Finding the right ways to start a conversation that will get the right message across can be difficult. How to prove that you're a good guy and not some creepy predator?
People are a little on edge these days. They've been burned. How to approach a girl in a way that makes her feel okay about you from the start is a vital skill.
We've got what you need to know for how to get a girlfriend.
Everybody knows that guy. The guy who talks a big game about which girls he wants, and which girls want him... except when it comes time to actually talk to girls, he shuts down. Well guys, we don’t want you to be that guy. We don’t want you to be all talk, and no action. And we don’t want you to be wishing you had talked to that girl who you swear was into you. That is why we're showing you the best ways to start a conversation with a girl!
11 Best Ways to Start A Conversation
It's not just about saying the right words. It's more than eye contact, a smile, and every other bullet point you've heard over and over again (although we'll mention them too because they're also important parts of the package).
Your conversation skills with girls and everyone begin with you: How you carry yourself. How honest you are with yourself. How you choose when and which masks to wear. Whether you know how to take them off.
How you perceive and process the positive and negative events that happen to you. How willing you are to learn from your experiences, especially the challenging ones. The frequency of all of these life practices actually does carry in the moments you start and sustain conversations with people.
Keep these thoughts close while we go over some of the basics for ways to start a conversation.
11. Don’t Approach at All
‘the heck? Swear you didn’t just tell us in a post about how to approach girls, to not approach.
Well it’s true. If you really want to learn how to approach girls, the first thing you’ve gotta do... is pause and set the stage. This is a technique we call, the “anti-approach.” In other words, hang back and warm up the room before jumping in.
Now you might be thinking, “Mantelligence, that just sounds like an excuse to not have to talk to girls. But you’d be wrong.
Because here’s what’s going to happen: If you just go out trigger happy, ready to approach as many girls as you can, and indiscriminately rely on sheer volume to get by, all that’s going to happen is you end up with a high contact rate, but low success.
Sure you’ll have talked to a bunch of girls, but did any of those conversations go anywhere? What anti-approaching does is act as a kind of filter... that gives you a chance to assess and lets you know who’s worth your time.
The anti-approach is about stopping, and feeling where you are at too. Notice body sensations. Notice your breath. Notice any triggers from past experiences coming up. You don't have to carry that baggage with you when it's time to approach the right girl.
What do these techniques have to do with meeting a girl, you might be asking. By being mindful of your own energy and optimizing your self-awareness over time, you are more present with yourself. This means you understand yourself at increasingly deeper levels. Through this, you are more present for everyone around you, including that girl you're just dying to connect with.
This capacity is what creates that elusive "magnetism" that makes others flock to them. Everyone feels such magnetism from those who "have it," yet it can't easily be put into words.
10. Own Your Expectations
Here’s how most guys shoot themselves in the foot when preparing for the approach: Of course they want to talk to girls, but they’re not always feeling like it’s the right time. Couple that with the fact that they’re also feeling some peer pressure and what do you get? A classic case of performance anxiety.
If you’re like most guys, you’ve felt the terror of approach anxiety. But did you ever stop to think why you get approach anxiety in the first place?
For lots of guys, it’s the fear of rejection. I mean, let’s face it… rejection stings.
So what should you do? Don’t let anyone else set expectations for you.
By managing your own expectations, you neutralize the effects of rejection and allow yourself to think clearly about how to make your approach.
Okay, but what does managing your own expectations actually mean? It means being able to fully experience the joy and excitement of the exchange going well balanced with being able to let a potential rejection go without turning it into something bigger than it is. It means having a solid sense of your your self worth from within instead of allowing it to be determined by external exchanges with others.
9. Judge the Cover
Alright, now it’s time to pull the trigger. First step? Know what you’re up against.
When you’re at the grocery store and it’s time to pick out your produce, do you ever grab fruits or vegetables without checking the quality first? You check, don’t you? You don’t want your apples to have any bruises, unusual holes, or mold growing on them, right? Of course not.
So why would you want a girl with those things? Sometimes the best ways to start a conversation with a girl is to take a good look at her from a distance and make some judgments first.
Ask yourself if she looks like the type of girl you want to get to know in the first place. Is she having a good time or does she seem standoffish?
Observe her (but don’t be creepy about it) and you’ll learn a lot without ever having to say a word.
While we acknowledge that judging others is a natural human behavior and protective instinct, we use this phrase with a few caveats: The judgments we make about people are merely our personal projections in the moment that actually say more about us than about them.
In other words, if you judge someone as being standoffish in one moment, that doesn't mean there's something indefinitely wrong with them. In fact, they might be intentionally setting an appropriate social boundary to take care of themselves. Or, they're perfectly friendly but their exterior triggers a traumatic experience inside you where you felt shut out. Observe your surface perspective without getting stuck in any single perspective as truth.
8. The Female Co-Pilot
Sure, going to bars alone is easy if you’re the type of person who can strike up a conversation with anyone, but let’s face it: We’re not all social butterflies... which is why we’ve told you before how important it is to have a wingman.
But think about it… how much better of a wingman would your friend be... If he... was a girl? Because who knows the most about girls? Other girls.
Instead of bringing your male buddy with you to help you get girls... bring a female friend!
Having a bro by your side is good... but having a girl to back you up is even better. Why? A wing girl is the ultimate social proof.
A wing girl will either make you look unavailable, and in demand, or more importantly, other girls will see that you’re at least sorta normal... since there’s evidence that at least one woman doesn’t mind hanging out with you.
7. Tread The Friend Zone
We’ll admit it: This may be a risky maneuver for some guys out there. But no risk, no reward, right?
Here’s how to get out of the friend zone without being fake, creepy… or too nice. All you’ve got to do... is treat her (and everyone, really) as a person whom you don’t want anything from.
Sounds easy, until you realize that most guys really struggle with this when talking to girls.
Basically, be friendly, but don’t go all-in on the friendly behavior: Smile, eye contact, light touching, engaged body language... you know the drill.
She’ll like that you’re warm but not too intense, and be way more likely to talk to you.
6. From 3
Everyone is afraid of something. Spiders, the dark, and approaching women are just a few examples. And one of the best methods of dealing with fear (especially when approaching women)... is by counting “3… 2… 1…” and approaching.
Convince yourself there’s no other option. Because the truth is, there isn’t.
For guys who count down, but don’t act on it, this handy, psychological trick actually has the opposite effect... and reinforces bad behavior which makes approaching even harder.
5. The Goddess of Victory
Have you ever heard of the Greek Goddess, Nike? She made her own clothing brand (or something like that) and the slogan for that brand is something along the lines of: “Don’t think. Do.”
In our last method, you had 3 seconds to second guess yourself before approaching a girl. In this one, you have zero. Here’s how it works...
- Step 1: Walk into a room and see a pretty girl you’d like to meet.
- Step 2: Turn your feet in her direction. Don’t stop walking.
- Step 3: Reach her and start a conversation.
When you don’t give yourself time to think about how things could go wrong… you figure out pretty quickly that you had nothing to worry about in the first place.
Master this trick? You’ll be making big league approaches every time you leave the house.
4. Back To Basics
Eye contact is the world’s most ancient method of starting a conversation with a girl. It’s what started it all.
The reason you’re here today is because your ancestors at the very least... didn’t make completely poor eye contact with the ladies. That’s just like, basic anthropology.
So in case you forgot, here are the eye contact basics for the best way to approach a girl: When you make eye contact with her, look inquisitive, like you can’t seem to figure her out. It’ll make her wonder why you’re looking at her that way. That’s when you walk up to her and tell her she looks familiar (or something similar).
But for that real next level do this: When you make eye contact, guide her attention to something funny or unusual in the room. You’ll share a mini moment together and if she seems receptive (i.e. she’s laughing), it’s usually a sign you can approach immediately... or wait a few minutes if you want… It’ll keep her on her toes.
Looking for some other ways to capture her interest? Check out this video we did right here: 10 Body Language Tricks to Make Her Chase You - How to Attract Girls Without Talking to Them
3. Don’t Be Lame
What is one of the most important things you look for in a girl? Sure, attractiveness is a given, but just because a girl is pretty, does that mean she's enjoyable to be around? Not necessarily. And the same rule applies to guys.
It doesn’t matter how handsome you are... if you’re not fun to be around, who’s going to want to spend time with you?
So one of our favorite methods of approaching girls is to be the life of the party and spread those fun guy vibes everywhere you go.
2. The Question Master
Where are you from? What do you do? How many kids do you want? Heads up: That’s not a conversation. That’s an interview.
A conversation is a give and take. You ask a question, she shares an answer. Then you share your own experiences in relation to the question. But it doesn’t have to stop there.
When approaching a girl, try out a word game like “Would You Rather?” Here’s an example: Would you rather be chased by the Mafia or by the FBI? Tough choice, huh? That’s why it’s fun.
Don’t forget Truth or Dare questions either. That’s always a good one. And that’s the thing... games like these help you weed out the boring girls and, as an added bonus... meeting girls becomes less intimidating, and more hilarious and full of surprises.
1. Be A Scientist
If there’s one thing to keep in mind while trying the best way to approach a girl, it’s that not every method is going to work for every guy.
So be a scientist and experiment! If you find a method of approaching girls that works for you, try it with other girls. And don’t forget to keep it flirty and casual on occasion.
Not every girl is meant to be your soulmate. Remember: Meeting girls (and learning how to talk to them) is a skill just like anything else.
And the more you practice, the more natural it feels, which translates directly into confidence. Not to mention, it hurts a little less when you get rejected. Which can happen if you...
1 Way To Not Approach A Girl
Guys who can walk up and talk to any girl all have one very important trait in common... Confidence. But what you may not realize is that most guys faked that confidence until they actually became confident.
This process can take years, but they were scientists and honed their approach until it became natural. And before it became natural… It was awkward... and that’s exactly how you shouldn't approach girls… without a plan or a personality. Because that’s just awkward for everyone.
So what do you do? Just remember that not everything has to work, but you should try to have a reason behind every method you try with girls.
We guarantee that with a little practice, confidence will come naturally and you’ll start thinking well past the approach..
More Ways To Get The Girl
You might be looking for even more of our handy resources.
- You'll want to know how to ask a girl out to create the best margin for success possible.
- When you know how to flirt with a girl, it opens up all kinds of doors.
- If you're wondering how to get a girl to like you, check this out!
Embodying the ways to start a conversation with a girl you're interested in can be broken down into steps, and yet it can be a complex practice if you care about your success rate.
The ways to start a conversation just flow forth naturally from a man who has cultivated a balanced presence and understanding of who he is at the deepest level.
That's definitely the destination, but you're on the journey called life. There will be infinite moments for practice, for success and failure. Can you appreciate your failures in equal parts to your successes? That's where happiness and connection really begins.