Want to know how to tell someone you are not interested? This post is for you.
Rejecting someone can be a tough decision to make. Fortunately, as a relationship expert featured in places like HerNorm and Ideapod, I've covered breakups and disinterest. I'll teach you how to say no nicely and how not to be a nice guy who finishes last.
Are you ready? Let's begin.
How To Tell Someone You Are Not Interested Nicely
Sometimes, it doesn't work out between you and someone else. Maybe the romantic interest isn't there, relationship problems arise, or you aren't a good match. If that's the case, the right thing to do is tell them you aren't interested.
However, there's no easy way to handle rejection. You could seriously harm a person's feelings, even if you are a Mr. Nice Guy. If you want to learn how to tell someone you're not interested nicely, here are some helpful tips on broaching the subject in the gentlest manner possible.
Step #1: Be clear with yourself about the reasons why you are not interested.
Before you voice your disinterest, you should make it clear to yourself the reason why you're not interested. The last thing you want to do is cause someone emotional pain by giving them a half-baked answer. Is it because there's no love or romantic feelings between you two?
Was it formerly a romantic relationship, and now it's become a toxic relationship? If you want it to be clear to them you're not interested, it should be clear to yourself first.
Step #2: Consider what you are going to say and how you are planning to say it.
Once you've sorted out your feelings, it's time for you to figure out what you want to say and how you will say it. Are you burning that bridge completely, or do you want to stay long-time friends with them? Carefully consider what outcome you want... and how you will break the news to them.
If you still want to remain their good friend, try not to use aggressive language that will upset them. If you've done all that, then all that's left to do is begin that conversation with them without breaking eye contact. Good luck.
Step #3: Stop giving them false hope that you enjoy being with them.
If there's no love or romantic feelings left in the relationship, don't give them false hope. Don't lead them on, and don't pretend that you still enjoy spending time with them. It will only invite misunderstandings and create more relationship problems.
If you have no romantic interest in them any longer, tell them immediately that you're not interested.
Step #4: Be ready for the fact that you might hurt them.
Telling someone you're not interested isn't going to be a good time for them. You have to be prepared for the fact that you might hurt a person's feelings. If you're reluctant to tell them straight because of that, you should also know that you'll inflict worse emotional pain on them if you continue dating them when there's no interest left.
Telling them immediately will result in the least painful outcome for you both.
Step #5: Think of the best method to tell them about your disinterest.
Just as important as the words you're going to say is how you say them. You want the message to be clear and concise, with no chance of misunderstanding. Some people are better at articulating through text, so text messages or social media can be a good avenue for telling them the truth.
Others are better at speaking it out, so telling them in person or through a phone call may suit them better. Whatever the case, choose how to get your message across the best.
Step #6: Be straightforward and as honest as you can.
Honesty is the best policy. Trying to dance around the subject will complicate things for both of you. When you're about to tell them you're not interested, you should clearly and plainly state what you feel about them.
However, just because you should be honest doesn't mean you should communicate things unfiltered. If you care about their feelings, try to say your piece in the gentlest way possible, so you don't hurt them too deeply.
Step #7: Be firm with your decision.
If you're going to tell them that you're not interested, be aware there's no going back. If you're about to stop pursuing a romantic relationship with them, you have to be fully decided on what you're about to do. So, make a choice and stick with it - trying to go back after all that will only result in pain. You can only do this once.
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When Is The Right Time To Reject Someone
The words you say and how you say them are important, but the timing is also crucial. Rejecting someone outright is usually the last resort, and because of that, it's something that you can meaningfully do only once. So, before you consider rejecting someone, you should consider the factors and timing of your current relationship.
1. When you only see them as an option
If you haven't decided yet on who to pursue, everyone you meet can be a valid option for dating. But if you only see that person as an option and don't harbor romantic feelings for them, it may be time to say that they're not your type. If the only thing you can say about them is, "They're nice... and... um." then perhaps it is time to let them go gently.
2. You are not comfortable around them
If something about them makes you uncomfortable, it can be wise to reject them. After all, you don't want to be in a relationship with someone who gives you the wrong kind of shivers. If that person gives you bad vibes, then it will be good for you to tell them no, you're not interested, for the interest of your own comfort.
3. You are not feeling any connection
If you just aren't feeling anything strongly about them, even if you've possibly known them for a while... Then maybe you should remain just friends. Love is a chemical reaction, and if they don't get your chemicals flowing, then maybe it just isn't going to work out.
4. You don't feel like spending time with them
If you spent time with them and didn't like it, then there's little chance that you will want to spend any additional time with them. If being with them is dull or doesn't excite you or make you feel glad, then there's no need to force yourself to continue. Just tell them plainly that it isn't fun to hang out with them.
5. You like someone else
If you already like someone else, but there's someone else vying for your affections, then it's best to tell the third wheel that you're interested in someone else entirely. If you're fully set on someone else, make sure to say it to them early so they aren't hurt badly by being too invested.
Why Is Rejecting Somebody Hard
Rejection isn't easy, not for the one who's rejecting or the one being rejected. It can be seriously damaging to the mental health of the people involved. That's why rejection is often the last resort for a person to take. Do you know why? I'll tell you why.
Reason #1: It takes a lot of courage to do it.
Rejection can change your relationship's dynamic or even sever it entirely. It's not something you can do lightly, and you can only do it once. Because of that, it takes a lot of courage to reject someone.
Reason #2: It can push them away.
Even with the best intentions in mind and you're most carefully considered words, the other person can sometimes take it badly. In the worst-case scenario, they might end their relationship with you entirely. Because of that, there's no simple and clean way to reject someone.
Reason #3: They might hate you for it.
Even if they end up leaving you, it's still a more positive outcome than the alternative - they may end up hating you for rejecting them. Rejection is taking their feelings and saying no to them: they may feel like they were scorned. You must be prepared for this outcome when rejecting someone, even if you don't want it to happen.
Reason #4: It can hurt you, too.
In the ideal situation, you don't particularly harbor feelings towards the person you reject. Sometimes, you have to reject someone you care for a good reason - even still, that doesn't mean it is painless for you. If there were some lingering attachments to the other person that just couldn't work out, it also hurts to reject them, even if you have a good reason to.
8 Right Things To Say
If you're truly dead set on saying you're not interested in them, you'll need to be armed with the right things to say. Knowing what to say to a girl can also help prepare you for the act. So, before you talk to them and tell them the truth, consider practicing some of the right things you should say.
"You're a wonderful person, but I can't act like we're compatible when we're not."
Softening the blow by saying they're a great person can make them more receptive to what you're trying to say. By saying this, you're saying the blame doesn't lie with them, and it just couldn't work out due to chance or something else.
"I don't think we're on the same page, and I don't want to waste any more of your time. You deserve to meet someone special who is a perfect match for you."
Wishing them good luck in their own love life is a way of communicating that there are no hard feelings between you two. If you two just aren't on the right page, then there's no need for it to blow out of proportion. It can just be a simple disagreement that results in no pain for you.
"I'm sorry, but I'm not ready for anything serious at this time."
When you say this, you should be completely honest about it. If you're just not prepared for anything serious, then communicating that to the other person will hopefully help them understand. Saying it like this makes it less like a full-on rejection and more like postponing it until you're ready to commit. Only say this if you still want to pursue a romantic relationship in the future, rather than say you're disinterested entirely.
"I'm sorry for disappointing you, but I think it's best for us to stop seeing each other because I don't want to lead you on. I hope you find your special someone."
Blaming yourself makes you seem humbler and more melancholy about the whole deal, which can trigger some pity from the person you're rejecting. It's far better than blaming them, which can seriously hurt them.
"I appreciate your attention - I really do. But I feel like I am not really the right person for you."
Saying you aren't a good match for them makes it, so neither of you is at fault. It was just happenstance that things couldn't work out. That way, you can move on without blaming the other, even if there are lingering attachments between you two.
"Thanks for giving me some of your time, but I want to live my own life right now, and I do not want to have a relationship just yet."
It's completely understandable for people to value their own personal time - something that, hopefully, the other person understands. If you say this, hopefully, the other person will wish you good luck with what you're trying to do.
"To be honest with you, it has been fun hanging out as friends. However, I really don't feel a romantic connection between us, and I'd really appreciate it if we can still keep our friendship."
If you still want to stay good friends with them, you should tell them directly. While no one likes being friend-zoned, no one wants to lose a friendship. Communicating that you'd still like to keep in touch softens the blow and can still result in you becoming great friends.
"It's hard to say this, but I have to be honest and put myself first and not continue this relationship."
You should be prepared to come clean about why you're doing this in the absolute last resort. No matter why you reject them, if the relationship is not healthy for you, you should state it clearly to them. If they're a good person, they'll understand. If they're not, then it was for the best that you ended the relationship this way.
Frequently Asked Questions
Rejecting someone is tricky, and there's no universally easy way to accomplish it. You can only do it once per person, so you have to make the words and sentiment count. If you're still unsure about the best way how to reject someone or about the rejection itself, here are some frequently asked questions I've answered for you.
Does rejecting someone make you a bad person?
Rejection isn't all black-and-white whose fault it depends entirely on the situation and circumstances. Everyone has a different reason for rejecting someone else. Because of that, rejecting someone doesn't automatically make you the bad guy. It just means that you're trying to protect someone's interest - yours or theirs.
Should you always turn down someone's attention immediately to avoid further consequences in the end?
It differs by the situation, but it's generally a good idea to reject someone early on. Consequences can mount the longer a loveless relationship continues... consequences that become inescapable at a certain point. For your sake, it's better to nip the bud early to prevent irreparable damage.
Why are some people incapable of telling someone how they feel, yet they still talk to you every day, knowing you're not interested in friendship?
For some people, coming clean about their true feelings is difficult. There are several possible factors why they can't come clean - maybe they like parts of the relationship but not others, or maybe their conscience is telling them not to hurt the other person. Whatever the case, it's up to them to one day tell the truth, for their own sakes, if anything.
Is there any best way to say no to someone?
There's an ideal way to say no, but there's no "best" way to say no. You can be as kind and selfless as possible when saying no, but it won't always go as well as you'd like it. You have to accept that it will deal some damage, but it's a necessary evil you must commit out of self-interest.
More Interesting Articles To Explore
After reading this article, you are now properly prepared to tell someone you're not interested in them. Do you want more relationship advice? If so, some related articles will teach you more about relationships.
- Do you know the signs a girl doesn't like you or signs she's not into you? Read on to find out.
- If she didn't text back, then those signs may just point out the truth.
Learning to tell someone you are not interested can be difficult. However, if you love (or don't love) someone, the best and right thing to do is to let them go. I hope that you can find better, healthier relationships moving forward by setting yourselves free.