Deep questions to ask your girlfriend are one of the most powerful set of tools a guy can use… because here’s the thing:
If you want to find new depths in your relationship, but can’t find the right questions to ask, I have put together the perfect resource for you. These questions will lead you to talk about the experiences from the past, hopes for the future, and beliefs about the present.
This wide selection of deep questions to ask your girlfriend will give you ample opportunities to learn about your favorite topic: your girl.
The best deep conversations wander from thought to thought naturally, but they all begin somewhere. Keep these deep conversation topics in mind the next time you and your girlfriend take a long drive, share a romantic dinner, or stay up talking all night.
Many of the questions we’ve selected below come from these conversation topics and will help you start deep conversations with your girlfriend.
Here 3 great deep conversation topics with your girlfriend:
Beliefs and Values
A person’s values and beliefs guide the way their actions and their view of the world. The conversations you have with your girlfriend about her value system will help you understand the way she lives her life and your role in it.
Goals and Dreams
Talking about your girlfriend’s goals and dreams is the first step to becoming a part of them. When you and your girlfriend are open about your hopes for the future, you can help one another to reach those goals.
Background and Identity
Identities are complicated things, influenced by so many factors. Conversations with your girlfriend about the things in your lives that have shaped you will bring you closer together as you share each other’s memories.
You and your girlfriend have a lot of fun together, it’s probably safe to say that’s one of the reasons the two of you are together.
But you’re ready to add some depth to your relationship while still keeping the smiles and laughter. The depth of a relationship is in its conversations, and having a database of conversation starters for couples will help you foster and nourish your relationship.
Think of the following questions as keys. Keys that will unlock the door to an even more meaningful relationship.
Here are 15 deep conversation starting questions to ask your girlfriend.
1. Who’s the person you admire most?
We model our lives after those we admire. What qualities does your girlfriend hope to develop?
2. What’s your guiltiest pleasure?
Whether it’s blasting pop music from the nineties or devouring a favorite sugar loaded snack, guilty pleasures are best when shared.
3. What would your perfect life consist of?
We all daydream about how we hope our lives will go. Sharing this daydream will bring it closer to reality.
4. What’s the habit you’re proudest of breaking?
Breaking habits is incredibly difficult. Give your girlfriend the chance to show off her resolve!
5. Who’s the closest person to you in your extended family?
That beloved family member is someone you’ll definitely want to get to know.
Be sure to ask how that person became so special and about your girlfriend’s fondest memories with that family member.
6. What is one thing you’d like to accomplish by this time next year?
Great partners help each other reach their goals, but first they find out what they are!
7. Generally speaking, what’s the best way a person can spend their time?
Whether it’s in service to others or in self-improvement, the way we spend our time is the way we spend our lives.
8. At what age do you feel like you become an adult?
Each milestone comes with new responsibilities and privileges. Which ones make a person an adult?
9. If you had to pick how you died, what would it be?
A blaze of glory? Surrounded by loved ones? How your girlfriend wants to be remembered will tell you how she wants to live.
10. What do you like most about your family?
Our families have such a large influence on us. The parts we like the best we carry with us, and if you’re thinking about joining families, this is good information.
11. What would you do with your life if you were suddenly awarded a billion dollars?
A billion dollars would make pretty much anything possible. How would your girlfriend deal with that potential?
12. What single word do you think really, truly describes who you are as a person?
Your girlfriend’s idea of what one word defines her might be different than yours. Find out what she thinks is her greatest characteristic and show her your support.
13. How important is it for you to invest money?
Planning and investing for the future is important, but so is allowing yourself to enjoy the present. The degree that your girlfriend values investing will impact your lives in the short term and the long term.
14. Would you be willing to lie to a court for a close friend if it meant saving your friend from going to jail?
We all like to think we’d do anything for our friends, but how strongly do your girlfriend’s ethics influence her decision?
15. What food most reminds you of your childhood?
Find out the dish that brings your girlfriend back in time. Ask about those childhood memories while you cook it for her.
By now you and your girlfriend have had some deep conversations, and you’re hungry for more.
You’ve covered some really important topics, and you’re ready to dive even deeper. Our list of deep questions to ask your girlfriend will lead you to new depths in your relationship and help you understand your girl more than anyone has before.
Here are 15 of the best deep questions to ask your girlfriend:
16. What’s your happiest memory?
Sharing in your girlfriend’s joys will bring the two of you closer immediately, and give you clues as to what you can do to keep making her happy.
17. Do you regret anything from your youth?
Sharing regrets requires a lot of trust, but it will reveal a lot about your girlfriend’s values.
18. What would you do tomorrow, if you lost your job and money and we had to start over?
How important her career is to her? How would she respond when faced with a financial crisis? Would she make a big career change?
19. As you get older, is there something you’re becoming afraid of?
Knowing the things she worries about will help you fight those fears and make her feel safe and cared for.
20. If you could choose the sex of your child, would you?
More than “do you want a boy or a girl,” this question gets to her thoughts on life and science, topics that are important for people who may want to grow old together.
21. What about the attractiveness/physical appearance?
If she could design the perfect child, what he or she look like?
22. Does spending time with other people energize or drain you?
You need to know how to re-energize your girl on those tough days.
23. What was the best time of your life?
Whether it was the freedom of college or the pride of making it her first working years, knowing when she was happiest will help you understand what makes her happy.
24. What challenging experiences have made you stronger?
You need to be with a woman who will help you grow through the hard times. Let her show you how she’s done it before.
25. What would you wish to accomplish in life, if you could only accomplish one major thing?
A couple has to support one another’s goals. This shows that you want to be a part of her dream.
26. When was the last time you really badly failed?
If we learn from our failures, what was the last lesson she learned?
27. If we could live in a virtual world, but we could never come back to this one, would you want to?
Does she find beauty in the imperfections of reality, or is the possibility of perfection more attractive to her?
28. Do you believe evil people are born evil?
If people are born evil, is there anything that can be done to change them?
29. Is life anything like you had pictured it would be growing up?
Is she living the life she imagined, and what is your role in the life she hoped for?
30. Do you believe everything happens for a reason?
Call it fate, call it destiny. We all wonder if there is some force behind our lives.
When you really want to find personal questions to ask that advance your relationship, you want to make sure you pick the ones that really get her revealing herself as opposed to turning her off of conversation.
Settling on the right personal questions to ask a girl is an important part of allowing her to open up and build intimacy.
Try some of these deep and personal questions next time you’re looking to make your relationship grow.
Here are 8 deep and personal questions to ask your girlfriend:
31. What do you hope you grow out of?
We’ve all got faults. Which are the ones she is trying to overcome?
32. What movie made you cry the most?
That movie may be the key to a deeper longing.
33. What impression do you try to give when you first meet someone?
Is she trying to show off her wits, her looks, or her independence from caring?
34. What belief do you have that most people disagree with?
Let her fight her corner while you back her up.
35. If you found out your current life has been just a dream, would you choose to wake up? (You don’t know if your real life would be better or worse.)
This is the start of a long talk on reality and what makes life worth living.
36. Where would you like to retire?
It’s a different way to look at the dream place to live.
37. What do you think the role of a woman in a relationship should be?
Best to find this out upfront.
38. What would you do if a close friend started saying mean things about you?
A great way to discuss how to behave when nastiness presents itself.
It’s important to ask about your girlfriend’s thoughts on a wide range of topics, but don’t neglect this list of questions to ask a girl to get to know her as she is right now. In the moment.
This list of get to know you questions will help you to focus on her and what’s going on behind the scenes in her life on a day-to-day basis.
Here’s our list of 14 deep questions to ask your girlfriend to get to know her better:
39. What have you done to pursue your dreams lately?
Dreams that are unchased are dreams that fade. Use this question as an opportunity to encourage your girlfriend.
40. What three things do you think of most each day?
The places our minds wander reveal what is most important to us. Where does your girlfriend’s mind go?
41. Are you holding onto something that you need to let go of?
The things we hold on to can sometimes hold us back. Give your girlfriend a safe space to follow Elsa’s advice and let it go.
42. Have you ever been afraid for your life?
Fearing for one’s life really puts things into perspective. If your girlfriend has had this fear, what did she learn about herself?
43. What is the hardest lesson you had to learn in life?
Life’s lessons are hard, but they teach us the most. Let your girlfriend pass her wisdom onto you.
44. What bad habits do you want to break?
It’s difficult to confront bad habits, but much easier as a team.
45. What do you think is your best physical feature?
As a society we praise modesty, but confidence is a virtue too!
46. What is your saddest memory?
Sad memories tend to leave scars. Handle this one delicately and be ready to be supportive.
47. What stresses you out the most?
Stress comes at us from all sides. No matter the source, it’s easier to bear when shared.
48. Would you let me help you with your biggest problems?
Knowing how your girlfriend prefers to solve problems will help you to keep from making them worse.
49. What has taken up too much of your life?
Life is short, help your girlfriend find the things that take up too much of that precious time.
50. If you are in a bad mood, do you prefer to be left alone or have someone to cheer you up?
Whether or not your preference is the same, be ready to give your girlfriend the space or the support she needs.
51. What would you say you’re most passionate about?
In other words: what directs your girlfriend’s life?
52. What first attracted you to me? How has that one attraction changed since then?
How has your girl’s physical and emotional attraction to you evolved over time?
If you and your girlfriend love talking about the way the world works, or why people behave the way that they do, use these questions to explore your shared love of wisdom and figure out life’s biggest questions together.
Here are 10 great deep philosophical questions to ask your girlfriend:
53. Do you think morals are universal or relative to the beliefs, traditions, and practices of individuals or groups?
Are concepts such as right and wrong dependent on culture, or is there an objective mankind can aspire to?
54. Why do you think people fear losing things that they do not even have yet?
We tend to cling tightly to our dreams. How can an idea mean so much?
55. What do you think most stops people from understanding themselves?
Socrates once said “the unexamined life is not worth living,” so why do we avoid examining ourselves?
56. Is it easier to love or be loved?
The great philosopher Nat King Cole once crooned “the greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.” Each requires the willingness to be vulnerable.
57. Do you believe everything happens for a reason, or do we just find reasons after things happen?
A great philosophical and deep question to ask your girlfriend. Either life is a series of causes and effects or it is random. Where does “meaning” come into that?
58. What are the essential qualities that should be there in a person?
We know that it takes all kinds, but what traits should everyone possess?
59. Do you believe in rebirth?
Everyone would appreciate a second chance. What would it mean if we got one?
60. What does it mean to live a good life?
Is a good life one dedicated to others? Is it seeking wisdom and understanding? How should we live?
61. What do you think happens after we die?
The big question. What we believe happens after death impacts how we live before it.
62. Why do we take life for granted?
Why do we take such important things for granted? We appreciate life most when we are face to face with the end. Why can’t we always be so grateful?
Healthy relationships require active participation from both people involved. That means you should always be looking for new ways to connect and learn about each other.
Sometimes talking about your workday just doesn’t cut it. If you want to invigorate discussions that can strengthen your relationship, always be on the lookout for new ideas.
In order for relationships to be successful long-term, you need to connect with her on a deep level. After all, if she doesn’t feel mentally and intellectually stimulated, your time together may not last. After all, your hunky good looks can only get you so far.
Here are 4 deep and thought provoking questions to ask your girlfriend:
63. What should a healthy relationship provide for the people in it?
Healthy relationships require communication. Be direct with her to solidify your bond.
64. If you woke up tomorrow with no fear, what would you do first?
You may be able to help her overcome her fears and achieve what was once impossible to her.
65. What is one behavior that you never tolerate?
Pay attention to her answer, and avoid that behavior like the plague.
66. Describe something you want to achieve this year.
Simple and sweet. Help her work towards that goal.
You want to know how to start a conversation that will shape you and your girlfriend into partners. You know that good partners know each other’s passions, their fears, their needs and wants, and just how to satisfy them.
You’re ready to start asking the questions that will bring you even closer together, but before you can dive into a deep conversation, you’re going to have make sure your relationship is ready.
1. Start by Sharing
Let her know that you’re more than a charming date by sharing your passions and interests. Don’t be afraid to get excited about your hobbies. Encourage her to do the same!
You’re both complete people.
As you and your girl get to know each other you’ll find even more things to like about her.
2. Be Curious
Ask yourself what makes your girl tick. Better yet, ask her! When she answers, be sure to ask follow up questions. How did she feel about seeing her old friend at lunch? How does she choose her friends? What role do her friends have in her life?
And as an added benefit: If you’re in the habit of asking questions, the deeper ones will practically ask themselves.
3. Listen Up
Deep conversations happen when people feel comfortable together, and she won’t feel comfortable talking if she’s not sure if you’re listening.
Show her that you listen by recalling your past conversations. Wish her good luck before her meeting and pay attention when she tells you how it went!
Downloadable List of Deep Questions To Ask Your Girlfriend
Looking for More Questions to Ask Your Girlfriend
By now you know your girlfriend so well you could write a book about her. Chances are, all the great conversations the two of you have had only made you want to ask her even more questions. Don’t worry, we got you covered:
- Would you rather find yourself with nothing to talk about or have a handful of fun questions to ask your girlfriend? If you’re looking for more lighthearted questions that inevitably lead to fun conversations check out these Would You Rather Questions for Couples.
- Even with all the deep questions provided in this post, there is always something else to discover about your girlfriend. Check out Deep Questions to Ask A Girl for more ideas.
- Not every question has to be deep. Browse these Questions for Couples for ideas to fill a lull in conversation or keep a great conversation going.
You understand the importance of deep conversations in a relationship, and you even know the questions to ask to bring your relationship to the next level.
The best deep questions to ask your girlfriend will lead to conversations that take on a life of their own, so let yourself be guided by curiosity about your girlfriend. When she knows that you’re fascinated by her thoughts, she’ll be much more ready to share them with you.
The best conversations take on a life of their own, and having a list of great questions to ask your girlfriend is a smart way to get started. Be prepared to follow your conversations wherever they flow, and watch as your relationship grows into a beautiful meeting of the minds.