Conversation starters for couples are essential for each and every couple.
Why? We all know: that the head over heels train stops after a while in all relationships, and the “what’s for dinner” phase sets in all too soon.
Don’t be that couple… because communication is one of the most important things in a long lasting relationship. And as an added benefit, gaining a better understanding of your significant other makes all aspects of your relationship easier.
But I get it:
Coming up with the right questions to ask, that start a good conversation can be tough. But that’s why we put together this list of conversation starters, designed specifically for couples. Whether you’re just making dinner together or are trying take your relationship to the next level, these questions for couples can help you start both serious and lighthearted conversations.
Let’s get into them:
There’s going to be a ton of ways to start a great conversation with your S/O. These can be best used while making dinner together, picking out a movie on Netflix, or driving on the way to see your parents.
Knowing how to start a conversation is an art, but these will give you a great start.
Here are 20 of the best conversation starters for couples:
1. What Makes You The Happiest?
Maybe she loves a personally written letter on her birthday, maybe she wants a diamond necklace on your anniversary. Better to find out ASAP.
2. What’s worse? Starbucks getting your order wrong? Or finding a motorcycle in a parking spot you thought was empty?
Whether you’re on your first date or 100th, this will get a smile from anyone you ask.
3. What food best describes your personality?
Use words that describe you to describe food. You may be a luxurious and saucy pizza while she is sweet and wholesome Orange Chicken order from Panda Express (keeper for sure).
4. What’s the strangest date you’ve ever been on?
What you think is strange, and what she thinks is strange, can be night and day and it gives you and her a chance to laugh at the stranger things in life.
5. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
This is just plain fun. It’s also going to make planning anniversaries, dates, and special occasions easier. You never know, you may have been shelling out tons of cash for fancy wine when the way to her heart is a pint of Cherry Garcia.
6. If you could win a ‘lifetime supply’ of anything that would you want it to be?
Would you rather have a lifetime supply of toilet paper or puppies? See what she enjoys endless amounts of. You might find the perfect stocking stuffer because of it.
7. What are your five most important personal values?
Values are essential to relationships, and some of these may make or break yours. Start discovering these deal breakers early on.
8. Who is the person, currently alive, that you most want to meet right now?
From Snoop Dogg to Betty White, there are celebrities that people love for so many reasons. Find out if you have the same one in mind!
9. What kind of physical touch best says “I love you” to you?
10. What is your favorite type of romantic gesture?
Roses are too generic, find out what she gets the most from so that you can be her knight in shining armor when she needs it most.
11. How can I help you when you’re angry?
We’ve all been there, someone says the wrong thing at the wrong time and makes things 1000% times worse. Ask this question so you can figure out how to diffuse the situation.
12. What crazy thing do you want to try someday?
Memories last forever, going for broke or putting yourself out there can make memories that you can both share for years to come. Encourage your S/O to indulge in the bold.
13. What one thing can I do to improve our relationship?
Communication can be broken down into three components: what someone says, what they want, and what they need. All of these need to be addressed for a well-rounded relationship. Hit on all three of these points early and often.
14. Out of all the dates we’ve gone on, which was your favorite?
Dates can be a great memory for your S/O, and because dates are so intimate they can hold a special place in you and your S/O’s heart.
15. If we could teleport anywhere in the world, right now, where would it be?
Your S/O may want to go somewhere completely new or go back to their roots. Find out where that one-way ticket would land them.
16. What’s your favorite way to show affection?
Some people don’t like to make a scene, while others insist on it. See how direct or indirect your S/O goes to show appreciation.
17. What’s your favorite way to receive affection?
From hugs to Instagram likes, you can learn a thing or two by getting their hot button items.
18. What do you remember most about the day we first met?
Your eyes, the way your hair was a mess, or maybe the Italian hoagie was on point. Think of the five senses with this one.
19. Have friends ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?
Some people like heavy involvement from outside forces, while others think it’s a red flag. Think about how you are with this question.
20. What are some things you like to do alone?
It can’t always be serious and passionate. Find ways and reasons to laugh together. Trust me, if you can’t laugh at your S/O you can’t laugh at anyone.
Here are 18 great, funny conversation starters:
21. What futuristic thing do you wish your clothing could do?
Maybe you want an iPhone chip in your head, or maybe you want a personal robot, all are awesome and all can be possible at the rate we are going.
22. What is most embarrassing phase you ever went through?
You might have been the most emo kid in high school. Share your phase with her and see if you can catch wind of an embarrassing photo or tweet to use as ammo later on.
23. If cartoon physics suddenly replaced real physics, what are some things you would want to try?
You know that Wile E. Coyote had some good ideas if physics weren’t a factor. Talk about some of your favorite ideas.
24. Would you rather never have to clean a bathroom again or never have to do dishes again?
Or take out the trash for that matter. Find out what’s worse and you may realize that chores can be much more organized at home.
25. Have you ever kissed someone accidentally?
Hey, it happens – and when it does, it can be weird and embarrassing. Show your vulnerable side to her and maybe she’ll tell you a story that’s equally embarrassing and weird.
26. Would you rather be locked inside a creepy old building with your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend or inside an amusement park with a celebrity?
Creepy buildings are scary, creepy clowns are even worse.
27. Would you rather dress up for a night on the town or stay home in sweats?
We all know that going out takes work and staying in takes carbs. Talk about your favorite binge show to fall asleep to or favorite mix drink when she gets in the bar.
28. What was the strangest punishment your parents ever gave you?
Some moms get creative with their baking tools. See if her mom used more than a wooden spoon to drop the hammer (let’s hope it didn’t come to that).
29. What’s something you love that other people think is gross?
You may think cottage cheese is the worst thing to hit your palate and find out that she puts it on her morning toast. What’s gross and why? Taste? Texture? Color? Find out.
30. If your job gave you a surprise three-day paid break to rest and recuperate, what would you do with those three days?
Some people want to order three large pizzas and lock themselves into Gray’s Anatomy while others want to build a replica model of the Titanic.
31. If we could only do one activity together for the rest of our lives, what would you choose?
Painting, Zumba, traveling, or raising a family, share your thoughts with your S/O and see if you can envision a future full of brushes, spandex, luggage, or diapers.
32. If money were no object, what would you have for breakfast every day?
See if material things play a high priority or not with your S/O. Is it oatmeal with blueberries or scrambled eggs on a yacht in the Cayman Islands.
33. If you could only eat one vegetable for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Better you find out that your S/O eats broccoli with cheese, so you can stock up on that block cheddar.
34. What is the most useless thing you know how to do?
Have you ever been introduced to a new group and they share the “one interesting thing about you” pitch? See who has the best one.
35. What’s the weirdest habit you have?
Unless you live with your S/O, you may not know all of the little nuances that make them tick.
36. Have you ever been set up on a blind date?
Even if you haven’t you can always reference the 90’s tv that was trash tv gold.
37. What seemed normal in your family when you were growing up, but seems weird now?
Is it holiday cards with matching outfits? Let’s hope there’s photographic evidence.
38. What was your biggest “why didn’t I start this sooner” moment?
Better late than never. Even if your S/O doesn’t have this experience they may want to in the future, and you can probably help make it happen.
Sometimes you need to dive deep in order to find what you’re looking for. Don’t be afraid to use one of these deep conversation starters to really get an idea of her deeper needs.
Here are 19 handpicked deep conversation starters for couples:
39. Are you more likely to avoid conflict or engage it head-on?
This can be the key to communicating and arguing, so find out if she bottles her feelings or shares them right away.
40. Would you consider yourself an introvert, extrovert, or ambivert?
Introvert = reserved, a homebody. Extrovert = approachable, outgoing. Ambivert = A mix of both. A good way to find this out would a question like, “would your friends consider you an introvert, an extrovert, or a mix of both?”
41. Do you believe in love at first sight?
The tingles in your arms, the butterflies in your stomach, or even the shakes. Love at first sight is real when you can’t stop thinking about someone after just one meeting.
42. What do you think is your biggest strength in our relationship?
Is it compassion? Listening skills? Or killer margaritas? Talk about this early and often so that you can communicate what you can offer your S/O.
43. What do we do if we can’t agree on something important/big?
This one can be a deal breaker if not done properly. So, emphasize the importance when asking this to your S/O. All too often have couples deferred issues and it ultimately becomes their downfall.
44. What motivates you to work so hard?
Motivation is purpose in action. So many people work at different intensities for different reasons. It can be as simple as, “I want to earn more” to “I want to be a homeowner before 30.”
45. What’s something you are self-conscious about?
People can have the silliest reasons for being self-conscious about their imperfections while others may have deep emotions behind them. Ask them if it’s their handwriting, the pitch of their voice, their sneeze, etc.
46. What is one area in your life where you feel like something is missing?
It’s important in a relationship to help your S/O on the path that is life. And that help may come in helping them achieve a goal, a milestone, or challenge. Ask them if there is something small or big that is missing, and maybe you can be just the one to help.
47. Is there anything you consider absolutely unforgivable?
Affairs, deception, or not calling your mother. So many people find things that are flat out wrong. What may seem small and a non-issue can be a red flag to someone’s beliefs and values.
48. What things won’t you compromise on?
You may want to talk about what it means to compromise before finding out what they won’t compromise on. Help your S/O find middle ground in something they were once absolute on.
49. Do you prefer more small gestures or few grand gestures?
Why go all out a few days of the year, when everyday affection is the key to her appreciation.
50. Have you ever felt insecure in a relationship?
They may have had a previous relationship or the one that they are in with you now. Remember, communication is all about what they say, what they need, and what they want.
51. What have you given up, but yet used to love?
Was it going out on the weekends or a hobby turned into a distant memory? See if that old flame of passion can be reignited.
52. What are you afraid of the most?
This can range from clowns to feeling alone. What one person is afraid of may be just the thing you can provide to overcome it.
53. How do you handle it when your family doesn’t approve of a decision you’ve made?
College grades, choices in wardrobe, tattoos. The family will always have your best interest at heart and will be the first to give you a hard time.
54. What disappointed you about your last relationship and led you to want to end things?
Make sure you set aside ample time for this one. You may open a box that truly needs to be opened, and hopefully you can find some lessons on what works for your S/O along the way.
55. Would you rather date someone who was vain or someone who didn’t take care of themselves?
This all circles back to someone’s esteem and ego, so beware of where you lie on this scale.
56. What is the oddest thing you have kept for sentimental reasons?
Grandmother’s pearls or a college boyfriend’s fraternity jacket. People hold on to a multitude of items for many different reasons.
57. What’s your biggest deal-breaker?
This can easily make or break what you have going for you. So be prepared for the answer and be prepared to give your own answer on top of it.
Before we get into the conversation starters for couples…
Here are 5 tips to help you start a conversation with your partner:
#1: Gauge their Mood
Moods can swing a conversation faster than a swing set in a hurricane. Look at your S/O’s nonverbal cues (short answers, no eye contact, leans in when giving an answer) to get a good idea of where they are at in the day. If she doesn’t make eye contact when she normally does, ask how she’s feeling. If she is scratching a label off of a bottle, then find out what’s on her mind.
#2 Make A Strong Introduction
“How was your day” gets old really quickly and it can be easy for your S/O to go on autopilot during a recurring conversation. So, shoot for a topic that she isn’t used to from the get-go. This can be an accident you saw on the way to work, a co-worker getting fired, all the way to last week’s episode of your favorite TV show.
#3 Follow Up With A Compliment
Your S/O works really hard to have those on point eyebrows (thank me later for this compliment) or great outfits day in and day out. It will feel especially valued when it comes from you. Remember, noticing the small details goes a long way. Whether it’s new shoes or she dyed her hair, you’ll be sure to be on top of it.
#4 Use A Conversation Vehicle
What’s a conversation vehicle? It’s an item that use can physically see that you can both point to and talk about. Things like puppies, food, Instagram feeds, and the fancy plates at the restaurant you’re at.
#5 Whatever You Do, Be Confident
Like they say in sales, it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. Whether you can pull this off naturally or need to practice in the mirror before picking her up, know that confidence can be seen a mile away, and make a huge difference, and she’ll know she’s hanging out with the right person.
Looking For More Conversation Starters for Couples?
We got you covered. We have plenty of conversation starting ideas to light up your relationships:
- Questions to ask your girlfriend will give you a fresh perspective on lively conversations with her.
- Would you rather questions are a tried and true way of getting answers. This game is a fun way of seeing what she is up for.
- Finally, our Conversation Topics will keep the conversation wheel turning no matter what situation you’re in.
There are some great conversation starters, to give you that charismatic boost next time you want to start a great conversation.
Now, remember: 1) use the right questions to ask at the right time… depending on the situation, use our funny conversation starters or deep conversation starters, and 2) that like most things, conversing, and starting conversations is a skill. If you want to be good at it, all you have to do is try and practice!