Guys, as you build on your interpersonal relationship skills, make sure you can recognize signs she's not into you.
The ability to set, and read when other people are setting personal boundaries is a necessary life skill for far more than seeing signs a girl doesn't like you.
Developing nuanced social saavy is sure to help you with how to get a girlfriend.
Gentlemen, today, we’re facing some hard truths and looking at 7 signs she's not into you is one of them.
Nah, it’s not that bad. But it’s important to know when you shouldn’t waste your time with a girl... Some ships just sail. Trains leave stations. The plane has...taken flight.
Realistically, learning when a girl doesn’t like how to deal is the first step to knowing when they do... And is something that every guy should learn. Alright, let’s jump in.
7 Signs She's Not Into You
Before we get into the signs she's not into you, let's talk about how you can respond when it happens so you can keep your self-worth intact.
How do you experience rejection? Do you see it as a minor blip that's you'll forget about tomorrow, or do you interpret it as a huge blow to your self-esteem?
You'll find lots of bloggers and vloggers eager to impart half-baked advice such as "Just let it go." without even touching upon what that actually means.
Many guys' attempts to just go with the flow instead end up repressing or distracting instead because not many people understand how to process rejection in a healthy way.
Let's start with some validation of what's real: Rejection by a woman can hurt like hell.
Rejection can bring up a lot of guilt and self-loathing around why our self-esteem is so precarious in the first place. It can bring up regret, like "if only I had been (x), (y), and/or (z), she would have wanted me."
It can bring up negative thoughts cycling through our minds.
And finally, rejection by a woman you care about can bring up shame that's really hard to navigate without support.
Even though all of the great people in the world will tell you that for every acceptance they get, they've already gotten a hundred rejections, rejection by another can be legitimately traumatic.
Let's get that straight: Nobody but you can decide what counts as a traumatic experience because we all have different memories, triggers, and emotional baggage.
You are entitled to feel your own pain. You don't need to wallow in it, but it's totally okay to accept your own reactions for exactly what they are.
When you allow your negative emotions to exist without putting pressure on yourself to be any different, you'll find that they just naturally fizzle out on their own.
You might be wondering what it means to "feel your negative emotions completely." That means breaking them down into separate body sensations. For example: "I notice my muscles tightening. I notice my blood pulsing. I notice fatigue." Keep separating the sensations connected to the emotions for as long as you can.
When you break down negative emotions into neutral body sensations repeatedly every time they come up, they lose their power over you.
This is one way to process negative thoughts in a healthy way so you don't end up with tons of emotional baggage that will get in the way of having healthy relationships.
7. You’re Pulling Teeth
The key to a relationship that’s got any chance of going anywhere... Is chemistry. And chemistry is that unfakeable, unmistakable connection that makes the hours fly by, and makes being with her seem easy.
So if being with your crush feels more exhausting than exhilarating, I hate to say it but... She’s not feeling the chemistry. How can you tell?
Look for these 3 signs: Your conversations will feel forced, her responses will be frustratingly short, and she’ll ask just enough questions to keep from seeming rude. These are all telltale signs she's not into you, and unfortunately means the relationship is d-e-a-d dead in the water.
6. Friendship Reminders
If it seems like she mentions your friendship a lot, unfortunately, it’s probably because she doesn’t like you as anything more.
I hate to break it to you. But hey, you got pal privileges. And pal privileges are great: You get to hang out with her and her friends. You get to chat and text with her... Oh and the best perk, you’ll be the first person she calls when she needs advice.
But alright, just because a girl sees you as a friend doesn’t necessarily mean you’re in the friendzone... But if she ever tells you she loves you like a brother, it’s time to reevaluate your feelings for her... And decide whether you can handle being just friends with your crush...
5. Excuses, excuses
Quick question: Is making plans with your crush next to impossible? Is there always some reason she can’t hang out? And when you do finally make plans, does she bail at the last minute?
All these excuses could be signs that she’s the busiest girl in the world... but it's more likely that's one of the signs she’s not into you. A girl who likes you is going to want to spend time with you, and even if she is busy when you ask her to hang if she likes you, she’ll reschedule.
Give her the benefit of the doubt once or twice because after all, life happens... But if she makes a habit of making excuses, find someone else who will return your effort, and make time to spend with you.
4. Failing the Text Test
Texting is such a huge part of modern romance because it’s supposed to be an easy way to stay in touch even when you’re busy. And because texting has become so important to dating, your messages are a great place to look for signs she doesn’t like you.
Now, we don’t want you over-analyzing every message for subconscious signs of attraction, but you should think about her overall texting behavior. Leaving you on ‘read’, sending brief or even one-word responses, and never being the one to initiate a conversation... Are all signs a girl isn’t interested in you.
Pro Tip. What to do when she didn't text back
If she didn't text back, she has a reason. If she was into you, even a fairly busy schedule wouldn't stop her from making some form of contact, if only to tell you that she'll respond to you in more depth when she has a spare moment.
So leaving you on read is an indicator that you can't force it. You'll need to examine your own craving for her company and actively seek out other ways to fulfill your longing for connection.
Examine what attracted you to her in the first place. What does your attraction to her say about you? We often fall for people who consciously and subconsciously resemble our mothers in some way, particularly if we had some unmet need with our mothers.
Every successful and unsuccessful connection is an opportunity to dive into knowing ourselves better. If you can unearth some new realizations about yourself through your interactions with everyone in your life, the ones that don't last will still have fulfilled you in some way by bringing you closer to yourself.
This is one aspect of "working on yourself," which you'll hear a lot as it pertains to mitigating the pain of pining for someone you can't have.
It seems like she likes you when you’re alone, but you’re strictly friends when anyone else is there to see. The hard truth about that is, she might like you… but not enough to be open about it.
But before you cut your losses, investigate this sign a little further… If you really like her, have an open discussion (in private, of course) about what’s going on between you and where it's going.
Either you’ll prove you can work together to solve problems, or you’ll realize you’re heading in different directions. And if the latter happens… Don’t try to win her over at the last minute. It never works.
2. Body Language
Alright, fellas, we’ve talked about the body language signs she’s attracted to you before. And if she’ll show you with her body that she’s interested, it makes sense that she’ll also use body language to signal that she isn’t into you.
To let you know you’re barking up the wrong tree, she’ll keep herself physically closed off. Crossing her arms or angling her body away from you are her ways of letting you down gently, a hint that says, “before you get ahead of yourself... you’re probably gonna have better luck elsewhere.”
1. Eye On the Prize
Women have an almost magical ability to be aware of every single person who enters and exits a room.
So you better believe as soon as you walked in, she spotted you. That means if the girl whose eyes you’ve been catching suddenly appears next to you... It's because she wanted to be there. Getting near you is one of the clearest signs a woman wants to be approached.
On the flip side, if the girl whose eyes you keep catching always seems to leave an area just as you arrive... It’s probably not just a coincidence. It’s a sign she doesn’t like you.
Reasons Girls Think You Are Unattractive
While we're not saying you should be anyone other than yourself, it does help to know the reasons girls think you are unattractive, because a lot of the time, we're not totally aware of how our actions or behaviors affect others.
We're not just talking about the obvious stuff like picking your nose in public. We're talking about behaviors that are well-meaning but end up backfiring. We're talking about unconscious habits that we might have picked up from our brothers, fathers, and other family members.
Pro Tip. Know the unattractive things guys don't know they do
So what's one of the most unattractive things guys don't know they do?
One of the most unattractive habits is ignorance. Ignorance has two types: lack of self-awareness and lack of social awareness.
For example, don't start by saying "I'm not racist, but..." and then proceed to say something that is actually quite racist whilst believing the disclaimer absolved any responsibility for words and actions.
A demonstration of self-awareness would be to own the fact that we're all somewhat racist (even when we're trying to grow) because we share a world where prejudice is systemic. Taking responsibility and showing a willingness to grow are some of the most attractive traits to women.
More Great Steps To Attract Girls
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Guys, recognizing the signs she's not into you is an important aspect of your social fluency. You don't want to miss subtle or not-so-subtle social cues that are prompting you to change tunes.
You don't want to be seen as someone who just can't take no for an answer when the truth is you just missed the memo. So make sure you're versed in signs she's not into you so you can spend your time and energy seeking out the girl who is!
Remember also that there are healthy and unhealthy ways to deal with noticing the signs she's not into you. It takes courage to resist sinking into distractions, repression, or deception. It's not enough just to know what to avoid though. You've got to have effective replacement practices to actively reprogram yourself to recall the rejection experience with total equanimity.