Is she cheating? What are the signs your girlfriend is cheating? Knowing how to tell if your girlfriend is cheating, and whether you're with a cheating girlfriend is essential for every man because:
One of the only things worse than being cheated on is not knowing if it’s happening or not.
Going back and forth, accusing your partner and then accusing yourself, thinking you’ve spotted it and then thinking you’re crazy: it’s not just hurtful, it’s humiliating.
And it can feel like it’ll go on forever.
The only way to know where you stand is to know the truth. But if she doesn’t just up and tell you, how can you tell if she's cheating?
Well... a word of warning here: trying to track down proof here can lead you into seriously ugly territory if you aren’t careful. While you want to keep a watchful eye, it’s easy to become tempted to start invading her privacy. So, keep a few very important “don’ts” in mind:
- DON’T look through her phone records or read her emails.
- DON’T listen in on her calls.
- DON’T search through her browser history.
- DON’T try to interrogate her or her friends.
If the evidence is there, don’t ignore it, but you’ll have to let her either slip up or give her some space and look for signs she's cheating elsewhere. To help sort through the deceptions and excuses, in this post we show you how to tell if your girlfriend is cheating, and give you 23 signs your girlfriend is cheating.
How to Tell if Your Girlfriend is Cheating
Knowing how to tell if your girlfriend is cheating can take a bit of detective work, especially if you want to (and should)take the high moral road and avoid invading her privacy. The below signs, especially when several show up at the same time, are the best hints you’re likely to get.
However, while all of these signs make a cheating girlfriend more probable, none of them offer definitive proof.
It’s important to point out that none of these signs she's cheating makes it a sure-fire certainty that she is actually cheating, or even looking to cheat. There are perfectly innocent reasons she might act in any one or several of the ways listed above.
The best way to get at the truth is the most direct: simply ask her. She may or may not lie, but bringing your suspicions out into the open is far more likely to lead to the truth than a bunch of secretive snooping.
My Girlfriend Cheated on Me... What Now?
So, it's no longer "is she cheating... and it's now "my girlfriend cheated on me... now what?"
First, I'm sorry. A horrible, horrible thing has happened, that you likely didn't deserve.
Here's some quick advice: remember that time heals all wounds, and that this too will pass. For more in-depth advice: check out our step-by-step guide on what to do when your girlfriend cheats on you here.
PS: I know this section makes more sense after the signs of cheating. But, I wanted to be sure you know this section is here
23 Signs Your Girlfriend is Cheating
To be clear, none of these signs guarantee a cheating girlfriend... but if you see a lot of these happening in your relationship, it’s time to start worrying and, maybe expecting the worst.
1. She’s talking way too much to someone
This is perhaps the most obvious sign your girlfriend is cheating of them all.
Is she always chatting or texting with some new guy? Then, she’s probably cheating. However, keep in mind, it may not be all that easy to know if she’s talking to someone.
It would take a particularly brazen cheater to regularly text the other person right in front of you. It’s much more likely that the communication is not that straightforward. She may email the other person instead of texting—perhaps when you’re asleep or out doing something else—or she may talk to them only while at work.
If both parties are trying to keep this secret, they probably are doing at least that bare minimum to keep you off the scent. But if your partner is that obvious about it, things are probably in a pretty bad state in your relationship.
2. She changes the subject when a certain someone comes up
Need some help flushing out whether she’s talking to someone new? One way to know if something is up is by gauging her reaction when a particular person comes up in conversation.
Does she try to change the subject or act unnaturally disinterested or dismissive after she’s spent time with that person? Alternatively, does she gush about that person, even compare him to you, every time you bring his name up?
That kind of extreme behavior is a good sign she’s interested.
3. She’s busy and won’t say where she’s been
If you are looking for more evidence of sign she's cheating number 1, it may show up here. Instead of texting in front of you, there are now just gaps where she’s not available, and she’s not offering up very convincing reasons.
This is also perhaps just about as noticeable a sign as you can find because you feel the difference distinctly. It may be what made you starting thinking about her cheating in the first place.
The contrast can be pretty stark:
- She used to have all the time in the world for you—now, her schedule’s packed.
- She used to be passionate about going out to the movies, trying new restaurants, and even just sitting around on the couch—now, she sees those activities as not worth her time.
- She used to want to go find new adventures on the weekend—now, she’s happy for you to have separate free-time activities.
Basically, now, she’s always busy, and she won’t tell you what’s keeping her away.
4. She’s always working
The easiest way to brush off your inquiries into number 3 is to blame it all on work. This has all the sound of a reasonable excuse until you dig a little bit deeper.
If she’s working so much, what is the project? Did she get a promotion? Why is the boss keeping her late?
If she’s cheating, it’s likely the “work” excuse breaks down pretty quickly. If she doesn’t offer more information to make the situation a bit clearer (and more realistic), it’s far more likely, she’s keeping the story short on details to avoid falling into a lie you can check out.
Start getting suspicious if she reacts negatively when you want to know more instead of laying the situation out in detail.
5. She claims her friend needs her, but won’t explain the situation
If it isn’t work, it’s a friend. But once again, the details are likely to be sketchy, and she’ll be touchy if you push for more specificity. Someone needs her support—and keeps her out of the house—but she’s (conveniently for her) been sworn to silence about what’s happening.
This one can be very hard to confirm one way or the other. She may have just such a situation with a friend (you’ll know how true this rings for yourself if you have kept up with her friend circle).
At the same time, her friend may very well cover for her if you make a cursory check. Best, in this case, to note the issue and look for evidence elsewhere.
6. She’s making all new friends
It’s always nice to make new friends, but if she’s going out with a whole new group suddenly, time to worry.
If she’s hanging out with a new crowd, there’s a reason for it. It could be as simple as discovering a group that supports one of her interests, but she may also be enjoying time she can pretend she’s not attached to the guy sitting back home waiting for her.
7. …And you’re not invited to get to know them
If she’s not particularly interested in introducing you to new friends or meeting up with old ones with you, something is probably up.
If she’s not looking to incorporate you into her new life and she’s not interested in maintaining the old one, well, you have to start wondering what’s going on in that separate life in the first place.
8. She’s constantly distracted
The problem may not show up in a busy schedule or unexplained nights out, she may just make it clear she wishes she were somewhere else. When she’s with you, these days, she may constantly seem distracted. Even if she's technically sitting beside you, her mind is somewhere else... or, with someone else.
Your problems are no longer of any interest to her. Whatever is happening at your work or with your friends or family, she just doesn’t have much time or patience to worry about.
Instead, she’s busy staring off and thinking about…something. Always something else.
If she’s no longer emotionally available for you, that may be a sign your girlfriend is cheating and may be making herself available for someone else instead.
9. …And she won’t tell you what she’s daydreaming about
There are perfectly good reasons to be distracted. And if she has a good one, it may well be the truth. But if she’s refusing to explain her constant distraction—or just outright denying it’s happening—there’s something she’s hiding.
This is doubly true if your partner usually shares her feelings. If she is distracted and she doesn’t want to share what she is worrying over or hopeful over, there’s a good chance it’s because she’s got someone else on her mind.
10. She’s become obsessed with her privacy
So, you don’t know what’s keeping her so busy and you don’t know why she’s distracted, and now that you are looking more closely into it, she’s accusing you of getting too nosy.
All of the sudden, everything is her personal business, and all of it is off limits to you. Everything is a secret, and you have no right to know anything.
The best defense, as the saying goes, is a good offense. If she’s hiding something, the easiest thing to do is to start snapping that you are just being jealous and she needs space.
While you want to leave room for self-examination here (are you being jealous and too nosy?), if she’s gone from privacy conscious to paranoid, she’s probably trying to discourage you from looking too closely at her behavior.
11. She keeps her phone on high security
She’s always suspicious you’re looking at her phone. She thinks you’re eavesdropping and leaves the room for some conversations. She’s started to look over her shoulder to see if you’re reading her texts.
Now, she has every right to want to keep her phone to herself, but if she’s suddenly keeping it with her 24/7 just to be sure you aren’t looking at it, that is a huge hint she’s hiding something big, and it probably isn’t a surprise birthday party for you.
12. She’s suddenly very jealous and suspicious
This usually goes hand-in-hand with a demand for more privacy. Not only is she accusing you of being jealous, now she’s constantly jealous as well.
Her jealousy can show up in very different ways. She may start harassing you about every woman who passes on the street, insisting you were staring. This will go double for any female friends or coworkers you have. In this case, they are all potential cheating girlfriends you are spending too much time with.
Despite potential complaints about privacy in number 11, she may go so far as to grab your phone out of your hands every time you get a message or at least insist on knowing what every message and email is about. Again, this goes double for any women you talk to.
Alternatively, she may get playful and try to tease you into admitting you find someone else attractive.
No matter how it manifests, this newly discovered jealousy is a very common symptom of someone trying to ease their own guilty conscience.
Turning you into the bad guy—or at least a guy with a mutual need to get out of the relationship—makes it easier for her to justify her own actions. It also helps push you further away, just like her need for privacy and her busy schedule.
13. She’s looking for reasons to complain/fight
If it’s not jealousy, it’s constant nagging.
- Why don’t you dress well?
- Why don’t you clean up?
- Why does she always have to cook?
- When is she ever going to get to pick the movie or choose the music in the car?
- Why are you still in that dead-end job?
The complaints can come in many different forms, but it all comes down to one thing: she’s telling you she isn’t happy. The relationship isn’t fulfilling her the way it used to. Back then, she is telling you, she could excuse your faults. Now, they all stand out.
And if she’s not happy, she’s also telling you, she has the right to start looking elsewhere.
14. She’s not interested in getting more serious
This one requires some contrast with the past. Some women aren’t interested in moving a relationship forward to a particular point: to marriage or kids or whatever other benchmark you might have in mind.
However, if your partner used to want those things and now she’s not interested in even discussing them, she’s definitely lost some interest in your relationship, and she may have developed an interest in a different one.
The lack of seriousness in her intentions can be seen in more than just her conversation.
Perhaps she keeps up the talk of one day settling down, but where do her actions point? Is she still into saving for a house or a big vacation, or has that become too much hassle?
If she isn’t getting more serious, she’s either complacent or else looking to de-escalate the relationship. Either way, it’s a sign she is at least flirting with the idea of walking away.
15. She has trouble saying “I love you”
You may be well beyond those early, smoochy, “I love you” days in the relationship, but if she looks a little nauseous when she says “I love you,” she probably doesn’t mean it.
Watch to see if she tries to avoid saying the words–by changing the subject or just ignoring your effort. Otherwise, she may just mumble the three syllables to get it over with.
If there’s no enthusiasm behind the most important phrase in your relationship, there’s a problem, whether it is cheating or not.
16. She’s not speaking directly anymore
It’s not just “I love you” that shows a relationship is open and communicative. A relationship can’t function without a direct line to each other’s thoughts. If she’s shutting that down, she doesn’t want you to get a clear view of her inner life.
This gets to a point that a number of these signs your girlfriend is cheating hint at: she’s just not direct with you anymore.
Whether it’s excuses for her flighty behavior, or losing interest in talking about moving forward, or vague complaints without any specific problem or solution, she’s just not giving you straight answers to any of the important, deep questions to ask your girlfriend.
This may extend as well to the less important stuff. Is she no longer willing to pick a movie or take a side in a friendly debate? Will she no longer choose a restaurant for dinner or tell you which tie looks best?
Whether it’s serious issues or small everyday topics, if she’s not being direct with you, there’s almost certainly a reason.
This is one sign you can test out easily. Steer the conversation towards topics she has to make a choice about. Don’t harangue her over it, but see how often over the course of a few conversations—don’t go off just one, since she might be having an off-day—she refuses to make any sort of serious, straightforward decisions.
17. She’s dressing up, and it’s never for you
New dresses, new shoes, new panties: is your partner buying a whole new wardrobe? Well, it’s only fair to ask, who is it for?
Perhaps she’s spoiling herself just for the sake of it, but perhaps she’s trying to look good for a purpose, and if that purpose is never you, you’ve got to start considering it’s someone else instead.
Watch out for how she dresses when she goes out with “friends” or heads off to work (especially if, as said above, you are never invited to these get-togethers). Is it markedly different than before? Does she give you a reason for the change that’s believable?
18. She’s working out or dieting, and you’re not invited to join her
Along the same lines as number 17, if she’s suddenly become obsessed with working out and getting into better shape, and she shows no particular interest in either sharing the experience with you or showing off what her hard work is doing, it’s a good bet she’s got other motives.
Wanting to be healthier or look better is a perfectly worthwhile goal, but in a normal relationship, that goal would be shared, or at least offered to be shared. If she is keeping this part of her life to herself, she’s choosing not to share it with you.
19. She’s developing a new personality
People change over time, but usually the changes are subtle: a new interest here, a new habit there, a new viewpoint on one subject or another. If the changes are coming fast and extreme with your partner, she’s probably getting some outside influence.
It may not be another someone, but those kind of big changes suggest she’s not happy with the person she’s become, and that probably means she’s not happy in the relationship she finds herself in now.
20. She doesn’t make eye contact anymore
There’s a lot of truth in the old expression “the eyes are the windows to the soul.” If she’s refusing to look you in the eye, it’s because she’s either lost interest in you or wants to hide something.
Keep an eye on where her gaze goes whenever topics turn serious. This is an easy way to gauge if she’s being upfront with you.
21. She doesn’t want to cuddle
Not everybody is a big cuddler, but if she used to like sitting close on the couch together or holding each other before going to sleep, and now she’s gone cold, she’s sending you a major sign.
Sometimes, someone cools off because they are responding to what they see in their partner. So, make the effort a few times. Put your arm around her and hold her close. If she pulls away, she’s trying to get away in more ways than one.
22. She kisses you without any passion
You probably don’t need an article to tell you she’s cheating if she isn’t kissing you at all anymore, but what about if she’s just not putting any passion into it?
Like several of the signs your girlfriend is cheating above, this can just be proof of a problem in the relationship without it necessarily being cheating. But be aware, if there are problems that serious, it is just one more piece of evidence she’s on the way out the door, and maybe that she has someone waiting for her there.
23. She’s just not that into you anymore
Signs your girlfriend is cheating #20-22 all lead up to one major question: How’s your sex life?
If she’s cheating, the most likely answer is, “not good.” While, hypothetically, she might be keeping up her lovemaking with you and someone else, it’s far more likely she’s letting one bed get cold if she’s warming up another one.
If this side of the relationship is quickly disappearing—along with the last few signs above—you’re in trouble for any number of reasons, one of which is definitely a cheating girlfriend.
So... is she cheating? Is she using me? Ask yourself: how many of the signs your girlfriend is cheating did you see? If it's a high number, there's a chance that she cheated on you.
...But regardless, whether you see her acting out in any of the above ways or not, the fact you are looking so closely suggests you’re relationship needs work. There’s a lack of trust between you and enough emotional distance that a cheating girlfriend seems a realistic possibility. So, whether she’s strayed, thinking about it, or simply not focused on the partnership enough, there’s a problem, and it’s time to start fixing it or getting ready to get out.