Jon | Dec 10, 2018 | 0
How to Keep a Conversation Going with a Girl (7 Simple Steps)
Solving how to keep a conversation going with a girl can seem tough. Coming up with that kind of conversation in the moment can be extremely difficult… and that’s exactly why I’ve put together 7 of the best tips/steps to keep a conversation going with a girl.
Guys, does this sound familiar:
You like a girl (that you just met or that you’ve known for a while), and you think she’s interested in you too.
…But you’re having trouble coming up with anything to say to her, besides overdone topics like your jobs, the weather, upcoming holidays, etc. … and you can feel the conversation getting boring.
Now, obviously, you don’t want that bland, surface-level conversation… you want an interesting, flirty, fun conversation that actually lets you get to know her better, right?
You want a conversation that takes that first step towards how to get a girlfriend. You want to know how to talk to girls, but you just can’t seem to manage it.
I get it:
With these steps, you’ll never worry again about how to keep a conversation going with a girl. Instead, you’ll just be wondering how long to wait to pop the “will you be my girlfriend” question.
It all comes down to the process.
…And these steps/tips work wherever you want to keep a conversation going (online, on dating apps/sites, in-person, over text, etc.). Check them out:
8 TRICKS to Keep a Conversation Going with a Girl – Powerful Method to Talk to Women
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While there are plenty of articles out there that try to complicate the process of how to keep a conversation going with a girl, it is, in reality, incredible simple.
How simple? Just 7 steps simple. If you follow these steps, you’ll be in no-stress conversation mode every time a chatting opportunity arises.
Here is how to keep the conversation going with a girl:
1. Start a Conversation Right
Look, there’s a lot of advice out there, but the best you’ll get anywhere on this topic is: start well.
Whatever you are going to talk about, with whomever, and for however long, start with confidence and as much charm as you’ve got.
First impressions matter in a conversation, and if you can pull off a good beginning it’s smoother sailing going forward.
2. Know What Things To Talk About With A Girl
If you’re stressing this one, don’t be. Just have a few things to talk about with a girl handy so you can transition between topics without having to come up with anything on the spot.
Just choose from the options below to stay relaxed while you’re chatting.
Option 1: Use Quality Conversation Topics
Listen…there is the easy way and the hard way to have a conversation with a girl. The hard way is by improv, just coming up with it as you go. The easy way is with conversation topics.
Settle upon a few intriguing topics before you even start talking, and then drop them in to keep the conversation going.
Ideally, you should make these interesting to you and to her, allowing her to give her opinions and letting you know more about her.
Ask her how she deals with her stress if you’re both going through examine season. Or find out how she feels about pets, and if she has a favorite one. Or, just find out what keeps her up at night…the good and the bad.
Option 2: Ask Questions To Ask a Girl To Get To Know Her
Most of the help on the internet for ‘how to keep a conversation going with a girl’ advises you to ask a lot of questions.
You want to make sure that you have questions to ask a girl to get to know her. That means, questions that get to know her real personality, not just surface information about her. You need that personal information to learn if you have a real, strong connection.
…So instead of switching from one surface topic to another (like ‘what do you do?’ and ‘where are you from?’), stick with one topic, and ask her deeper questions about her interest in it, past with it, or desires for it.
For example: she tells you “I’m a writer for a magazine.” Instead of saying “Cool!”, “How’d you get that job?” or “How long have you done that?” (all bland, highly expected questions), ask something unique that relates to her interests, past or desires:
“That sounds fun! Do you write about topics that interest you?” (interest)
“What made you start writing?” (past)
“Do you like the magazine? Do you think you’ll keep writing for them?” (desires)
See how those questions are more interesting/tell you a lot more about her than purely surface-level questions?
And here’s the best part:
Not only do those right type of questions tell you more, but they also keep her more interested in the conversation, because she’s probably not asked them often. In short… they make her actually want to continue the conversation longer.
3. Know When to Continue the Conversation
Guys… you should only continue a conversation with a girl who’s interested in you, not press a conversation with a girl who’s not.
Dragging on a conversation with that girl… the girl who doesn’t look at you, ask questions about you, or give you her full attention (she looks around the room or at her phone) will not only waste your time, but will make you feel defeated and rejected.
…And why would you make yourself feel like that, when there’s a girl who really wants to talk to you, and you can easily find her instead?
And PS. Check here to learn the signs that she does like you, and does want to keep talking to you.
4. Offer Information About Yourself
While you’re interviewing this girl, you have to remember it’s still a conversation between two people, and don’t treat it like a real interview (firing questions at her without giving any information about you… that makes her feel insanely pressured (especially if you’re still a stranger)).
But there are a couple of great, easy ways to offer information about yourself while still keeping the focus on her (and getting to know her):
- If she expresses a passion you share, tell her. If she says she likes paddleboarding, say: “Me too! I go to Ladybird Lake with my board most weekends.” This lets her know you’re really listening, and makes her feel comfortable sharing more with you.
- Instead of just asking a question, make a statement also. Ask her: “Where do you walk your dog? I like taking mine, Maximus, to the park on 5th.” She’ll feel more comfortable sharing information if you go first.
Here’s the bottom line:
You won’t keep a real conversation going if you only ask questions, and she only answers them. But offer information about yourself, and she’ll want to know more, and feel comfortable opening up to you.
5. Search Out Her ‘Conversational Leads’
Here’s the thing most guys don’t realize:
Any girl is constantly handing you topics she wants to talk about, and if you only listen to her, you can pick up on them easily.
For example… if she says:
“I was late getting here because a project meeting ran super long. I need a vacation.” She wants to complain about her job for a minute. Ask her about that.
“I really need to clean out my phone’s photos. I have way too many.” She wants to talk about her pictures. Ask her what she loves photographing so much.
“I have a super busy weekend.” She wants to talk about what she’s doing. Ask her if she’s glad it’s busy, or if she’d rather it not be.
Listening intently like that is incredibly attractive… because you’re not only showing her that you hear her, but that you care about the deeper meaning behind what she’s saying. And a man who cares like that is what girls want.
Here’s the bottom line, guys:
She tells you exactly how to keep a conversation going with her. Ask her real, interesting questions about her statements, and show her you’re really trying to understand who she is. She’ll like you 1000x better for it.
6. Don’t ‘Filter’ Your Thoughts
I get it:
When you talk to a girl, and you feel a strong connection that you really don’t want to mess up, it’s easy to automatically jump into ‘filtering’ mode: to shut out any thoughts that you don’t think are ‘appropriate’ or ‘impressive’.
You think if you say those inappropriate/unimpressive/stupid things, she won’t like you anymore… but here’s the huge problem with that line of thinking:
If you’re constantly filtering, you’re not talking… and how can you have a conversation if you don’t talk?
Even if you say something goofy, you should want this girl to get to know the real you, so express your real thoughts, even if your filter says they’re ‘wrong’.
…And I promise, this advice really works (check it out):
I was insanely attracted to my boyfriend when we met, simply because he expressed all of his interesting thoughts. Some of them were goofy, but it made me feel 1000x more comfortable, and willing to show him my real thoughts, too.
…And your girl will love to continue a conversation with a guy who’s free and confident enough to say whatever’s on his mind.
7. Don’t Panic When There’s Silence
Humans are generally uncomfortable with silence, so it’s incredibly natural to immediately fill silence in a conversation.
Reporters actually use this as a technique all the time… they continue to hold their microphone up, or continue to gaze at the person they’re interviewing, and the person will almost always keep talking, spilling more and more information. Crazy, right?
Now, as you might have guessed, that’s exactly what I suggest you do:
Be that reporter, and don’t panic when there’s silence. Wait for her to do it (women almost always will).
Now… if she doesn’t immediately start talking, don’t feel like it’s your responsibility to do it… just let there be a powerful moment of silence. Why in the world is silence in a conversation powerful? Two reasons:
- You can pay more attention to your surroundings. Scan the room (and maybe discover something to talk about). Check out her body language (see if she seems physically interested). Look into her eyes for a moment without speaking (incredibly (yet subtly) romantic).
- Old, comfortable friends don’t fill every moment with words. Smiling while welcoming a comfortable, silent moment between you makes it seem like you’re old friends, not uncomfortable strangers.
Here’s the bottom line:
Panicking when there’s a silence makes for an awkward conversation, and makes you lose focus on those conversational leads. Welcome the silent moments, and make them work to your advantage.
It all seems so much easier when you’re trying to keep a conversation going with a random girl you aren’t particularly romantically interested in.
Maybe you can pull that off without too much trouble, but then when it comes to that girl you’ve had your eye on for a while, it all falls apart.
Here’s the thing though: figuring out how to talk to a girl you like is not really much different than figuring out how to keep a conversation going with a girl, any girl.
So, use the steps above as a guide, and then add these steps to help you get that little bit further.
Here how to keep the conversation going with the girl you like:
1. Come On Interested, But Not Too Strong
There are two ways most guys mess up a conversation with a girl they like: they come on too strong or they don’t come on at all.
So, go for the middle ground. Be engaged, try to be a bit flirty, but don’t be too forward. You want to signal that you like her and that you want to get closer, but you don’t want to sound demanding or desperate.
Basically: keep the conversation low-key and let it evolve naturally.
2. Know The Things to Say To a Girl You Like
It’s easy to say “keep it casual but stay engaged,” but how is that even possible?
You don’t need to stress so much over how to keep a conversation going with a girl you like, really. You just need to find that perfect balance by having the right things to say to a girl you like on hand.
Use basic every-day topics to get a conversation going.
Remember: casual suggests confidence, so coming up and just asking her what she thinks about a class, a recent meeting, or some other shared experience is a great way to show her you’re an easy-going guy who’s easy to talk to.
Throw in a joke if you have one, or use some of your conversation starters from the section above. Then, pick generously from Option 1 and Option 2 below.
Option 1: Say Sweet Things to Say To a Girl
Girls like plenty of different kinds of guys, but one thing that will stand out and make most girls look more closely at you is the word “sweet.”
Girls love sweet guys, and the best way to prove you’re a sweet guy is to have sweet things to say to a girl.
There’s a whole world of options to go for here, and it’s best to let sweet comments come naturally.
For instance, you can tell her, if she’s upset, that she really deserves to be treated better by her friends, or that you hate to see her hurt.
Or, tell her simply that you’re really glad you’ve finally had a chance to talk together, and that you’ve been looking forward to this moment.
One great sweet thing worth trying: offer up your time if she wants it. Tell her you’d be happy to help her with homework or to listen to her problems any time. That way, you show her you’re reliable, interested, and sweet all at once.
Just keep in mind:
Be sweet but don’t be too intrusive. If she doesn’t want to talk about her problems, don’t push it. A sweet guy knows when to back off and find a different way to show how he’s feeling.
Option 2: Compliment Her
Girls love compliments. Most guys don’t need to be told that. After all, it’s nice to hear something nice, and it’s even better from a man they really like… but on the other hand:
Girls don’t like to hear constant compliments. It just seems insincere, because she knows she’s not that amazing, and it comes off as desperate to drop compliments left and right.
…And that’s why this might be the best piece of insider advice I can give you:
Compliment her sincerely, very late in the conversation (even when you’re about to end it). It’s the best advice for 2 reasons:
- If she likes you, you’ll finally fulfill her wish for a compliment. She wants to know you like her, and a compliment lets her know you do… but making her wait shows her you’re not the type to drool all over her, though you will give well-deserved compliments.
- You can tell if she likes you before you commit to asking for her number. If she blushes, laughs, touches your arm, or compliments you back, she’s probably into you. If she doesn’t, then don’t waste any more time on her.
Now… I’ve explained why complimenting late is good… but what sort of compliments do you give?
Honestly, any compliment works as long as it’s true. Here are some great, girl-approved examples:
- I’ve really liked talking to you. I’m seriously impressed with how smart you are.
- I’m not surprised that every guy here is looking at me jealously. You really are beautiful.
- You’re the most fun girl I’ve ever met. I can’t believe what a good time I’ve had here.
Now… just remember:
These are sincere, serious compliments that you don’t want to say randomly. Wait for the right moment, when she seems really interested, and you’re about to end the conversation (see below for how and why you do that).
3. Give The Conversation A Definite End
Walking away from a great conversation is incredibly hard, it also practically guarantees that you’ll be talking again soon. Most women have been in countless conversations that have dragged on too long… and for most of those, they were probably pretty happy when they were over.
Do you want her to think that about your conversation? Of course not, right? So even if it’s hard, let the conversation end naturally, and save something for next time.
When we’re talking about how to keep a conversation going with a girl, it’s a whole (or at least mostly) different ballgame when it comes to text.
In person, you can see if a girl is interested in your conversation and she basically has to give you some response, but by text…it’s more complicated.
The truth is, though: the ways how to text a girl to get her to respond and stay interested aren’t any more complicated than talking in person.
Here’s how to keep a conversation going over text:
1. Use What You Know and What You Share
Before you ever text, you face a dilemma: what is the best reason to text the girl you want to chat with?
If you’re lucky, she’s given you her number with the express impression she wants you to text, or else, you have a definite reason to text (like a project you’re both working on).
If not, it’s time to think of a reason. There’s no reason to strain about this, though.
Just build off of what you have in common. Work with events she might like, news about mutual friends, or interesting topics you know she’ll want to talk about.
If you don’t have any of that, just send a “just because” message to get things started.
2. Throw in Some Great Conversation Starters
You can ask her about the best book she’s ever read or if she’d rather be a meatball or a slice of salami. Whatever you think will get her thinking deeply or laughing, try that.
And…if you can connect it to the reason you’re texting, all the better.
3. Know What and When To Text A Girl
Once you’ve got a conversation going by text, you run into the same problems that came up at the beginning of this article: how to keep a conversation going with a girl…this time by text.
What you really want to know is what to text a girl to keep her texting back. The best answer is to just use one (or more) of the options below.
Option 1: Ask Questions To Ask a Girl Over Text
As was discussed at length above, there’s nothing that keeps a girl talking and shows a girl your interest like asking questions.
Before you text a word, develop a list of questions to ask a girl over text that are sure to keep her answering for as long as you want to chat.
You can ask her something as simple as her opinion about a movie you know she saw recently or go deeper to find out who she’s closest to in her family. Whatever you choose, I recommend you try to stick with something that’s interesting but not too intrusive, unless you already know her pretty well.
When you finish talking through one question, just move on to the next. Or go to Option 6 or 7.
Option 2: Send A Good morning text For Her
If the timing is right, move your conversation on to a focus about the morning by sending a good morning text for her.
You can ask her about what she dreamt about last night, her plans for the day, or find out what her favorite thing to do is right when she wakes up.
Option 3: Send A Good night Text For Her
Just like Option 6, Option 7 works if the timing is right. If you’re heading toward the end of a text conversation in the evening, turn the topic to a good night text for her.
Talk to her about her plans for the next day, or just make it another sweet moment by saying you messaged just to wish her sweet dreams.
4. Sign Off at the Right Time
Just like in any conversation, you have to know when to walk away. If you run out of material and her answers are coming more slowly, end the conversation and move on.
You can do this by either faking a conflict (time for bed, class is starting, got to meet a friend, etc.) or just saying it was great chatting and end it there.
Whatever you do, try to sneak in a line about chatting again soon, so she knows you want to keep this habit going.
I know, nothing is more terrifying to some guys than trying to talk to a girl when there are tons of people around.
The thing is though...it really isn’t any harder to learn how to talk to girls at parties than it is to learn how to keep a conversation going with a girl when you’re alone with her.
All you really need to do is follow the steps above and add a couple other things in to boot.
For instance, don’t wait for her to be alone, bring a friend and use them to help you join the conversation that’s already taking place.
Also, adjust your conversation starters and topics to be more inclusive.
Finally, after a short while, pivot your attention from the group to the girl you want to talk to.
It makes sense why guys would want help keeping a conversation going with a girl:
You get in your head too much, put way too much pressure on what you say, worry about how you look/sound, and get generally overwhelmed trying really hard to get this girl to like you.
Sound familiar? If it does, I’ve got one incredibly simple tip that can drastically reduce that nervousness, improve your confidence, and come up with better things to say:
Think of your role in the conversation as an ‘interviewer’, not an ‘impresser’.
It’s a subtle change, but you’ll find that by interviewing her to objectively learn about her, you consciously shift all that pressure/focus away from your own impression and onto finding out more about her. In a way, it frees you.
Here are 3 steps to this powerful interview process, and each one should make you feel more comfortable/confident immediately:
1. Understand That She’s Not Perfect…
Sure, this girl is probably beautiful… but does that mean that she’s funny? Or smart? Or interesting? She may actually be the opposite of all those things.
Even if you’ve known her for a while, you may still assume that she’s exactly what you want… but there could easily be something about her that you don’t know, but would want to before you ask her out.
Either way, don’t be intimidated by her ‘perfectness’… it’s not real, and she’s definitely not any ‘better’ than you are underneath her pretty face.
2. …So Look for Her Real, True Personality.
With the above tip:
Don’t blindly assume she’s perfect, but do try to uncover the real her (almost like a reporter). Remind yourself that there’s no need to feel nervous… you’re not trying to impress this girl, you’re figuring out if the real her is worth your time.
…And if she’s not, you can walk away before wasting all the time and energy on that wrong girl, and find the right girl you have a real connection with.
3. Remember to Be Yourself.
During a conversation with any girl. you absolutely must be yourself.
…Because if you act completely different than your real self and she likes it, she’ll be insanely disappointed when she discovers the real you… and if she doesn’t like it, maybe she would have actually liked the real you!
Either way, the best way to interview her for her honest personality is to present your honest personality as well.
More Ways To Get The Girl
When you’re really looking to get a girl, you know there’s more to it than just how to keep a conversation going with a girl. To get the whole process, read these articles as well:
- Find out how to tell if a girl likes you to know if you’re on the right track.
- Take that big step by figuring out how to ask a girl out.
- If you know how to flirt with a girl, you’ll have far more romantic options going forward.
Knowing how to keep a conversation going with a girl is perhaps not quite as easy as just shouting “will you be my girlfriend,” but it is fairly simple if you know a few simple steps to do it.
The road to how to get a girlfriend runs straight through learning how to talk to girls, so this is about as important a set of steps to learn as possible. Besides, following these steps makes the whole process so much more fun. You’ll be able to stop stressing about how to keep a conversation going with a girl and just enjoy it for a change.
You’ll be having enriching and productive conversations with all the girls you want to chat with in no time.
…And if you use my advice, you’ll have those conversations and feel more confident, less nervous, and seem 1000x more attractive.