how to text a girl - postRemember when you would first contact a girl by calling her on the phone?

That doesn’t happen much anymore… now, you text.

…And while texting a girl is less nerve-wracking than those phone calls, it adds a whole new set of rules/etiquette to the dating ‘game’… and girls now have expectations for how you should text them.

And we all know:

It’s hard enough to meet their expectations when girls can see and hear you… much less with only characters on a screen. 

So… how do you meet those expectations? How do you start a text conversation with a girl? How do you flirt with her over text? How do you make a girl like you over text? All these questions are really the same overwhelming mystery:

How to text a girl?

Simple… you learn what, exactly, girls look for in a text... from a dating expert like me. I’m incredibly familiar with what girls want… and what they don’t want when it comes to texting.

So… to help you out, I put together the 21 best tips on how to text a girl. And to make each tip extremely clear, I even included examples of what you should text.

Texting Girls: 21 Tips on How to Text a Girl You Like (+ Examples of What Not to Text)

Guy, I want to make something clear:

For a classic, traditional man, texting isn’t a replacement for face-to-face interaction. In fact, the whole purpose of texting a girl is to eventually see her face-to-face… hopefully on a date.

With that:

Texting is an extremely useful communication tool, and in this article I’ll show you how to text a girl you like… to keep getting dates with her.

The tips are divided into 5 categories:

  1. The first text to a girl, to immediately make her think of you as ‘date material’ (view)
  2. The texts you send before asking her out, to keep her engaged/interested (view)
  3. The most common texting mistakes that start to turn girls off to dating you (view)
  4. How to use texting to ask her for a date (view)
  5. How to text after your first date, and during the early dating period (view)

Plus: each of the 21 tips to texting girls has at least one example of a good text to send… and at least one text you should never send her.

Tips for the First Text to a Girl

The purpose of these tips is pretty self-explanatory… they’re for the very first text you send a girl after you’ve met her, to re-introduce yourself and make her see you as date material.

Now:

Getting her interest in the beginning can be difficult, but it’s crucial if you want a date… so read these tips carefully to know how to succeed, and move forward.

Tip #21: Text her within 24 hours of meeting her

how to text a girl tip #21 - text her withing 24 hours of meeting her

Have you heard the dating ‘rule’ that you must wait three days to call a girl after you meet?

Well get this:

Most girls now expect men to contact them within 24 hours of meeting.

Why is that?

Because it’s incredibly easy to get in touch (you can text, call, Facetime, Facebook, etc.)… so if you wait much longer than 24 hours before texting her, she’ll think you aren’t interested (in other words, texting is easy, so why wouldn’t you text if you really like her?)


Good texts to send:

“Hey (her name), it’s Ryan from this morning’s meeting!”
“Hi (her name), I’m glad Stella introduced us yesterday.”

These texts are simple and to-the-point, but you contact the girl within 24 hours of meeting her… making sure she remembers you, and knows you’re interested.


Do not send these texts:

“Hey, it’s Ryan from Stella’s party last week. What’s up?”

While it’s not a bad/rude text, it implies that it’s been well over 24 hours since you met. Even if she remembers you, she won’t be impressed that it took you that long to realize you’re interested in her.


Here’s a real-life example of why you should contact a girl quickly after meeting her (from me and my long-term boyfriend, Will):

The night we met, Will forgot to ask for my number (he’s pretty forgetful). But within 24 hours, he found me on Facebook, messaged me for my number, texted me as soon as he got it… and we’ve now been dating for a year and a half. See how it works?

Tip #20: Use her name

If you immediately text a girl using a ‘pet name’ instead of her actual name, she’ll probably think one of two things:

  1. “Whoa! We just met and he’s calling me ‘baby’? I’m not his baby yet!”
  2. “Did he call me ‘baby’ to be sweet… or did he forget my name?”

…And if you don’t use her name at all, it seems like a generic text that you could send to any girl.

Those aren’t the first impressions you want to give. So for the first text, use her actual name.

And PS: I recommend using her name until you go on an actual date, then after you develop a good relationship, feel free to use pet names.


Good texts to send:

“Hey (her name)! How was the rest of your weekend?”
(Her name)! Great meeting you!”

These texts are simple… but you use her name, making sure she knows your message is just for her, and that you aren’t being too forward with pet names.


Do not send this text:

“Hey baby/honey/sugar/sweetheart.”

Look: if you’re using a pet name because you don’t remember her name, and you can’t find it out through a friend, just don’t text her. Move on to a girl you remember.

Tip #19: Remind her of something that happened when you met

how to text a girl #19 - remind her of something that happened when you met

This is one of the best tips on how to text girls.

Meeting this girl was a positive moment for youand it was likely positive for her too (you can tell because she gave you her number, right?)

So, in your first text, put her back in that positive mindset by reminding her of something funny/cool/interesting that happened when you met.

My favorite approach?

Remind her of something funny… she’ll associate you with laughter, and girls love a man who can make them laugh!


Good texts to send:

“Great meeting you, (her name). You made being the DD bearable!”
(Her name), I’m so glad Stella introduced us. Even with Stella’s
neighbor calling the police… meeting you was the most interesting
part of the night.”

Both texts above are great. It’s fine to drop a compliment (she made the night better for you) when you remind her of something interesting that happened.


Do not send these texts:

“Hey it’s Ryan.”
“Hey how are you?”

These texts are so boring! Send her something interesting that the two of you will remember from the night you met.

Tip #18: Use proper grammar

how to text a girl tip #18 - use proper grammer

The further girls get from high school, the more upsetting it is when men still text like they’re in high school.

You know what I’m talking about… bad grammar, misspelled words, and useless abbreviations (‘2’ instead of ‘to’, ‘y’ instead of ‘why’, etc.).

Here’s the thing:

It takes hardly any time to type full words instead of abbreviations, or to double-check for mistakes before you send a text.

Bad spelling/grammar makes a girl think that you’re too lazy to do those things… so re-form the good first impression (that you’re a classic, intelligent, purposeful man) by using proper grammar when you text.


Good text to send:

“Hi (her name)! Nice to meet you yesterday. You made a boring
work event kind of fun.”

The text doesn’t have to be complicated (this one has a very simple message)… it just has to be grammatically correct.


Do not send this text:

“heyy (her name), i had fun at the eventt, good 2 meet u their.”

I don’t think you need more examples… you get it, right?

Tips for the First Few Texts, Before you Ask Her Out

So you made it through the first text, and she’s texting you back and forth. That’s great!

Now:

Keep the positive momentum going. Follow these tips to get through the early texting period… then you can finally ask her out.

Tip #17: Text her the same way she texts you (‘mirror’ her)

Here’s the thing:

The secret code for how a girl expects to be texted is right there in her texts. Follow her example on these things:

  1. How much to use emojis
  2. How long texts should be
  3. How fast you should answer her (does she text back every 5 minutes, every hour, etc.)
  4. How much she likes teasing/poking fun at each other

Letting her set the tone is the easiest way to meet her expectations.


Good texts to send:

“Hi (her name), how was the concert last night?”
“Where was that awesome Italian place you mentioned?”

Until you know her tone, these are the type of the texts you should send: purposeful, interesting, and very basic.


Do not send these texts:

“Hey (her name)!!!! How was the concert?!? :D :D ”
“Sup gurrrrl………just thinkin’ bout you……..”

The tone is too casual, uses too many emojis and too much punctuation. Now: if she starts texting you like this, feel free to match her tone.


Here’s another real-life example, from me and a guy I met in college:

I actually got this text from a man: “heyyy babay ;) ;) ;) ” I had to wonder if a man was texting me, or a 14-year-old girl. I was so turned off, I immediately deleted his number.

Tip #16: Text with a purpose

The whole purpose of back-and-forth texting is to get a date, right?

So don’t send random texts that don’t help you achieve that purpose. Otherwise, she might lose interest in you… or worse, think that you’re just being friendly instead of flirting.

Now… here’s some examples of good, purposeful reasons to text:

  • To compliment her (makes her want to date you)
  • To entertain her (makes her think you’re flirting)
  • To ask her for a date

But remember:

Purposeful texting, even complimenting her, is meaningless unless you actually get to asking her out.


Good texts to send:

“I was just thinking about you.”
“Guess what just happened…”
“Do you have a second for me to call?”

All of these texts have a purpose: to make her feel good, to entertain her, or to speak in person and (hopefully) ask her for a date.


Do not send these texts:

“It’s crazy cold today, right?”
“What’s up?”

Neither of these texts have a real purpose. They’re just talking for the sake of talking, and don’t get you any closer to dating her.

Tip #15: Make her wait to hear from you

how to text a girl tip #15 - make her wait to hear from you

Girls usually don’t want you to text back immediately every time, but it’s not because she wants you to play ‘hard-to-get’…

…it’s because she wants a man with a job, friends, hobbies, and a life outside of pursuing her. Basically… she wants a man with better things to do than sit around texting.

So here’s what you do:

Make her wait a while in between texts. Don’t answer back the moment she texts you… leave about 15 minutes between your responses at first (then after your first date, match her tone/speed in texting)


Good texts to send:

“Check this out…my buddy took us bungee jumping today!”
(it doesn’t have to be bungee jumping… but send her a picture of you
enjoying your hobbies).

“Sorry I haven’t responded in a while, work is crazy today.”

Any girl who’s not crazily needy will love seeing that you put the phone down to have fun, or to focus harder on your work.


Do not send these texts:

Any text every five minutes, or as soon as she texts you.

Show her you have a great life outside of talking to her!

Tip #14: Send her exciting pictures of what you’re doing

Like I mentioned above, girls want to know that you do have interests outside of talking to them…

…and sending exciting pictures is the perfect way to show those interests.

She’ll be intrigued by your lifestyle, and of course, excited that you want to include her in your fun activities.


Good text to send:

“Guess what I did today!” With a great picture of you doing something
fun, like riding motorcycles, kayaking, or doing any manly hobby


Do not send this text:

“I’m bored. What are you doing?”

Like I mentioned above, she wants to see that you have a life, and not that you spend your free time doing nothing.

Tip #13: Remember things she tells you about herself (family, job, experiences)

We all know:

Women want to be listened to.

…And it’s easy to find a man who will pretend to listen, but much more difficult to find a man that really listens, and remembers what we say.

With that:

You can impress a girl by demonstrating that you’re the type of guy to remember what she tells you.

It’ll show her that she’s important to you… which will make her think highly of you (and probably start thinking of you as a boyfriend).


Good texts to send:

“Hey (her name)! Did that annoying client call you back?”
“Have you ever taken (her pet’s name) to the park on 5th?”
“Looks like I’m headed to (her hometown) on business next week…
what are your favorite night spots there?”

All these texts show that you remember important facts about her (her work problems, if she has pets, where she’s from, etc.)


Do not send this text:

“You do something with marketing, right?”

If she’s told you something specific about her life, and you don’t remember it, don’t bring it up. The text above sounds like her job wasn’t worth remembering to you, and that’s a huge turn-off.

Tips to Not Turn Her off to the Idea of Dating You

This exact stage (in between the first text, but before you ask her out) is where most girls get hugely turned-off by guys’ texts… because it’s usually where guys aren’t careful enough to write the right things.

But the good news is, you can easily avoid the texting mistakes that turn her off. Just follow the tips below.

Tip #12: Don’t rely only on teasing her to keep her attention

how to text a girl tip #12 - dont rely only on teasing her to keep her attention

I wanted to see the available advice on texting girls… so I did a few quick searches like “how to text a girl” and “good texts to send a girl”.

…And, unfortunately, most of what I saw was little more than insults, putting her down in some way, or implying that she’s lucky to know you. I was horrified that men are being taught to say mean things to girls over text to get their attention.

Guys… here’s the thing:

Girls eventually think men are cowards when they constantly hide their feelings behind teasing. She wants you to ‘man up’, and not be afraid to tell her she’s pretty, smart, etc. And she’ll probably compliment you back.

Teasing her gently is a great way to develop a good relationship, but don’t rely just on teasing to keep her attention.


Good texts to send:

“You might be the craziest girl I know… but when you’re that cute,
you’re allowed to be a little crazy.”

See how this text is playful, yet complimentary? This text sounds like a confident man sent it, and women will love it.

“You haven’t seen Star Wars?! That’s unacceptable. I’m going to
have to show you what you’re missing.”

You tease her gently about not seeing a movie, but don’t call her stupid, lame, or boring because of it. Plus, you set up a date idea for her!


Do not send these texts:

“You’re cute… for a brunette. I usually go for blondes.”
“We’re having dinner tomorrow night. Come on, I know you’re way
too lame to have any better plans. ;)”

These texts are incredibly insulting. When you put down her looks, call her lame, and give her direct orders (‘have dinner with me’) she will almost definitely be turned off by your rudeness.

Tip #11: Show her your good traits, instead of telling her

Look:

I understand you want to show this girl how witty, well-read, generous, and/or wealthy you are.

But here’s the thing:

She doesn’t want to be told any of those things over text. Bragging on yourself like that only makes you sound arrogant, and very few girls find arrogant men attractive.

Instead of telling her straight-out how awesome you are, show her in person. Use texting to charm her into going on a date with you, where you can show her how awesome you are, instead of outright bragging on yourself.


Good texts to send:

“I’d love to take you to dinner.”
“I finished my book last week and can’t find a good one… any
recommendations?”
“I love dogs too! My favorite weekends are the ones I spend
helping out at the dog shelter.”

These texts imply that you can afford dinner, like to read, and volunteer with animals, but don’t brag about these things. You put the focus on her instead of bragging about yourself.


Do not send these texts:

“I just closed a million-dollar deal with a client.”
“I just finished reading The Republic’ again…
what are your opinions on the theory of forms/the ideal state?”
“Looks like the charity I support named me a Top Donor!”

Obviously, these texts seem arrogant and desperate for attention… a huge turn-off for girls. Instead of telling her flat-out in any way you’re well-off, well-read, and recognized for generosity, humbly show her in person.

Tip #10: Feel free to joke with her, but stay away from inappropriate jokes

I know what you’re thinking… what are inappropriate jokes?

Anything sexual, sexist, racist, insulting or mean.

It’s easy for her to misinterpret any of those jokes (she may think you’re serious), or you may be joking about something that she takes very seriously.

Look:

Be a classic, timeless man in your texts, not a common, crude man. Show her that you can laugh at yourself, and that you don’t depend on insulting jokes to be funny.


Good text to send:

“So you’ll never believe the stupid thing I just did…”

A girl wants someone who can laugh at himself. It shows confidence, one of the sexiest traits to women.


Do not send these texts:

Any racist, sexist, sexual or insulting joke.

When in doubt if a text is too risky, don’t send it. Wait to spend time with a girl face-to-face to determine her sense of humor, and if she’ll think ‘inappropriate’ jokes are funny.

Tip #9: Don’t constantly text her back and forth when you can call…

how to text a girl tip #6 …but remember, ask her out, don’t tell her you’re taking her out

Here’s the thing:

Girls can get confused when you’re constantly texting… she’ll wonder why you’re just texting her, not calling.

In fact, as a girl starts to like you, she’ll want you to call and text, not just text. Here’s why:

As you get closer to becoming a couple, you use texting less and less to communicate… you spend more time physically together, or on the phone, right?

So don’t text her constantly when you can easily move on to the next step of a relationship… calling.


Good text to send:

“Hey, I’m just sitting at home right now… can I call you?”

Perfect! Girls who like you want to talk to you. If you’re not doing anything important while texting her, call.


Do not send this text:

“What’s up? I’m just chillin at home.”

If you want to talk to a girl, don’t be scared to pick up the phone and call her. Any girl who’s into you will love it.

Tip #8: …but don’t suddenly stop texting her

With the above tip:

You should stop texting constantly if you can call her…

…but you shouldn’t stop texting her constantly with no explanation. Think about it like this:

If you were talking in person, and with no explanation, she walked away… what would you think?

You’d wonder if you did something wrong, or if you were boring her, or if the girl was just plain rude.

…And she feels the exact same when you stop texting her mid-conversation. Look… don’t leave her confused… be polite, and tell her when you have to stop texting her.


Good texts to send:

“I’ll text you later – have to prepare for this presentation.”
“Just got to the gym! I’ll text you later.”
“I’m at the bar now with my buddy. Talk to you tomorrow!”

Treat her with the same texting respect you want to have. Let her know if you’re going to be silent for a while, and she’ll be grateful to you for it.


Do not send this text:

A long silence right after a long text conversation.

Don’t leave her wondering if she did something wrong. Be a gentleman, and tell her why you’re out of touch.

Tips for Asking Her Out

This is the entire point of texting.

After you set up a flirtatious relationship with her, use the phone for its intended purpose, and ask her out. These tips can help you use texting to get that date.

Tip #7: Ask her out… after no more than two days of texting

Remember:

You want to date this girl, not have a lifelong text relationship (that sounds so boring, right?).

Knowing that, if you’re texting back-and-forth with her (more than 10 exchanged texts each per day), don’t wait more than two days before asking her on a date. Here’s why you do that:

Girls usually assume men don’t have any real interest in dating if you text constantly without asking them out.

…So don’t let her write you off before you even have a chance. Get to the point… ask her out.


Good texts to send:

“Can I call you tonight after work?” (to ask her out during the call)
“Talking to you has really been great. We should continue this
conversation in person soon… do you have dinner plans on
Saturday?”
(at the end of a day, two at most, of texting)


Do not send these texts after a week of texting:

“You’re so funny! But I don’t know if I agree with you about XYZ!”
“You’re so cute.”

Compliments/gentle teasing mean nothing without follow-through. She’s probably already written you off after a week of texting without asking her out.


Here’s another real-life example, from me and Will:

Will texted me the day after we met. Two hours of texting later, he asked me to have dinner with him. He called on the way to pick me up, and texted me right after our date to say he had a great time… and we’ve now been dating for a year and a half. See how it works?

Tip #6: …but remember, ask her out, don’t tell her you’re taking her out

how to text a girl tip #9 - don't constantly text her back and forth when you can call...

A lot of websites with advice on how to text girls advise that when you ask a girl out over text… to be bold and direct.

And it’s partly good advice… girls do want you to directly define  your time together as a date.

But here’s the thing:

Most of those sites also advise you to tell a girl you’re taking her out, instead of asking her (see the examples below). But the truth is… telling her like that usually comes across as pushy.

Make it clear you’re asking for a date, but remember to ask

PS. This rule applies to asking a girl out over text or on the phone!


Good texts to send:

“Would you like to have dinner this weekend?”
“You said you really like tacos… where’s your favorite taco place?
I can take you this weekend. :)”

See how both texts make it clear that you want a date, but don’t tell her what the plan is?


Do not send these texts:

“I’m taking you to dinner on Saturday night. Sushi at Nama.
I’ll pick you up at 8.”
“You’ll be out this weekend? Great! Where can I meet you?”

These texts are way too bold. They assume that she’s ok with sushi, that she’s free at that time, or that she wants you to join her while she’s out. Be a gentleman and give her the final say in when, where, and if you date.

Tips for Texting After the First Date, Leading up to the next few dates

The hardest part of texting a girl is the lead-up to the first date. After that, it does become much easier (since you’re more comfortable with her)…

…but you should still remember tips for early texting. They can help you continually impress her with your texts… and then get another date!

Tip #5: Use texting to get to know her better

Since you know she’s interested in getting to know you better (if she wasn’t, she wouldn’t still be talking to you), you can start to get more personal in your texts.

Asking her those personal questions signals your interest in getting to know her…

…and that makes her feel appreciated… and think of you as a boyfriend.

PS. Don’t use texting to ask questions that’re too serious… check out this post to see which questions are interesting and personal, and which ones are too serious for early dating.


Good texts to send:

“How’s work going today?”
“Which part of California did you grow up in?”
“What did you think of the movie last night?”

These questions help you get to know her daily work life, her childhood, and her opinions.


Do not send these texts:

“Hey.”
“When did your last relationship end?”

The first text is too boring (and doesn’t help you get to know her), and the second text is way too serious. Keep your texting light and interesting.

Tip #4: Remember when she has something exciting happening

This tip is related to “Remember things she tells you” above, but goes a little further, romantically.

Instead of just showing that you remember things about her, send encouraging, ‘sweet’ texts (the kind that a boyfriend would send) when she mentions something big in her life.

For example:

If she’s got a test, a presentation at work, a relative visiting, or an exciting night planned, text her before and wish her the best. It shows that you care to remember what’s going on in her life, and that you’ll be there to support her in the future.


Good texts to send:

“Good luck on your test tomorrow!”
“I hope you and your mom have a great visit this weekend!”
“I know you’ll knock ‘em dead in your presentation!”

These texts are so supportive and encouraging. Any girl would love to receive these from a guy when she needs a little extra encouragement.


Do not send this text:

Nothing.

Don’t forget to say something to her! Girls want attention, especially when something big is going on.

Tip #3: Leave sex out of texting

how to text a girl #3 - leave sex out of texting

Guys, if you’re wondering how to text a girl (and flirt with her over text)… this is important (and really simple):

Tell a girl that she’s attractive without sexualizing her. Continue to act like a gentleman in your texts, and don’t ever make these mistakes:

  • Do not ask for sexy pictures of her until you’ve physically seen her body.
  • Do not describe what you want to do with her until she’s physically let you do it.
  • Do not ever, ever, ever send her pictures of you without her asking.

I can promise you, girls see any of these actions as a huge turn-offThey make her feel like a sexual object, not a beautiful, respected woman.


Good texts to send:

“You looked so pretty yesterday!”
“Thanks for a really great date (and awesome kiss).”

Let her know she’s attractive without sexualizing her. Mention something physical like kissing, but only after it’s happened.


Do not send this text:

Anything inappropriate.

Look… I’m not going to describe an inappropriate text here. If you think it’s too inappropriate, it is.

Tip #2: Show her the best version of yourself

This tip has two meanings:

  1. Remember to be yourself (don’t be ‘fake’ over texting)
  2. Be the best version of yourself (don’t text things you should save for an in-person conversation)

The first one’s easy: don’t sound like someone else over text. Only text things you’re comfortable with, so that she’s reading texts from the real you.

But with that:

Dating is about slowly sharing your life with a girl, so don’t let her know over text, right off the bat, the little things that you should save for later (like that you can’t wash your lucky jersey during the game season, no matter how many times you wear it).

Here’s the bottom line:

If you’re a little dorky, don’t hide it. If you want to dote on her a little, don’t hide it. You should be yourself, but don’t let all your secrets out to her over text. She’ll find them all out in time.


Good texts to send:

“I’m in the middle of a Star Wars marathon right now with some
buddies… guess I’m a total dork.”
“I’ve never dated a girl as good as you.”

Show her you’re a dork, and that you like to dote on her without going overboard (see below texts for what ‘overboard’ looks like).


Do not send these texts:

“One of my biggest fantasies is to make out with a girl dressed as
Princess Leia from Return of the Jedi.”
“I actually have a lot of emotional baggage since my ex left me…”

Even if these texts are true, she doesn’t need to know any of this information right off the bat! Show your deepest secrets to her slowly.

Tip #1: Don’t keep texting if it’s not going anywhere

how to text a girl #1 - don’t keep texting if it’s not going anywhere

This tip on how to text a girl is short and sweet:

If a girl likes you, she dates you.

She won’t have endless scheduling conflicts, cancel dates because things ‘come up’ at the last minute, or wait days before texting you back.

But here’s the problem most guys run into:

If a girl doesn’t like you, she probably won’t tell you flat-out… girls are taught to let men down gently, and it’s very hard for them to flat-out turn a man down.

Instead, she’ll subtly let you know she’s not interested (she’ll have those scheduling conflicts, cancel dates last minute, and not text back).

Now:

If she’s constantly doing any of those things, she’s probably not into you… so move on to a girl who is.


Good text to send:

Nothing!

If she’s not giving you the time of day, move on.


Do not send these texts:

“I haven’t heard from you in a few days… are you ignoring me?”
“I miss talking to you. What’s up?”
“Did our date not go well or something?”

All of these texts sound desperate for her attention… and let’s be honest, if she’s the type of girl to ignore you, you deserve better. Let her go and move on to someone else if she ignores your texts for more than 48 hours.

In Conclusion

Use these insider tips on how to text a girl you like to help you use texting as a tool to pique a girl’s interest, make her see you as a man she wants to date, and eventually get a date (or multiple dates) with her.