Gentlemen, this is Mantelligence. Today, we’re showing you 10 ways you can stop being the nice guy, without being a jerk.
And because we want you to move away from being Mr. Nice Guy to help your chances with a girl, we’re also showing you one easily avoidable mistake most guys make when trying to be less of a nice guy, that makes them come off like a complete jerk.
So… here are 10 ways you can ditch the nice guy persona for good, and the one mistake you don’t want to make after you do it:
10. Answer Small, Ask Big
Whether it’s: For here or to go? Where do you want to eat? Or what’s your favorite YouTube channel? If you get asked any question at all, answer it with a little bit of conviction. The reason this is so helpful for nice guys is because it gets them in the habit of thinking about what they want, while also being more direct and less accommodating.
And if you’re looking for a pro tip to seriously boost the effectiveness of this one? Contrast your short, concise answers with kind-hearted questions and watch as that nothing-but-a nice guy persona erodes away with girls.
9. Use the Zero Expectation Approach
One path to getting girls through confidence, instead of niceness… is to find a girl you’re attracted to and approach her with zero expectation of picking her up. You may be surprised, but this trick works incredibly well for getting your head in the right place to talk to girls.
The reason it works? It takes the biggest problem out of the flirting equation: expectations. Nice guys expect “niceness” to get girls to like them, without realizing that just about every guy girls talk to meets the basic requirements of “ being nice.” So by approaching women with the goal of simply talking, instead of “getting” something, their niceness is neutralized and they can practice confident (and likely more interesting) conversation instead.
8. Lift Heavy Weights
At its core, being a nice guy is due often almost entirely to a lack of confidence. And what’s one of the best, most absolutely practical ways to gain REAL confidence? By lift weight. Specifically, by lifting heavy weights.
Now, that doesn’t mean you need to devote your life to pumping iron… or lift so heavy that you’ll hurt yourself. But the benefits of a smart lifting regimen just can’t be understated. Not only will it do wonders for your health, appearance, and confidence but by focusing on lifting heavy weights specifically, you’ll boost your strength and baseline testosterone. Which are two things that when improved, are proven to make a guy more imposing without having to be aggressive or mean to anyone.
7. Don’t Always Side With the Girl
Another misstep nice guys never fail to take is to automatically side with the girl if there’s ever a disagreement. Most of the time, disagreements revolve around little things, like choosing a movie or where to eat. But it’s precisely the process of always making small concessions, that plants the seeds of becoming nothing but a pushover who’s easy to get along with.
So what should you do instead? First of all, don’t disagree just to disagree but on the other hand, don’t agree, just to avoid conflict. Instead, start “light” negotiations by comparing what you both want to do, and take it from there.
6. Fit In Bro-Time
Now, if you don’t have any friends who are girls, this may not be a problem. But if you do, and you find yourself spending a lot of time with girls, not only is that a huge sign that you’re up to your eyeballs in the friend zone, but also that you’re probably playing a losing card if your intention is to get girls.
So here’s what you do. If you want to show girls you’re not just a nice guy, spend some time with your boys. It may not sound like much, but it will actually do a lot to change how girls perceive you, and how you see girls.
5. Don’t Keep Score
One glaring flaw that causes nearly every frustration a nice guy experiences, is keeping score of the nice things he does for girls he likes. In their minds, they do girls a favor by being nice, and in exchange for their good behavior:
they expect attention. The only thing is, all it does is set themselves up for an endless loop of kindness favors that don’t get anywhere.
So what can they do instead? Our advice is simple: be nice just to be nice, and if a girl is nice to them, just appreciate it and move on.
4. Take a Vacation
Instead of banging your head against the wall and waiting for your niceness to pay off, just try leaving for a while. Here’s the reason why this might be your best bet: Girls will notice if you randomly adjust your behavior and try to be “less nice”… But if it happens while you’re gone, not only will you have time to actually change they’ll be excited to see you come back a new man that they can seem themselves with.
3. Be Independent
If there’s one thing so-called “alpha” types have that nice guys do not, it’s independence. No, we’re not talking about the chest-beating tough guys, those dudes are just as guilty of letting others shape who they are as nice guys. We’re talking about guys who are self-sufficient, can handle their own, and don’t depend on being nice to get what they want. Basically, these are the guys that nice guys and wannabe alpha types wish they were… and the kind of guy girls immediately go for.
2. Get On Your Own Schedule
Nice guys all have this in common: They spend all of their time… on the schedule of the girl they like. The reason for this, is because they think if they’re not always there, they’ll miss their chance. This happens because they forget one hugely important detail: Girls don’t want guys just because they’re convenient. And being nearer, doesn’t actually get them any closer. See the difference? And the worst part about it is that if they just used that time on themselves, it’s virtually guaranteed they’d be more attractive to the girl they want.
1. No FOMO
Fear of missing out. It’s a feeling that lies at the heart of every nice guy. And the main reason why the justify their behavior to themselves, they think “If I’m just there when she really needs me, she’ll finally want me.” While that’s a nice thought, not only are the chances of that happening extremely unlikely, but they’re also drastically overestimating the impact simply “being nice” would have. Why? Because that is literally what a girl’s friends are for.
OK, so what should be done instead? First, don’t plan on capitalizing on her needing a friend to get a foot in the door. And after that, find another plan, and let her make the call if she really needs help.
Remember when we compared nice guys and those alpha-bros? Well both groups are guys at opposite ends of the spectrum with the same problem: Overcompensation.
Most nice guys eventually figure out they have a problem. And when the day finally comes for nice guys to declare their independence, what usually ends up happening is they overshoot, and abruptly become jerks to everyone. As you might guess, that typically doesn’t work any better than being overly nice.
So what can be done? If you want to be more than a nice guy, do what we talked about today, and just remember that real change takes time.
Those are the 10 ways to be less of a nice guy while still being yourself, and the 1 mistake not to make when doing it.
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