Guys, does this sound familiar:
You like a girl (that you just met or that you’ve known for a while), and you think she’s interested in you too.
…But you’re having trouble coming up with anything to say to her, besides overdone topics like your jobs, the weather, upcoming holidays, etc. … and you can feel the conversation getting boring.
Now, obviously, you don’t want that bland, surface-level conversation… you want an interesting, flirty, fun conversation that actually lets you get to know her better, right?
But I get it:
Coming up with that kind of conversation in the moment can be extremely difficult… and that’s exactly why I’ve put together 8 of the best tips/steps to keep a conversation going with a girl.
…And these steps/tips work wherever you want to keep a conversation going (online, on dating apps/sites, in-person, over text, etc.). Check them out:
Keep a Conversation Going: 8 Steps
Here are the 8 powerful steps to keeping a conversation going with a girl (in order):
1. Know When to Continue the Conversation.
Guys… you should only continue a conversation with a girl who’s interested in you, not press a conversation with a girl who’s not.
Dragging on a conversation with that girl… the girl who doesn’t look at you, ask questions about you, or give you her full attention (she looks around the room or at her phone) will not only waste your time, but will make you feel defeated and rejected.
…And why would you make yourself feel like that, when there’s a girl who really wants to talk to you, and you can easily find her instead?
And PS. Check here to learn the signs that she does like you, and does want to keep talking to you.
2. Ask the Right Type of Questions.
Most of the help on the internet for ‘how to keep a conversation going with a girl’ advises you to ask a lot of questions.
…And while that is good advice (girls do love interesting questions), you have to ask the right type of questions. What’re the right type?
Questions that get to know her real personality, not just surface information about her. You need that personal information to learn if you have a real, strong connection.
…So instead of switching from one surface topic to another (like ‘what do you do?’ and ‘where are you from?’), stick with one topic, and ask her deeper questions about her interest in it, past with it, or desires for it.
For example: she tells you “I’m a writer for a magazine.” Instead of saying “Cool!”, “How’d you get that job?” or “How long have you done that?” (all bland, highly expected questions), ask something unique that relates to her interests, past or desires:
“That sounds fun! Do you write about topics that interest you?” (interest)
“What made you start writing?” (past)
“Do you like the magazine? Do you think you’ll keep writing for them?” (desires)
See how those questions are more interesting/tell you a lot more about her than purely surface-level questions?
And here’s the best part:
Not only do those right type of questions tell you more, but they also keep her more interested in the conversation, because she’s probably not asked them often. In short… they make her actually want to continue the conversation longer.
3. Offer Information About Yourself.
While you’re interviewing this girl, you have to remember it’s still a conversation between two people, and don’t treat it like a real interview (firing questions at her without giving any information about you… that makes her feel insanely pressured (especially if you’re still a stranger)).
But there are a couple of great, easy ways to offer information about yourself while still keeping the focus on her (and getting to know her):
- If she expresses a passion you share, tell her. If she says she likes paddleboarding, say: “Me too! I go to Ladybird Lake with my board most weekends.” This lets her know you’re really listening, and makes her feel comfortable sharing more with you.
- Instead of just asking a question, make a statement also. Ask her: “Where do you walk your dog? I like taking mine, Maximus, to the park on 5th.” She’ll feel more comfortable sharing information if you go first.
Here’s the bottom line:
You won’t keep a real conversation going if you only ask questions, and she only answers them. But offer information about yourself, and she’ll want to know more, and feel comfortable opening up to you.
Here’s the thing most guys don’t realize:
Any girl is constantly handing you topics she wants to talk about, and if you only listen to her, you can pick up on them easily.
For example… if she says:
“I was late getting here because a project meeting ran super long. I need a vacation.” She wants to complain about her job for a minute. Ask her about that.
“I really need to clean out my phone’s photos. I have way too many.” She wants to talk about her pictures. Ask her what she loves photographing so much.
“I have a super busy weekend.” She wants to talk about what she’s doing. Ask her if she’s glad it’s busy, or if she’d rather it not be.
Listening intently like that is incredibly attractive… because you’re not only showing her that you hear her, but that you care about the deeper meaning behind what she’s saying. And a man who cares like that is what girls want.
Here’s the bottom line, guys:
She tells you exactly how to keep a conversation going with her. Ask her real, interesting questions about her statements, and show her you’re really trying to understand who she is. She’ll like you 1000x better for it.
5. Don’t ‘Filter’ Your Thoughts.
I get it:
When you talk to a girl, and you feel a strong connection that you really don’t want to mess up, it’s easy to automatically jump into ‘filtering’ mode: to shut out any thoughts that you don’t think are ‘appropriate’ or ‘impressive’.
You think if you say those inappropriate/unimpressive/stupid things, she won’t like you anymore… but here’s the huge problem with that line of thinking:
If you’re constantly filtering, you’re not talking… and how can you have a conversation if you don’t talk?
Even if you say something goofy, you should want this girl to get to know the real you, so express your real thoughts, even if your filter says they’re ‘wrong’.
…And I promise, this advice really works (check it out):
I was insanely attracted to my boyfriend when we met, simply because he expressed all of his interesting thoughts. Some of them were goofy, but it made me feel 1000x more comfortable, and willing to show him my real thoughts, too.
…And your girl will love to continue a conversation with a guy who’s free and confident enough to say whatever’s on his mind.
6. Don’t Panic When There’s Silence.
Humans are generally uncomfortable with silence, so it’s incredibly natural to immediately fill silence in a conversation.
Reporters actually use this as a technique all the time… they continue to hold their microphone up, or continue to gaze at the person they’re interviewing, and the person will almost always keep talking, spilling more and more information. Crazy, right?
Now, as you might have guessed, that’s exactly what I suggest you do:
Be that reporter, and don’t panic when there’s silence. Wait for her to do it (women almost always will).
Now… if she doesn’t immediately start talking, don’t feel like it’s your responsibility to do it… just let there be a powerful moment of silence. Why in the world is silence in a conversation powerful? Two reasons:
- You can pay more attention to your surroundings. Scan the room (and maybe discover something to talk about). Check out her body language (see if she seems physically interested). Look into her eyes for a moment without speaking (incredibly (yet subtly) romantic).
- Old, comfortable friends don’t fill every moment with words. Smiling while welcoming a comfortable, silent moment between you makes it seem like you’re old friends, not uncomfortable strangers.
Here’s the bottom line:
Panicking when there’s a silence makes for an awkward conversation, and makes you lose focus on those conversational leads. Welcome the silent moments, and make them work to your advantage.
7. Drop a Compliment Late in the Conversation.
Girls love compliments. It’s nice to hear something nice, and it’s even better from a man they really like… but on the other hand:
Girls don’t like to hear constant compliments. It just seems insincere, because she knows she’s not that amazing, and it comes off as desperate to drop compliments left and right.
…And that’s why this might be the best piece of insider advice I can give you:
Compliment her sincerely, very late in the conversation (even when you’re about to end it). It’s the best advice for 2 reasons:
- If she likes you, you’ll finally fulfill her wish for a compliment. She wants to know you like her, and a compliment lets her know you do… but making her wait shows her you’re not the type to drool all over her, though you will give well-deserved compliments.
- You can tell if she likes you before you commit to asking for her number. If she blushes, laughs, touches your arm, or compliments you back, she’s probably into you. If she doesn’t, then don’t waste any more time on her.
Now… I’ve explained why complimenting late is good… but what sort of compliments do you give?
Honestly, any compliment works as long as it’s true. Here are some great, girl-approved examples:
- I’ve really liked talking to you. I’m seriously impressed with how smart you are.
- I’m not surprised that every guy here is looking at me jealously. You really are beautiful.
- You’re the most fun girl I’ve ever met. I can’t believe what a good time I’ve had here.
Now… just remember:
These are sincere, serious compliments that you don’t want to say randomly. Wait for the right moment, when she seems really interested, and you’re about to end the conversation (see below for how and why you do that).
8. Give the Conversation a Definite End.
Walking away from a great conversation is incredibly hard… but it’s also incredibly important. Here’s why:
She’s probably been in 1000 conversations with guys that dragged on too long… and by the end, she was thinking “Thank goodness that’s over. We were really stretching for things to talk about, and I was ready to go.”
Do you want her to think that about your conversation? Of course not!
You want her to think “Damn! I really wanted to keep talking to him.” And she will, if you walk away before she’s tired of the conversation (just drop your compliment, tell her it was nice meeting her and you’d like to call her some time).
Here’s the takeaway:
Leaving the conversation before she’s ready makes her want to talk to you again… which hugely improves your chances of getting her number or a date.
The #1 Best Thing to Remember When Talking to a Girl
It makes sense why guys would want help keeping a conversation going with a girl:
You get in your head too much, put way too much pressure on what you say, worry about how you look/sound, and get generally overwhelmed trying really hard to get this girl to like you (LINK).
Sound familiar? If it does, I’ve got one incredibly simple tip that can drastically reduce that nervousness, improve your confidence, and come up with better things to say:
Think of your role in the conversation as an ‘interviewer’, not an ‘impresser’.
It’s a subtle change, but you’ll find that by interviewing her to objectively learn about her, you consciously shift all that pressure/focus away from your own impression and onto finding out more about her. In a way, it frees you.
There are 3 steps to this powerful interview process, and each one should make you feel more comfortable/confident immediately:
1. Understand That She’s Not Perfect…
Sure, this girl is probably beautiful… but does that mean that she’s funny? Or smart? Or interesting? She may actually be the opposite of all those things.
Even if you’ve known her for a while, you may still assume that she’s exactly what you want… but there could easily be something about her that you don’t know, but would want to before you ask her out.
Either way, don’t be intimidated by her ‘perfectness’… it’s not real, and she’s definitely not any ‘better’ than you are underneath her pretty face.
2. …So Look for Her Real, True Personality.
With the above tip:
Don’t blindly assume she’s perfect, but do try to uncover the real her (almost like a reporter). Remind yourself that there’s no need to feel nervous… you’re not trying to impress this girl, you’re figuring out if the real her is worth your time.
…And if she’s not, you can walk away before wasting all the time and energy on that wrong girl, and find the right girl you have a real connection with.
3. Remember to Be Yourself.
During a conversation with any girl. you absolutely must be yourself.
…Because if you act completely different than your real self and she likes it, she’ll be insanely disappointed when she discovers the real you… and if she doesn’t like it, maybe she would have actually liked the real you!
Either way, the best way to interview her for her honest personality is to present your honest personality as well.
Knowing how to keep a conversation going with a girl is… if you know a few simple steps to do it.
…And if you use my advice, you’ll have those conversations and feel more confident, less nervous, and seem 1000x more attractive.