You see her across the room, beautiful and not talking to anyone, and now you're stuck standing there, wondering just how to approach a girl so you can actually start a conversation with her.
Learning how to approach women is a process every man has been through. It's perhaps the first key step in figuring out how to get a girlfriend. It's really this simple: if you want to get close to a girl, you first have to figure out how to approach a girl in the first place.
Thankfully, the process is simpler than you might think. If you follow all the steps below, you'll become an expert at the approach, and all the other steps afterward.
Talking to a girl, establishing a connection, and creating the basis for more can all follow from just following the approach steps below.
Why is Knowing How To Approach A Woman So Important?
In the modern world, where you spend as much time chatting on your phone and chatting online as you do chatting to people in person, it can seem outdated to worry about approaching a girl.
After all, there are plenty of women out there who you can get to know in different ways.
That's true, and it's a great advantage to modern technology and relationship building. And yet, the vast majority of relationships with women start by approaching them up front and starting a conversation.
It's still the basic way how we build relationships of all kinds, whether personal, professional, friendly, or romantic. You can find women to chat to online, but if you see a woman you want to meet in person, you have no choice but to learn how to approach women.
This is a key skill, even if you have success meeting girls in other ways. Having confidence when meeting women is an attractive skill that impresses the girls you already know and opens up far more possibilities for you.
It also removes any nervousness you might have if and when the moment arrives when you need to know how to approach a girl.
How to Approach A Girl
When you're standing in that room, trying to work up the courage to approach a girl, it can feel like it would take an infinite number of steps to get you from your place to standing next to her and chatting.
In reality, though, it requires just 8 steps to solve the question of how to approach a girl. In just 8 steps you go from nervousness and future regret to a fulfilling conversation and future plans.
Just follow these steps and you won't have any more post-event regrets. You'll have a pocket full of numbers and a calendar full of meet up plans.
Here is how to approach a girl:
1. Observe Her and the Situation
If you don't know how to approach a girl, you can get the urge to just rush in and get it over with. This, to put it lightly, would be a major mistake.
Take a breath, take a step back from yourself and your nervousness, and take a moment to observe what is going on around you.
Look at the location. What is going on? Are people watching something on TV? What are they watching? Are you in a class? What class? Are you at an event? What event?
Then, observe the girl. Don't stare but take the time to check her out a bit. Who is she talking to? Is she interested in what's happening? Is she alone? In a group? Is she staring at her phone?
You can use all this info to your advantage in planning the best moment to approach and the best conversation topics.
Pro Tip 1. Know What To Do When A Girl Looks At You
When she is looking at you from the other side of the bar, it can be easy to look away. That is why you need to know what to do when a girl looks at you. The answer is to smile and decide whether you should approach or not.
Pro Tip 2. See the signs she's into you
Once you have taken notice of the surroundings, it's time to try to find out whether she has noticed you. If she's chatting in a group or on her phone alone, she might be pre-occupied so it can be difficult to tell whether she has noticed you amongst everything that is going on. However, there are some clear signs she's into you that you can look out for to help you tell that she's checking you out.
Some of the most obvious signs are that she looks over your way more than once - if you glance at her several times, you might see her looking at you. Another sign that she might be into you is that she holds eye contact with you for a second or two before looking away. She might also look over in your direction while laughing at something a friend has said or she might be smiling when she looks over. Remember not to stare at her because this will make her feel uneasy and she might look back just to see if you're still staring. Don't make it too obvious that you are looking in her direction.
2. Plan Out an Intro
Now you have a bit of information to go on, take another moment to develop a plan. Physically approaching a girl is only one part of the whole approach process. You also need to have something to say when you get there.
If you don't plan this, you can end up getting nervous right at the moment you want to look smooth and confident.
So, develop a plan. Don't over-plan and try to come up with whole conversations in your head. Instead, focus on coming up with a few great conversation starters that you can use right off the bat.
Pick a few conversation starters that fit the setting and seem like she might like, then progress to Step 3.
Pro Tip 1. Know how to impress a girl
You might think that you already know how to impress a girl, but you'll probably need to think again. Girls aren't impressed by your achievements or things that you own. In fact, they're not really impressed by you talking about yourself at all. The main things that really impress girls are confidence and communication skills. Often, it isn't what you say, it's how you say it. Be sure to introduce yourself calmly and confidently, be interested in what the girl has to say and ask her questions instead of just talking about yourself.
3. Wait for the Right Moment
No matter the situation, there are better and worse moments to approach a girl.
Don't approach if she's busy. If she's listening to a lecture, don't approach her and try to start chatting. If she's right in the middle of a conversation with a group, be very cautious about approaching (unless you think you're running out of time).
The best approach moment is one in which she is alone or she's not deeply involved in an activity or conversation.
Ideally, wait until her friends disappear for a minute and she pulls her phone out to avoid getting bored. That's a moment she'll be most grateful for a distraction.
4. Approach Confidently
When thinking about how to approach a girl, you probably won't be surprised to find out that the actual approach is pretty important.
You may still be nervous at this point, but do your best to pretend you're not. Confidence (though not cockiness) is always an attractive quality, and she's more likely to be receptive to you if you come up looking sure of yourself.
To help manufacture some confidence, remind yourself that you've got some good conversation starters, you've picked a good moment, and all she can do is choose not to talk to you. It's actually pretty low-risk.
When you want to speak to a girl, approaching her is the hardest part. The perfect moment never happens, so it's best to look for signs of the perfect approach.
Before approaching her, make sure that she is not deep in conversation or, if you are anxious, make sure she is not in a big group. Remember, if you are too nervous to approach her on your own, you can always bring a friend for backup. Also, try and be confident (even if it is fake confidence) because once you approach her the rest is easy.
Once you have made that all-important first step, now you need to talk to her.
Pro Tip 1. Know How To Be Confident Around Girls
Want to know how to be confident around girls? This may be too easy but believing in yourself and realizing that you are a great guy is one of the best ways to boost your confidence. And new clothes, that always helps.
Pro Tip 2. Stop Being Shy around a girl
If you are quiet and unsure about how to talk to a girl, then you'll need to know how to stop being shy around a girl. There is no magic spell that will help you be less shy, however, by visualizing your approach you can get rid of some nervous energy before you make your move.
5. Talk to Her
When it comes to the nervousness surrounding how to approach a girl, it mostly all comes from this step. Men aren't unsure about physically approaching a girl, they're unsure how to talk to girls they don't already know.
The good news is that this process is as straightforward as the approach itself. If you just use the tips in this step, you'll be able to have a full, fun, and fruitful conversation with any girl you've approached.
Here are 4 simple tips to talk to her:
Tip 1. Start with Your Conversation Starter
The first tip is one you've already worked out. You should already have picked out a few conversation starters in Step 2.
These conversation starters should, ideally, cover a few areas so you have multiple chances to engage the girl you've approached.
So, you could ask her what world record she would break if she could break one, ask her what mantra she lives her life by, and then just ask her if she enjoyed the class she just had or if she has any recommendations for nights out in the area.
Put those in whatever order feels most comfortable and then let her engage in the topic she finds most interesting.
Tip 2. Ask Questions To Ask a Girl
All of the above are questions, although conversations don't have to be questions. The question aspect does add something to the approach though. Add to your conversation starters list by adding some questions to ask a girl.
These can be direct add-ons to your conversation starters that let you dig deeper into the topic, or they can be whole new topics to work from.
Asking questions shows you're interested in what she has to say, so just angle them towards topics she seems interested in, and she's sure to engage more with your conversation.
Tip 3. Compliment Her
Questions are a great tool for simplifying how to approach a girl, but they have some limitations. Most importantly, they can be a little ambiguous about your intentions.
If you're approaching a girl you like, and you want to communicate that clearly, add in some compliments for girls to lay it out there for her.
You can compliment her about anything, although the goal should be for the compliment to be well-received and not too personal this early on.
The key here is to make the compliment noticeable without overstepping where you are in your conversation. Make it clear but not too personal, and you're golden.
Tip 4. Draw On What She Says and Your Surroundings
Now that you've approached her, used a conversation starter to get her talking a bit, asked her a few questions to draw her out, and complimented her to show your interest...what do you do next?
Don't stress about a few drops in the conversation. Just fill them in with what you've already observed about her and the surroundings.
Ask her if she likes the bar or the school or what she's eating. Comment on the show that's playing in the background, or ask her for a review of the book she's got sitting next to her.
These conversation bumps are natural and keep you talking. If you run out of observations and questions, just throw out a conversation starter you've kept in reserve.
Tip 5. Learn how to make a girl laugh
If you don't think you're a very funny person, you might think that making a girl laugh is a hard task. But thankfully, learning how to make a girl laugh is easy, which is great because it's essential when chatting to someone new. Making her laugh will help her to feel more relaxed and will encourage her to remember how funny you were when she thinks back on the conversation.
To help fuel the laughter, it can be an awesome idea to memorize some short funny jokes or one-liners that you can make relevant to the conversation. A funny story can work well in some situations. For example, if you are approaching a girl at school or college, you could tell a short story about something funny that happened in class one day.
6. Get Her Number
Once you've had a decent introductory conversation, you need to decide if you want this relationship to build from there.
If you like her, and she's been receptive, solidify the option to continue talking by getting her number.
You may worry there's a lot of steps behind how to get a girl's number, but it really can be as straightforward as you want it to be.
If you can muster the courage, just ask for her number outright. You can also make a subtle excuse(such as wanting to learn more about her class or get some recommendations for TV shows) if you want to ease the stress of the direct request.
Just pick a moment when it seems like the conversation is nearing a natural end and ask for her number. Then, godspeed.
7. Suggest a Way to Meet Up or Chat Again
When you get her number, don't just leap for joy and run off. That would be a natural enough reaction, with all the relief and pride in your success, but stay where you are for a few more beats before you go celebrate.
Now you have her number, build on that moment by suggesting opportunities to meet up or chat soon.
This can be as simple as telling her you'll text soon with a link to the video you discussed. Or, asking her if she'd like to hang out at a concert or movie soon.
Use topics in the conversation to construct this invitation. You don't need to get a solid answer here, so don't press too hard. Just let her know you'll be using that number soon.
Pro Tip. Know what to text a girl
Once you have a girl's number, it's crucial that you work out the right thing to text her as well as knowing when to text her. If you often see the girl around, it is best to text her in the evening after getting her number. However, if you don't think you will run into her by chance, you could wait until the next day.
Knowing what to text a girl is more important than knowing when to text her. But if the conversation with her went well, then you can use this as something to talk about when you make contact. For example, you could mention something that you spoke about or a joke that you shared. It can also be a good idea to compliment her, but only if it is relevant to the topic of conversation.
If you aren't sure how to get the ball rolling and send the first text to say hello, you could use some of the examples below:
- "Hi [girl's name], it's [your name]. It was great to meet you earlier! How was the rest of your day?"
- "Hi [girl's name], I'm so glad I came over to talk to you earlier, it was such a [funny/interesting] conversation. How are you?"
- Hi, it's [your name] from earlier at [school/work/the library etc.]. Thanks for being nice about my silly jokes! You have such a beautiful smile."
8. Figure Out an Exit Moment and an Exit Plan
Once you've got a number and set up a tentative continuation of your discussion, now is the time to beat it.
Pick a good moment, and a good excuse as you can, to end the conversation at a natural moment. If need be, make up a place to be. The key here is simply to choose the right moment so you avoid awkwardness.
At the next break in the conversation, just tell her you have to go and remind her you'll text soon. Then, make a swift and confident exit.
How To Approach A Woman When You Have Approach Anxiety
For those who want to learn how to approach a girl who have approach anxiety, it's all the more important that they rely on the above steps.
Follow the process and draw confidence from the process to easy your anxiety.
In addition, try to add some support to aid your approach. If the girl is with friends, bring a friend along with you. Ideally, bring a confident friend who can help ease the approach transition.
If you're alone or she's alone, try approaching with a basic question that is completely harmless. Don't try flirting at first, just ask for her notes on the class or if she knows if there are any drink deals at the bar.
More Steps On How To Get A Girlfriend
Now you know how to approach a girl, you're well on your way to getting a girlfriend. Use these articles to get you that next step closer:
- Discover how to flirt with a girl to really show how you're feeling.
- Take what you learned her and progress forward by learning how to text a girl.
- Figure out how to meet women to find better opportunities to approach them.
Once you know how to approach a girl, you're one major step closer to closing in on how to get a girlfriend.
A lot of the tips that work with how to approach women work just as well to bridge the rest of the process to getting a girlfriend, so use this article as the first of several steps to getting the girl of your dreams.