Gentlemen, listen up. If you want to learn how to keep a conversation going with a girl, this guide is for you!
Since I want to help you become the best guy out there, I'm here to tell you what you should and shouldn't do when speaking to a girl.
With these steps, you'll never worry again about how to keep a conversation going with a girl.
Let's get started!
How To Keep a Conversation Going With a Girl (7 Steps)
While there are plenty of articles out there that try to complicate the process of how to keep a conversation going with a girl, it is, in reality, incredibly simple.
How simple? Just 7 steps simple. If you follow these steps, you'll be in no-stress conversation mode every time a chatting opportunity arises.
1. Start a Conversation Right
Look, there's a lot of advice out there, but the best you'll get anywhere on this topic is: start well.
Whatever you are going to talk about, with whomever, and for however long, start with confidence and as much charm as you've got.
First impressions matter in a conversation, and if you can pull off a good beginning, it's smoother sailing going forward. When you use the perfect conversation starters, you'll be surprised at how natural and enjoyable the talk will be.
2. Know What Things To Talk About With A Girl
If you're stressing this one, don't be. Just have a few things to talk about with a girl handy so you can transition between topics without having to come up with anything on the spot.
Just choose from the options below to stay relaxed while you're chatting.
Option 1: Use Quality Conversation Topics
Listen... there is an easy way and a hard way to have a conversation with a girl. The hard way is by improv, just coming up with things to talk about as you go.
The easy way is by having conversation topics prepared in advance. So, settle upon a few intriguing topics before you even start talking, and then drop them in to keep the conversation going.
Ideally, you should make these interesting to you and to her, allowing her to give her opinions and giving you chances more about her.
Ask her how she deals with her stress if you're both going through exam season. Or find out how she feels about pets, and if she has a favorite one. Or, just find out what keeps her up at night; the good and the bad.
Option 2: Ask Questions To Get To Know Her
Most of the help on the internet for ‘how to keep a conversation going with a girl’ advises you to ask a lot of questions.
You want to make sure that you have questions to ask a girl to get to know her. That means, questions that get to know her real personality, not just surface information about her. You need that personal information to learn if you have a real, strong connection.
So, instead of switching from one surface topic to another (like 'what do you do?' and 'where are you from?'), stick with one topic, and ask her deeper questions about her interest in it, past with it, or desires for it. Doing this will lead to a meaningful conversation with her.
She tells you, “I’m a writer for a magazine.” Instead of saying “Cool!”, “How’d you get that job?” or “How long have you done that?” (all bland, highly expected questions), ask something unique that relates to her interests, past, or desires:
“That sounds fun! Do you write about topics that interest you?” (interest)
“What made you start writing?” (past)
“Do you like the magazine? Do you think you’ll keep writing for them?” (desires)
See how those questions are more interesting and tell you a lot more about her than purely surface-level questions?
And here’s the best part:
Not only do those right type of questions tell you more, but they also keep her more interested in the conversation, because she’s probably not asked about them often. In short, they make her actually want to continue the conversation longer.
3. Know When to Continue the Conversation
Guys, you should only continue a conversation with a girl who’s interested in you, not press a conversation with a girl who’s not.
Dragging on a conversation with that girl... the girl who doesn’t look at you, ask questions about you, or give you her full attention (she looks around the room or at her phone) will not only waste your time but will make you feel defeated and rejected.
Why would you make yourself feel like that when there’s a girl who really wants to talk to you, and you can easily find her instead?
Here's a personal experience of mine: I totally flopped on this one when I kept talking to a girl I knew didn't like me that way. She only really saw me as a friend, but then people told me to shoot my shot, so I did.
It was awkward and bumpy, and both of us just wanted to run and get out of there. When we finally did end the conversation, I felt a sigh of relief and told myself I would only do that again if I were sure she was interested in me too.
4. Offer Information About Yourself
While you're interviewing this girl, you have to remember it's still a conversation between two people, and don’t treat it like a real interview (firing personal questions at her without giving any information about you... that makes her feel insanely pressured (especially if you're still a stranger)).
I know it must be instinct telling you that an initial conversation should always be about her answering your questions. But, remember that you will get a second conversation only if she finds you interesting too.
There are a couple of great, easy ways to offer information about yourself while still keeping the focus on her (and getting to know her):
- If she expresses a passion you share, tell her. If she says she likes paddleboarding, say: “Me too! I go to Ladybird Lake with my board most weekends.” This lets her know you’re really listening, and makes her feel comfortable sharing more with you.
- Instead of just asking a question, make a statement also. Ask her: “Where do you walk your dog? I like taking mine, Maximus, to the park on 5th.” She'll feel more comfortable sharing information if you go first.
Here’s the bottom line:
You won’t keep a real conversation going if only you ask questions, and only she answers them. But offer information about yourself, and she'll want to know more, and feel comfortable opening up to you.
5. Search Out Her ‘Conversational Leads’
Here’s the thing most guys don't realize:
Any girl is constantly handing you topics she wants to talk about, and if you only listen to her, you can pick up on them easily.
For example... if she says:
“I was late getting here because a project meeting ran super long. I need a vacation.”
She wants to complain about her job for a minute. Ask her about that.
“I really need to clean out my phone's photos. I have way too many.”
She wants to talk about her pictures. Ask her what she loves photographing so much.
“I have a super busy weekend.”
She wants to talk about what she’s doing. Ask her if she’s glad it’s busy, or if she’d rather it not be.
Listening intently like that is incredibly attractive, because you’re not only showing her that you hear her, but that you care about the deeper meaning behind what she’s saying. A man who cares like that is what girls want.
To be frank, I used to skip over those quick comments. When she's say something about her busy weekend or her annoying boss, I just nod and change the topic. But when I tried listening intently and following up on the things she'd comment on, she felt more comfortable talking to me.
She'd look for me when there's something important, funny, annoying or exciting happening to her. I became her most trusted person for her these memorable life events because I didn't just hear her, I listened.
Here’s the bottom line, guys:
She tells you exactly how to keep a conversation going with her.
I remember asking multiple questions to a girl I liked before. And while that is a good idea for the first few days of talking, she got tired of it real fast. She sent me one word replies by the end of the first week we talked. And from there, it never got anywhere.
The right thing to do is ask questions, yes. But, ask the ones that relate to her specifically.
Ask her real, interesting questions about her statements, and show her you’re really trying to understand who she is. Use this conversation topic to express how important her needs are to you. She’ll like you a thousand times better for it.
6. Don’t ‘Filter’ Your Thoughts
I get it:
When you talk to a girl, and you feel a strong connection that you really don’t want to mess up, it’s easy to automatically jump into ‘filtering’ mode: to shut out any thoughts that you don’t think are ‘appropriate’ or ‘impressive’.
You think if you say those inappropriate/unimpressive/stupid things, she won’t like you anymore… but here’s the huge problem with that line of thinking:
If you’re constantly filtering, you’re not talking… and how can you have a conversation if you don’t talk?
Even if you say something goofy, you should want this girl to get to know the real you, so express your real thoughts, even if your filter says they’re ‘wrong’.
And I promise, this advice really works (check it out):
I was insanely attracted to my girlfriend when we met, simply because she expressed all of her interesting thoughts. Some of them were goofy, but it made me feel a thousand more comfortable, and willing to show her my real thoughts, too.
And your girl will love to continue a conversation with a guy who's free and confident enough to say whatever's on his mind.
7. Don’t Panic When There’s Silence
Humans are generally uncomfortable with silence, so it's incredibly natural to immediately fill silence in a conversation.
Reporters actually use this as a technique all the time: they continue to hold their microphone up, or continue to gaze at the person they’re interviewing, and the person will almost always keep talking, spilling more and more information. Crazy, right?
Now, as you might have guessed, that’s exactly what I suggest you do:
Be that reporter, and don’t panic when there's silence. Wait for her to do it (women almost always will).
Now, if she doesn’t immediately start talking, don’t feel like it's your responsibility to do it. Just let there be a powerful moment of silence. Nothing's worse than doing small talk when it doesn't really add any value to the conversation. Why in the world is silence in a conversation powerful? Two reasons:
- You can pay more attention to your surroundings. Scan the room (and maybe discover something to talk about). Check out her body language (see if she seems physically interested). Look into her eyes for a moment without speaking (incredibly (yet subtly) romantic).
- Old, comfortable friends don’t fill every moment with words. Smiling while welcoming a comfortable, silent moment between you makes it seem like you’re old friends, not uncomfortable strangers.
Here’s the bottom line:
Panicking when there’s a silence makes for an awkward conversation, and makes you lose focus on those conversational leads. Welcome the silent moments, and make them work to your advantage.
How To Keep a Conversation Going with a Girl You Like (3 Steps)
It all seems so much easier when you're trying to keep a good conversation going with a random girl you aren't particularly romantically interested in.
Maybe you can pull that off without too much trouble, but then when it comes to that girl you've had your eye on for a while, it all falls apart.
Here's the thing though: figuring out how to talk to a girl you like isn't really much different than figuring out how to keep a conversation going with a girl, any girl.
So, use the steps above as a guide, and then add these steps to help you get that little bit further.
1. Come On Interested, But Not Too Strong
There are two ways most guys mess up a conversation with a girl they like: they come on too strong, or they don't come on at all.
So, go for the middle ground. Be engaged; try to be a bit flirty, but don't be too forward. You want to signal that you like her and that you want to get closer, but you don't want to sound demanding or desperate.
Basically: keep the conversation low-key and let it evolve naturally.
2. Know The Things to Say To a Girl You Like
It's easy to say, "keep it casual but stay engaged," but how is that even possible?
You don't need to stress so much over how to keep a conversation going with a girl you like, really. You just need to find that perfect balance by having the right things to say to a girl you like on hand.
Use basic everyday topics to get a conversation going.
Casual suggests confidence, so coming up and just asking her what she thinks about a class, a recent meeting, or some other shared experience is a great way to show her you're an easy-going guy who's easy to talk to.
Throw in a joke if you have one, or use some of your conversation starters from the section above. Then, pick generously from Option 1 and Option 2 below.
Option 1: Say Sweet Things to Say To a Girl
Girls like plenty of different kinds of guys, but one thing that will stand out and make most girls look more closely at you is the word "sweet."
Girls love sweet guys, and the best way to prove you're a sweet guy is to have sweet things to say to a girl.
There's a whole world of options to go for here, and it's best to let sweet comments come naturally.
For instance, you can tell her, if she's upset, that she really deserves to be treated better by her friends or that you hate to see her hurt.
Or, tell her simply that you're really glad you've finally had a chance to talk together and that you've been looking forward to this moment.
One great sweet thing worth trying: Offer your time if she wants it. Tell her you'd be happy to help her with homework or to listen to her problems any time. That way, you show her you're reliable, interested, and sweet all at once.
Just keep in mind:
Be sweet but don't be too intrusive. If she doesn't want to talk about her problems, don't push it. A sweet guy knows when to back off and find a different way to show how he's feeling.
Option 2: Compliment Her
Girls love compliments. Most guys don't need to be told that. After all, it’s nice to hear something nice, and it’s even better from a man they really like... but on the other hand:
Girls don’t like to hear constant compliments. It just seems insincere because she knows she's not that amazing, and it comes off as desperate to drop compliments left and right.
That’s why this might be the best piece of insider advice I can give you:
Compliment her sincerely very late in the conversation (even when you’re about to end it). It’s the best advice for 2 reasons:
- If she likes you, you’ll finally fulfill her wish for a compliment. She wants to know you like her, and a compliment lets her know you do. But, making her wait shows her you’re not the type to drool all over her, though you will give well-deserved compliments.
- You can tell if she likes you before you commit to asking for her number. If she blushes, laughs, touches your arm, or compliments you back, she’s probably into you. If she doesn’t, then don't waste any more time on her.
Now, I’ve explained why complimenting late is good. But what sort of compliments do you give?
Honestly, any compliment works as long as it’s true. Here are some great, girl-approved examples:
- I really liked talking to you. I’m seriously impressed with how smart you are.
- I’m not surprised that every guy here is looking at me jealously. You really are beautiful.
- You’re the most fun girl I’ve ever met. I can’t believe what a good time I’ve had here.
These are sincere, serious compliments that you don’t want to say randomly. Wait for the right moment when she seems really interested and you’re about to end the conversation (see below for how and why you do that).
3. Give The Conversation A Definite End
Walking away from a great conversation is incredibly hard, it also practically guarantees that you’ll be talking again soon. Most women have been in countless conversations that have dragged on too long, and for most of those, they were probably pretty happy when they were over.
I used to always keep talking, even if the conversation was clearly at its end. At one point, a girl actually left in the middle of my sentence. She was just too fed up with the information overload.
The next time I talked to a girl, I learned to spot cues when I should change the topic or end the conversation altogether. I didn't want her to remember that the talk kept going on and on, and she just wanted it to end.
Do you want her to think that about your conversation? Of course not, right? So even if it’s hard, let the conversation end naturally, and save something for next time.
How to Keep a Conversation Going with a Girl Over Text (5 Steps)
When we're talking about how to keep a conversation going with a girl, it's a whole (or at least mostly) different ballgame when it comes to text.
In person, you can see if a girl is interested in your conversation, and she basically has to give you some response, but by text, it's more complicated.
The truth is, though: the ways how to text a girl to get her to respond and stay interested aren't any more complicated than talking in person.
1. Use What You Know and What You Share
Before you ever text, you face a dilemma: what is the best reason to text the girl you want to chat with?
If you're lucky, she's given you her number with the express impression she wants you to text, or else, you have a definite reason to text (like a project you're both working on).
If not, it's time to think of a reason. There's no reason to strain about this, though.
Just build off of what you have in common. Work with events she might like, news about mutual friends, or interesting topics you know she'll want to talk about.
If you don't have any of that, just send a "just because" message to get things started.
2. Throw in Some Great Conversation Starters
You can ask her about the best book she's ever read or if she'd rather be a meatball or a slice of salami. Whatever you think will get her thinking deeply or laughing, try that.
And, if you can connect it to the reason you're texting, all the better.
3. Know What and When To Text A Girl
Once you've got a conversation going by text, you run into the same problems that came up at the beginning of this article: how to keep a conversation going with a girl: this time by text.
What you really want to know is what to text a girl to keep her texting back. The best answer is to just use one (or more) of the options below.
Option 1: Ask Questions To Ask a Girl Over Text
As was discussed at length above, there's nothing that keeps a girl talking and shows a girl your interest, like asking questions.
Before you text a word, develop a list of questions to ask a girl over text that is sure to keep her answering for as long as you want to chat.
You can ask her something as simple as her opinion about a movie you know she saw recently or go deeper to find out who she's closest to in her family. Whatever you choose, I recommend you try to stick with something that's interesting but not too intrusive unless you already know her pretty well.
When you finish talking through one question, just move on to the next. Or go to Option 6 or 7.
Option 2: Send A Good Morning Text To Her
If the timing is right, move your conversation to focus on the morning by sending a good morning text for her.
You can ask her about what she dreamt about last night, her plans for the day, or find out what her favorite thing to do is right when she wakes up.
Option 3: Send A Good night Text For Her
Just like Option 6, Option 7 works if the timing is right. If you're heading toward the end of a text conversation in the evening, turn the topic to a good night text for her.
Talk to her about her plans for the next day, or just make it another sweet moment by saying you messaged just to wish her sweet dreams.
4. Online Conversations Follow The Same Rules
When you start a Tinder conversation with the person you like, you have to treat it like you're texting with them too. An online conversation requires the same talking style that you should use when sending a text message.
In online dating, you should be witty and interesting quickly. If you really like someone, you should use every communication skill you have to get the other person hooked enough to keep talking to you.
The easiest way to get their attention is to use a fun question that would get the ball rolling. Use your conversational skills to find a way to engage with that person.
And remember - a mutual interest is usually the way to go. Find that and use it to make meaningful connections.
5. Sign Off at the Right Time
Just like in any conversation, you have to know when to walk away. If you run out of material and her answers are coming more slowly, end the conversation and move on.
You can do this by either faking a conflict (time for bed, class is starting, got to meet a friend, etc.) or just saying it was great chatting and end it there.
Whatever you do, try to sneak in a line about chatting again soon so she knows you want to keep this habit going.
How To Keep a Conversation Going with a Girl at a Party
I know, nothing is more terrifying to some guys than trying to talk to a girl when there are tons of people around.
The thing: it really isn't any harder to learn how to talk to girls at parties than it is to learn how to keep a conversation going with a girl when you're alone with her.
All you really need to do is follow the steps above and add a couple of other things to boot.
For instance, don't wait for her to be alone. Bring a friend and use them to help you join the conversation that's already taking place.
Also, adjust your conversation starters and topics to be more inclusive.
Finally, after a short while, pivot your attention from the group to the girl you want to talk to.
Pro Tips on How to Keep a Conversation Going with a Woman
It makes sense why guys would want to help keep a conversation going with a girl:
You get in your head too much, put way too much pressure on what you say, worry about how you look/sound, and get generally overwhelmed trying really hard to get this girl to like you.
Sound familiar? If it does, I've got one incredibly simple tip that can drastically reduce that nervousness, improve your confidence, and come up with better things to say:
Think of your role in the conversation as an 'interviewer,' not an 'impresser'.
It's a subtle change, but you'll find that by interviewing her to objectively learn about her, you consciously shift all that pressure/focus away from your own impression and onto finding out more about her. In a way, it frees you.
1. Understand That She's Not Perfect…
Sure, this girl is probably beautiful, but does that mean that she’s funny? Or smart? Or interesting? She may actually be the opposite of all those things.
Even if you've known her for a while, you may still assume that she's exactly what you want,. but there could easily be something about her that you don't know, but would want to before you ask her out.
Either way, don't be intimidated by her 'perfectness'. It's not real, and she's definitely not any 'better' than you are underneath her pretty face.
2. Look for Her Real, True Personality.
With the above tip:
Don't blindly assume she’s perfect, but do try to uncover the real her (almost like a reporter). Remind yourself that there’s no need to feel nervous. You’re not trying to impress this girl, you’re figuring out if the real her is worth your time.
And if she’s not, you can walk away before wasting all the time and energy on that wrong girl, and find the right girl you have a real connection with.
3. Remember to Be Yourself.
During a conversation with any girl. you absolutely must be yourself.
Because if you act completely different than your real self and she likes it, she’ll be insanely disappointed when she discovers the real you. And if she doesn’t like it, maybe she would have actually liked the real you!
I used to always put my best foot forward when I liked a girl. And of course, that's something we definitely recommend. However, I got way too ahead of myself and started becoming someone that wasn't actually me.
I would say things I thought would make me look cool, even if I never said those in real life. Being that guy made me look pompous and arrogant, which are really unattractive qualities.
When I found someone I really liked, I tried just being myself and let my natural thoughts flow. I showed her who I was and what I liked to do. I didn't worry too much about saying the right thing or making the right moves. It turned out that she liked me just for being myself.
Since then, I never said or did anything that was out of the ordinary. And girls started being honest with me about their personalities too.
Either way, the best way to interview her for her honest personality is to present your honest personality as well.
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Frequently Asked Questions
How do I show genuine interest without appearing too nosy?
I know it must be hard having, possibly having social anxiety and worrying about looking too nosy or intrusive. When you use your conversation skills well, you will appear interested and dedicated to learning about her. Make sure you listen well and choose the questions with her personality in mind.
Should I only talk about common interest?
What makes a conversation topic good is when both parties can add something new and unique to the discussion. It's wise to start with a common ground, but you can veer out into other topics that you think your conversation partner will either gain knowledge or see a different aspect about.
Is it okay to talk about myself?
Yes! The purpose of talking is for both of you to learn about each other. However, it will only be an interesting conversation if there's input from both sides.
How do I avoid awkward silence?
If you have a great conversation starter, you could avoid awkward silence altogether. When the conversation is flowing, it means the tension broke and you're both comfortable talking to one another. Make sure you have a few of our conversation starters memorized so you have backup in case the first one you chose doesn't work.
More Ways To Get The Girl
When you're really looking to get a girl, you know there's more to it than just how to keep a conversation going with a girl. To get the whole process, read these articles as well: