybe you're seeing some signs your girlfriend is cheating. Check out this post and see if she's doing any of these signs.
  3. If you feel like you're always being friend-zoned, maybe it's time to try another approach with the ladies. If you want to know how to stop being the nice guy, here's a helpful guide for you.
  4. It's not enough that you're a successful and funny man. Sometimes, women look for a handsome and neat guy. If you want to know the grooming mistakes women hate, here they are.

In Conclusion

Now, you know how to divorce a narcissist.

On our site here, you'll see all the signs you're in a toxic relationship. I bet you have also seen these signs in your relationship, which also pushed you to call it quits with your narcissistic partner. Divorcing a narcissist isn't easy, but hopefully, this guide has shown you exactly how to protect yourself and your children.

People often ask us how to break up with someone, which you can see on our site here. We are optimistic that this post has helped you navigate your way through a tricky time in your life. Good luck!

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