How to flirt with a girl is one of the most useful methods you can employ to get the girl.
You may think you know how to get a girlfriend but if you're not flirting, you're going to have a tougher time than normal.
In this article we'll explain the importance of flirting with a girl, what it is, how flirting works, and most importantly...
We'll teach you the surprisingly easy steps to successful and natural flirting.
What, Exactly, is Flirting?
The Merriam-Webster definition of "Flirt" is this:
"Behave as though attracted to or trying to attract someone, but for amusement rather than with serious intentions."
So basically, flirting is acting silly and showing interest in someone simply because it's fun. But that definition isn't entirely true...
...Because people flirt with serious intent all the time. Why?
It's an exciting and low-risk method of starting a conversation with someone you're attracted to. And it works. Flirting is lighthearted chatting that involves teasing, physical touching, cracking jokes, giving compliments, and being slightly absurd but not weird.
People flirt when they're attracted to someone but don't want to come out and say it right away (which is smart because doing so might scare off a potential mate.)
It's a delicate art that takes practice and confidence, and if done correctly, will make talking to every girl infinitely easier. And that's why we're going to show you the science of flirting.
But first you need to learn why flirting is necessary to get the girl...
Why is Flirting So Important?
Those questions are meant to create a dialogue, while flirting is meant to get you an invitation to said dialogue. A girl isn't going to talk to you unless it's clear you have something to offer her.
...And one thing you can offer her:
A fun and interesting interaction. Well it just so happens that flirting is a surefire way of doing exactly that.
How to Flirt With A Girl
Remember: Flirting is a low-risk method of talking to girls...
No girl wants to date a guy who can't laugh at himself and flirting is the quickest and easiest method of showing a girl you like that you know how to have a good time.
Again, flirting takes practice. The more you do it, the more you'll see what works and what doesn't.
So when you're flirting with a girl, give her your undivided attention and keep an eye out for the subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) cues she's putting off.
Does she look distracted while you're talking? Then ask her a question about herself. People love talking about themselves and it will hopefully bring her back to the conversation.
Is she maintaining eye contact and laughing at your jokes/teasing? Keep doing what you're doing! She's probably interested!
My point is this: During each of the following steps of the flirting process on how to flirt with a girl, you should constantly be performing status checks on how the interaction is going and reacting appropriately.
Over time, you'll get better at it, but in the meantime...
1. Approach Her
Trust me, I've been there countless times... Knowing how to approach a girl the most challenging part of meeting women.
You get stuck in your head and instead of psyching yourself up, you end up thinking of all the reasons why she wouldn't want to talk to you. So before your mind can convince you otherwise, you just have to do it and walk up to her.
If you can control your approach anxiety, all you have to do make eye contact and smile a couple of times before walking up to her. If she reciprocates, she's giving you an invitation to come say hello. If she doesn't, go say hi to her anyway.
The only things you have to lose are a few words and some time and she'll let you know if she's not interested.
2. Compliment Her
Here's the basic gist of giving compliments:
The main thing you have to do is pick one thing you like about her and simply tell her you like it.
But you have to be genuine about it. You have to mean it. This is easily accomplished by picking out your compliment before you approach her.
Some of my favorite examples:
- "This is a nice jacket, where'd you get it?" (A good one for initiating touch. Lightly touching her arm is your safest option.)
- "I saw you over there and just had to tell you that I like your style." (Explaining you noticed her will make her feel good about herself and like you more.)
- "Your eyes are gorgeous!" (This works best if said with enthusiasm and excitement.)
If there's one rule you should follow when complimenting a girl it's this:
Do not use pickup lines (unless you have a hilarious one or can masterfully recover from her eye roll and keep her interested.) They're corny and have a pretty low chance for success.
As long as you stick to normal compliments, smile, and make sure you mean what you're saying (she'll see right through disingenuous compliments), you'll be just fine.
3. Make Her Laugh
One of the most enjoyable aspects of flirting is how casual it is (if done correctly). Flirting isn't some sacred conversational formality. It's fun.
And making a conversation fun and hilarious is easier than you might think. But of course, how you make a girl laugh depends on your personality and sense of humor. We can help you with that, but only you know what works for you.
And while we're on the subject of teasing, here are a few good examples of playful teasing that are sure to make her giggle:
- Stereotype her in a silly way. (If she tells you something she likes, say, "Oh you're one of those people." and roll your eyes. Then immediately give her a cheeky smile.)
- Give her a silly nickname. (The more absurd the better. For example, if she's wearing green, call her "green bean." It's fun to say out loud, not rude, and doesn't point out any of her potential flaws.)
- Accuse her of hitting on you. (Example: "Hey, I know my butt looks good but my eyes are up here.")
Remember: Teasing is playful, not hurtful so be careful not to say anything that could hurt her feelings.
And flirting is inherently silly so the more you make her laugh, the better your chances of getting her number.
4. Initiate a Light Touch
This step is one of the most important ones on this list because when someone we're attracted to touches us, we get excited, which results in an increased heart rate.
But even if we're not attracted to said person, a light tap on the arm or shoulder surprises us, which has the exact same effect on our physiology. Increased heart rate.
So in a flirting scenario, even if she's not 100% sold on you yet, a light touch can quickly change that.
Below are some examples of what I mean:
- When passing through a doorway, put your hand on her lower back and guide her through ahead of you. (It's a very sensitive part of the body and will arouse her because it's so close to her butt. Just remember to aim high so you don't get slapped.)
- Touching her arm between her shoulder and elbow is always a safe bet. (Pair it with something reasonable like a compliment or a comment on her tattoos or outfit.)
- Lightly push her if she teases you back. (Be aware of your surroundings and avoid pushing her into furniture or other people.)
Keep in mind social norms about personal space and if she recoils as you go in for a touch, you've made a mistake in your flirting process and might have to abort.
Gauge the situation and leave her alone if you think she's not interested. Continuing to bother her is a huge turnoff and will only waste both of your time.
But if you think you can recover, move onto step 5.
5. Keep the Conversation Moving
When learning how to flirt with a girl, you need to know how to keep a conversation going with her.
There are countless different tactics to make sure you never run out of things to say but here are the key things you should always do:
- Ask her questions about herself. (It shows your interested in her. Do this often.)
- Share your own stories. (Don't make her do all the talking!)
- Ask follow-up questions. (She says she went to Australia once? Ask her if she saw any sharks.)
Don't forget: You should be doing steps 2-4 multiple times throughout the conversation. They're not "one and done" actions.
Just be the most confident and best version of yourself you can be and you'll do just fine. And remember to have fun!
If you've done everything correctly up to this point, she's probably waiting for you to ask for her number.
And that's exactly what you should do.
So as long as you're feeling good about the interaction, you should have no problem thinking up a way to get her digits.
But just in case, here's a reasonable formula for asking:
- Tell her you enjoyed the conversation but it's time for you to part ways.
- Tell her you should do it again sometime.
- Ask for her number.
"Hey, so this has been fun and we should do it again some time, but it's time for me to go... I just need your number before I leave." Smile.
When you phrase it that way, you're not asking. You're telling, which shows assertiveness and confidence.
Or you can use humor:
"Hey, so this has been fun and we should do it again some time, but it's time for me to go... I just need your phone and social security numbers, mother's maiden name, and the name of your first pet before I leave." Smile.
How you close depends on the type of person you are, but if you've made it this far, you've already got her hooked.
All you have to do is ask.
How To Flirt With a Girl Over Text
Flirting over text uses a few of the same principles as flirting in person.
But flirting with a girl over text is easier than flirting in real time because you have more time to think of clever things to say. Of course, if you're too unlike yourself over text, she'll notice the difference when you're together.
We've done a whole write-up on how to flirt with a girl over text that has more information on this topic but we wanted to give you a pointer here on how to flirt with a girl and how to keep her engaged when you're not together.
1. Send her flirty texts
Flirty texts take creativity and quick thinking to come up with, so if you struggle with that, don't worry...
...We've got you covered with a ton of our best flirty texts for her.
- "You found me on the internet! Nice job, creeper :)" (I used this one last week after she added me on Facebook. We're hanging out tomorrow. Don't forget to tease!)
- "I wanted to wait a day longer to text you, but I couldn't wait that long to talk to you again." (I know, it's kind of cheesy, but lots of women like cheesy. It's charming.)
- "Send me a picture so I can send Santa my wish list." (No matter what time of year it is, you can always justify using this one.)
Girls like texting when they're bored. And while you shouldn't bend over backwards for a girl, if you want to keep her interested...
You have to be entertaining.
6 Science-Backed Flirting Tricks of the HOT APE
So here are the 6 science-backed flirting tricks of the Hot Ape, and the number one flirting mistake most likely to turn her off.
The H in Hot Ape stands for Humor, which when executed correctly, gives you this result: *laugh track*
But you knew that. What you may not know however, is that women consistently rate a good sense of humor... as one of the most important qualities a partner should have.
But why? First of all... Laughter makes us feel good. And women love spending time with a man who makes them feel good.
And second, humor is a great sign of intelligence - another trait women look for before entering a serious relationship.
Your ability to make off-the-cuff jokes shows that your brain is quick and flexible. Plus, it allows you to showcase your unique personality and sense of humor. And best of all, humor is a way to weed out incompatible matches.
Just watch my pal Beardy fail to land a joke:
Beardy: “How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?”
Girl: *stone faced*
Girl: *stone faced* (cricket sounds, beardy looks visibly nervous, maybe this plays and the video goes grayscale as we slowly zoom in on his face)
Uh oh… Let’s see what happens when he doubles down and tells another joke.
Beardy: “Why was the stadium so cold?”
Girl: *stone faced*
Beardy: “Because there were a lot of fans”
Girl: *stone faced*
Clearly this woman doesn’t find our friend very funny. But that’s a good thing... Because instead of trying to make something work that clearly will not... he can move on and find a woman to talk to who actually appreciates his sense of humor.
As we saw with Beardy, when it comes to humor, you shouldn’t waste time chasing girls who you don’t click with. Because eventually, you’ll find a girl who’s on the same page as you, and will find you irresistible for it.
But for some guys, laughing with a girl is the last thing they want to do because their smile is more of a burnt sienna than a pearly white. And let’s face it… Girls would rather kiss a guy with a clean-looking smile than a guy with coffee tooth.
But sometimes... No matter how much you brush, you just can’t get rid of all those stains.
So if this is a struggle you face every single day, worry no more.
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5. Open Body Language
Once you’ve gotten her smiling and she’s intrigued by your personality and intelligence, you’ve got to draw her in with Open Body Language.
We’ve talked about body language before, like in this video on 10 Alpha Male body Language Tricks, but unfortunately a lot of guys still aren’t using this knowledge to help their flirt game, which means they not only fail to make the right moves... they also miss out on the signs that a girl is flirting with them.
So let’s break it down: the three key components to open body language are shoulders, arms, and feet.
In flirting situations, your shoulders should be facing her, your arms should be uncrossed, and your feet should be pointing in her direction.
I’m not telling you to stand stiff as a board all night long... I mean, you gotta move around or you’ll look ridiculous, but in those moments when things get a little more intense, open up your body language to signal that you want to be closer and check out her body language to see if she’s feeling it too (but more on that later in the video.)
Alright fellas, now that you’ve seen me fail a few times, let’s get real for a minute... I know a lot of you are nervous about touching women.
You’re worried that the way you touch her will cross a line, and either send her running for the hills or reaching for a can of mace.
You may have even heard of (or read in the comments) horror stories from dudes who say they shook a girl’s hand and got arrested for assault.
First of all, those stories are fake news… unless these guys are seriously misinformed about how handshakes work and secondly, touch is an essential part of flirting, and it’s something you need to get right if you hope to become a true Hot Ape.
So I’m gonna teach you how to touch a girl in a way that shows you’re interested, but doesn’t come across as creepy.
Let’s start off talking about where to touch. When you’re breaking the touch barrier with a girl for the first time, her arm is the best place to target.
The closer a touch is to her hand, the more intimate it is - so a touch on the shoulder is safe… but maybe a little too safe. And a touch on the hand is as red hot and flirty as it gets without crossing any lines.
Knowing where to touch a girl gets you partial credit, but in order to get full points you also need to know when and how to touch her. And to make it super easy, I’ve got three rules to live by: don’t breach, don’t reach, and don’t grab.
By don’t breach, I mean that you shouldn’t touch a girl you haven’t already spoken to. People generally don’t like being touched by strangers - and touching a woman before you even speak to her comes across as aggressive and weird.
So break the ice with some conversation and give her a chance to warm up to you. That way, you’ll give her time to develop some interest and start hoping for some physical contact.
Next, don’t reach. If a girl is standing or sitting far enough that you can’t touch her without reaching out - it might be because she’s keeping her distance intentionally.
A girl who wants to get closer will get closer, and she’ll signal her interest by making herself available. That’s when you go for the touch.
Finally, don’t grab. When you touch a girl for the first time it should be flirty and affectionate - not forceful or firm.
Whatever you do, definitely don't grab or grip her. Even if she was feeling it, the moment she feels trapped she’ll start looking for an exit.
Stroke her upper arm lightly, rest your hand on her forearm or wrist, or use your fingers to play with hers - Just be sure the moment is right before you do it.
So remember: Don’t breach, reach, or grab and make sure the timing is right. But if you’re still a bit confused on timing... our next few tips on how to be a hot ape will help you figure out when it’s acceptable.
When it comes to flirting, attention works on two levels.
The first and most obvious level is that if you want someone to get the hint that you’re into them, you should pay them special attention.
The play it cool method works in high school relationships, but in adult relationships you should show the other person your interested by making them feel special.
It makes sense right? If something is important or interesting, you pay attention - like how you held your bladder for the entire 3 hours and 2 minutes of Endgame.
Similarly, the amount of attention you pay a girl shows her the value you give her. But on the second level, things get a little more meta.
As you flirt, pay attention to the way she responds to your advances and how she joins in. This way, you can tailor your approach and either change or keep your initial strategy, or gracefully make your exit.
Remember how my pal Beardy didn’t bother to change his approach when he told those jokes to that girl who clearly didn’t like the first one?
He might have had more luck if he switched up his jokes or found something more interesting to say.
So when you’re chatting with a girl, be sure to give her your undivided attention and pay attention to how she responds to you.
You’ll know if your jokes are working, whether or not she wants you to get close and touch her, and... it makes flirting so much easier if you read the signs and are confident enough to move on when things aren’t going well.
A romantic fling might start by meeting eyes across the room, but if it’s going to go any farther than a staring contest, you’re going to have to get closer, and that’s where proximity comes into play.
Let’s say you and a girl lock eyes for a second across the room, and a few moments later she mysteriously appears right next to you.
She didn’t get lost, she’s using proximity to let you know she’s interested in getting a closer look to see if you really are a hot ape.
In the same way, getting in close proximity with a girl you’re flirting with shows her that you’re drawn to her, and that you’d like to get even closer.
Often times this will happen naturally, but if you can remember to pay attention like we talked about in number three, you’ll notice that as the gap between you closes, your flirting is working.
1. Eye Contact
I know fellas, it seems like every video we produce mentions the importance of eye contact but that’s because it really is that vital.
Of all the flirting tips on this list so far - humor, open body language, touch, attention, and proximity - eye contact is the one thing that makes it clear you’re flirting and not just being friendly.
Think about it, a girl who isn’t sure what you’re going for could come up with some other reason for every behavior on this list... You joke with friends, you get in close proximity in noisy bars, and you might just be a touchy kind of person...
But there’s no way she could mistake frequent, intense, extended eye contact as anything other than flirting.
That’s what makes eye contact so important. It signals that something more than a friendly chat is going on and communicates your feelings without you having to say a word.
Of course, you’re going to have to say some words sooner rather than later if you want to avoid making her uncomfortable. But in the end, nothing gets a girl’s heart racing like looking deeply into her eyes… Especially if she’s staring back.
7 Flirting Tips Proven to Work On Women
So... to help you flirt with beautiful women, we have 11 highly-effective flirting tricks + 1 HUGE flirting mistake that you NEED to avoid.
7. Point Your Feet Towards Her
While you’re flirting, there are actually two conversations happening, one with words and one with body language. And in order for flirting to really work, the conversations need to both be saying that you want to be there with her.
So if you want to really show a girl that you think she’s fun and interesting, make sure your feet along with your body are pointed towards her, and not anyone else.
6. Meet Her Glance... Then Look Away?
Before you approach a girl, you obviously don’t want to come off as nervous/intimidated. And one of the fastest ways to make a girl think that you are, is to quickly look away, after making eye contact. But luckily, there’s an easy fix and the results to this simple trick, are amazing.
Before you let your eyes dart off, acknowledge her gaze for just a second... then look somewhere else. It may sound too good to be true, but there may be nothing that you can more readily do to put a girl at ease than that.
5. Don’t Turn Her Off With Your Posture
When you’re flirting, would you rather seem tired and shy? Or open and full of energy?
Well, most girls like flirting with a guy who shows some signs of life. And one of the simplest ways to do that is to exercise good posture. So if you want a way to immediately exude confidence, do what your parents always told you and just try standing or sitting up straight.
4. Flirt with Your Hobbies and Skills
Even though most women don’t want their guys to be a big show-off, that doesn’t mean they don’t like seeing their man do what he does best.
So whether it’s cooking, fixing motorcycles, or playing volleyball, confidently showcasing your talents by bringing her into that part of your world of list of hobbies is one of those all important ways to let your actions do the flirting for you.
3. Show Her You Think of Her As More Than Just a Friend
It might surprise you to learn that unless it’s pretty obvious, women don’t always know if a guy is actually into them.
So if you’re actually flirting, you may want to make it clear that you see her as more than just a friend. And it doesn’t take much. Something as quick as opening the car door for her, or remembering something she said a while back, are easy ways to drop a hint.
2. Tease Her Playfully About What Makes Her Special
One of the best ways to take a conversation from friendly to flirty, is to introduce a little bit of playful teasing into the mix.
Just one flirting hack to remember, the key to playful teasing is to keep it from crossing the line into the friend zone. And the best way to do that? Gently poke fun at her about the special quirks that make her who she is.
1. Dress Well and Don’t Smell
Finally, if you want to get off on the right foot with a girl you’re flirting with, the easiest thing you can do is avoid looking like a total slacker.
Now, most women understand that you can’t always look (or smell) your best, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try as much as possible. One flirting technique to remember is that the key to successful flirting is starting the day off with a shower and a fresh set of clothes.
The Number 1 Flirting Mistake That Turns Women Off
The science of flirting shows you how to be a Hot Ape and explains just what to do to flirt like boss, but unfortunately it doesn’t tell you what you should say.
Thankfully we’ve already done a video about how to talk to girls, but when it comes to flirting with a girl you’ve just met the worst thing you can do is to talk only about yourself. That’s not a Hot Ape move, that’s an ugly jackass move.
That doesn’t mean you can’t talk about yourself at all, I mean you’re trying to get to know one another, right?
It just means that not everything has to be about you, what you’ve done, where you’ve been, and how much money you make.
She wants to get to know you, but she also wants to see that you think about things other than yourself.
So as you evolve from a man into a Hot Ape, always be sure to ask a girl questions about herself... and leave the leave self-centeredness to the lower life forms.
More Tips on How to Flirt With A Girl
Getting the girl has never been easier if you follow our other awesome articles.
- Make talking to girls easier with our post on how to talk to girls.
- We can also teach you how to ask a girl out if you're struggling there.
- Knowing how to get a girl to like you is easier than you think.
If there's one takeaway in this article it's this: Flirting should be fun for everyone involved.
So as long as you're engaging, interesting, and smooth when you flirt, you'll be able to keep her interested.
But I get it... If you're nervous about approaching girls you find ridiculously attractive, you'll never get better at flirting. So for easy practice, I recommend you stick to the standard definition of "Flirt" and try flirting without trying to get the girl.
When you flirt for fun, you're more relaxed, less nervous, and more inclined to try different flirting techniques.
Doing so will help you understand the nuances of how to flirt with a girl as well as develop your own flirting style and when you see a girl you REALLY like, you'll be comfortable and confident knowing you can flirt with her.
Just relax and remember: If one girl isn't interested, it's not the end of the world. There are countless others out there who will happily accept your advances.
Good luck, and happy flirting!