Jon | Dec 10, 2018 | 0
10 First Date Tips for Men That Are Actually Useful [From Her]
Use these first date tips to make sure your first date with her isn’t also your last.
Congratulations! You worked up the courage to ask that gorgeous girl out, and now you’re going on a first date.
I’m going to assume you want to know how to get a girlfriend and hope to keep her around.
To turn this first date into a second, follow this first date advice. It’s designed to hold her interest, turn her on, and make her really want to see you again.
Here are 10 first date tips:
I recommend reading through all of these 10 tips to find your absolute favorites… but if you’re looking for something specific, you can click the links below to jump to that section:
11 First Date Tips That Are Actually Useful – Don't Turn Her Off + Lock Down the Second Date
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I get it:
This tip sounds a little vague (and maybe even confusing). So let me explain:
“Be normal” just means don’t be weird… in ways like this:
- Taking her to some harsh noise concert where the lead singer ends up shirtless at the end (too bizarre!)
- Asking her what she wants to name her children someday (too serious!)
- Bringing a magic set to the date and surprising her with an illusion (too out-of-place!)
- Asking her detailed questions about her history with men (too creepy!)
Just be a normal, considerate, cordial human being.
…So, that weird thing you do with only your guy friends around? Hold off on that for a while. Sure, you hope that at some point she’ll think it’s cute or hilarious, but this is the first date… meaning it’s not the time to show off how you’re double-jointed or how you can burp the alphabet.
This might seem like common knowledge (and it should be a very common practice)… but I’ve seen a date show up late way too many times.
When you arrive late, you subtly communicate that she wasn’t enough of a priority to plan your day well, and show up on time.
…And that’s the last impression you want to make on a girl you’re trying to win over. Right?
Girls know that unforeseen/unpreventable circumstances happen, and she’ll completely understand if it happens to you. So if something happens, and you’re forced to run late, call (don’t text) her and explain the situation. She’ll think of you as a gentleman who keeps in touch, not a jerk who blows her off.
If this girl’s agreed to go on a date with you, she’s going to look her best. How do I know?
Because she wants you to know that she’s proud of her appearance, and wants you to realize that she’s a catch. So… why wouldn’t you do the same, and dress your best, too?
You don’t have to spend an hour getting ready, but like I mentioned above, you should communicate to this girl that she’s worth some time and effort (above, to plan to arrive on time… here, to look your best).
So shower, clean up your beard, brush your teeth, and wear what makes you look and feel great:
- Jeans, a fitted t shirt, and oxford shoes
- Cotton-blend pants and a button-up shirt
- A sport coat over a thin sweater and jeans
And PS: all of these outfit ideas were taken directly from our Essential Wardrobe article. Click the link for everything a girl loves to see you wear!
For many guys, the most difficult thing is deciding what to do on a first date.
The pressure is understandable. After all, your ability to plan a first date is a huge signal for how a potential relationship with you would work.
It shows your thoughtfulness, your ability to plan ahead, and how well you consider her interests.
Even though you already have all these qualities, these first date tips will help you make sure you show them off.
Because everyone is unique, there is no “one size fits all” first date. The key is planning something that will suit both of your interests and personalities.
Use these tips as a guide to plan something that will work for you and will give her a date she won’t soon forget.
Here are 2 tips for choosing what to do on a first date.
Tip 4: Have a well-designed date
While deciding what to do on a first date can seem daunting, planning a well-designed date is actually pretty easy.
We have a thorough post with great advice on date-planning that you can check out here… but in short, there are two components of a good date:
1. A Meal
You’re not required to take her to a fancy, expensive restaurant and honestly… smaller, local restaurants are the best.
They tend to be less crowded, quieter, and more romantic… providing a better opportunity for the two of you to talk.
2. An Activity
Why should you take her to do an activity?
Well, since you’re actively doing something together, it takes the focus off coming up with conversation (which on a first date can be tough/awkward). Instead, you can both talk in a more relaxed (and fun) environment.
Need help coming up with dates? Check out our post 101 fun things to do with her for great girl-approved ideas.
Tip 5: And barely let her in on the plan
Like I mentioned above, for the first date, don’t go with the flow. Have a plan.
Now… with that:
Women do love surprises, so let her know you have a plan without actually telling her what it is. Give her bits and pieces of information… especially information for how she should dress (to avoid her wearing high heels to go golfing, or jeans to a 5-star restaurant). Tell her:
If you’re going to a restaurant with a dress code: “We’re going somewhere for dinner that I think you’ll love… so don’t be afraid to dress up.”
If you’re going on a long walk: “We’ll be doing something really fun after we eat… so wear comfortable shoes.”
If you’re planning a hike: “Don’t worry about dressing up… you’ll need to be comfortable where we’re going.”
Even the most perfectly planned date can be a disaster without good conversation. After all, the purpose of dating is getting to know one another, and that’s pretty difficult without talking.
The ability to hold a conversation is a skill that money can’t buy and that doesn’t depend on your looks. You don’t even have to be an extrovert! Being able to have a good conversation on a first date is all about your emotional intelligence… something you can develop and build.
Finding a conversational rhythm is much easier when you come prepared with a few things to talk about on a first date. And my list of first date tips wouldn’t be complete if I didn’t set you up with plenty to talk about.
Here are 5 tips for things to talk about on a first date:
Tip 6: Compliment her
Openly complimenting her might feel risky… but this is one of the most valuable first date tips I can give you.
Just like men want to know what women are thinking, women want to know what men are thinking, especially if it’s something nice about us! All too often, men keep their romantic thoughts to themselves because they’re afraid to say them.
…But I can promise, any girl who likes you wants to hear those compliments (how nice she looks, how fun she is, or that you like her).
So man up, don’t be afraid, and give her that nice compliment.
Try one of these for inspiration:
You make me feel really comfortable.
This personal compliment will take away some of the stress she’s feeling.
How did I get so lucky to be on a date with you?
It’s a little bit cheesy, but it’ll flatter her nonetheless.
I love your smile.
Everyone’s smile is unique. Let her know you’d like to see more of hers.
Now… you can take complimenting too far:
If you’re already thinking about marrying this woman, or taking her to meet your parents, keep those super-serious thoughts to yourself. Remember tip #1? Be complimentary (and normal), not overzealous.
Tip 7: Have a conversation (don’t just talk about yourself)
One of the most annoying dates I’ve ever been on was with a guy who seemed really great. He was a genuinely nice person. He was handsome. He was a gentleman, and paid for my meal.
But there was one thing that kept that date from going on to a second one:
He talked about himself the entire time. He didn’t bother asking me any questions about myself. Instead, I listened to his long and obsessive list of sports he liked, and how his current teams were doing. It drove me insane… and was a huge turn off!
So here’s the tip:
Go into the night with the goal of getting to know your date. Ask her conversation starters. Listen to her answers. Ask follow-up questions, like questions to get to know her. She’ll start to be equally curious about you in return!
Tip 8: Prepare your first date questions and conversation starters
Both men and women have a fear of too much silence on the first date.
Now… planning an activity (like in tip #4) to bond over helps prevent the silence…
…but during dinner, what do you talk about?
Having a few first date questions in mind will help you find a topic and lead to a fun, effortless conversation.
- If you had an entire day off work to do whatever you wanted, what would you do?
- What’s a show on Netflix that you’ve binge-watched?
- What do you like about your job? Do you think you’ll do this job for a while? And if not, what would be your dream job? Why?
- Where was the last place you traveled to? Where is your favorite place you’ve ever been? Why?
- “Why?” is always a good question. Girls want to know that you want to understand their thoughts!
Tip 9: Land a Second Date
You might have heard the ‘rule’ to wait 3 days before calling a girl after a date. But that rule is absolutely ridiculous, and the reason is simple:She doesn’t want to wait around for three whole days to hear that you like her enough to go out again.So call her the next day, and schedule your second date.
Tip 10: Keep in Touch
After a great first date, it’s important to keep in touch with her.So call/text every few days, to let her know you’re still interested.Why should you do that?If you don’t, contrary to what a lot of guys think, It will not make her like you more, it will only make her confused/angry.So keep the good impression from your first date, and keep in contact with your girl.
So… your date has gone amazingly.
You’ve completely hit it off and you’re ready to seal the deal and land a first date kiss. You should go for a kiss on the first date… right?
Well… I actually recommend you don’t. Here’s why:
So many guys are quick to jump the gun on having a first kiss… but not kissing her on the first date actually makes you memorable… and makes her crave a kiss even more. So instead of kissing, touch her arm lightly. Put your arm around her. Hug her.
…And as you say goodnight give her a long kiss on the cheek. Tell her you had a fantastic night, that you’ll call her soon… and walk away.
She’ll be even more ready for a kiss on your second date.
PS. If she’s clearly sending you signals that she really wants you to kiss her, don’t feel like you can’t. The above tip is great, but is by no means required.
More Tips On How To Get The Girl
No matter what stage of the relationship process you’re in, we have the resources to help you get where you want to go. Check out these great posts to help you get the girl of your dreams.
- Free yourself from the trap and learn how to get out of the friendzone.
- Stop secretly pining over your crush – learn how to tell a girl you like her.
- When you’re ready to make it official let us show you how to ask a girl to be your girlfriend.
I know what you’re thinking…
How are you supposed to remember all those first date tips while concentrating on the girl you’re with?
While you’re on your first date all your attention should be focused on her. You’ll have much more fun and be much more likely to land that second date.
That’s why I thought it would be helpful to give you a few steps to follow to get the most of these first date tips while still enjoying the moment.
Here are 3 steps to use these first date tips:
Step 1: Prepare
The better you prepare for your date the less you’ll have to stress that night. Preparation is so important, we made “have a well-designed date” or first tip!
That’s because with a plan you won’t have to make it up as you go. You can relax and enjoy your time with your girl.
This is a chance for all that daydreaming to finally pay off. Imagine the things you’d do to sweep a girl off her feet and build a first date plan from there.
Imagine the conversations you’d like to have with her. Maybe even keep a few questions in mind just in case you need a lifeline. You can do all this before you even ask a girl out.
Once you’ve got a date on the calendar begin planning the specifics of your night. See if you’ll need to make any reservations. Make sure your favorite outfit is clean. And definitely don’t be late because you forgot to gas up the car.
Step 2: Stay Cool
Even with a great plan you’re bound to hit a snag or two. No matter what happens, you have to stay cool!
Spill your drink on yourself? Laugh it off. She’ll love your ability to roll with the punches.
Your jokes aren’t working? Refocus your efforts on her. As you get to know her you’ll figure out what makes her laugh.
There’s an hour wait for your table? Leave your number with the host and go for a walk. Show her that as long as you’re together your time isn’t wasted.
No matter what happens, if you stay cool you can bounce back and come off looking like a man in control of himself.
Step 3: Adapt
Use that level head we talked about in Step 2 and use it to adapt to whatever direction the date is heading.
You might have so much fun at dinner that you lose track of time. Don’t rush away! Enjoy the moment and adapt. If you’re connecting that well, you’ll find something else to do.
On the other hand, you might have to adapt to do some course correction.
If you can tell that something is making her uncomfortable, remedy the situation. This could mean changing the topic of conversation or even altering your plans. Adapting could pull your date out a nose dive to much smoother skies.
If you have to adapt so much that you’re no longer able to be yourself take that as a sign that you and the girl might be too different. Adapting will help you have as much fun as possible, but you’ll want to find someone with whom you can be yourself.
We saved the most important piece of first date advice for last:
Stress shouldn’t keep you from having fun on your date and it shouldn’t keep you from learning how to get a girlfriend. Once she sees you having fun she’ll be instantly more attracted to you, imagining the fun you two could have together.
Girls want to go out with guys they have fun with. With these first date tips you can relax and focus on having a great time with her.